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shnickschnack t1_iy8m2jt wrote

"It doesn't hurt" my man are you alright?

268

Lord_Detleff1 OP t1_iy8m7ri wrote

I mean when it's that big and hurts

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Barry_Bone_Raiser t1_iy9e8g3 wrote

If you think thats big wait till i get to you 😈

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Lord_Detleff1 OP t1_iy9gg8w wrote

Is it an offer?

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Barry_Bone_Raiser t1_iy9gr8g wrote

Its an order

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Lord_Detleff1 OP t1_iy9gt7x wrote

Ah fuck

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Barry_Bone_Raiser t1_iy9gw6n wrote

Aw yeah😈

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shnickschnack t1_iy8mqpr wrote

Dunno man, if it hurts i think there's something wrong but as long as you're fine 👌

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JimmyWilliams_ t1_iy97xha wrote

Idk about you but I take the FATTEST shits and they're always uncomfortable to a certain extent. Perfectly healthy, but I never leave the bathroom without thinking "damn, that was an experience".

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shnickschnack t1_iy9ebmx wrote

Yeah I do take extremely fat shits but they don't hurt, that's why I'm perplexed. Not here to judge tho, I was just genuinely worried: I'm actually pleasantly surprised we're having such a composed argument on the fattest shits.

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Lysergic-D t1_iy9r1xq wrote

The fat shit becomes to be troubling when it is also hard and spiked. After that you start to cry a mix of blood and shit known by brown tear. Maybe is something like that is hurting OP's hole.

3

Linkinator7510 t1_iyai6xl wrote

I hate it when it's spiked. The feeling it gives you makes you think that it looks like a hedgehog, but when you turn around and check later, it's completely normal.

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nryporter25 t1_iyaxmcl wrote

That's where the poop knife comes in handy. Really help work it out for ya.

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[deleted] t1_iy8ikwh wrote

"You need a wipe to know you don't need 2"

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Blorbush t1_iy9437u wrote

-George Washington

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Kooky-Bird2287 t1_iyc7m17 wrote

It takes 2 wipes to find out you didn’t need to wipe at all, but only 1 wipe to find out you’ll be wiping forever.

2

Fellarm t1_iy8avxo wrote

Holup? You dont have to wipe...you always have to wipe

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TheRealTunaHalpert t1_iy8c3cy wrote

Gotta AT LEAST do a diligence wipe. You gonna be itchy af later if you’re wrong. I heard.

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Saftigerkeks t1_iyarxmu wrote

Just stick one finger up your asshole when you're itchy 💀

0

Mindgamer_WR t1_iy9s6uh wrote

If you use water, then it isn't called wiping. It is called spraying.

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CarterBaker77 t1_iyachy8 wrote

Yeah always wipe.. always. We can smell and it's not pretty.

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God_KnOws69 t1_iy88926 wrote

OP wakes up

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PriestMarmor t1_iy8yj91 wrote

Use the bidet you filthy animal

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CivilAirPatrol2020 t1_iybipte wrote

Wait people can actually afford bidets? I thought it was a joke...

1

Independent_Lead8277 t1_iyc1ql0 wrote

They’re like 30$ maxxxxxxx. at least the hand held ones are.

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PriestMarmor t1_iycl6zc wrote

In my country, portugal, it's obligatory for each house to have at least 1 bidet. You can buy a decent one for 40€, and by decent I mean a full bidet, not an extension that you put on your toilet (it's not that expensive actually)

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Handsome_Claptrap t1_iy8u5lf wrote

Just saying, if your shit is often painful or liquid, you probably need to improve your diet.

Try increasing fiber (trough fruit and vegetables) and reduce consumption of red meat (expecially processed meat) , gluten and cheese if you are consuming any of them too often.

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CivilAirPatrol2020 t1_iybina6 wrote

Yeah, next line should be "frantically trying to remember what I ate that week"

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ohboyito t1_iy8vygu wrote

Forgot 2 things, 1 it actually feels really good 2 it doesn't smell at all.

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Weirdo216 t1_iy94wx9 wrote

you lot don't wash your ass with water?

7

mystic_ameliya t1_iy9al04 wrote

I literally opened reddit for 10 seconds

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Big_bussy69 t1_iy93w56 wrote

Wipe your ass bruh like it ain’t even that hard

2

Simples85 t1_iy9bhja wrote

Dafuuk you always got to wipe 🤢🤣🤣🤮

2

Surk t1_iy8smyf wrote

In Belgium we call that a "Perfect"

1

Danielq37 t1_iy92qcw wrote

In Germany we call that "Götterschiss" (godly shit), although not a very common phrase.

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starxny t1_iyalvat wrote

In my house in America we call it a clean getaway.

1

DifficultRevenue9 t1_iy90p64 wrote

Ah "ghostie" fet like a shite, smells like a shite but yet leaves no evidence of its presence

1

blr010 t1_iy9d23j wrote

I call that a ghost poop, and I still use a baby wipe because I'm not gross.

