Scary experience with a homeless man asking for money in Newport mall.

Submitted by Friendly_Listen6216 t3_yjprhp in jerseycity

I just got back from Newport mall. In the food court, a homeless man came up to me and asked for money, but I said no. Then a few minutes later, he came up to me again and asked for money. He said "don't worry, I won't hurt you", which kind of scared me, so I offered him $2 just to get him off my back. But then he said $2 isn't enough and that he wants $20. I said $20 is too much and that he can just take the $2. He keeps trying to get me to give him $20, and he keeps grabbing my hands and putting his arm around me, while hiding his right hand, which was freaking me out. I want to leave, but I'm afraid he might have a knife in his right pocket, so I'm just waiting for him to stop touching me so I can leave. But he starts getting angry at me for "wasting his time" and not giving him the $20. Then he says "I won't hurt you if you give me $20", which I think activated my flight response because after that I immediately ran away without even thinking. He follows me which freaks me out, but then stops and stares at me when I go to a cashier to ask where I can find security.

Maybe I was overthinking the situation, but I was genuinely afraid he might try to stab me. Next time this happens, I'm running away after the first 5 seconds if they don't leave me alone.

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HappyArtichoke7729 t1_iup8thb wrote

NEVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE MONEY TO PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW.

This is why.

In fact, don't even talk to them or break your stride.

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Friendly_Listen6216 OP t1_iupdqor wrote

By the time I gave him $2, I had already said no and he was following me, so I don't think it made a difference that I gave him $2. I only gave it as a last resort to try to get him off my back, but it didn't work. I've never given money to homeless people before today because I'm aware of the reasons not to.

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Ozzykamikaze t1_iupsf05 wrote

"No." Means "I have it but I don't want to give it to you." What I say is "Sorry, I don't have any cash." Not as much left to say after that. You can claim I'm lying, but you can't try to get something I don't have.

Or ignore and don't make eye contact.

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BeMadTV t1_iuqo90u wrote

"I don't have any cash" sometimes gets followed up by "can you buy me x with your card or the Dunkin app".

I once saw a dude ask someone to Venmo them.

Ignore and don't make eye contact has worked best for me. Unless it's Portland.

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JellyfishConscious t1_iur2zkv wrote

What’s the protocol in Portland?

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BeMadTV t1_iurdfjb wrote

I don't wanna give a general one size fits all overview based on my anecdote, but it was the only time someone followed me after ignoring them. And there are a lot more concentrations of homeless there than over here or in NYC.

saying nothing, not breaking stride = (this one time in my personal experience) "What the fuck! Am I invisible? You got something important to get to!? More important than human starvation!?"

I don't wanna say ignoring them and not breaking stride will always result in the above, so I would stick to that. There really is no better alternative I can think of if you're not feeling philanthropic.

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JellyfishConscious t1_iurdt49 wrote

I’d look at them in they eyes and say “Yes”

No but really wtf

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BeMadTV t1_iurfyya wrote

My girlfriend and I were totally thrown off! The catalyst was simply minding my own business lol

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LincolnPorkRoll t1_iurit6g wrote

that happened to me in missoula. I was so used to ignoring and continuing on from living in the NYC area but it really got this guy riled up!

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BeMadTV t1_iurn7x3 wrote

"Where's your Western Hospitality!!!"

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Poison_Pancakes t1_iur7nph wrote

I feel like they’re playing a game with you. If they can a) get your attention and b) prove that you have money on you, then they win and you have to give them some.

A few years ago in Harlem a guy told me I dropped my wallet and I fell for it. He then asked for money and got mad when I said no. He got REALLY mad when he saw that I was trying to find my Uber so I “had money for a cab but not for him to get something to eat.” I’m sure he wouldn’t understand that Uber is cashless.

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HappyArtichoke7729 t1_iupv1ge wrote

It absolutely made a difference that you gave him $2, that caused everything after that. Now he knows you're a pushover and he's got a better chance of getting money from you than any other person in the whole mall. No fucking way he's going to walk away from the sucker.

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Friendly_Listen6216 OP t1_iurr72i wrote

> that caused everything after that.

What about everything before that? He was already following me and being hostile because I didn't give him money the first time he asked. How could giving him the $2 have caused everything that happened afterwards if it was already happening before I gave him the $2?

> No fucking way he's going to walk away from the sucker.

He also chose not to walk away from me when I didn't give him money. This more likely has to do with the fact that I was alone than anything else.

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HappyArtichoke7729 t1_ius6kh8 wrote

He probably got the impression that you were scared, and maybe a pushover. And, he was right. He got money out of you. And he will be in that spot more often now, because that spot makes money.

