Tired of being a doormat, set boundaries with Karen (parking)

Submitted by dehydratedsilica t3_1061cgb in jerseycity

I had drafted a long post for therapeutic reasons but it's basically: AITA for ringing a neighbor's door after midnight, to move their car from in front of my driveway, after they had not checked with me and not replied to several texts and calls.

Unfortunately, I contributed to the problem by being too permissive for too long. Neighbor used to ask but not anymore, instead assuming I won't notice or care or speak up if they leave before I do, which is often the case but not always. They are not the only one taking advantage and I'm no longer interested in tracking people down. Neighbor RAGED out and hurled insults in a manner that suggests that trying to discuss at another time or calling for ticketing right then would not have been better. (Side note: I have the driveway marking approval letter and never actually got it done, long story. I could reapply for it in April although it would be too little too late.)

Any tips on how to recover from the shock and confusion that Karens do exist in the flesh, not only as mythical creatures in media, or learning how to be less nice?

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Comments

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ILoveHotDogsAndBacon t1_j3erf0u wrote

Don’t call a tow truck and do call the parking authority. If you can’t get out of your driveway they will call a tow truck. Time of day and reason for moving your car is irrelevant. This is common situation for the PA

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ffejie t1_j3hy9zf wrote

Without the driveway marking, I'm not sure the parking authority would do anything.

Either way, get the driveway marking done ASAP.

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ILoveHotDogsAndBacon t1_j3i5wq1 wrote

I called about someone blocking my driveway once. They never asked me about a driveway marking

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viniciusah t1_j3edek7 wrote

  1. Get the driveway marking approval done.
  2. Call a tow truck next time it happens.
  3. ?????
  4. Profit!!
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LootFroop t1_j3eb0o2 wrote

Next time, just call a tow truck.

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pigdog12 t1_j3eb4w9 wrote

Next time just call a tow company

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Blecher_onthe_Hudson t1_j3enp5f wrote

Is that actually a thing? Can you get someone towed from the street in front of your driveway by a private company? I thought it had to be from private property like a lot for the private towing. Certainly the Parking people, (whatever they are called now that they're not an Authority) will not do it, it's hard to get them to issue a ticket.

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Knobbies4Ever t1_j3mwqgb wrote

My understanding is that in JC, if you have a legal driveway that is blocked, you can call PA to ticket the vehicle. Subsequent to that, if your vehicle is blocked in the driveway, PA will call a tow for the offending vehicle. If you're trying to get into your driveway, they won't tow.

Source: neighbors with driveways who've done this (happily I haven't had this happen with my own driveway).

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Blecher_onthe_Hudson t1_j3n9hv0 wrote

This is precisely correct. You cannot call a private towing company to pull someone's car from the street even if they're blocking your driveway.

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jeffsnguyen t1_j3f0w49 wrote

It is a thing anywhere. The driver verify it is indeed your property and you are the one who requested before towing. They will decline and tell you to call the cop if they are unable to verify. They don’t just tow people randomly based on phone calls.

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Blecher_onthe_Hudson t1_j3ivlze wrote

But it's not my private property if it's in front of my driveway, it's the street. Amusingly, the last several times a car has been parked in front of my driveway, it's been a police cruiser! No obvious police activity anywhere to be seen, they're most likely grabbing lunch up the street.

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jeffsnguyen t1_j3jmn27 wrote

You cannot block somebody’s private property’s driveway access. It’s the law. Why don’t you educate yourself and instead of being passive aggressive and come on here typing essays arguing. It is standard in this country to tow anybody who block access to your driveway. You can tow at owner’s expense. “But but but”. Do something or quit crying.

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diplore t1_j3lmu6c wrote

You cannot call a private towing company to tow someone blocking your driveway unless their vehicle is physically on your (private) property. If they're in the street, the towing company has to be engaged by PA. Source: me, I've tried calling a tow company direct because parking authority sucks.

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iSkyscraper t1_j3m0yi2 wrote

Really? In NYC the procedure is to first have the police come and ticket the driver for blocking a driveway (which is state law). After there is a ticket on the vehicle, you can then call a tow truck to take it away and they are happy to make $$$$ and do so.

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diplore t1_j3muwbp wrote

Once they've ticketed, I think you can then call a private towing company, but at that point parking authority can also call a towing company. After the two hours it takes for them to show up and ticket, the rest of the time is somewhat of a wash. I'm not bitter....

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JohnPaulSatire t1_j3eimfj wrote

Axe them to give you a spare key, or no deal. I know keys are stupid expensive, but reminder them what a parking spot costs in this awesome fucking city.

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garth_meringue t1_j3e6fxb wrote

What's with all the Karen stuff, arguably you're the Karen here. However you're in the right, they're a rude asshole for blocking you in. Sounds like you've got it figured out now. The goblins that inhabit this town will respect you more if they think you're a little crazy and unafraid of confrontation.

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dehydratedsilica OP t1_j3ems6x wrote

I'm not fond of the whole reducing people (people's identities, situations, etc.) to stereotypes/labels/catchwords thing. This is a bit of coping, in that the response was so over the top, never before seen, if I start by assuming a person is reasonable and civil, it's a very jarring combination, does not compute. But starting from a framing of extreme entitlement and unreasonableness makes such a response "not unexpected" and helps with the psychology, if that makes sense. My default setting absolutely is non-confrontation...otherwise, I'd not have gotten here to begin with.

