Pre-School teacher at a public school keeps disciplining out son for saying "oh my god"

Submitted by new_Australis t3_10yy8ig in massachusetts

Hello, our son goes to a public school that is not catholic or religious. The teacher keeps disciplining him for saying oh my god. He doesn't do it on purpose but usually when he is shocked by something this he has learned from us.

Is this an offensive phrase or something?

We are atheists and non religious.

We do not say this phrase to offend anyone but more so out of habit.

What can I do in this situation?

I have spoken to our son about not saying those words in school but at home is okay since they are not bad words. However he keeps getting in trouble and comes home visibly upset and sad.

Any advice?

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ratbas t1_j809iy5 wrote

Bad teacher. Shouldn't be enforcing their hangups. Don't go full Karen, but mention it to the principal.

Having said that, what's the discipline?

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new_Australis OP t1_j80a23o wrote

I'm not sure I ask him and he doesn't say. I guess discipline might not be the right word. He says they take him to the side and say "STOP SAYING THAT, DONT SAY THAT"

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ratbas t1_j80a854 wrote

Have they given him a reason or are they just harassing him?

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new_Australis OP t1_j80alca wrote

He is five and when we say oh my god at home he acts like his teacher and screams DON'T SAY THAT ITS BAD WORDS. So my guess would be just that. We have told him its ok to say it at home but to try to not say it in school. But he's a kid and kids forget and make mistakes.

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forrealz42 t1_j80d8ks wrote

He might be a bit too young to understand the distinction between bad words and words that aren't appropriate in certain settings. But he sounds really upset by the way they're speaking to him. I'd talk to the teacher about how they're addressing it but also maybe make an effort to not say it around him. It seems to be distressing to him that mimicking your behavior/doing something that you think is ok is getting him in trouble at school.

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new_Australis OP t1_j80eoiv wrote

>He might be a bit too young to understand the distinction between bad words and words that aren't appropriate in certain settings

Yes. We have told him which words are vulgar, shit fuck, bitch etc, not told him directly but he hears it on the tv, movies, in the street and he asks about it and we tell him we do not use those words. We just never got around telling him the word god would be an issue. Mainly because I never thought it would be.

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5teerPike t1_j80g2kq wrote

I don't know why you should change when it's the teacher's religious hang up that has no place in a classroom to begin with.

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forrealz42 t1_j80j494 wrote

I mean, you're right, but that's just something we have to do when we have little ears in the house sometimes. And it's a good lesson to learn that sometimes words have power over other people that they don't have over us.

Personally, it's an "oh your god" situation for me, but not being a child psychologist, maybe that's just too high a concept for a 5-year-old.

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[deleted] t1_j80k7o0 wrote

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[deleted] t1_j81m3r6 wrote

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[deleted] t1_j81mrgt wrote

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[deleted] t1_j81nh8w wrote

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[deleted] t1_j81ojcu wrote

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[deleted] t1_j81p78g wrote

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forrealz42 t1_j80fgk0 wrote

Yeah, I know. I have a really bad habit of dropping F-bombs in bad situations because it doesn't even register to me as a bad word anymore. Like, I have my own problems with bad words and inappropriately timed words and I'm way older than your kid. But I am old enough to tell people who are offended by my saying oh my god to fuck off which he is not.

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forrealz42 t1_j80fxt0 wrote

Whoops! Sorry, I was a lost redditor for a moment.

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funsk8mom t1_j81uiw1 wrote

At that age any good teacher would/should model back the words they’d rather hear. If they hear oh my god, a good teacher would model back, “I know! Oh my goodness, I can’t believe that!” And keep modeling it.

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new_Australis OP t1_j8260xr wrote

That's a good way to change the habit. I will work on using those words instead. It's my mothers favorite phrase and she gets a giggle whenever I say it. OH MY GA its what we actually say.

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cowghost t1_j8400gx wrote

Teach him to say "god damn it" instead

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new_Australis OP t1_j842dcs wrote

Lol he's a little young for that.

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cowghost t1_j846loe wrote

I was absolutely joking lol. Though, you could start casually using the phrase "Concarn it" around the house. Then he would start using that at school!

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new_Australis OP t1_j84fevq wrote

>you could start casually using the phrase "Concarn it"

Lol first time hearing that. He's bilingual and speaks a mix of both at home. He's heard me say quite a few bad words in spanish but never repeats them.

I think he just likes the phrase and sees that we like using too.

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ratbas t1_j80ctep wrote

Ehh, issue is still the teacher. But I hear you.

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Proof-Variation7005 t1_j8101la wrote

I'm kinda shocked that a teacher would have such terrible bedside manner, especially since I doubt your son is holding in a reaction until he gets home.

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Most_Type_3980 t1_j84zbx9 wrote

I mean honestly it’s PRE-SCHOOL there shouldn’t be any disciplining at all. And the teacher shouldn’t be yelling at the kids…wtf? A good teacher would explain how those words could hurt someone’s feelings and offer alternatives. “Holy guacamole, holy cow, O.M.G, oh my goat” something silly.

DONT DO THAT really should only be yelled if there’s a safety issue.

What fucking school is this?

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LemonMagazine7 t1_j87cc81 wrote

Instead of saying “don’t say that” the teacher should be giving your child an alternative to say if they’re so offended by oh my god. Saying “don’t say that!” Isn’t effective unless the teacher provides a replacement behavior/phrase they’ve rather your child say!

