I was really hoping that in the year 2023, my duty would be done. But, here we are.

The last hipster died cold and alone some time in 2014, in a share house in the Hudson valley. Pushed out by gentrification even from Bushwick (but unwilling to do, you know, ‘real’ bushwick) he had to make a choice, and decamped from Brooklyn along with his Kombucha production cooperative. Unfortunately man can’t live on Kombucha and vinyls alone, and as sales dried up they couldn’t afford heat, which led to the tragic end of the last true hipster. No more exist, and most people have moved on to blaming gen Z for their woes