Babes In Toyland (1986)

Submitted by AZSnake t3_z70frf in movies

(Note: NOT the Annette Funicello version from the 60s, which is way better)

We were digging for some hidden Christmas gems last night and stumbled onto this one. WTAF is going on. Pre-fame Keanu Reeves and somewhat-post-child-fame Drew Barrymore as the leads, Richard Mulligan as the baddie with a coke thumbnail (my favorite) and Pat freaking Morita as the Toymaster. The acting, costumes, and set-design are all Troll 2-level atrocious...plus, the most unnaturally forced musical numbers I've ever seen put to film. We had to stop halfway through. Anyone else ever witness this cinematic travesty?

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RaulDukeinVegas t1_iy41f3u wrote

Dating myself by saying: I remember this.

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broomlad t1_iy46bhe wrote

Same. Watched it more than a few times recorded from TV on VHS.

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TServo2049 t1_iy47h64 wrote

We bought the VHS at McDonald’s. Remember when they’d occasionally offer certain movies for a discounted price with the purchase of food? (I have a suspicion that at least in the case of Babes in Toyland, the studio was trying to get rid of unsold inventory…)

I remember being disappointed with the movie even as a kid, and I can’t even remember if I ever finished it (though I eventually watched the whole thing to make fun of it, around the time I was in college; no fun was had, it was an utter slog).

Even as a child I think I could tell that the Disney version with Annette Funicello was better.

At least I wasn’t alive to watch the long version that originally aired on TV, which had even more awful original songs in it. I don’t think I can take more cringey Leslie Bricusse lyrics than what’s in the shorter version - and remember, we’re not talking Willy Wonka-era Leslie Bricusse, we’re talking Tom and Jerry: The Movie-era Leslie Bricusse.

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Bears_On_Stilts t1_iy4io25 wrote

If you get the chance, check out Bricusse’s additional songs written to pad out his version of the Willy Wonka stage musical. They’re so weak, it’s no wonder the eventual Broadway version threw out everything but “Pure Imagination” and started from scratch.

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TServo2049 t1_iy4rskz wrote

Doesn’t surprise me. His work with Anthony Newley was great, but without him, that man was arguably the Nickelback of show tunes. The Rex Harrison Doctor Dolittle? Leslie Bricusse. Those sappy songs from Hook? Leslie Bricusse (and he wrote even more of them, back when it was supposed to be a full-blown musical). That stupid poem that stops the first Superman cold? Bricusse. (Thank goodness that wasn’t sung as originally intended…)

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TheDadThatGrills t1_iy479ba wrote

How did this get made podcast just rereleased their episode on this film today. Seems fitting.

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AZSnake OP t1_iy47n9t wrote

I love HDTGM, gotta check that one out.

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Liquado t1_iy4r8e2 wrote

Far and away the best episode is when they did "Maximum Overdrive." Had to pull over I was laughing so hard. Manzoukis is so goddamn funny.

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AZSnake OP t1_iy4t099 wrote

My absolute favorite is Face/Off, because I unironically love that movie. But everything they say is spot-on. "This movie's cold open is INFANTICIDE." Jason is the best.

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Liquado t1_iy72wvm wrote

I’m also all in on that one. Fuck me they are amazing.

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Jasonotg0 t1_iy57yuc wrote

I came in here just because I assumed this post was inspired by the Matinee Monday re-release.

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nkleszcz t1_iy44yhs wrote

Saw it a few years ago. You’re right… it’s terrible no matter how they spin it. I suspect they needed more time to capture the tone just right, and they rushed certain scenes, trusting that the costumes, set design and musical numbers would work.

It was a huge setback for the same director behind one of the very best Christmas Carol adaptations, the 1984 George C Scott version.

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Liftin-Larry-92 t1_iy45udu wrote

Was the Christmas Carol with George C. Scott a made-for-TV movie? Because I remember watching it on TV in 1984 and 1985 but then it never appeared again. It was good but seemed pretty low-budget, so I don't think it was a theatrical release.

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TServo2049 t1_iy4ba5e wrote

I’m not sure how much additional time to capture the tone could surmount diabetes-inducing musical numbers, or costumes and set design that feel like Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny if it had an actual Hollywood budget. I remember that when I watched it after I was older, I and the other person I was watching it with both ragged on how dopey the costumes and sets looked.

