It's not much of a copypasta, but here is how my last conversation with them was initiated:

Hello, my name is ____________. For verification my address is ____________ and account number __________________.

I have a couple of things: First, I think there is an issue with speed in my area. In the past on my plan I was getting 600 Mbps just fine, but I recently heard about a speed upgrade to 800 Mbps in my area, so I tested but now I'm down to 225 Mbps. I tried restarting my cable modem and router, but the speed is consistently lower.

Second, would it be possible to sign another two-year contract on the 800 Mbps tier and get the same promotional pricing as before?

It's not as complicated as people make it out to be. You just need to ask. After a couple more messages they reprovisioned my modem for the correct speed and signed me up for a new contract. The downside is that there's a prorated ETF, but I don't really care since I've had no issues and don't plan on leaving.

The service industry is a difficult job to be in and being nice to these people can go a long way. It takes a special kind of person to work in an environment where you're constantly getting requests from people when they are most unstable (ie: they're upset because they don't understand something or something isn't working).