I absolutely don’t see your child at fault and don’t find “oh my god” offensive in the slightest!’

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Damnit_Fred t1_j80svuw wrote

I agree. Don’t go full Karen but maybe speak to the principal. “Oh my god” has always been a perfectly fine thing to say in my family and life in general. Seems like something a nut would get worked up about.

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bitspace t1_j81x5ua wrote

> mention it to the principal.

Maybe first have a conversation with the teacher to hear the story with broader context so that the only view of the issue isn't from a child. Talking to the principal feels, to me, like a form of escalation.

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fooooooooooooooooock t1_j84q2o8 wrote

This is the first step I would recommend.

Talk to the teacher and get their side of the story. You are taking this only on the impression of your child, who is just a little fella. I agree that going straight to the principal seems like a huge escalation when you haven't addressed this with the teacher at all.

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Darklighter10 t1_j85q98m wrote

I agree with this. No one has really any idea what the teacher said here, as you noted, this is witness reporting from a 5 year old. If there is a concern, start with the teacher not the principal.

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StrangerInPerson t1_j814bji wrote

I’d play it cool, be respectful, but be sincere and persistent that this discipline does not align with your beliefs or your expectations for a public school and it should stop.

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SharpCookie232 t1_j81lgsc wrote

If the teacher does nothing, some of the other parents will complain. Some people are really offended by "oh my God" and they will also go to the principal (and probably already have).

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HaElfParagon t1_j80cbkr wrote

Have you tried asking the teacher (respectfully) to try removing the stick from their ass?

It's perfectly acceptable to say oh my god in a public school. Your teacher giving your kid shit for it is what we call, forcing their religion on your child, and is not acceptable.

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new_Australis OP t1_j80cug6 wrote

>Have you tried asking the teacher (respectfully) to try removing the stick from their ass?

I have not, I am debating whether to do this or not. Since we fear the teacher will hold it against our son.

>It's perfectly acceptable to say oh my god in a public school.

I agree

>Your teacher giving your kid shit for it is what we call, forcing their religion on your child, and is not acceptable.

I agree, this is how I feel. She is forcing her beliefs onto him. Something we don't do as our atheist beliefs are our own and if he chooses religion in the future that will be his option.

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HaElfParagon t1_j80dem2 wrote

I saw someone said to tell the principal. I believe going over the teachers head from the get-go would exascerbate things, and worsen your kids relationship with their teacher. I'd request a meeting with the teacher to discuss things, and see if they can't be reasonable.

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new_Australis OP t1_j80edi3 wrote

>I believe going over the teachers head from the get-go would exascerbate things, and worsen your kids relationship with their teacher.

This is true

>I'd request a meeting with the teacher to discuss things, and see if they can't be reasonable.

If it happens one more time I will choose this option. Thank you for your advice.

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JaKr8 t1_j80dxat wrote

I don't know that she is forcing her beliefs on him, as opposed to just maybe not wanting to have certain type of outbursts in the class. It's very easy to have things get out of hand very quickly when you've got 20 some kids in a room, many of which already do not want to be there, even at 5 years old. I see no reason why you couldn't have a civil discussion about this with the teacher, but keep in mind sometimes you have to set more specific boundaries when you've got 20 five year olds running around your room versus one or three kids at home..

A long long long time ago, when one of my kids was in kindergarten, I was walking home after pickup with another parent whose child was in the same kindergarten class as mine was. The child was telling us he got in trouble for using the 'S' word with another child in the class.

"Stupid"

First of all, we were expectingit to be a different word.. And secondly, I understand although that's not a bad word per se, that its may be not a word the teacher wants used in her classroom. Anyway, we as parents had a chuckle about it, and the parent told their kid not to say that word at school. Never became an issue again.

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new_Australis OP t1_j80fjg1 wrote

Thank you for your words. We will work with him on not saying that phrase as it may hurt other kids feelings and the teacher's feelings as well. Maybe he will be more sympathetic to this reasoning. He often says oh my gosh as a replacement since his teacher told him to say that instead. So it's not so much the phrase oh my god more so the word god that is the issue with the teacher. As she has told him to say oh my goodness or oh my gosh as a substitute.

We will try to tell him to say oh man, or oh wow as a substitute.

I can say it's my fault as I often say oh my god, well.. "OH MY GA" is the actual phrase I use at home mainly when talking to my mother as it's her favorite phrase. So my guess is that our son hears me and as kid do they mimic their parents.

I will work on not using this phrase around him.

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JaKr8 t1_j80t3g9 wrote

It's a hard balance. And I'm not trying to be critical of your beliefs, because we are an agnostic family as well. But I do, having gotten certified to teach math and physics, understand what it's like to keep control of a rowdy classroom at times!!

Unfortunately I don't know if there's really any right or wrong here, since we all have different perspective on things. Either way I hope everything works out well for you and your son.

One of the drawbacks of Western Massachusetts is that there aren't a lot of school options, it's not like you could just take your kid out ( Not that you would ever want to do that) and put him in another local elementary school, especially if you are here in Berkshire county where everything is so far apart... So as a parent you definitely feel like you have to be carefully/diplomatically straddling that line between diplomacy, and standing up for your child.

