Sounds like you started from a place of negativity even in nyc.

My advice is lose the negativity, accept your situation, move forward with a good attitude of making the best of your situation.

Make some friends via the discord that the young ones like yourself use to meet other people. You are lonely, but thinking about how miserable you are all the time is just a self fulfilling prophecy. There are things you can change to make your situation better.

Someone link the discord here lol.