Is it me, or does no one have common courtesy anymore?

Submitted by bsmike128 t3_ynsg1s in massachusetts

Mainly while driving or walking, let someone go and you’ll get a scowl more often than a wave these days. I stopped to let someone turn left yesterday and got yelled at for making him wait .08 seconds longer than if I had just kept going since there was no one behind me. I believe his exact words were “just fahkin go it woulda been quickahh!!” Why is everyone such a grumpy pants??

EDIT: comments have indicated I guess I should have posted in r/AITA 😆 While maybe a bad example, my bigger point was that for every 50/50 there are at least a dozen times you let someone go or you hold the door for someone and they don’t even acknowledge the gesture.

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Funkybeatzzz t1_ivaib1f wrote

I have to agree with cranky pants on this one. Doing something unexpected while driving, even if it’s something nice like letting them go, causes confusion and most times makes the whole interaction longer than if you would’ve just kept driving. This situation reminds me of the TV show The Good Place where people only do nice things to get their “moral dessert”, in this case your dessert is getting that smile or wave. The roads would be much safer if people just followed the rules and didn’t do nice things.

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dagaetch t1_ivaq5bl wrote

I was taught "Don't be polite, be predictable" when driving.

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[deleted] t1_ivc2c5j wrote

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Funkybeatzzz t1_ivcfuo0 wrote

OMFG! I don’t think most people know what a yield sign means. Total disregard for it and people will road rage you if you expect them to wait for you, the person with the right of way. The Newton Corner “Circle of Death” is prime example of this.

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Appropriate-XBL t1_ivajxsp wrote

I think you’re right, that everything would just be better if people followed the right-of-way rules, but ignoring these rules seems to be the standard in and around Boston at least. People constantly stop and let cars in.

It’s odd, because so many people told me the drivers would be hyper aggressive before I got here. But they’re not, for the most part. What I see mostly is comically bad/inattentive driving, and… people letting people in when they should just go. It’s like everyone is being too… nice?

Also, as a non-native, I wonder if the pandemic changed the way people drive here. Was this total disregard for right-of-way laws common before the pandemic?

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New_Accountant1884 t1_ivanshi wrote

Recently moved here from CA. I am in shock at how people drive out here.

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Appropriate-XBL t1_ivao0ij wrote

It’s soooo bad. I drive rarely and not very far, but I can always depend on seeing at least one crazy thing for every two or three miles covered.

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Lucybruin t1_ivc25pb wrote

The political climate, as well, as the pandemic have brought out the worst in most people. All of a sudden, it’s OK to have swear words written all over your car Cartoons of people pissing on other people bumper stickers of machine guns, which I guess are supposed to be intimidating. It’s not just Boston. It’s everywhere in Massachusetts. I don’t see how It could change. You do your best. I’ll do mine. Good luck.

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TeaHatter t1_ivcuurx wrote

Definitely made it worse. The amount of traffic buildup because no one knows how to navigate roadways here is infuriating. looking at you specifically, 3-S/95-N loop

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Seaworthiness222 t1_ivayepa wrote

When you let someone go, you should always make sure it's not totally clear behind you (and that the vehicles behind you are at a decent distance).

The other guy is right but was being cranky about you doing something a bit silly.

Stopping to let people go is advanced level driving. If you do it wrong you are fucking stuff up more than if you just did nothing.

When you get trained by a company (like Fed Ex, Verizon, etc) you are advised to NOT stop for people as it causes more accidents than not.

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Peeeculiar t1_ivamfx2 wrote

Be predictable when driving.

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jkjeeper06 t1_ivasone wrote

This. There are videos all over the internet where letting someone go gets them t-boned by the guy in the lane next to you. Predictability is more courteous than stopping to let everyone go

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kingwillie420 t1_ivat1wn wrote

Few things grind my gears worse than someone stopping to let me go when it isn't my turn. It always takes a minute to realize what you're doing - usually it feels like it would've saved us time if I just went after you'd gone.

If that's not enough, usually these folks stopping to "be considerate" are being very inconsiderate to all of the people they're holding up behind them.

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bsmike128 OP t1_ivd05o3 wrote

Agree if this is a rotary or 4way stop for sure. Stopping to let someone go on a quiet road, reaction seemed a little over the top.

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Funkybeatzzz t1_ivfe1r0 wrote

Ask yourself why you did it in the first place. There was no reason for you to let them out other than you wanted the moral satisfaction of getting that wave or nod. You can claim it’s because you were trying to be nice, but you even admit that it made it longer for the other person and you seem to have known this before you let them out. What I think is ridiculous are people that expect an acknowledgment like you are for something so mundane. Just drive your car and get a pet if you need some attention.

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jingjishiyongnan t1_ivavlm8 wrote

Don’t stop to let someone go if you have the right of way! That creates a dangerously unpredictable situation. I too will abjectly refuse to go in this situation, as I was taught.