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new_Australis OP t1_j81mbjz wrote

>One of the drawbacks of Western Massachusetts is that there aren't a lot of school options, it's not like you could just take your kid out ( Not that you would ever want to do that) and put him in another local elementary school,

This is true. They are now limiting the schools you can opt your kid into. He only has two options and those are the closest to his home.

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SharpCookie232 t1_j81m309 wrote

It's disruptive if other children find it offensive. They may be complaining to their parents, who are then complaining to the teacher and/or the principal. She is trying to keep the peace and make the classroom a safe space for all. It's very difficult to enforce norms in a public school because families cannot agree amongst themselves what the norms are.

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HaElfParagon t1_j83xcp6 wrote

>It's disruptive if other children find it offensive

Anyone can find anything offensive. By that logic, kids should never say anything at all for the entire time they are ever out in public.

We simply don't have enough info to tell one way or another, but I find the idea that she's forcing her religion on her students to be much more likely than some other student complained that OP's kid said "oh my god", and it stirred up such a hullabaloo that the principal got involved.

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SharpCookie232 t1_j84lvop wrote

Your misinterpreting my post. It isn't "her religion" that's the issue - she could be an atheist and say "oh my God" seven thousand times a day herself outside of school. But in school, she has to make sure that the students are not offended and complaining to their parents when they get home that they were upset by this kid. Those parents are complaining to her, and possibly going over her head to the Principal and who knows who else. She is trying to provide a safe learning environment (i.e. keep the peace) for the greatest number of students. I can guarantee you that at least some of them are very religious and will be upset by "oh my God" (taking the Lord's name in vain). Being a teacher is very, very hard these days, OP should be mindful of that and encourage her kid to follow the class rules without making a huge fuss. Even if that family thinks it's silly, it will be an exercise in self-control and caring about others for him.

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Linux-Is-Best t1_j81ptit wrote

Opinion:

u/new_Australis these are not bad words or even offensive words. I would be perfectly fine if a child said, "oh my god" when they were surprised. I would not discourage them from expressing themselves freely in this civil manner.

I personally would raise it with the principal and if needed the school department. His teacher is making this a religious matter, where the idea of "god" has no place. The separation of church and state means both the freedom of religion and the freedom from religion.

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[deleted] t1_j81smjv wrote

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Linux-Is-Best t1_j81ttrp wrote

Opinion:

Is the child cussing? No. Is the child attacking anyone? No.

If we policed or erased everything that offended everyone, there would be no one left to police and nothing left to erase. In this instance, we have a system designed with the separation of church and state in mind. And "oh god" or "oh my god" is so common that they say it in daytime television, including in cartoons (yes, really).

The teacher is imposing an extreme, unrealistic view.

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Emmie12750 t1_j80skqb wrote

I've known people who are religious who will become distressed by hearing other people using that phrase. I've also known atheists to become upset hearing the same phrase. So there could be many reasons why the teacher doesn't want your child saying this. Perhaps another child picked up on it, and that child's parents complained, or maybe the principal overheard it and was displeased. Does someone have it in their minds that it's simply an inappropriate phrase? Inappropriate for that age group? Maybe someone thinks it's too close to "real" swearing. (A "gateway swear," so to speak!) There's a lot of possibilities.

I think that more to the point here, the way your child is being corrected is inappropriate. If it's causing him to feel sad, discouraged, and anxious, then the teacher should change his or her methods of managing the situation. I'd talk to the teacher, and perhaps the principal, and focus on the how rather than the why.

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new_Australis OP t1_j81l6hy wrote

Thank you for your words. I spoke with my son today during our car ride when he said oh my gosh and I told him his teacher doesn't like it when he says that. He told me home is ok school is not. So he understands but has a slip up every now and then. If the teacher is still being rude to him I will schedule a meeting with her

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PakkyT t1_j81p553 wrote

Just teach him to say "Fucking Ass!" for a while then offer the teacher the option to go back to "Oh My God".

But on a serious note, if the teacher is making your son upset and sad, you need to talk to the principal about it. Explain you are working with your son to break the habit and the teacher's behavior towards your sons needs to be more positive (reminding him of other phrases to use rather than scolding him).

In the meantime, you the parents might want to make an effort to try a new phrase. If your son stops hearing you guys say it, it will be easier for him to use something else as well.

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Conscious_Home_4253 t1_j80gssp wrote

I was taught to say gosh instead, because you shouldn't say g-d's name in vain. My religion also calls for g-d to be written with a hyphen instead of with an o. The meaning behind that is simply if it's written out and the paper is thrown away, it's a sin. These two habits have stuck with me- but it's not something I would forbid my own children from saying or writing- let alone someone else's child.

IMHO it's silly for a teacher to harp on this. It's not a swear word, offensive phrase or harming anyone by saying it. I would make an appointment to speak with the teacher directly.

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pillbinge t1_j80t3ha wrote

>It's not a swear word, offensive phrase or harming anyone by saying it.

Neither is profaning God by using one's freedom of speech, but doing so repeatedly in a classroom setting would be obviously over the line. Some people consider it a grave offense, and swearing is contextual.

It's also kind of like if a kid holds up a ring finger but says "I'm not swearing though!"

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Conscious_Home_4253 t1_j80xaaw wrote

And that’s why I stated- she should make an appointment with the teacher. OP also never stated her child did this repeatedly in a classroom setting.