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Laraujo31 t1_j3m576a wrote

Sounds like you are afraid of confrontation. In order to get this issue solved, you need to get over that fear first. Then you mark your driveway and tow the car every time it is blocking you. Unfortunately, some people take your whole arm when you offer them a hand. I had a similar issue a while back. One of our neighbors would work on his car in MY driveway lol. The driveway has gates but i would leave it open because I was to lazy to open and close it every time i moved my car lol He would do it while i was at work so we never noticed. We only found out when my wife stopped working (due to the birth of our daughter) and caught him. I tried being nice about it but he pretty much told me to go F myself since he felt he can use it since no one was home. So after that i always shut the gate. People will walk over you if you let them.

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ffejie t1_j3egfob wrote

I think the real question is: did you need to get out at midnight, or were you trying to leave very early the next morning? If neither of those is true, why not deal with it at 7a or 8a the next day?

Don't get me wrong, your neighbor sounds awful and absolutely took advantage of you and your driveway. The question is whether or not you could have waited for a more reasonable hour to address it. I'd be pretty pissed if someone came to my house after midnight and asked me to move my car, if I thought it was parked (semi)legally where we had agreed it'd be OK.

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Fox_Body_Barra t1_j3gmht6 wrote

You’d be upset if someone told you to move your car that you illegally parked in front of their driveway at an off hour? If you don’t like that, you should put your car where it doesn’t belong. This is 100% on the driver.

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ffejie t1_j3gojaj wrote

While we don't have the full story here, yes, I think I'd be upset if someone rang my doorbell after midnight to tell me to move my car. This appears to be an arrangement that has been fine in the past but OP decided tonight was the night it ends. Again, OP is free to do this, but is after midnight the best time to decide it?

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Fox_Body_Barra t1_j3gqn2w wrote

Sounds like OP was tired of being taken advantage of. The driver has no common courtesy, why should he receive any?

I would 100% ring their doorbell at midnight.

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ffejie t1_j3gqrx6 wrote

Yeah, with the full story (OP responded to my comment above), it's pretty obvious that the neighbor is a huge problem and owns all of the blame here. I would have done the same thing as OP.

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dehydratedsilica OP t1_j3fcd4u wrote

Did not need to get out at midnight, did leave 6a. Neighbor had arrived after midnight, I didn't get outside quick enough so texted within minutes, called, no response. Could it have been negotiated...possibly but was moot. Any sort of agreement was in the manner of I need you to ask first, but not having enforced that regularly, both sides get sloppy.

I left it out for brevity but the backstory includes multiple instances of having had to knock and wait after no phone response, also attempting skillful maneuvers around their car and other cars, not always successfully. Times with no problem might far outnumber times with problem, I wouldn't know. It was a different day (multiple) that I happen to have asked someone else to move just a few hours prior but regardless, would not have thought of preemptively communicating my schedule for using my driveway - like hey in case you were thinking of parking here tonight, please don't. It's been a long build-up, regrettably.

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ffejie t1_j3gp6jt wrote

With more context: your neighbor is horrible and fully at fault.

It sounds like the whole thing happened over the course of a few minutes. After midnight, at noon, who cares if the car has just been parked? It's unlikely you're waking someone up or severely inconveniencing them and you are the aggrieved party here so you have the right to get it resolved.

Also, you were leaving at 6a! I would much rather you knock on my door at 12:15a if I got in at 12a than knock on my door at 5:50a when you're trying to leave!

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dehydratedsilica OP t1_j3hwepd wrote

It was more like half hour because of waiting between texts and calls, not sure if waiting or not is less worse! I get that people aren't always tied to their phones. Or as you say, make a racket later, which I've had to do before, though not so early, which is the point, that I don't want to anymore. Did not tell neighbor preemptively because I hadn't seen them doing it, clearly we aren't on regular interacting terms for me to mention it out of the blue. They changed the "arrangement" to assuming it's fine rather than ask (my silence being complicit).

I suspect that in a separate conversation at another time, they still would have gone on, though maybe less explosively, about how I should be okay with them not doing it much when it doesn't usually inconvenience me anyway - exactly the kind of reasoning that works on a pushover.

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Fox_Body_Barra t1_j3gml8e wrote

You have no obligation to be considerate. It doesn’t matter when you’re leaving or if you’re leaving at all.

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HaleyBoysMom t1_j3gmmj3 wrote

Why don’t you park there instead of in ur driveway until you get the markings?

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dehydratedsilica OP t1_j3hxlti wrote

I bought the house intending to use the driveway as built (vs. using the parallel spot, which in this case was big enough but sometimes is not depending on how other people park) but definitely will consider in certain situations.

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HeebieMcJeeberson t1_j3e2a5g wrote

Is her name Karen? Then don't call her Karen. My perfectly nice wife's name is Karen, she's not obnoxious and never asks to see the manager, and I'm really sick of this shit.

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Anonymouse_too t1_j3e6ptn wrote

V Karen energy to make a situation that wasn’t about you about you

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Pinball_Tilt t1_j3e6ke5 wrote

So you're the Karen instead of her. Gotcha.

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HeebieMcJeeberson t1_j3edzvq wrote

Yeah you're clearly a better person than I am. Congrats.

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Pinball_Tilt t1_j485xte wrote

No, I'm not. I just don't get mad by little things I don't have that kind of time.

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HappyArtichoke7729 t1_j3e9o7p wrote

Just face it, if your name is Karen, Alexa, Cortana, Siri, or Ziggy then you'd just save yourself a lot of trouble at this point by changing your name.

Or, you can fight society forever. It sucks, but it is what it is.

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HeebieMcJeeberson t1_j3edtkb wrote

It doesn't have to be what it is. Trans people could just change their gender preference, right?

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ScumbagMacbeth t1_j3t1osy wrote

I'm not sure I understand this comment. Can you explain it to me?

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HeebieMcJeeberson t1_j3t3763 wrote

See the previous comment: "you'd just save yourself a lot of trouble at this point by changing your name." To me that's as dismissive and disrespectful as telling a trans person to change their gender preference.

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