1

Lord_Detleff1 OP t1_iy9dal0 wrote

Yes, one baby wipe is always a must. Only very few understand what I meant in the meme

0

i_like_pie92 t1_iy9kul5 wrote

You always have to wipe your butt. Wtf

1

MrPotatoManHD t1_iy9nf2a wrote

Reading this on the toilet while not experiencing it. sad noises

1

Steirer2021 t1_iy9pxd5 wrote

In Germany we call it "Götterschiss" if you dont have to wipe. Götterschiss means Shit of the Gods

1

PsEggsRice t1_iy9rqt5 wrote

I sat down for a bm once and sneezed. And done, torpedo launched. It was actually quite shocking.

1

Alkiaz t1_iy9s9jm wrote

Well good on you as long as it doesn't give you any bullshit. Otherwise it'll be pretty big and holy shit it would be terrifying if it clogged the toilet...

1

Hactar_42 t1_iy9xdzo wrote

Out and gone without a trace. The mythical ghost poo

1

Mr-_-Koopa t1_iy9xehp wrote

Wdym with “You don’t have to wipe your butt”?

1

Duwns_Halt t1_iy9xx57 wrote

How do you know you don’t need to wipe?

1

udyret10 t1_iya1z54 wrote

Ah yes. The infamous Ghost Poop

1

hojo-hominygrits t1_iya6d17 wrote

Slides right out like a wet octopus... the BEST...

1

sebuptar t1_iyaa9sw wrote

There's nothing in the toilet

1

MicrowavegoesBRRRRR t1_iyab1uy wrote

WTF DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE TO WIPE, USE WATER YOU FUCKING DEGENERATE

1

SiberBlack t1_iyabe8s wrote

I love you random citizen in the likes

1

TimTim696 t1_iyadwta wrote

“When you don’t have to wipe” 💀

1

1Silent_Theory1 t1_iyaerys wrote

You forgot the empty stomach feeling which now means you feel hungry

1

Darklight645 t1_iyageuy wrote

"You don't have to"
You did though... right?

1

Dry_Contact_3390 t1_iyah5es wrote

you don't know you didnt have to wipe until after you wiped

1

yoooooussseffffffff t1_iyaho0i wrote

Me(a person who doesn't live in America):excuse me what the actual fuck

1

Eg0Break3r t1_iyalk2a wrote

The infamous and ever elusive no wiper. Beautiful.

1

Saftigerkeks t1_iyarqu0 wrote

Wait, yall butts hurt when taking a shit? Damn I must be lucky

1

norielukas t1_iyawffk wrote

Was browsing reddit in bed and left it at this post.

Went to take a shit now a few hours later and I open reddit to see this post.

And I just had this exact shit.

Altho I did wipe but you know, it was one of those wipes with nothing on it.

1

nryporter25 t1_iyaxf5j wrote

Uh you still gotta wipe even if it's "clean" 🙉

1

Accomplished-Price45 t1_iyb0epc wrote

Hold on it takes one wipe to realize you needed none you really gamblin or what

1

meh66987 t1_iyb0x9o wrote

Uhhh, I think you should still be wiping.

1

Ender_Melech t1_iyb2sb7 wrote

This has happened to me about twice in my life.

1

avg90sguy t1_iyb3ypr wrote

Idk that one plume of water that shoots up your pooper is rather invigorating sometimes

1

TickletheEther t1_iyb70jg wrote

My daily footlong after two shots of espresso in the morning. Clean pinch every time 🙌

1

twabbott t1_iyb7ro1 wrote

You know you're over 50 when...

1

Maxy2388 t1_iyb7w10 wrote

Wipe your ass anyway even if you think you don’t have to

1

terrabladelicker t1_iyb8slx wrote

Nothing splashes? You don't have to wipe your butt? So you didn't shit at all?

1

AstroDoggo12333 t1_iybcyrm wrote

no pain? no liquid? no splash? no wipe? sounds like heaven

1

JimDandy5555 t1_iybxt8y wrote

Just wipe anyways. Why risk sting ring?

1

Chewy720 t1_iyc6z8g wrote

When you struggle for 30 min and it's two little drops

1

Chance-Road1020 t1_iyccxdg wrote

And then you wake up with shit in your pants

1

Darrakiz t1_iycjgeq wrote

Bro u always wipe 🤫

1

5ee_2410 t1_iycv45e wrote

I mean we have to wipe to check we dont have to wipe 🗿

1

SaroN4One t1_iy8xojd wrote

it’s a trap bro.

0

Sour_Bro t1_iy98e2d wrote

Every shit is a "no wiper" if you're not a pussy

0

LASTgt t1_iyae76p wrote

Yep this made my day because its true xD

0

Moist-Sushi-Roll t1_iyb50cf wrote

I have to save this, so when I get my free award I don't forget about it. I've never related to a meme as much as this one.

0

samus_ass t1_iybiyau wrote

I'm on the shitter right now

0

nottherealneal t1_iy8fpr4 wrote

If this is your experience for taking a shit maybe you should change up your diet or something.

You have weird expectations

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