Next time, don't break stride, confidently and firmly and immediately (but not necessarily loudly) say "I don't carry cash" and ignore every word that comes out of their mouth. If he follows you, make sure he thinks you're a crazy SOB that might cut him, and make sure he's aware that you're subtly watching him. Make it so he feels like it's a smaller risk to hassle someone else. Someone else who seems scared or weak.

Let us know if you have any other questions.

We're all in this together.

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funcandy8142 t1_iutxrlc wrote

That’s what I do I act like they are completely invisible. Can’t see them or hear them sometimes they will try to get my attention by repeating themselves

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kittyglitther t1_iup3to8 wrote

>so I offered him $2 just to get him off my back

Mistake 1.

Is it just me or are we getting weekly "I'm new to planet earth and escalated a situation with a homeless person" posts now? Or is it just because that one post from the guy who took a homeless guy to an ATM lives rent free in my head?

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reputationStan t1_iup5rgw wrote

> Or is it just because that one post from the guy who took a homeless guy to an ATM

bruh

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kittyglitther t1_iup8676 wrote

enjoy

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reputationStan t1_iurh4sy wrote

that was something else lol

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dbna85 t1_iutkgyp wrote

he has autism and probably couldn’t pick up on social cues that the rest of us would in that situation. people with autism are exploited financially all the time. it sucks.

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oekel t1_iurr6fk wrote

In the Village a few months ago I saw some homeless people just loitering in an ATM booth.

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Friendly_Listen6216 OP t1_iup46uy wrote

Hindsight is 20/20. 9 times out of 10 this would have worked considering most people giving money to homeless people don't have this happen to them. Plus, I already said no and at this point he was following me, so I don't think it made a difference whether or not I offered him $2. It feels like you didn't read my entire post. I only went with that option as a last resort because I was scared.

Also, I'm new to Reddit so I didn't post this because of the post you're referring to.

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upnflames t1_iup8irf wrote

You should never give money to homeless people.

This touches close to home for me. My cousin whom I was close with was a homeless alcoholic (I was young 10-12, he was late 20's). He had a ton of issues and had gotten kicked out of my aunt's house for using and stealing and shit like that. He got clean and moved back in for a year or two, but she kicked him out after he started drinking heavily again. A month or two later, he was found frozen to death behind an Acme with a bottle. Drank himself unconscious and froze to death.

Obviously no way to know this for sure, but we know he begged for booze money and I can't help but think of the person who gave him the dollar he needed to buy the bottle that killed him. They probably thought they were helping. If you want to make a difference, keep track of whenever someone asks you for a buck or two and donate that money at the end of the year to a food pantry.

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Acrobatic-Season-770 t1_iupfeil wrote

I am so sorry for your loss. That is quite an unfortunate circumstance but not giving homeless people to use or things like food, essentials etc isn't really a solution either? And advocating to never give money to a homeless person is not a hard and fast rule for me. Honestly. Once in I've given that money away it is unconditional - I don't have a say as to how it is used. What if no one gave money and the person became desperate and tried to steal it from the store and got shot by a store owner or police instead? These scenarios are just as likely and also result in death.

Instead there are systemic issues that should be addressed like a like of support systems and access to affordable housing and safe shelters and substance abuse treatment centers including harm reduction places like safe injection sites.

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upnflames t1_iupqld1 wrote

Food and essentials are one thing, and it's true, in some cases, people asking may be needing money for items other than substances. But for me, it's a numbers game. Homelessness and home insecurity are enormous problems that are much broader than the population you see living on the streets. Those completely unsheltered folks tend to have deeper issues going on. A lot of it is mental illness, a lot of it is substance abuse. Money is very unlikely to help them. Again, not in every case. But certainly, in an uncomfortable majority.

>What if no one gave money and the person became desperate and tried to steal it from the store and got shot by a store owner or police instead? These scenarios are just as likely and also result in death.

I'm sorry, I just don't think this is true at all and greatly diminishes the number of people who OD on the street. There are a lot of resources available in the way of basic needs and homeless people know this. An addict will not spend money on food they know they can get from a public kitchen or food pantry. 100% of it goes to substances.

I understand that the donation is meant to be unconditional and non judgemental, but there is so much more benefit and reach in giving this money to good programs, for resources and even in support of the initiatives you mentioned. It goes so much farther and reduces the chance of harm. If you really want to give to an individual, consider care packages or some other gift as opposed to straight cash.