People may consider it offensive- but it’s not obscene and it’s protected under the First Amendment.

Massachusetts passed a state law in 1974 “the Student Free Expression law.” Mass Supreme Judicial Court read this state law to incorporate the “Tinker” standard and proclaimed broad free speech for students in Massachusetts. Because Massachusetts created this state law and Mass Supreme Judicial Court expanded the meaning- students in Massachusetts have more 1A freedoms/protections than students in other states where no state laws have been passed.

Tinker Standard is Tinker v. Des Moines is a ruling from 1969- the right to speak freely and protest as long as the student isn’t disruptive.

Again- OP never said her son was being disruptive- she stated he has been disciplined for saying the statement.

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catgotcha t1_j81chbd wrote

It's uptight, yes, but let's look at it like this: I've been very diligent with my boys (5 and 11) about not using the word "hate", "dumb", "fat", and other pretty charged words. I've made it clear to them that "oh my god" or "what the heck" just don't jive in our house either.

It's not because I'm religious. I'm far from it – I'm not atheist either, I just basically don't care either way. I'm also incredibly colloquial in my speech. It's more about raising the boys to be respectful members of the community. Part of that is in the everyday language they use.

I don't really judge people who say "My goodness, that is quite a surprising development" or "OMG what the heck just happened there?!" – but I know our society does. Better to just be a respectful, thoughtful person and that gets you halfway to the finish line with others.

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GalDebored t1_j81nv79 wrote

Where are people getting judged for using terms like "heck", "my goodness", "OMG"!? With the exception of the last one people started using those as substitutes to avoid any (perceived) religious, moral, or etiquette-related faux pas! If somebody sneezed & another person said, "bless you", what would the reaction be? "That ain't the type of jive we dig in this house!"

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Ericrobertson1978 t1_j81kqus wrote

We let our kids say whatever they want at home, all curse words included.

They have literally never been in trouble for using such language in front of overly uptight people who would be offended by it.

Cussing lost it's appeal because we don't mind if they do it. My kids are 9f and 16m. As parents, we cuss far more than they do.

Just words used for emphasis. No reason to be upset I've them.

With that said, my kids are extremely respectful, smart, and well liked amongst teachers and friends. We got lucky, thus far.

I've never understood people who are so uptight they think cussing is wrong. Lol. Mind boggling.

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catgotcha t1_j84at74 wrote

I don't think cussing is wrong, honestly. I don't swear in front of the kids but I swear like a sailor with my wife and especially my friends. That's not the reasoning behind what I'm doing here. It's because *others* can judge for it.

For the record - my kids do know the bad words, especially the 11yo. And I totally get what you're saying – by allowing it freely in the house make it lose the appeal in general. That's actually what we do with alcohol and other things (no, they don't drink obviously, but we don't shield them from the fact that we'll go through a bottle of wine or a few beers on occasion).

I think you and I both have the same end goal in mind – to raise the kids to be respectful and smart. Mine know not to drop the F-word with their teachers or other parents or anything like that, and so do yours. That's the main objective here – there are just different ways to get there, that's all.

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mortaymortay t1_j81ga4e wrote

The biblical commandment to not take the lord’s name in vain applies only to the people who follow the Bible’s teachings. It’s their commandment, no one else’s. And it’s not even close to a swear in colloquial terms. It’s just an expression of surprise, and an extremely common one at that.

The OP’s child is not capable of using god’s name in vain because he doesn’t even believe in the god in question. You have to believe in this god for it to be a problem, and even then it’s only a problem for you.

OP, I’d do two things. First, I’d talk to the teacher and tell her, politely, to back off. She’s said her piece, but she’s not allowed to ban speech based on religious grounds. Your child is not calling anyone names or harassing his classmates. The teacher is not supposed to give a religious lesson in public school. I’d let her know that I’m still asking my child, out of respect for his classmates, to say “oh my gosh” instead, but that he will not be perfect and she is not to speak to him again about this subject.

And then I’d ask my kid to try to switch to “oh my gosh,” but I’d emphasize it’s not a swear and that we’re asking him to try to say “gosh” because some of his classmates might feel better if he says that instead of “god.”

And then I’d drop it unless the teacher keeps harassing him, at which point I’d go over her head.

Edited to add: I would also document everything with date of discussion and what you and the teacher both said. You’ll need it if you have to go to the principal.

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FeathersMcGraw-Hill t1_j868wtc wrote

>The biblical commandment to not take the lord’s name in vain applies only to the people who follow the Bible’s teachings. It’s their commandment, no one else’s. And it’s not even close to a swear in colloquial terms. It’s just an expression of surprise, and an extremely common one at that.

The most annoying part is that's not what "taking the lord's name in vain" even means. It absolutely doesn't mean to never use the lord's name. It very specifically means not to use the lord's name as justification for doing something that is against the teachings of the lord.

Just another example of Christians having absolutely no understanding of their own religion and making it everyone else's problem.

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HazyDavey68 t1_j824277 wrote

I think it’s fine for a kid to know that some words may be ok for home, but not ok for school.

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pillbinge t1_j80szsg wrote

>Is this an offensive phrase or something?

We are atheists and non religious.

Christians and Jews consider it as taking the Lord's name in vain, which is a commandment from the Old Testament. It's a very big rule, though as always, there can be debate over what it means entirely.

