Submitted by Friendly_Listen6216 t3_yjprhp in jerseycity
Friendly_Listen6216 OP t1_iupdqor wrote
Reply to comment by HappyArtichoke7729 in Scary experience with a homeless man asking for money in Newport mall. by Friendly_Listen6216
By the time I gave him $2, I had already said no and he was following me, so I don't think it made a difference that I gave him $2. I only gave it as a last resort to try to get him off my back, but it didn't work. I've never given money to homeless people before today because I'm aware of the reasons not to.
Ozzykamikaze t1_iupsf05 wrote
"No." Means "I have it but I don't want to give it to you." What I say is "Sorry, I don't have any cash." Not as much left to say after that. You can claim I'm lying, but you can't try to get something I don't have.
Or ignore and don't make eye contact.
BeMadTV t1_iuqo90u wrote
"I don't have any cash" sometimes gets followed up by "can you buy me x with your card or the Dunkin app".
I once saw a dude ask someone to Venmo them.
Ignore and don't make eye contact has worked best for me. Unless it's Portland.
JellyfishConscious t1_iur2zkv wrote
What’s the protocol in Portland?
BeMadTV t1_iurdfjb wrote
I don't wanna give a general one size fits all overview based on my anecdote, but it was the only time someone followed me after ignoring them. And there are a lot more concentrations of homeless there than over here or in NYC.
saying nothing, not breaking stride = (this one time in my personal experience) "What the fuck! Am I invisible? You got something important to get to!? More important than human starvation!?"
I don't wanna say ignoring them and not breaking stride will always result in the above, so I would stick to that. There really is no better alternative I can think of if you're not feeling philanthropic.
JellyfishConscious t1_iurdt49 wrote
I’d look at them in they eyes and say “Yes”
No but really wtf
BeMadTV t1_iurfyya wrote
My girlfriend and I were totally thrown off! The catalyst was simply minding my own business lol
LincolnPorkRoll t1_iurit6g wrote
that happened to me in missoula. I was so used to ignoring and continuing on from living in the NYC area but it really got this guy riled up!
BeMadTV t1_iurn7x3 wrote
"Where's your Western Hospitality!!!"
Poison_Pancakes t1_iur7nph wrote
I feel like they’re playing a game with you. If they can a) get your attention and b) prove that you have money on you, then they win and you have to give them some.
A few years ago in Harlem a guy told me I dropped my wallet and I fell for it. He then asked for money and got mad when I said no. He got REALLY mad when he saw that I was trying to find my Uber so I “had money for a cab but not for him to get something to eat.” I’m sure he wouldn’t understand that Uber is cashless.
HappyArtichoke7729 t1_iupv1ge wrote
It absolutely made a difference that you gave him $2, that caused everything after that. Now he knows you're a pushover and he's got a better chance of getting money from you than any other person in the whole mall. No fucking way he's going to walk away from the sucker.
Friendly_Listen6216 OP t1_iurr72i wrote
> that caused everything after that.
What about everything before that? He was already following me and being hostile because I didn't give him money the first time he asked. How could giving him the $2 have caused everything that happened afterwards if it was already happening before I gave him the $2?
> No fucking way he's going to walk away from the sucker.
He also chose not to walk away from me when I didn't give him money. This more likely has to do with the fact that I was alone than anything else.
HappyArtichoke7729 t1_ius6kh8 wrote
He probably got the impression that you were scared, and maybe a pushover. And, he was right. He got money out of you. And he will be in that spot more often now, because that spot makes money.
Next time, don't break stride, confidently and firmly and immediately (but not necessarily loudly) say "I don't carry cash" and ignore every word that comes out of their mouth. If he follows you, make sure he thinks you're a crazy SOB that might cut him, and make sure he's aware that you're subtly watching him. Make it so he feels like it's a smaller risk to hassle someone else. Someone else who seems scared or weak.
Let us know if you have any other questions.
We're all in this together.
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