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IggySorcha t1_iuq453u wrote

If a homeless person wants to no longer be homeless, number one way to do so is to stop "looking" homeless. This means affording a gym membership to have a place to shower, and affording laundromat. Food and water come easy but you can't get clean without money, and without being clean it's hard to get allowed to sit in a coffee shop or library to stay warm/cool while you look for work or simply take shelter.

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JeromePowellAdmirer t1_iuutuzk wrote

Then it is what it is. I'm not going to take a dollar that could be used to save African children in extreme poverty (who are objectively in a much worse position than any American) and hand it to some random person. That would be akin to taking money out of the extreme poverty African's hands and giving it to an American who has access to 100x better resources

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dasuberblonde t1_iutckph wrote

I used to have a philosophy of not giving them money, but occasionally buying them food (if someone happened to ask on payday Fridays, I would always do it). I once bought a guy McDonalds. He then, right in front of my face, went back to the cashier and asked to return it for cash. Never bought them food or gave them a cent ever again.

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Friendly_Listen6216 OP t1_iupa04f wrote

Yeah, up until today, I never gave money to homeless people for exactly this reason.

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Dazzling-Research-38 t1_iup8dbs wrote

EVERYTIME you don't Want to be Bothered you SAY THIS "I Ain't GOT IT" or better Yet drop the $2 dollars in front of them and walk off

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HappyArtichoke7729 t1_iupv6h8 wrote

No, 9 times out of ten giving them money will make the situation worse. Either for you or them or others. But definitely worse, and often worse for you.

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oldnewspaperguy2 t1_iup76lq wrote

Where the fuck are the cops? I haven’t see a cop out of their vehicle in years

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[deleted] t1_iupgol5 wrote

They’re busy pretending to be at a no-show job.

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RiseofParallax t1_iuptaj1 wrote

I get the feeling that you’re the same person that would complain that there are cops at the Newport mall food court.

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viniciusah t1_iupjtjf wrote

#NEVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE MONEY TO PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW!#

Little bit louder for the people in the back.

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pixel_of_moral_decay t1_iup8jjk wrote

Since the pandemic Newport Mall clearly cut back on security. Way more homeless and clearly mentally ill wandering around outside and in.

I wouldn’t go as far as calling it dangerous from what I’ve personally seen, but they do have an obligation to keep their property properly secured and safe.

It feels to me like it’s just cost cutting. Maybe cut a shift and do with one less security person going around.

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bodhipooh t1_iupahn1 wrote

Newport Mall has gotten sketchier in weird, almost imperceptible ways. In 2019, I had the stupid idea of stopping by the bathroom in the food court area to wash my hands and I was greeted by what can best be described as a public shower service. The homeless hang out by the entrance to the bathroom and use it to take sink baths and the entire thing was appallingly dirty and messy, I had my son with me (who was just a few months at the time) and, not gonna lie, I was skeeved out and felt mildly unsafe. The whole thing felt off. I haven't been back to those bathrooms since then, and have only stepped inside the mall on a handful of occasions since then and each time it feels sketchier, despite the improving store selection.

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hippityhoppflop t1_iupxx3t wrote

I have been to the mall a good amount of times this fall and have never seen anything like that in those particular bathrooms. Those bathrooms are not the cleanest though

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black_stallion78 t1_iuq0cgo wrote

Sounds like the time I had my daughter with me at Port Authority in NYC and she had to use the bathroom. Low & behold a homeless woman was taking a sink bath all naked and dirty. I hid my daughters eyes and ran out!

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pm_me_CupNoodles t1_iupye88 wrote

seriously. I was at the food court about a year or so ago and I was randomly stopped by a young guy begging me to buy him something to eat from Popeyes, claiming he was hungry. I didn’t notice it immediately but I saw he was rocking a pair of Airpods, his clothes and sneakers looked decent. For some reason, I didn’t think much of it, likely since he asked for food and never asked me for money, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling something was just off about him. I said “sure,” but once we were there he took forever to decide what to order and I thought “this kid is likely just using me to get free food for whatever reason” so I say “wait for me, let me go to the bathroom” hoping I could lose him in the process. But when I got out of the restroom, the dude was waiting for me right outside the entrance. I made up my mind I was leaving after that, so I told him “sorry, I’m not buying you food”, he followed me briefly but never saw him again after leaving the mall. Has anyone had an encounter like that?

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Recurringferry t1_iupjqop wrote

Don't fucking talk to anyone you don't know in public.