Reddit's shoe is on the other foot, because there are numerous other examples you could find with other religions that would be offensive, but Reddit hates Christians. If a student constantly offered a Muslim student pork, it wouldn't be seen as a neighborly gesture. If a kid kept saying "YHWH" to a Jewish staff member who asked him to stop repeatedly, it would be considered offensive.

But for Reddit, the attitude is "fuck Christians", because many here grew up with that as their background, and it's what they're rebelling against.

Even as a teacher, I wouldn't myself do anything, but see it from the other side: why is your child having so much trouble with one phrase? This shouldn't be a hard lesson in either being mindful or learning about others' differences. And not only saying the phrase, but getting caught, which seems ultra stupid.

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new_Australis OP t1_j81m3u2 wrote

I don't understand the getting caught comment. He now knows he's not supposed to say it in school because his teacher gets upset but it's a common phrase we have always used at home. Just recently within the past month or so it has become an issue at school.

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pillbinge t1_j81vab4 wrote

Kids use foul language. You probably did. I did. They just do this. They say "fuck" when they're together.

The problem, and I think it's relatively new, is when kids don't filter themselves for teachers. Did you know when you were a kid that you could swear and say "fuck" to your friends? Did you also not want to say "fuck" with a teacher even nearby?

It's that.

We can't catch kids like we're Big Brother, but at the same time, kids today don't think they need to have tact. Who's needs Big Brother when they genuinely cannot see differences between community members?

In this case, it's a teacher, so it's pretty fucking stupid to piss off the teacher exactly how they asked your student not to piss them off. Never mind we can tie religiousness into this. If a kid kept drawing Mohammed in front of a teacher, but was simply asked to stop at first, would it not be reasonable to expect that kid to stop? Can't stop him from doing it at home, though it's weird. In this case, you just aren't used to the pushback many have because, again, Reddit is biased toward and hates Christians.

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-Horatio_Alger_Jr- t1_j81qbx3 wrote

So you are teaching intolerance at home and wondering why people outside of your home object to your intolerance?

People of the Christian and Jewish faith do not use the Lord's name in vain, which it what you at teaching at home.

If your child's teacher was Muslim, would you allow your child to draw a picture of Mohammed for that teacher or in the classroom?

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new_Australis OP t1_j825vda wrote

Respectfully, I could give a fuck about your lord and draw mohammed as much as you want.

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ratbas t1_j8116tk wrote

Why is this a "get caught" situation? The kid clearly doesn't know they're doing something wrong (put aside for a second the fact that they're not). How does "getting caught" apply to this situation at all from the kid's perspective?

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Practical-Basil-1353 t1_j80djzb wrote

This isn’t a teacher hang up. There are 19 other kids in the class. I’m also non-religious, so we taught about kids to not use religious vocabulary as a substitute for swearing or some other outburst. Work with your child in the benefits of a respectful society and help them unlearn this habit.

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[deleted] t1_j80go80 wrote

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Practical-Basil-1353 t1_j80h2e0 wrote

Who is doing that? I didn’t read anything about the teacher pushing religious beliefs. And again, if you’re not religious then why insult someone who is? Why use the word god at all? Isn’t it a religious word? I’m not religious at all, but a lot of people are and that’s okay.

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[deleted] t1_j80hxok wrote

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Practical-Basil-1353 t1_j80ikl4 wrote

Well, you’re asking a lot of a kindergartener with that argument. How about, “that’s not the best way to express ourselves”? It’s okay to be respectful, it costs nothing.

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[deleted] t1_j80jj4m wrote

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Practical-Basil-1353 t1_j80jrg5 wrote

😂 no one is sharing religion clown.

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[deleted] t1_j80kdh2 wrote

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Practical-Basil-1353 t1_j80lfgy wrote

First, Christianity is not the only sect to feel this way. Second, OP said the child/family are not religious. So why would the child use religious language as a substitute for expressing shock or disbelief? Your argument is for adults, the post was about Kindergartners. And again, being respectful, a lost art I know, it costs nothing to respect someone else’s views. Respect is not an argument, and the child will be better adjusted for life for understanding this. Go ahead, the floor is yours for the last word:

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[deleted] t1_j80q3a7 wrote

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Practical-Basil-1353 t1_j813r08 wrote

Jew hell? You’re a fucking idiot, thanks for “nexting” yourself. 😂

Punish… Did you even read the OP? No one was punished, the teacher told the Kindergarten student to not say that word. Since this is all third hand through a Kindergarten student we should assume the adult was actually appropriate and the child’s version of the story is possibly misconstrued.

No one is pushing religion, a point you still don’t fucking grasp. How about more plain English since you’re such a fucking moron. Any kid shouldn’t say “oh my god” every time they are shocked; it’s fake drama, I heard it from my parents bullshit. They are 5, they aren’t arguing about the existence of god. No Kindergarten student says OMG because they are atheists you fucking twit. It’s them repeating their parents. And if the teacher asked them to stop, respect the teacher. They aren’t the babysitter for your kid, it’s their professional work environment. They are not a servant to the public for $50k a year without a voice into their own classroom. If a kid was saying really anti Jewish things would the teacher have to suspend their own beliefs of what a religion-free classroom environment should be? If you are arguing the black and white interpretation of the law, then go ahead and say more stupid stuff. Your argument is based on theory, not reality. Remember, at the end of the day they are there to learn the ABCs, and how to be socially and emotionally adjusted.

