Submitted by twawawayyy t3_10lumyh in newhampshire
Throwaway because they are vengeful. I won't give any case-specific or confidential information, or anything unethical or illegal. But DCYF as an organization, how they treat staff, what it's like, why they do what they do, is all fair game.
I know the amazing human of whom you speak. She's a miracle!
I, too, used to be an ISO worker and worked with some awesome caseworkers. I think those workers are some of the most under-appreciated in the nation. Their job is heartbreaking and so hard.
No question here. I just came to say this is the most riveting thread in months.
Also, Thank you for what you do
Thanks <3
I live in Manchester and became a foster parent last year. I do not have any bio kids and in general did not have a ton of experience with children before signing up. It’s a long story on how I got here but the gist is that I have always wanted to become a foster parent because when I was growing up one of my best friends was in foster care. I didn’t fully understand it then but now looking back I think a lot about how different her life could have been had she not been in the system.
I told DCYF that I initially wanted to do respite care so that I could get my “feet wet” and begin to understand how best to understand children and especially children from challenging situations. I have had 2 kids so far and I have been blown away by the volume of work and expectations put on the workers. We are asking these individuals to be there and help the most vulnerable members of our community and they can barely afford to live their own lives and as you noted in another comment are often put in dangerous and scary situations.
Other than voting and making my interest in DCFY funding clear to lawmakers. What other ways can I help?
Few things meant as much to me as a worker as when I saw that the foster parents saw what I was going through. I could never be a FP and have sooooooo much respect for you all. I couldn't have the trauma in my home. You're amazing! Every once in a while my favorite foster parents would say just what you said now: I see you! It's a lot! We are in this together! I loved them for it. Give them a card, give them art by the kids. Even now, I have pictures and letters from my kids on my fridge. Anything to make it real, to confirm they did the right thing, and to show them how good the kids are doing, that's the endgame.
Also, please just take care of yourself and please be in therapy. More than anything, they need you to stick around.
Thank you for your response, I will be sure to keep up the words of appreciation and acknowledgment. I am definitely in therapy and the breaks between respite cases has been helpful to be able to focus on my mental and physical health. Thank you for everything you did while at DCYF!!
Thank you for being a foster parent. We need you so badly.
What can fathers do to strengthen their chance in custody battle/visitation rights? Will a statement letter help? We have fathers that are trying so hard to see their children and any advice would be greatly appreciated
I'm not an expert on family court outside of DCYF involvement. But it's all about making the judge happy. Do anything the judge asks and don't complain. Offer to do things you're not required to do. Treat the judge like a potential employer but don't schmooze too much. Judges love therapy. Get a therapist and have them write a letter. Waitlists for therapy are long right now. Get on every waitlist for every therapist and document when you got on and follow up weekly (and document that, too.) Document EVERYTHING.
Letters from non professionals (as in anyone whos not a therapist or involved in the case-- relatives, employers, pastors) aren't given a lot of weight because they could just be crazy randos.
Demonstrate your insight and parenting skills. If you're not seeing your kid at all, don't talk about how much YOU want to see them; talk about how your kid must feel unloved or unwanted or lonely. Make it all about how you can make your kid's life better. Never, ever show anger.
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Roommates! And living out of town. Manch gets scary when you take bad people's kids away. I won't live there ever again.
How can we get the state to stop flapping it's lips about preventing child abuse and get them so start funding the system that actually looks into these cases?
Vote democrat, and tell your reps DCYF is important to you
What is your response then to the fact that MA DCYF has faced similar issues?
I actually talked about that in another comment. It's amazing MA has screwed it up so bad. Maybe there's no right way to do it.
If you could change the system, how would you? How do you think the system could be more effective?
I could write a book on this. But right now NH needs fresh ideas. The same people have been promoted up and up and up for decades. They all promote the status quo because it has furthered their careers and they don't want to piss each other off. They have an interest in maintaining things as they are.
Joe Ribsam was supposed to change the system, but he never brought in anyone new. So he just got absorbed into the existing power structure and never changed anything.
Workers need to be paid in a way that reflects their value and experience.
