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rabblebowser t1_ix3e1n5 wrote

Being a curmudgeon probably does not help! It is hard though, especially in your late 20s. Everything will require a drive because its NH. Maybe hiking or camping groups, volunteer stuff that aligns with your interests, going out but have a meal at the bar and hang out if you feel weird, there are table top games in Rochester, sports leagues, look for a smaller and more social gym, look for a night class that interests you (woodworking, etc.), resort to technology-facebook, tinder, etc. to find things, look for cheap concerts, open mics, karaoke, local bands, comedy shows, etc.

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[deleted] OP t1_ix3ejhj wrote

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rabblebowser t1_ix3ey3e wrote

I don't know Strafford, so I am not sure of the resources. Local papers, if you have any, are a great source. Just pick organizations that align with your hobbies and go from there. For me, I like being outside, so I volunteer at a zoo/park and met some great people. I do trail work with some outdoor organizations. Find the venues around you and check their websites for upcoming events and shows.

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[deleted] OP t1_ix3g7c7 wrote

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rabblebowser t1_ix8thg1 wrote

Sorry for you rough go. Feel free to send me a message any time you want to chat. If I get time I will look into events in your area to recommend to you!

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[deleted] OP t1_ix8v3vn wrote

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rabblebowser t1_ix945x5 wrote

Not really, never too late! Cliche to say, but it’s true. I started over at 36. Yes, it can be frustrating feeling so far behind, but I’m so much happier on my new path!

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gOrDoNhAsNtPlAyEdIn3 t1_ix2j613 wrote

You'll probably want to get over feeling weird about going to bars and not drinking. Nobody gives a shit if you're not drinking.

What are your hobbies?

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[deleted] OP t1_ix37zn5 wrote

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ix4kyga wrote

All those things are fun, but what people don't think of is how difficult it can be to actually start conversations or make actual friendships. I'm like the most talkative person I know. I talk to strangers like it's my job, but when it comes to moving that chatting into trying to be friends... that's where I struggle.

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[deleted] OP t1_ix4ovox wrote

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ix4qa7f wrote

May I ask what kind of gym it is? I've always felt out of place at gyms, even though I enjoy working out. A town nearby opened a community center with a gym some years back, and it was great. You see all types of people, and it's definitely more of a place for anyone to go. I never feel out of place there, however, the "regular gym" in town straight up frightens me.

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[deleted] OP t1_ix4r0l3 wrote

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ix53cpm wrote

Oh ok. I've never been to one of those. I live in a pretty rural area, but for some reason we have lots of gyms.

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[deleted] OP t1_ix53nmy wrote

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ix5wdy2 wrote

I watched a YouTube video about that whole thing. After watching it, I think I'd feel awkward there too, for different reasons. Lol.

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[deleted] OP t1_ix61kdr wrote

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ixd3vtm wrote

I gotta find that video for you. You'll probably find some humor in it.

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[deleted] OP t1_ixd5qgq wrote

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ixd65mv wrote

https://youtu.be/5-jIV3R2v5I

Found it. Yeah, it goes into detail about that alarm too. I'm just a loud person...I feel like I wouldn't be able to be in the same room as it without accidentally setting it off somehow. 😄🤷‍♀️

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[deleted] OP t1_ixd8nad wrote

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ixf3cwz wrote

Lol well that's good! I have one of those giant water bottles. I love it because I drink a ton of water even when not working out. Stay hydrated 😁👍

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[deleted] OP t1_ixfeddw wrote

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ixfhdzf wrote

Well I'm glad you've been exposed to a wonderful part of YouTube (in my opinion). And keep chugging the water! If I was anywhere near there I'd offer to hang out and let you be scared of me in person. Lol

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ixf3jw7 wrote

Just realized you sent me Scott Cramer's video about PF. I watched it way back when it came out (because I enjoy me some Scott Cramer) but watching it again lol

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gOrDoNhAsNtPlAyEdIn3 t1_ix5k2pu wrote

How's your fitness? Do you have any friends in the area at all? Climbing is a super friendly environment. Dover has indoor ascent and Barrington has a very accessible ice climbing wall on the Stonehouse Pond loop.