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NewspaperEconomy5473 t1_j819391 wrote

Dude, chill the fuck out. You already lost the argument, just accept it. Throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to change that.

I know you are going to try very hard to get the last word in, but it changes nothing. The teacher is absolutely trying to force her religion on people who do not want to partake, and it’s absolutely not a problem for someone to say “oh my god” like you keep trying to imply.

You are clearly on the wrong side of this one, no amount of arguing or freaking out is going to change that. Grow up.

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Practical-Basil-1353 t1_j81cms6 wrote

I’m not angry or defensive. You’re changing the discussion to a constitutional/liberty argument and my point is that the kindergarten teacher didn’t even say it offended her own beliefs. And the teacher’s religious beliefs have never even come into the thread. The teacher can ask any kid to stop saying anything that is disruptive. Five year olds don’t get to decide what is or isn’t disruptive to the classroom. You are clearly going to be that asshole parent that kindergarten teachers complain to their spouse and friends about.

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Linux-Is-Best t1_j81p7cz wrote

Do you know what's funny?

They (or someone else) reported your post, but in doing so, made it clear I needed to remove the one above it.

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[deleted] t1_j81rwj5 wrote

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Linux-Is-Best t1_j81t1hm wrote

Opinion:

Religion should NOT be taught in school at all, in my opinion. Separation from church and state should mean freedom of religion, but also freedom from religion. You can have your "faith" outside of my tax dollars.

Not an opinion:

Jew hell? Really? Do I need to explain why that can be offensive? Really?

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[deleted] t1_j81u1ph wrote

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Linux-Is-Best t1_j81vhag wrote

> I'm Jewish. It was a joke because we don't have that.

OK. Fair point. -- But it was also a phrased once used to attack people in Israel and followers of the Jewish faith. It was used to argue that jews had their own special place in hell. -- I am going to assume in good faith you didn't know.

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pillbinge t1_j80t8xt wrote

Which isn't happening here.

Never mind the obvious question: if you aren't religious, why talk about God then?

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NewspaperEconomy5473 t1_j819abg wrote

It absolutely is happening here. If you cannot understand it, that’s on you.

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pillbinge t1_j81veir wrote

It isn't. I understand the issue from every relevant angle. Maybe that looks like misunderstanding, somehow, from yours, but this is obviously not forcing religion on anyone.

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[deleted] t1_j815dz9 wrote

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pillbinge t1_j81vgn5 wrote

We're talking about a child in this instance, so I'm gonna ask you at least reflect a tiny bit on why you immediately went to "sex" instead of coming up with a real answer.

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[deleted] t1_j81wcvh wrote

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salty_innkeeper_npc t1_j82rmpb wrote

The whole conversation is about a child saying something in school. The context is already specific. Did you read the original post?

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GigiGretel t1_j810k07 wrote

It IS a teacher hang up. I come from a family of Catholics and we say "oh my God" all the time. My mother is also fond of saying "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" when upset or "Mother of God". Oh my God isn't a swear.

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Unique-Public-8594 t1_j80ixeg wrote

It’s considered “taking the lord’s name in vain”. Yes. Insulting/rude to the ultra religious. Not usually inforced.

Play a game at home: dole out 4 quarters to everyone. every time some one says it at home they have to put a quarter in the jar. Last one with a quarter gets the pot.

Why should you have to stop saying it at home? You shouldn’t. Do it anyway. It will help your kid and all of you to learn to think before speaking and hone those self-discipline skills while having some fun along the way and teach your son that life, even the hard parts, can be overcome and a fun process.

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new_Australis OP t1_j80oewz wrote

>Play a game at home: dole out 4 quarters to everyone. every time some one says it at home they have to put a quarter in the jar. Last one with a quarter gets the pot

Good idea. I will see what works with him.

>Why should you have to stop saying it at home? You shouldn’t

I agree but I also want him to have a good experience in school.

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ShadowGLI t1_j828l8t wrote

I’m not religious, agnostic, but I very actively correct my daughter not to use god/Jesus/etc in vain.

The same way when I was young it was just considered not “pc” to call something gay or someone retarded, as I grew older I made it a point to remove those terms from my vocabulary and did the same with Jesus, Christ, god etc. I’m not religious but it’s a clumsy, lazy way to express emotions.

I try to treat others with the same consideration and respect I’d strive to receive, and I feel like religion, even if I don’t find any connection to it, helps steer others and if that’s what they need to find fulfillment, more power to them.

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bix902 t1_j83d0o2 wrote

Preschool teacher here, the way your sons teacher is going about it sounds wrong but for me I have to be wary of my students teaching each other potentially rude phrases. Like, one kids parents might be totally cool with their kids saying "what the heck," "oh my God," "shut up," or using a lot of potty humor at home, and other parents might be upset by that. (Not to mention saying poop at the lunch table is a sure fire way for a table of 3 year olds to be so overcome with laughter that they can barely be redirected back to their lunch. Actually someone saying poop anytime outside of the bathroom is a good way to lose all control and management of the class lol)

So it's on me to explain that saying "what the heck," or "oh my God," or talking about poop while eating might be okay at home, but isn't polite at school.

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DarkLamont t1_j80kn5y wrote

Sounds like a good teacher to me, maybe have a chat with your child if they're saying stuff like that in preschool........

