Help for my father

Submitted by noodle-face t3_zp75de in massachusetts

Hey guys - I'll give as much details as.possible.

My father (65) is a t2 diabetic. Over the last 2 years unbeknownst to us, a younger female conned my father into helping her out. Long story short, last Friday he lost his house because he wasn't paying his mortgage (for a year). We also found he had taken out a 25k loan in October, which we assume he gave to her. He receives roughly $4100 in retirement/SS every month and doesn't have a penny to his name.

Friday after losing his home, he told people he was going to kill himself so 911 was called. He was in the hospital all week but discharged. He then went back to the hospital again because he has no insulin and his numbers shot way up. Discharged himself today again.

No one has any idea where he is or what he's doing. He's supposed to also be on dialysis. The news the hospital told us is grim. He seems like he's not of sound mind.

In Massachusetts, what are our options here? I can't take him in, I have a small house and 2 small children that I don't want around the things happening. I think he needs to be on a psyche hold somewhere, but I don't know where he is.

Any opinions will be greatly appreciated. I fear it may be too late..

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Unique-Public-8594 t1_j0r8mw0 wrote

I’m not an expert.

If it were me, I’d would ask the local police to put out a Silver Alert - there may be some confusion over which police station has jurisdiction on that (where his last legal address was?). Bring a photo.

Hopefully he will be found, then I would take him to the ER for psych Eval.

This must be incredibly stressful for him and for you. I am hoping for a good outcome.

Another option is calling 211 (state financial assistance line) with him.

Or, text MHA to 741741 to get help during a mental health crisis.

The National crisis hotline number is 988.

Are there any family or friends willing to take him in temporarily?

I’m hoping a friend is caring for him and you just weren’t notified.

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noodle-face OP t1_j0raa2u wrote

Thanks for the response. Someone was willing to take him in, but he kind of went off the rails and no one knows where he is. His house was in middleboro but he's been around the taunton area as I know he was in Morton.

My sister was his medical proxy but while in the hospital he removed her.

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Unique-Public-8594 t1_j0rb3xm wrote

Have you filed a Silver Alert with the Middleboro Police? I think that would be state-wide and get lots of coverage.

If the situation is dire, time is of the essence.

Does he have a car?

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noodle-face OP t1_j0rb74u wrote

I'll look into this, thanks. Surprisingly I didn't know that was a thing.

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Unique-Public-8594 t1_j0rds36 wrote

Now that you have a plan to locate him, I would encourage you to take a break from reddit and go to the Middleboro police station immediately. Outside of the usual M-F 9-5? Still go.

Bring identification for yourself and for him.

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noodle-face OP t1_j0rhpft wrote

Just go slightly add to this. He got back to me and said he's in the hospital. I have no way of verifying, not sure if they'll tell me if someone is a patient there

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Unique-Public-8594 t1_j0rjfnh wrote

I’m glad to hear there has been contact. That is a huge relief to you, I imagine. Thanks for updating me. That was thoughtful especially considering you have young ones and concerns for your father, a lot on your plate.

You are smart to recognize that staff might not have the option to share information with you. It’s possible that you might make more progress as a visitor than on the phone.

Consider requesting the hospital social worker be included in his care and request careful discharge planning when discharge comes into play.

Best of luck.

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noodle-face OP t1_j0rjnsn wrote

Thanks! I agree, I will visit but right now I'm extremely sick (makes all of this worse). I'm having the siblings hopefully help. Thanks again stranger

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noodle-face OP t1_j0rekf3 wrote

Thanks for all your help, I'll head over there.

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Maronita2020 t1_j0rbmu3 wrote

So if he is homeless and in need of care you should have him hospitalized and ask them to admit him to a nursing home if he is unable to care for himself. If they think he is of sound mind but is in need of care but not at the level of nursing home care ask them to refer him to Boston Healthcare for the Homeless Barbara McInnis House. This is a locked medical shelter. There are doctor and nurses on staff there.

NOTE: I am not a healthcare provider but rather a former advocate for the homeless. This is not professional advice, but rather my personal opinion of what should be done.

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Ohyesshedid99 t1_j0ru2fu wrote

You could try reaching out to the case manager at his hospital, or the senior center/council on aging where he lives.

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noodle-face OP t1_j0rcr5x wrote

Thanks - the problem here is he is refusing the care the hospital is trying to provide. In other words he is refusing dialysis And I think that's causing the hospital to allow him to discharge. Can anything be done in regards to that?

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Maronita2020 t1_j0re3kr wrote

Yes, but in MA hospitals are not supposed to discharge patients to the street. They are supposed to find a bed for them someplace. Why have they not deemed him a risk to himself or others? I think I would go to court and apply to become his guardian even though you have no idea where he is. I would also file a missing person report and get a picture sent to all the hospitals and homeless shelters.

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noodle-face OP t1_j0regoe wrote

My only thought is he may have lied to them. He's essentially been lying us to a very long time about the situation, so i wouldn't put it past him. In think they dropped him off at a holiday inn but he has no debit/credit card.

Thanks for all your help

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angelasnewboobs t1_j0rsxbo wrote

Unfortunately with the massive housing crisis across the United States they always discharge them to the street because they have no place to offer these people. I'm assuming the father keeps going into the hospital because he has nowhere to go. If someone doesn't take this guy and it's going to end badly for him. Luckily for him he's not my father because I'd let him wander the streets shoeless through a snowstorm before I'd take him in.

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Maronita2020 t1_j0s66wo wrote

In MA they are NOT permitted to discharge them to the street. They MUST find a bed for them (even if it is only for the night). I have been an advocate for the homeless so I know what I am talking about. IF someone is coming from a hospital they can either get them a bed usually at one of the shelters in Boston or at the Barbara McInnis House in Boston (as a step down from the hospital.)