Foster parents need to be fairly reimbursed for their work, and they need adequate support from the agency.
Caseload standards have to be established so that workers aren't criminally overloaded.
It has to be recognized that different offices have different needs. Like, Berlin has to have lower caseloads because they have a huge catchment area and spend half a day driving just to see one kid. But Manchester workers get the most violent cases with the largest numbers of children and the most crimes against children. They need to somehow be supported. And their caseloads have to be reasonable so that they can put the attention and effort into ensuring the safety of the kids.
Staffing is far, far lower than it would need to be for our kids to be safe. And worker turnover is insane, leading to loss of knowledge, leading to kids feeling less safe, foster parents feeling unsupported, greater placement disruptions, and burnout on all sides.
I’m the treasurer of a local area agency here in NH (mental health/development disability) and the issue of pay is a huge deal right now. I think that most state agencies that function with a volunteer board of directors do in fact try everything we can to get more money in our employees hands. However, part of the problem is that funding is usually in the form of contracts and reimbursement rates for Medicaid/Medicare that are not sufficient to pay people market rates for services rendered. Another huge issue from my perspective is that much of the government grant funds are not sustainable and are one-time in nature. We get asked by the state to start programs, build facilities, hire staff, etc. for initiatives that have no clear sustainable source of funding. It’s not efficient or fair to the people we would need to hire to staff the programs (assuming we could hire anyone).
Thank you for your service to the state, please know that it is appreciated.
I'm in nonprofits now and watching the state make demands while giving no money no direction and now guidelines. It's absurd.
You are very kind to offer this assistance. I admire people like you. Thank you.
I imagine you work along side police often. Do you see them, broadly, as part of the solution or part of the problem?
Are there more males or females in your job?
If we magically got rid of drugs overnight, how much would that change the caseload?
Have you seen someone you know’s kid? How did you handle that?
Manchester PD often fail to respond to DCYF. When they are called to assist they often ask if DCYF could please postpone the emergency. Often they don't show up at all. When they do, they make the situation way more traumatic than necessary.
The worst of MPD, though, is that they don't investigate child crimes if they don't think there's a win in it. I had a group of kids telling everyone super detailed stuff about what was done to them, but because they were very young, MPD refused to even interview them. Literally allowing child sex traffickers to wander loose. And giving these poor kids the impression that no one cares about what was done to them. They don't even bother to start collecting evidence if they think it won't get through to a conviction.
DCYF is 90% women.
Drugs magically disappearing would only change caseloads by 5%, maybe 10%-- eveb though well over half of cases involve substances in some way. People who use drugs to the extent that leads to their children being removed are using substances to escape serious trauma or mental health issues. Without drugs, they'd find another way to try to control their mind and environment that wouldn't be good for kids.
Once there was a case where I knew I had an acquaintance in common with a parent. I told my supervisor and got a different case instead. I didn't know them at all but it could have still been a conflict of interest.
Op you seem like a good person I'm happy to know people like you work with kids in need. No question just thank you for what you do
What bad things did you witness there?
A mom of a newborn manhandled by MPD, her face squashed against the hood of my car while the handcuffed her, as I held the baby they tricked her into handing them. A week later they court found she did no wrong and sent the baby back.
Two workers administered CPR to a stranger who OD'd on the street on their lunch break. Supervisors wouldn't let them take the rest of the day off.
Being accused of being a theif and a murderer every day.
Booze bottles found in the office restroom by some poor burned out worker.
Toddlers telling me what their mommy made them do for the camera.
Supervisors laughing and shrugging when I begged not to be given another case.
The director making a domestic abuser second in command.
Workers lives, marriages, families falling apart.
“Toddlers telling me what their mommy made them do for the camera”
…wow, I realllly do not like that one. 😞
Yeah that one stuck out to me to like, jesus christ do the kids even understand what they're doing
Ugh 😫 that's so intense. I used to work with an agency that contracted us to do some of VT DCF's work. It was a lot. I got burned out pretty quickly from just all the traumatic things happenings and the crazy politics. I do not miss the job.
This answer actually made me tear up. Thank you for doing what you do because I know I could never handle it.