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new_Australis OP t1_j80p2cb wrote

Thanks for your opinion.

We did have a chat with him.

We told him these are harmless words. It is our opinion that words hold as much power as you give them.

We told him they are not bad words but that the teacher doesn't like them and so he should avoid them.

He said ok however he is a child and often forgets.

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[deleted] t1_j81lnku wrote

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lostmindplzhelp t1_j812lnd wrote

It's a sin for Christians to use the lord's name in vain and some will get offended when other people do it. Generally it's socially acceptable in America but it's kinda rude to be going around spouting religious epitaths. I'm atheist now but I was raised Catholic. When people at work yell out stuff like "Jesus Christ!" It still sounds like they are dropping the F-bomb to me. It's not really appropriate for school or work. This might be a good time to break this habit. Imagine the shit show if he replaced the word "God" with "Allah" or was yelling "oy vey." If he's getting in trouble at school for it he should probably stop.

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GalDebored t1_j81ojmf wrote

I can almost guarantee that any dropping of "oy vey" either at school or work will result in some giggling. That's it.

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jpr_jpr t1_j80re1q wrote

Our pre-school teacher went full silent treatment to us when we had a friendly, respectful discussion with the administration about the teacher not addressing another student hitting our kid.

I'd be mindful of blowback to your kid in addressing this. I'm glad we addressed our issue, and we ended up moving our kid out early of that pre-school into a summer camp before kindergarten.

Depending upon the punishment/discipline, you may just want to move your kid elsewhere. I doubt the teacher will change.

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Substantial-Ad-5012 t1_j81g1gj wrote

Same here for my kids at preschool. I think they just don't want God talked about in the classroom setting. Simple as that. Right or wrong can be discussed but it's not just your preschool.

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Burr_Lynn t1_j8382l1 wrote

Quickest fix: say gosh.

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gtrain05 t1_j80ekpb wrote

Kid is making a innocent mistake and the teacher has the right to try to stop it. I would contact the teacher and have a talk with them. How can you both help the child not say it but also not to the point where the kid is feeling stressed out over a small mistake. Good lesson to learn but don’t have to make it really stressful for the kid.

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[deleted] t1_j80gsbp wrote

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gtrain05 t1_j80ix5f wrote

What about the religion of the kids in the class?

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[deleted] t1_j80jw9g wrote

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gtrain05 t1_j81729w wrote

It’s not about following someone’s beliefs it’s about being respectful of other peoples beliefs. Not just religion. It’s a respect thing and the teacher may want to stop it in behalf of the other kids. Don’t believe in the op post it said it was the teachers religious beliefs. In my family we would say “Jesus Christ!” but never in public or around my grandmother.

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[deleted] t1_j8184rv wrote

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gtrain05 t1_j81ogw5 wrote

Not what I’m saying at all. It’s about respecting people that are different from you whether it be religious, racial, how they identify, etc. if the teacher is scolding the child I think that is extreme. It should be a teaching moment. I never said they should follow their religious beliefs.

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[deleted] t1_j81oper wrote

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gtrain05 t1_j81td44 wrote

I didn’t plan on a long argument with someone online today but I’m always curious about people’s feelings, beliefs, and ideas. The OP never mentioned the teachers religious beliefs being pushed onto their kid. Why do you feel this was disrespectful to someone that doesn’t believe in god? I’m not atheist or religious so I may be missing something.

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[deleted] t1_j81u6n0 wrote

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gtrain05 t1_j81wtqk wrote

I don’t really see it as observing a rule but being respectful. Just as a religious person should be respectful to a atheist. I see where you feel that the teacher correcting is making the kid follow a rule but if the kid was a true atheist why are you saying “oh my god”. If the teacher was enforcing a commandment then she is in the wrong

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new_Australis OP t1_j80g1k2 wrote

Yes he seems visibly stressed as of lately. I will try to work with the teacher.

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gtrain05 t1_j80jipe wrote

Good luck. The fact that your putting in the effort to find answers and help will come across when your trying to help. Great job parenting!

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NoJacket8798 t1_j8488yf wrote

Never mention the lords name in vain. It’s customary

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NazMack t1_j80bsp8 wrote

It can be extremely offense to some . . . Taking the Lord's name in vain and whatnot.

Believe it or not, I had the same problem about 40 years ago when I was in 1st grade, lol. I retrained myself to say "Oh my Gosh".

Maybe try that or some redirection . . . hopefully next year his new teacher will focus more on teaching.

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new_Australis OP t1_j80cczm wrote

>I retrained myself to say "Oh my Gosh".

He often says this instead of saying oh my god.

Thanks for your input i'm sorry that happened to you.

>hopefully next year his new teacher will focus more on teaching

Thank you. I hope for this as well.

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SouthShoreSerenade t1_j81k1e2 wrote

I say things, and I say different things in front of my toddler. Maybe you should try that instead of giving the teacher, whose job it is to TEACH toddlers how to best behave, a hard time.

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new_Australis OP t1_j81n5pt wrote

Why would we change our very normal and non vulgar vocabulary at home because a religious nut wants to be offended by the word god?

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chancimus33 t1_j823jcs wrote

I tend to agree. Either be committed and let the kid know that it’s ok to say it whether they are at home or at school, or don’t say it at all. Letting them say it someplace a and not others is confusing. Especially for a young child.