Selling girl scout cookies? Nope

Raising money for aspca? Nope

Asking for money? Definitely not

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hxc-ufoz t1_iupnc9v wrote

Can’t tell if you’re kidding or if you are actually afraid of the Girl Scouts

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Nexis4Jersey t1_ius3x1z wrote

Those Aspca people and people raising money for children charities are just as aggressive as the homeless..

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SoundMachineJC t1_iuqx7hh wrote

“and he keeps grabbing my hands and putting his arm around me, while hiding his right hand, which was freaking me out. I want to leave, but I'm afraid he might have a knife in his right pocket, so I'm just waiting for him to stop touching me so I can leave. But he starts getting angry at me for "wasting his time" and not giving him the $20. Then he says
"I won't hurt you if you give me $20",”
 
Sounds like you were assaulted and threatened with bodily harm…..an attempted robbery. Did you report it to mall management/security with a description of the bum, so it doesn’t happen to someone else?

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SoundMachineJC t1_iuqxrwe wrote

As others have mentioned did you very loudly say things like NO, GET AWAY FROM ME, or HELP  in the usually semi crowded mall food court?

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Friendly_Listen6216 OP t1_iurtapv wrote

> Did you report it to mall management/security with a description of the bum, so it doesn’t happen to someone else?

The cashier didn't know where to find security, and I didn't want to stick around the mall any longer with the homeless man following me, so I decided to leave as fast as possible, and I'm not going back any time soon. I'll probably just email the mall, but I don't remember many specific features about the homeless man other than him being black, maybe around 30, and slightly shorter than me, so around 5'10". I feel like that description matches a lot of people.

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SoundMachineJC t1_ius2k6j wrote

I call BS on your whole tale. If not forget Mall security go to the nearest JCPD station and file a report.

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ZootheGod t1_iupjeqd wrote

This is the second post in the last month regarding giving homeless people money after y’all were scared of them🤣🤦🏽‍♂️. Just ignore them is all you got to do. Most of them fiended out of their minds.

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readknitfreakout t1_iuqzbih wrote

He threatened you with violence bc you wouldn’t give him $20 - that is attempted robbery. He also touched you without your consent and tried to constrain you. You are not exaggerating. In the future, don’t wait five seconds. Just leave immediately. And if someone touches you, scream loudly and don’t stop. I recommend yelling exactly what they are doing at that instance “I DONT KNOW YOU, DO NOT TOUCH ME” so that the other people around you know what is going on. They are looking for easy victims. And also - never assume that they are acting alone. There could be others waiting.

I was in Newport Mall back in July - I will never go there again. Right outside of the Cheesecake Factory, a man firmly grabbed my arm and then groped my breast. I immediately started screaming and then other shoppers came and walked me to my train.

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TrustComprehensive92 t1_iuptypb wrote

Don’t allow anyone into your personal space even in a crowed area … dnt let fear force u into rash decisions like offering cash..it can lead to something far more dangerous…try and be diligent of/if there are police in the area..

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Tankmaster5000 t1_iuqz90u wrote

The first mistake is engaging with them at all.

It sounds cold, but don’t even acknowledge people who approach you for money.

Look at your phone. Look down. Do anything.

As soon as you engage, this happens.

Most of these people are not all there sadly. If you don’t engage them they move on fast.

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Ok_Concentrate_75 t1_iureqhh wrote

I toss 2 and keep it moving, idk if he asked for more I was already across the street. Learn how to give a "I'm not above stabbing someone myself" type look

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ASpurkofgenius t1_iupvkza wrote

I’m sorry this happened to you and I appreciate the warning!

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AshIsAWolf t1_iupzfi3 wrote

If you want something for self defense pepper spray is your best bet.

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Wollowut t1_iuqezw7 wrote

I still remember that I had a similar experience with a homeless guy in Newark Penn Station. I had a few dollars, so I gave him a few singles. He saw that I had more cash and said to me “Oh, you have more, give me the rest” and I said “C'mon, get out of here!”. You need to be careful, the guy of your story was dangerous.

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Reeks_Geeks t1_iur53q2 wrote

Sorry this happened to you! I eat lunch there everyday and it's always super crowded and never had an issue. And I personally do see mall security often.

They patrol each store, and I notice they seem to scan a tiny QR sticker at each store. Maybe to track their patrolling in a system. I'm a semi large guy and I would like to think I'd step in if I knew something was wrong.

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Laraujo31 t1_iur9ir0 wrote

Sorry that you had to go through all that but this should serve as a learning experience. Never break your stride or acknowledge a pan handler. If they get aggressive or follow you, especially in a heavily trafficked area, always yell. He should have never put his arm around you but he most likely sensed that you were afraid.

