Hi, I can address the queer issue but not the race one from personal experience. I'm gay and my partner is trans. I have been to San Diego, and feel more comfortable being queer in NJ. Parts of NJ are less ideal and more Trumpy, but most is not. I am seconding Somerville and New Brunswick as places that are diverse, particularly queer friendly, and have fun things to do for a person in their twenties. I now live in a more rural area nearby, and I love it, but that would not have been my preference in my early twenties.