Submitted by AutoModerator t3_1234iuh in listentothis
AnaCan t1_je7fhe0 wrote
New cinematic/alt/indie track, "Drunk On Heartache", from Denver-based classically-trained multi-instrumentalists, Occam's Rose, (feedback welcome!): https://open.spotify.com/track/3b8u15dpMFiFzoh0N13tRO?si=973a0edc25a24fe4
Aristiden t1_jedof3y wrote
Some feedback:
The verse is much stronger than the chorus and quite a jarring shift. Mostly that's because the verse has a distinct style and the chorus seems to be aiming for a much poppier tone. I would recommend you stick to your stronger songwriting instincts rather than trying to find something pop. It would take a lot of luck for pop audiences to find you anyway, so why not try to lean into a more attainable and more artistic niche?
Also, be careful with how you assign syllables to melody lines. In the pursuit of making your lyrics accessible and poppy, you've used cliched phrases which might have the right number of syllables, but their accented syllables don't fit the beat of your song.
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