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RGE27 t1_iurvsak wrote

Sadly this is what happens when you engage with homeless. Don’t make eye contact, and just walk away.

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aubreypizza t1_iuprkqc wrote

You take credit bro? This is one of the reasons I don’t carry cash.

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Turbulent-Pop-2790 t1_iutc8mq wrote

This is a fear beggar. They are looking for someone they looks fearful that they can prey on, you at the moment was his bitch. The advice here don’t break stride, don’t give any money, don’t show any emotion, just get the fk out of there.

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Thunderclap201 t1_iuuvt4r wrote

Learn some BJJ to be ready for anything. Run yes but contain someone.

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Odd_Imagination_4650 t1_iuxs4et wrote

Person who accosts and threatens you in the food court =/= homeless. Why does "homeless" need to be the descriptor that people always use to refer to people asking for money in public? Lots of people don't have permanent homes and it's kinda disgraceful that there is a long discussion in here conflating homelessness with threatening public behavior. No shade intended to the OP, who had a scary experience.

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flippenstance t1_iuzcdzv wrote

I had a similar experience several years ago on the MTA. Guy asked for a dollar. I gave it to him, which made the new focal point in his life. He got in my personal space and was getting louder, venting his frustration at the world but kind of aiming it all at me. I could see other passengers looking at me with that, "See what happens?" look on their faces. I was getting desperate so I slowly unzipped my gym bag just enough to slide my hand inside and I left it there. All I had in there was workout gear but I guess it made him question whether I might have a weapon so I he shut up and moved on. I was definitely in a cold sweat and since then I don't even see them when they ask.

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Due_Jello7503 t1_iuqtll2 wrote

You voted Democrat this is what you get, you want to defund the police this is what you get, you made your bed now lay in it.

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PixelSquish t1_iuqxpef wrote

The biggest reason there are homeless is due to wealth inequality, low wages, expensive housing and a very small safety net. All things the horrific GQP party is against fixing. Fuck the shitty republicans that have zero critical thinking ability that vote these scheisters into office.

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Due_Jello7503 t1_iur1x6g wrote

No , homelessness is because of drugs, alcohol and mental illness.

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Laraujo31 t1_iura9mw wrote

Which the red hat people refuse to address.

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Due_Jello7503 t1_iurmibi wrote

They do, they are tough on crime hire more police and support law enforcement.

The Blue hat morons introduce bail reform so perps can commit hundreds of crimes and get released and commit them again over and over again, they defund police and prosecute officers for doing their jobs. When NYPD went to take down homeless tents dems took a knee and got arrested and they weren’t even homeless.

This is what you want ya got it!!

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Laraujo31 t1_ius5nr2 wrote

I would have to disagree. Republicans just want to throw as many people in jail as possible just so they can pretend they are doing something without addressing the actual problem. Also, majority of Democrats were against defunding the police. They just want accountability.

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Due_Jello7503 t1_iusajjc wrote

That is solving the problem! If people can’t figure out their issues and get their lives together then they should not be free to roam in society! People should not have to be afraid of someone pushing them in front of a subway.

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PixelSquish t1_iur8wz8 wrote

Mental illness is part of it but I included that - the GQP wants no social safety net for those types of things. The fact you don't think actual economics plays any factor in homelessness is insanity. But typical of ignorant right wingers that are just taking this country down by having zero ability to critically think.

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Due_Jello7503 t1_iurn5rl wrote

Mental illness is something one has to deal with on their own. No one’s going to give you a magic pill to cure mental illness, this is impossible .I have seen it countless times with my job and my own family members. If you want to lecture me about mental illness go for it. I was a victim of domestic violence, child abuse and other violent crimes I chose to no longer be a victim and I took the NYPD exam and now have 15+ years on the job.

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PixelSquish t1_iurry07 wrote

Oh great, a cop who thinks nobody might need help to get back up on their feet. Sorry, but the world doesn't work that way. We all live on the same planet and it takes a community effort to make things better along with individual effort. I in no way implied that mental illness can be cured with a magical pill, it's a process. And the fact you think nobody else deserves any support in doing so because supposedly nobody helped you at all, is really sad. So you got zero support from anything eh? Absolutely zero government or community programs? Did you live on the streets? How did you afford a place to live when you were going through all that stuff?

With that attitude I can safely guess you are not the kind of cop we need on the streets. I feel bad for the fewer good cops who get shit because it seems they are surrounded by cops that don't get it - and your attitude exemplifies it.

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Due_Jello7503 t1_iursbrq wrote

No one’s coming to save you. No matter how many Ukrainian flags you pin to your chest, people will still die there.

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