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Runelite_HD t1_j6kheh7 wrote

Aquarius!

There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus.

Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing whack-a-mole 17 hours a day.

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CT_4269 t1_j6kj3cj wrote

Pisces!

Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the ebola virus

You are the true lord of the dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

28

Deadsoup77 t1_j6kpwp4 wrote

Aries!

The look on your face will be priceless when you find that 40 pound watermelon in your colon

Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

25

MyFutureAsAFreyan t1_j6mahgd wrote

Taurus!

You will never find true happiness. Whatcha gonna do? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep.

8

Cister0 t1_j6me39n wrote

Scorpio!

Your feeling have been hurt again, so dig that hole, harden your exo-skeleton, and never interact with anybody ever again. And if they try, inject poison.

8

KuraidoV t1_j6nkf2g wrote

Saggitarius!
All your friends are laughing behind your back
(music stops)
KILL THEM.
Take down all those naked pictures of

Ernest Borgnine, you've got hanging in your den

5