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mr3ric t1_j81t3f7 wrote

Teacher here. This teacher sounds like a pos and has no bussiness working with children let alone a kindergarten class.

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whathellsthis t1_j8375dw wrote

Ima be the minority and suggest going full Karen. It sounds like your child is being bullied for saying those words. They are not bad words, this teacher simply doesn’t like them. I’d raise hell 😅

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lucascorso21 t1_j842emo wrote

You’re right and this teacher needs to be relax. My wife and I try to say, “Oh my gosh!” around the house as a way to head off this exact situation, but thats just us being probably too cautious. (Also a likely reaction to a family member who has a sailor’s mouth and now her 3yo says ‘fuck’ so that’s neat)

Does your little guy watch Bluey? The parents/kids in that use a lot of funny, but kid-safe phrases that you could introduce. Plus, then you’re watching Bluey which is always a good choice.

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InspHarryCallahan t1_j839t6j wrote

I sometimes say “Oh my no-god!” . My 3 yr old is bound to repeat that at preschool some day.

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BovaDesnuts t1_j80aumh wrote

>Is this an offensive phrase or something?

Yes and no, and also yes. It's offensive to hardcore Christians on account of it taking the lords name in vain. It's Also offensive to hard-core atheists, who don't want any mention of God ever anywhere even once. It's also also an offensive phrase to people who feel that references to Christianity are not inclusive and have no place in public. But any normal person doesn't give a shit.

>What can I do in this situation?

>I have spoken to our son about not saying those words in school but at home is okay since they are not bad words. However he keeps getting in trouble and comes home visibly upset and sad.

Letting him say it at home is a mistake. He needs to learn the standards before he can break it, and making enemies so early in your education is a mistake, especially if he's in a public program and will continue to be. Teachers talk and pass their biases all the way up.

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new_Australis OP t1_j80c63e wrote

>Letting him say it at home is a mistake

I agree with this statement however it is our belief that those are not bad words that being said we have to teach him where and when he can say certain things.

>Teachers talk and pass their biases all the way up.

This is his mother's fear. That the teacher will hold a grudge against him and give him a hard time all around.

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BovaDesnuts t1_j80ci96 wrote

>I agree with this statement however it is our belief that those are not bad words that being said we have to teach him where and when he can say certain things.

It's easy. He needs to understand and accept the base rules of polite conversation before he can break them. And you can be straightforward about that. "Hey, other people don't like this and if you're gonna be saying it out of habit, we can't let you say it here, either".

>Teachers talk and pass their biases all the way up.

>This is his mother's fear. That the teacher will hold a grudge against him and give him a hard time all around.

Not just this teacher. It'll follow up to high school and compound over the years, in all likelihood.

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[deleted] t1_j80gbtx wrote

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BovaDesnuts t1_j80guy2 wrote

>It's not their religion, why should it be their problem ?

Plenty of things in your life are your problem when they're not your fault. Thus is no different.

>If a teacher sees a child as an enemy for having a different religion, or non religious, upbringing that should be on them to get over it.

Very cool. Unfortunately, idealism doesn't work

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[deleted] t1_j80helo wrote

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BovaDesnuts t1_j80hi5c wrote

No amount of "should" unruins your life.

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[deleted] t1_j80i9au wrote

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BovaDesnuts t1_j80if1e wrote

Charlie Hebdo thought so too. How'd that go? If you're willing to die for it, go for it. But don't torture your kids over it.

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[deleted] t1_j80j7x3 wrote

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BovaDesnuts t1_j80julp wrote

>this is about a toddler saying "oh my god" not a racist magazine getting attacked by abject extremists

The parallel being that no amount of "should" protects you from reality. People do people things. What she'll do is tell the next grade that the kid is a serious discipline issue, resulting in them being watched more, getting caught more, and being punished more.

>you are comparing a teacher for young children to Islamic extremism, albeit I won't argue that we don't have Christian extremists here ; I don't actually think this is a case of that.

It's entirely possible that's not the issue. There's a few other anti-religious or anti-offense sentiments that could be driving the issue.

>the hill I'm willing to die on is that atheists and their children who don't want to participate in religion & its rules should be safe to do so freely, and the teacher is welcome to a litany of churches to practice their faith in the free & appropriate space as well.

Are you willing to damn your kids too? Good. Damn your own. And stay out of other people's lives.

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FreeTree62 t1_j810e1w wrote

Separation of church and state. Tell his teacher and the school that you are not held by the same ridiculous hold that organized religion has over them and that those words hold no power over you or anyone else for that matter.

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new_Australis OP t1_j81mgmo wrote

I don't want to be very confrontational with her. I will try to work with my kid but if it keeps getting bad I will have to meet with her

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valley_G t1_j81178e wrote

I'd complain to high hell over that. If she wants to enforce personal beliefs she can go get a job at a private school.

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[deleted] t1_j81pdoc wrote

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valley_G t1_j81pra9 wrote

What the hell are you talking about?

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[deleted] t1_j81qx44 wrote

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valley_G t1_j8255ew wrote

Listen idk why you decided today was the day or why I was the one but you can take that holier than thou shit somewhere else because I don't give a fuck at all about it. Save that shit for somebody who asked.

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[deleted] t1_j826rju wrote

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valley_G t1_j8272du wrote

I asked wtf you were talking about because you literally made no sense. Just move on.

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