My go-to suggestion for 20-somethings is climbing.

I'm 32 so I've aged out of it a little bit because it trends towards mid twenties / college age people but they're the nicest people you'll meet in the state.

And, to reiterate, beer/drinking is an enormous part of making friends as an adult in NH. Even if you're sober, bars are your friend.

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[deleted] OP t1_ix5lzkz wrote

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gOrDoNhAsNtPlAyEdIn3 t1_ix5n9r1 wrote

Naw, you'll be fine for the climbing stuff, obviously being aware of age gap stressors. Under ~25 it seems like age matters a lot, over 25ish is kinda whatever.

Bars alone can be weird. I've made several friends at bars but I'm very passive and kind of a long con kinda guy.

Show up repeatedly, become a familiar face. Talk to people, general chatting. I became casual friends with two bartenders over the last 3 years. It takes time and a certain level of savviness.

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braindusterz t1_ix419y9 wrote

Not sure how far you are willing to drive but Boards and Brews is a small and awesome spot in Manchester that hosts table top games every Tuesday evening. It's casual and relaxed and you can easily join groups of people you don't know. Some folks order food and/or drinks but you don't have to and sodas and coffees are as common as alcohol.

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hexagonincircuit1594 t1_ixb0rnq wrote

If you like hiking, consider going to Appalachian Mountain Club (AMC) events. You can search here: https://activities.outdoors.org/search/

It helps to sign up a few weeks in advance. E.g. NH Young Members (20s & 30s) has the following event this weekend, but you can only sign up for the waitlist at this point: https://activities.outdoors.org/search/index.cfm/action/details/id/141555

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K3CAN t1_ix36ccv wrote

Have you tried asking your coworkers?

They might already have a group that meets up after work. Then you'll not only have an idea of where to go, but you'll even know some of the people already.

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MightyMeat77 t1_ix4e80p wrote

I’m 44 and in the same boat. Other than work, college or church there’s no place to meet your special someone. Matchmaking services like Together NH are far too expensive, and tend to result in a “one and done” date. Online dating is futile for men who don’t look Hollywood ready.

I know this doesn’t help with meeting others, but I can let you know what doesn’t work.

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[deleted] OP t1_ix4eieu wrote

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MightyMeat77 t1_ix4flon wrote

I feel the same way about church. Faking it just to meet people feels a bit too dishonest.

I got used to going on vacation by myself. Took some cruises out of Boston. Go to Foxwoods for a weekday holiday.

I don’t like presenting myself to people just to see if they “get butterflies” or “feel chemistry”. It’s demoralizing and a waste of time and money.

Go to the gym. But don’t do it for the expectation of meeting someone or getting a body to attract someone. Do it for your health.

You may not find someone, it’s not required. But do your best to enjoy and experience life. Once you start, someone will come around to stop it.

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ix4kdfo wrote

I spent too much of my life wanting to be around others, to the point that the thought of being by myself was terrifying. I've spent the last few years learning to love being alone.

Now I like being alone too much...can't win. Lol

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MightyMeat77 t1_ix4kop5 wrote

There is being lone, and being ALONE.

Friends and family are important. Do your best to encourage that.

The special someone need not be an all consuming priority.

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glitteryunicornlady t1_ix4l52d wrote

Yes, true. And learning to get over my dependencies has actually helped strengthen my relationships with family and friends I've had for many years. I'm not the clingy bastard anymore lol

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[deleted] OP t1_ix4p7ef wrote

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MightyMeat77 t1_ix4pz1z wrote

I understand that feeling.

I’ve also found that I only experience things that I make happen. If I want a conversation, I have to start it. But like with anything, it takes practice. Start easy, common subjects and choose to be agreeable. Once that gets comfortable try more complex subjects you are knowledgeable in, then try politely disagreeing with points that you have simple facts to back it up with.

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SheeEttin t1_ix5010s wrote

Gyms are not a good place to meet people. Almost everyone is just there to do their workout.

Unless it's a group class. They're always very social (and usually in front of the machine I need while doing it).

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