Hmm. You should mention that during that week the baby was in foster care, the foster parents totaled their car with that newborn that shouldnt have been there in the first place in it.. and then the division lied about the accident for.. well for many years. But you know it happened right?
No, dude. They just forgot to tell you. There was no conspiracy.
Conveniently "forgetting" is an integral part of the conspiracy. Idk why youre simping for them, you made this post because you know its a terrible agency.
They are terrible. It's interesting that you've interpreted my comments as being positive. I'm not gonna argue specifics.
I’m curious what you think the most needed reform from Concord is
Other than funding--> staffing..... there needs to be a policy for when a worker says they can't take any more. Right now, the distribution of cases is just "it's your turn, no exceptions." If a worker is going through something or has one case that is super difficult, they're just forced to keep taking more and more cases until they quit. There's no way to give someone a little break while they catch their breath. So everyone just leaves.
Are there any cases that you roll your eyes at because you know there is nothing wrong and it's just a burden to have to investigate?
Sometimes! Intake is really good at screening out the custody battle stuff and the revenge neighbor stuff. But I had one guy whose landlord kept accusing him of really serious stuff, but was just out to get him. That he was brandishing a weapon, screaming obscenities at the kids, passing out in the hall. When in reality the landlord had purposely brought in his own friends who were the ones who were actually passing out and screaming. They couldn't screen it out because the allegations were so serious. But every time I showed up at his door, it was never his fault. We had some good laughs. Especially after he won against his LL in small claims for stealing all his covid relief money.
Not a question, but thank you for what you’ve done. That is soul-crushing, heartbreaking work - but it’s gods work. Thank you, OP, and thank you to all that do it.
These days I'm just another quitter. But I'll pass it on!
How often have you felt ethically and/or morally wrong when you had to abide by the law and not pull a child from a home?
Never. I always removed when I had to, no matter what. It's just a matter of using the right words to make sure the court sees the same risk that you do.
I've felt morally wrong on multiple when I've been forced to remove a child from a good parent, though. And on each of those occasions, the court later backed me up (against my supervisors' decisions) and sent the kids home.
What would force you to remove a child from a good home? Not sure I understand why that happens.
One time it was a teen parent in foster care and her foster parent said she wasn't caring for her baby, but it turned out they were misunderstanding what the dr had said. Another time the home was dirty but not to the point of being unsafe. Sometimes allegations will prove to have been untrue.
>or anything unethical or illegal
What about talking about anything unethical or illegal that you witnessed?
I mean I won't share anything against the ethics of the profession, or anything protected by HIPAA
That's reasonable
Are they racist?
Do they favor mothers over fathers?
Do they push a "helicopter parenting" agenda, and take your kids if you don't follow it?
Classist more than racist. But there are some f'd up views among administration. Someone who's now very high up once stated in a Cultural Competency training that most "dirty homes" are immigrants. Which is extra funny because New Americans have the cleanest homes!
They're too desperate to favor anyone outright. They'll give the kid to whoever can safely take them. They often don't have a choice, like in this most recent fatality: the law dictated that the child had to be given to the "non-offending parent."
Definitely not helicopter parent fanatics. It takes a kid wandering the street alone more than once to get DCYF involved for lack of supervision. If the kid is not actively dying, they'll do anything not to have to remove. The parenting bar is super low, again, because of how our laws are written. They have to be able to prove imminent risk of harm.
Yeah, both nh and ma really dropped the ball on that one
It's a miracle that MA is as bad as it is with so much funding. One worker actually left DCYF to take a job in DCF.... and then CAME BACK because Manch was actually better than Lowell!
Do you think the family reunification standards actually help families? Or do they make it harder to help kids in bad situations?
Reunification is ALWAYS better for a child long term if it's safely possible. Growing up in a mildly traumatic home with your bio family produces a more functional human than being taken from bio family and possibly having less trauma. The trauma of being removed from parents trumps almost every other trauma there is. Many studies prove this.
There are very few cases over my career where it was immediately apparent that a child should be permanently removed forever. These cases usually involved parents sex trafficking their children. There are few real monsters in the world, most people are just hurt. The reunification period allows the agency/ worker to see if a parent is capable.