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nkleszcz t1_iy4hn81 wrote

Well, obviously the time they needed was to improve the costumes, the set design, and the songs themselves. By contrast, nobody complains about a gorilla mask, a demon mask, and a walrus with a chin resembling one’s butt being part of the famous cantina sequence in Star Wars Episode IV:A New Hope.

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Turtley13 t1_iy4n6wt wrote

This movie traumatized me. The killing of the three little pigs :(

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OneGoodRib t1_iy61v1e wrote

I've never actually seen it but I haven't been able to get "since Cincy is so natty" out of my head for 10 years.

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TravelinDan88 t1_iy6wy02 wrote

>I COME FROM

>C I N C I N N A T I CINCINNATI

>THE BEST TOWN IN

>O H I O OHIO USA

>At first they called it Cincy but since Cincy is so natty

>THEY NAMED IT CINCINNATI SO THEY SAY!!!!! HEY!

>The girls are pretty grinny in this gritty little city

>The fellas are the feistiest I've seen...

Fuck my life this movie was on goddamn repeat in my house thanks to my sister. Can anyone explain "Cincy is so natty" for me, please? It makes less sense the more I think on it and I've been thinking on it for over three decades.

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Liftin-Larry-92 t1_iy41hq3 wrote

I think I caught it on cable in the late 90's and only watched about 15 minutes and turned it off because it was so awful. I remember Keanu was in it and looked really young, but I thought Phoebe Cates was his co-star? Maybe I'm getting mixed up with Gremlins LOL. I had no idea Drew Barrymore was in it.

I think it goes down as one of the worst holiday things ever made, right up there with the 1978 Star Wars Christmas Special

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AZSnake OP t1_iy42zlv wrote

Actually Jill Schoelen, although I can definitely see mistaking her for Phoebe Cates. She played Keanu's love interest, and Drew was her younger sister, and the protagonist.

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Liftin-Larry-92 t1_iy44ruk wrote

Yeah I knew it was a girl who looked like Phoebe Cates but wasn't sure if was actually her --- I tried really hard to scrub the memory from my brain because it was 15 totally wasted minutes of my life that I still want refunded

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Kylon1138 t1_iy41yhe wrote

Not sure why you're being downvoted

Its a absolutely horrible movie, and not really related to xmas at all yet I always see it on random xmas movie lists.

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UncleVatred t1_iy451ux wrote

Are you sure those lists are referencing this one and not the original Laurel and Hardy version? That one that used to play on TV around the holidays all the time, and I have fond memories of watching it as a kid.

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Kylon1138 t1_iy46clq wrote

Oh that could be it! Would make more sense lol

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AZSnake OP t1_iy434mq wrote

Yep, no apparent relation to Christmas except that it takes place in the winter and kind of has to do with toys.

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Bears_On_Stilts t1_iy4ivu0 wrote

It’s based LOOSELY on a very old public domain musical which was explicitly set at Christmas and had a big musical number called “Hail to Christmas.” But every adaptation since has cut that song, so the connection becomes negligible.

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Liquado t1_iy4s39q wrote

I read this and was like, "I really enjoyed that as a kid, especially the stop-motion animation sequences." Then I squinted at the year -- 1986. I don't think I was 13 when I saw it (spoiler: I was much younger, and it was in the 70s).

The animation in the 1961 version with Annette Funicello was fun to watch in my recollection, and the march of the toys is a great scene. The movie gets terrible reviews on RT, but now I'll have to go back and watch it again to see if big-me still agrees with little-me.

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pog890 t1_iy4swd0 wrote

I did see it, in the cinema, not my best choice in those years

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andIMzero t1_iy55u63 wrote

Can't give an opinion on quality as i haven't seen it since i was kid, but I know my younger sister loved it growing up so maybe those who grew up with it would like it for nostalgia's sake or maybe they'd see the glaring flaws haha. Perhaps it's time for a rewatch.

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PreyingCelery t1_iy5nu9o wrote

Watch the 1930s version called March of the Wooden Soldiers with Laurel and Hardy. It's amazing.

They actually air it every Thanksgiving morning and my family has a tradition of watching it going back decades.

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SimpleAnswer t1_iy68ax5 wrote

How did Schwarzenegger grow a baby in his belly?

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Wazzoo1 t1_iy4p8x7 wrote

For an encore, check out the porn parody, Toys in Babeland.

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