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emotionallyasystolic t1_j0rui37 wrote

They can't DC you to the street IF you agree to stay and work with them around placement.

But if you are not a danger to yourself or others, you can leave whenever you want. Whether or not you have a place to go.

If he is not currently making statements of intent to harm himself or others, and is not currently behaving in an immediately life threatening way, and is oriented to reality(not delusional, etc)they cannot take away his right to refuse care.

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Maronita2020 t1_j0s7adp wrote

They can decide not being able to provide a roof over your head as being a danger to yourself, and at least place him on a three day hold. This would give his family a chance to file for guardianship.

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emotionallyasystolic t1_j0so65w wrote

They can't decide that. It is not illegal to be homeless, nor does homelessness render someone incapacitated to make their own decisions.

There is no good answer to situations like these unfortunately

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Maronita2020 t1_j0spybs wrote

They don't do it often, but it actually can be used.

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Quirky_Butterfly_946 t1_j0ruqk2 wrote

Has it dawned on you that he is refusing care because his life has been shattered and he has no one to rely upon? He probably feels like why bother any more. That he does not have the means to go out and find a new place.

Imagine having health issues, constant medical appointments, and then all this happens. How was he getting to his appointments? You have zero understanding what your father has been through and I'm sure he understands that he cannot rely on his family in his time of need. What would you expect from you father if the tables were turned and you were desperate?

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ihiwidid t1_j0s6qnv wrote

You’ve received some good advice here so I’ll just add my heartfelt wishes for a positive resolution… this must be really difficult for you! Good luck, friend.. 💜

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noodle-face OP t1_j0s6tpk wrote

Thanks! We have a plan now. Only one negative person

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bubalusarnee t1_j0szaen wrote

This is all so sad, I hope you can find care and also justice for your father. People can be so awful, and it is important that we tell the stories.

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Positive-Material t1_j0rwa0x wrote

Send him to the ER. Period. Call 911, have EMS transport him if he is suicidal.

​

He should get locked up on the psych ward for example in St Elizabeth's or any other community hospital locked psych ward due to DEPRESSION and SUICIDAL ATTEMPTS. Then he should be in a 'Partial Program' with antidepressive and antipsychotic meds. He should apply to Medicaid. Send him to any Emergency Room and have their social worker and discharge planner arrange all of that.

The Partial Program has plenty of depressed recently suicidal people whose wives left them and who spent their life savings at the strip club. When I was there, one guy spent his social security check at the strip club over a weekend and had to fast for the rest of the month. Another guy's wife left him. One woman was a pothead but had a job. This is the place for him as he is mentally ill right now and unstable.

The fraud thing is not the primary issue here. He should get Medicaid, Foodstamps, and apply to affordable housing programs.

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killakitten t1_j0ufupj wrote

I hope he is found and hospitalized soon, uncontrolled diabetes and what sounds like end stage renal disease probably impair his decision making.

Elderly/debilitated people will always be targets of those who prey.

Seems like most of the financial damage is done, so less likely to get scammed.

Ended up having to move my mother in law and sell her house;

After her husband died, a friendly neighbor saw this opportunity to forge a friendship.

After $500 in cash went missing we called the police and mother in law would not testify because the neighbor was always so "nice" to her.

Found some loan contracts written in crayon/marker that the neighbor had used to get $5000 that we know of. They were also storing motorcycles in her garage to hide from re-possession.

Moved her 40 miles away and now see her twice daily.

Dementia is a bitch, the woman was an ICU nurse for 50 years, she deserves better in her last years.

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Quirky_Butterfly_946 t1_j0rtr19 wrote

First of all YOU TAKE YOUR FATHER IN !!!! What is up with this BS from people who really just don't want to bother taking care of family. All the lame excuses do not count either. At least be honest enough to admit this.

The guy lost his home which is traumatic enough not only because he does not have a place to stay, but to no longer be in his home where he was comfortable and new where everything was, etc is fuel on this fire. His life has been turned upside down which is why he is having difficulty with his meds.

Now all the people he should be able to trust and rely on are calling him "not of sound mind"? WTF!!! You want to put him a psyche ward for this?

Yes, I am reading you the riot act because this man needs help. He should be able to rely on family, but with youR busy lives you have decided he is not worth the inconvenience. THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MORE.

You go get your father and show the man the respect and love he has given you. He is not trash to be discarded.

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noodle-face OP t1_j0rvod1 wrote

You have no idea what you're talking Bout

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Quirky_Butterfly_946 t1_j0rw7hu wrote

Oh really? From what you have written I am right on point. You just don't want to admit it, have ZERO understanding of what your father has been through, and will not sacrifice to help him out.

I hope he is found.

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noodle-face OP t1_j0rwggc wrote

He was found. You do not understand the situation from the few details ive posted here.

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Quirky_Butterfly_946 t1_j0rxlhf wrote

Then I understand the attitude. I've had to deal with it before

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BobSacamano97 t1_j0u3qnr wrote

I am not surprised to hear that your family doesn’t want to deal with you

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Crimson-Forever t1_j0v23el wrote

So the father removed his daughter as a health care proxy, is not contacting them, discharged himself, is not following medical advice but in your opinion is just going to happily move right in with them. I'm guessing you have some anger in you from being in a similar situation, but you don't know enough about this one to be preaching.

That said, Op I hate bringing this up but is there a possibility he has gotten into a problem with substance abuse? It's a pretty familiar story when someone stops paying the mortgage. Addiction is one of those things that can definitely over power the need for someone to pay the mortgage, especially for a year.

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