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warlocc_ t1_ivb0d1p wrote

>I too will abjectly refuse to go in this situation, as I was taught.

Those of us on motorcycles absolute treat it the same way, so people that stop for us almost always make things way, way worse.

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IntelligentCicada363 t1_ivc1zjj wrote

The absolute worst are people who try to wave you on from the left lane of a 4 lane road (where you are making the left turn). Great way to get T-boned

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SocoCocoPuffs t1_ivavo5t wrote

The colloquial term masshole doesn’t come from nowhere.

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trahoots t1_ivf49b6 wrote

YTA. In that situation you're asking someone else to pull out in front of you when you have the right of way, which means you're really asking them to trust you without even knowing you. If something happened and there was an accident, the other driver is the one who was turning when they didn't have the right of way. Just stick to the rules and things go much more smoothly. The only time exceptions are warranted are if there's a crazy amount of traffic in one direction and the other car would have to wait like 15 minutes to turn. In that case, the benefit of getting to turn sooner probably outweighs the fact that they don't have the right of way.

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Alternative-Bee-8981 t1_ivakttd wrote

Letting people go is fine. The only thing I find annoying is if I'm on a road and the speed limit is like 40mph, and someone pulls out of a side street, and the dingus in front of me decides to slam on the brakes to let them go. Stop almost creating accidents because you want to let everyone pull out of side streets.

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saintmusty t1_ivao4n9 wrote

Was there any traffic behind you, or was it an empty road that they were looking at past you and waiting for you to pass? Did you make your intention to let the other person go clear, or did you just wave with your hands inside the glass that they probably couldn't see? Common courtesy vs common sense

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TheGrandExquisitor t1_ivat1xj wrote

Nobody in MA can drive.

This is a law of nature.

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Funkybeatzzz t1_ivba4vl wrote

https://www.safewise.com/blog/safest-states-drivers/

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TheGrandExquisitor t1_ivc0zky wrote

That is such bullshit. Seriously. Lived in multiple states and MA has the worst drivers. I have seen shit done in MA that you wouldn't see anywhere else. Enter oncoming traffic to make a "free left?". Only in MA. Oregon probably has the best. Annoyingly so. You'd cross over the Columbia and all of a sudden everyone is doing the speed limit!

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Funkybeatzzz t1_ivc85zl wrote

Nice anecdotal evidence! Totally refutes actual data!

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TheGrandExquisitor t1_ivcu2e8 wrote

What is their metric? Fatalities? Traffic is so bad nobody goes fast enough to get hurt.

I remember when they said the MBTA was the second best in the US. Thing is a joke.

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Funkybeatzzz t1_ivd6obc wrote

What’s your metric? “Because that’s how I feel mumble mumble!”? The fact is you’ve shown nothing but you’re own personal opinions and gripes. The fact is people typically think their own experiences carry a lot of weight and are superior to actual data. For instance, in my opinion I’d take Boston traffic any day over the Garden State Parkway or the Capital Beltway. If you really wanna see some shit, go stand on top of the Arc de Triomphe and watch those maniacs navigate that multi lane roundabout. It makes an evening on the Pike almost like waiting in line at a Dunks drive-thru.

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Positive-Material t1_ivde5zf wrote

stopped to smell a rose on the side of the road on the Cape.. a retired police officer ran out and started yelling at me rudely..

went up the stairs at a public beach on the Cape, got a 'Where do you think you are going?' because the stairs apparently lead to a street. the whole family were so happy and proud of how rude their father was.

coworker stopped at a red light, a Boston police officer gave her the middle finger for no reason and drove around her.

was crossing the side walk on Marthas Vineyard and carefully watching a car pulling out. the rich middle aged woman with her mom who wasn't paying attention started driving backward then saw me and stopped and yelled blaming this on me, 'OMG, cell phone?' because I was on the cell phone while watching her car and crossing the sidewalk. she was at fault for potentially hitting me, but she just picked a reason to blame me for it.

woman brought aggressive dogs to a day care, they mauled a girl's hand.. instead of apologizing, she is asking the manager to let her talking to the girl to find out what she did to provoke the dogs.

driving people also don't like to show turn signals anymore.

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JohnnyGoldwink t1_ives6tw wrote

Hahah I moved here 10 years ago from KY and wondered the same thing. Grumpy drivers/people are the spirit of MA 😂 People who have lived here forever don’t even notice. People from other parts of the country are like WTF.

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dadgamer85 t1_ivf30z1 wrote

Everyone is in a rush and you are just seen as delaying them getting to their destination.

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tobiasrfunke t1_ivalvvr wrote

People are only nice to each other the week after 9/11.

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Unique-Public-8594 t1_ivatoyu wrote

The short tempers: It’s a combination of divisive politics and depressing covid.

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