A year is not long enough for a person to conquer their lifelong demons and be ready to parent. The entire system needs to be changed in order to be best for both parents and kids. Right now, workers rush to reunify in time and give kids to parents who are teetering on the edge of being ok. Then the kids get removed again because the parent wasn't stable enough. It feeds itself.
Thank you for such an insightful answer! And reading some of your other answers, I’m thankful you are doing what you do. I’ve met some great DCYF workers and some burn outs. It’s a tough gig.
What’s your take on CASA?
Do you think a 12 month permanency timeline appropriately meets the needs of everyone in the family?
Do you think families would benefit more from being able to mandate services before a court case is filed?
How could DCYF better support the mental/emotional needs of workers?
CASA are well intentioned people who rarely have the life experience to judge families in trauma. They are generally wealthy retirees who have never experienced poverty. They receive minimal training. Studies show that cases with CASAs (as opposed to professional GALs) have lower rates of reunification, especially with families of color. Once a CASA told me he opposed reunification because the mother's "neighborhood was inappropriate."
It's not long enough. Parents cannot adequately correct the conditions within 12 months. Kids are returned to parents teetering on the brink of stability and the cycle repeats. One cannot overcome an addiction or a lifetime of trauma in one year.
Maybe? But what's the carrot or stick? You can mandate all you want in a B case (b for Before Court) but if things are really that bad, they're already too far gone. People will NEVER sign up to be involved with DCYF, for better or worse.
Have caseload standards. Have reasonable pay. Have empathetic supervisors. Have outside hires in administration. Have clinicians in the office. Have mandated time off after traumas.
Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate your insight. I hope your new job is treating you well.
It's incredibly easy 😂 I work like 2 hours a day and everyone is Super Impressed. I think every job from now on will be easy.
As a former CASA and close friend to many foster parents, I got to the level of “I can’t even”… and I didn’t deal with nearly the case load case workers have.
IIRC Ribsam was thought to be the breathe of fresh air this department needed but in the years since it seems worse.
My specific question is how does the department justify ER placement of kids in their custody? There have been several cases I know of in which a child is dropped off at an ER by a parent who can no longer handle them, CHIPS doesn’t seem to work, and now there is no where else to put them…. And the kid sits in an ED for weeks if not longer.
Lol nobody can justify it. Everyone hates doing it. That's less about DCYF and more about the whole state. Any child with severe mental health issues is going to sit in the ER for weeks because there are no beds for kids anywhere. And they can only stay there if the hospital says they're a risk to themselves or others. Believe me, I've had the hospital kick kids out with nowhere to go after hours because they changed their mind and decided they're not a risk any more.
Well here’s the thing- some of these kids are not being held there for placement to Hampstead. They have been cleared by the ED doc and the psychiatrist, but then mom or dad or foster family don’t want them back. So they sit there under a “social work hold” bed until DCYF finds them placement.
I speak of this being a first hand person involved in an ED. So the situation isn’t just waiting for a mental health bed because it’s been established they don’t need one. If this were an adult patient we just discharge them to the street, but we can not do that to a minor.
What can the community do to help? Your story is too heartbreaking to not help. I'm a mother of 2 young children, I couldn't imagine what these children are going through when their parents do not stay by their side or come back for them in the ER.
Is there any way you can get this story on wmur? That would bring so much awareness. I had no idea of this! Here I am wondering why my son is on waitlist for therapy for a year for silly stupid shit like not brushing his teeth, and to know kids are actually being left alone at ER ....devastating. get on wmur for this. You may think its an uphill battle but trust me, people will respond in masses. And that's what the state needs to see in order to make changes.
Interesting! I haven't had that experience before, I didn't know a "social work hold" existed (and your local dcyf probably doesn't realize either-- don't tell them!) Please know that no one wants this. I had a nonverbal autistic child who had been in my care for over 5 years (I visit them now that I'm out.) Once an ER staff asked "do you realize you have a child sitting here in the ER?!?" It was horrific for me. Of course I knew. I'd been acting as that child's legal guardian for years. I was the closest thing they had to family in the world. Of course I was doing everything, frantically, calling everywhere that existed. The idea that someone somehow thought I didn't care.... it was actually the beginning of the end of my career there. I couldn't bear it. A year before I left.
