So BloodRayne (2006) was on Tubi and I decided to give it a watch...

Submitted by Videowulff t3_120fpfb in movies

Okay. For those who don't know, I am watching horror movies on Tubi to rate, review, and summarize them. It started off as a little project so that I could keep track of what I've seen but its become a bigger project meant to share the horror movies I discovered on Tubi with others.

As such, I use this as a way to watch movies I normally wouldn't. I've found some excellent ones and I've found some stinkers. But man...I cannot remember the last time a movie felt like an absolute CHORE to get through than BloodRayne (2006).

Not a single actor in the movie looked as if they wanted to be there. Our main character, Rayne, barely speaks until the 35-45 minute mark and even then she spends most of the movie either captured or in a state of near unconsciousness.

Our other good guys (Whose names I don't even remember) just kind of exist to fight (and I am pretty sure one of them was drunk during filming because he is clearly not there in the moment). And speaking of the fights - I have never seen so many fight scenes with various weapons vs vampires be so boring. The fights were badly choreographed, horribly edited, and dragged on for far too long.

What I particularly "enjoyed" was watching Vampires - you know, those creatures who have the strength of 100 men, can usually rip people to shreds with their bare hands, and are rather difficult to kill - die from simple things like being stabbed in the stomach, or knocked off a table, or having their neck slit. Don't forget the fact that they can struggle to push humans off of them or cannot handle blocking a sword blade without falling down!

At the 45 minute mark I realized that I still had over 50 minutes left of the movie. I started fast forwarding at 15 second intervals only to see that a majority of what was left were just repeats of things we've already seen - drawn out fight. Characters talking and sitting. Drawn out fight. Rayne gets captured or knocked out. Characters sitting and talking. Drawn out fight.

I do my best to keep an open mind when it comes to movies. I knew that people hated Bloodrayne before I watched this. I've seen other Uwe Boll movies like House of the Dead 1 & 2 and Alone in the Dark but DAMN IT...at least I could make it through those movies!

This...this was just torture.

I need to watch Trading Places now to remind myself what a good movie is...

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rkalo t1_jdh1nma wrote

Yeah friend next time you see Uwe Boll attached to a movie, consider it blood on the door.

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visionaryredditor t1_jdhgred wrote

unless it's Postal. you have to see Postal.

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BorisTarczy t1_jdi37r6 wrote

„Must see“ is an overstatement to me. It‘s decently produced for Uwe Boll but still a cynical trashfire of 2000s edgy humor, mean-spirited for its own sake just like the game. I mean, fine if you’re into that.

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truckturner5164 t1_jdh4ljq wrote

It's one of Uwe Boll's better films, which means...it's one of his least sucky ones lol.

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Dragonborn83196 t1_jdh26cl wrote

Uwe Boll is a crazy director. I think I watched House of the Dead 1 and 2 maybe once or twice each. But his Rampage movies though. Those are terrifying in a different way. Especially if you’ve been living in the US at least 10-15 years

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SanderStrugg t1_jdh60ro wrote

Seeing only a few clips of an Uwe Boll movie one might think, they could reach so bad it's good territory.

However his pacing is all over the place and those things just end up dragging. It's really weird how he manages to make a movie that is "sexy redhead vampire chick fights a lot of vampires" so boring instead of mindless fun.

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Videowulff OP t1_jdh6h7w wrote

That final battle where she and her dad just basically stand in one place but she is always spinning snd swinging super slowly as they "fight"... like this is the epic showdown and he is supposed to be a vampire lord and he is jusy standing their lazily blocking.

And still almost beats her. Like...what...

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SanderStrugg t1_jdhe8iq wrote

I didn't make it to the final battle before turning off.

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doctorbloodborne t1_jdi9nii wrote

Just skip straight to "Blubberella." A shot for shot remake of Bloodrayne 3 full of tasteless fat jokes and black face. It's everything bad about Uwe rolled into one package

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PugnaciousPangolin t1_jdjm3hb wrote

I have never seen a nipple licked with less enthusiasm than during the sex scene in the jail cell.

Dude uses his tongue with all of the enthusiasm of a six year-old painting a fence.

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PugnaciousPangolin t1_jdjmcui wrote

I mean, did you expect someone who launders money for international gangsters to be some kind of auteur? /s

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Fever_Feature t1_jdh16q4 wrote

Well at least Ben Kingsley rules…

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NotAPreppie t1_jdh5w54 wrote

Yah, that was a cinematic suppository as all Uwe Boll's movies are.

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BringerOfDoom1945 t1_jdh8om5 wrote

while i always enjoy the movie, but yeah non of the Actors even tried to act really good

and most of them are normally very good actors

but you can´t expect much from someone so untalented as UWE BOLL

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EditorVFXReditor t1_jdk0esp wrote

An absolute classic Boll film. One of his worst and therefore one of the best!

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AccountantScary5759 t1_jdkdpt5 wrote

There's a reason a petition was circulated online to demand Uwe Boll stop making movies lol

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