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Dravuhm t1_je76bh8 wrote

Standing wipers?

4 year olds?

2

Foootballdave t1_je790qu wrote

Toilets have been smarter than lots of humans for ages. Mine beat me at chess last week.

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AdultingGoneMild t1_je7ew67 wrote

thats about right for that sub. Overly complicated rules for what are effectively a never ending stream of shit posts.

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Dr-Retz t1_je7fuca wrote

Most posts seen there belong on the roll.

9

DelusionsBigIfTrue t1_je7kp4m wrote

Replying to finnjakefionnacake (#2,466,381)

I used to have that :( Would go every morning but now every day it’s offset by 2-4 hours.

Used to shit at 10am every morning lol, now it could be 11, could be 4. I’m not sure what I changed!

Wish I could go back. Felt some good old man pride knowing what time I’d shit.

0

Saulrodrgz t1_je7m8bs wrote

Looks like there's shit on it already

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htp-di-nsw t1_je7s5oj wrote

How do you even stand and wipe? I am genuinely confused. If you stand up, don't your cheeks close?

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DogDavid t1_je7wpuh wrote

Ah yes because that sub has turned to shit! I see what your did there

1

ds_afk t1_je7ydep wrote

Enjoy all that ink up your butthole

2

Mr310 t1_je803ga wrote

I wouldn't want any of that ink on my booty, send mine to someone else reddit gif

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tigerf117 t1_je83tmw wrote

Even if you don’t stand and wipe put a little TP over the sensor so you can stand and pull your pants up without that vicious water spray. Then you can yank the TP and get out before that nasty water splashes, at least at the high pressure violent ones like at my work.

2

x21in2010x t1_je8bjb9 wrote

Replying to htp-di-nsw (#2,467,998)

Do you remember the 'athletic position' every middle school coach taught you? Its a bit more relaxed than that but frankly I'd rather a minor quad workout than playing Buttcrack Operation 8 inches from shitty toilet water.

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htp-di-nsw t1_je8erbv wrote

Replying to x21in2010x (#2,472,339)

> Do you remember the 'athletic position' every middle school coach taught you?

No? I must have gone to very different school than you!

> I'd rather a minor quad workout than playing Buttcrack Operation 8 inches from shitty toilet water.

Have people actually punched toilet water while wiping somehow? Is that a real fear people have? It has never even occurred to me as a possibility. You lean forward a little and turn slightly to lift a cheek--your hand isn't even really going past the rim. How did you think people wiped while sitting?

This is one of the weirdest conversations I've ever had...

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oddntt t1_je8m3tl wrote

Here's a Showerthought: Toilet paper containing red ink could disguise a dangerous medical condition.

Oh wait... that's a News article.

2

Yoloswaggit420 t1_je8mf6x wrote

Replying to htp-di-nsw (#2,473,098)

The athletic position is just slightly bending your knees to give you a lower center of gravity. Look at how linebackers/cornerbacks line up in football or you'll see the stance of a defender in basket ball where their knees are bent and hands up or on thighs. Obviously your hands are wiping your butt in this scenario lol

5

StuffedGaiwan t1_je8nk3w wrote

I always wondered why the automatic flushing urinals start to flush when I'm done pissing and I start to shake the last drops off. Like it knows I'm done but I don't want it to flush until I'm done shaking my dick.

2

schnaab t1_je8tmbk wrote

That's cool, reddit usually gives me permabans

4

5125237143 t1_je92c1g wrote

who are you and how do you get nice things from reddit

4

shpooople33 t1_je93gji wrote

Replying to htp-di-nsw (#2,473,098)

In a lot of european countries there are still toilets with the elevated floor standing WC.

Mostly a relic of old times where people were controlling their poop to check if they are healthy etc.

Your poop is very close to your hand then. I think thats where stand wiping origins from.

1

imafixwoofs t1_je94xk3 wrote

Because standing wiping is an abomination.

3

NoFate1984 t1_je96hvp wrote

There are already toilets smarter than some humans

1

NoTurkeyTWYJYFM t1_je9d1tb wrote

Replying to htp-di-nsw (#2,467,998)

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but after having a chat with one of my mates recently, I think it's because some people with big asses have to do this because their cheeks make a seal around the seat if they remain sat down. My mate was talkin bout how he has to spread his cheeks manually when shitting and it was a bizarre bit of information to digest

Funnily enough, I'm typing this while having a shit, just fyi

4

NoTurkeyTWYJYFM t1_je9d8gq wrote

Replying to _Silly_Wizard_ (#2,466,565)

Alright firstly, congrats on taking such fat shits

Secondly, this sounds like a geographical thing because toilet water level in the uk is at least 7 or 8 inches below dick level. Unless your name is Randy Marsh, perchance?

5

digoryj t1_je9mbgy wrote

You know what else isn’t designed for auto-flush toilets? Those damn cheap ass shit toilet seat covers. I sware, you have to pop out the bottom flap which is always a pain because of the cheap paper ripping, then when you finally set it down on the toilet seat and make some adjustments, auto-flush triggers and flushes all your hard work away.

3

NatureMiserable5714 t1_je9ninc wrote

I was permanently banned from that sub so everything associated with it is getting downvoted

1

_Silly_Wizard_ t1_je9pw2c wrote

Replying to NoTurkeyTWYJYFM (#2,479,806)

When it comes to toilets, America is the wild west. Sometimes you're perched over a porcelain grand canyon, sometimes your nut hairs will be tickling the surface of a shallow pond.

We desperately need universal toilet reform!

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leadeath t1_jea7v6w wrote

These are all ToiletThoughts, not ShowerThoughts

1

Zeal391 t1_jea85vj wrote

What neanderthal stands up and wipes?

1

GSPilot t1_jeaeyha wrote

Is there a “he gets us” every third square?

1