I am a clinical psych final year intern and I would like to know why the call takers never seem to take the concerns of clinical staff seriously. I have kids in my office telling me they're scared dad will kill them if they go home from the appointment and DCF will routinely tell me to send the kid home until someone can evaluate the report (this example is an average situation, not a specific case).
And like I'm kind of sorry, I know that was harsh, but if you're final year you need a reality check. I hope you're good because you're very needed.
Because they have no power over the agency they work for. And neither will you, when you get there. Keeping this righteous attitude will kill you working in that system.
Yes, a worker has to track down the family and evaluate the situation. Yes that yakes time. Yes everyone deserves to have working gours and non qorking hours. Would you personally like to pay the taxes for 24/7 child welfare coverage? What are we supposed to do, take away a child with no evidence and no investigation just because an intern says so? For how long? Where do we put them? Who says when they can go back? When does the judge have an opening to review the statement? Can we take anyone's children? What if the kid is just mad and knows the system well enough to know that all they have to say is "I don't feel safe" and their parent will be punished? Maybe you could be the one to pick them up from school and bring them home without notice? Always have an empty room? Easy enough.
I personally would love to pay the taxes necessary for a 24/7 child welfare system.
You are in rare company. Me, too!
Is there anything you'd say about parents coaching their kids by terrifying their children with stories of being taken away and shoved into terrible places? Shit, I know my parents did it. I assume others do too.
They're not always wrong. But if you're doing things shitty enough that you need to scare your kid into not telling, how are you so sure your home is better?
Foster care is only for the most extreme of cases. And I never met a worker who didn't have the best of intentions and try their hardest. Why scare kids over something they probably won't ever have to worry about?
Regardless, the system does NOT want to take your kids. Ever. The system doesn't have a grudge against anyone (unless you keep having and losing kids over and over. Then we hate you.) The system does not want the strain, the workers do not want the paperwork or the late night or the court dates or the new case, the foster parents aren't making any money.... there is absolutely no motivation for anyone to "steal" your child.
Thank you. My mom had some shit like abandonment of her kids at times and a semi legal kidnapping so... yeah never mind the other shit. From my past good luck to you and your colleagues breaking through that brainwashing. And God damn does the north country need some more mental health accessibility.
What would you recommend if you are thinking of doing social work? Is there a program or online course you would suggest?
Read The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down! It will get you to the hesrt of things. Then read The Body Keeps Score (apparently? I haven't read it LMAO)
I'm not the best person to ask, I don't have formal.SW training. Kind of a deep end of the pool experience, was DCYF. Then again nothing can prepare you for CPS. When I was interviewing for other jobs, I nearly giggled when they asked about interpersonal challenges or ethical dilemmas. After 2 years in CW you can eat that before breakfast unphased. No job will ever be challenging again!
Thank you! I’ll look up the books
How are you liking non profit work now? Are you making more? Less? Same?
Same
How, in your opinion, would somebody go about bringing them to justice
Do you mean how would someone bring them to justice? And by them do you mean DCYF or workers themselves? And with regard to what specifically?
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Sounds like most jobs at times.
its_raining_manseed t1_j5zk830 wrote
I worked for an ISO agency and majority of our cases came from Manchester so I worked on a few cases out of Manchester. By far one of the best dcyf workers I ever worked with was out of Manchester and at first I didn't realize how good she was because I felt like I never saw her or could get ahold of her or even really read her but then I realized all that was going on and how much she had on her plate. Her case load was astronomical. Our case alone was absolutely horrific and heartbreaking but it was just one of my 6 cases. I couldn't imagine what she was dealing with with her case numbers. But she knew every detail of our case, on top of all my reports, impeccable in court. She knew her shit. Yes there's a lot of horrific things going on within Dcyf all over the state, but I do want to point out there are some bright spots with workers who are trying so hard to do right. I thank you for your time there.