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ElectroFlannelGore t1_j9vokay wrote

Married, lots of kids, nice area, nice house... I wonder what could have precipitated this.

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Scribe625 t1_j9w7utj wrote

The husband probably has a history of being abusive or controlling. That kind of thing happens everywhere regardless of the family's wealth, house, neighborhood, or how happy they look in public. Domestic murder suicides seem to be all about power with the guy taking his wife's life. Maybe the wife was planning to divorce him for being an abusive ass and he couldn't let that happen so he did this without caring at all about what he was doing to his kids.

We had a father murder his ex-wife in a semi-wealthy suburb outside of Pittsburgh and then he shot himself all because his ex had dared to start dating 5 years after their divorce. I always felt so bad for their young kids who have to grow up now without their parents.

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flaccidcolon t1_j9w8jwf wrote

As a woman, it makes me sad how scary men can be. :(

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uhh-frost t1_j9wx3ty wrote

As a man, this makes me sad how scary men can be

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saikyo t1_j9yj1ty wrote

As a human, this makes me sad how scary men can be.

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flaccidcolon t1_j9wxbhg wrote

Yeah I don't hate men at all, I love you guys. I think our society is failing our men. :/

Eta: failing in some ways but there's so much forward momentum and hope. The sacred male is beautiful and intregal to everything and i believe in you and me too. 💜

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18karattrash t1_j9xqiw9 wrote

Tbh men are failing themselves to a certain extent. Society has a hand in it, but personal responsibility exists.

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spazzed t1_j9yqjes wrote

As a man you are absolutely correct.

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PeggyOnThePier t1_j9xwn3j wrote

How is society failing man?

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Valyrian_Kobolds t1_j9yz1x0 wrote

The #1 influencer for the young man demographic has been Andrew Tate for plural years now. Our structures of socialization actively push aggressive domineering hyper-individualist personality traits as paragons of masculinity. This has been a thing for decades.

We desperately need good role models

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Lesley82 t1_j9zdufs wrote

We have plenty of good to fantastic male role models.

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PeggyOnThePier t1_ja0ofdl wrote

I know about that idiot. I think young man should start thinking for themselves .and realizing that most things on the internet, are false and misleading ,they're only after the money that they get. I am tired of being insulted by all these idiots.!

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Valyrian_Kobolds t1_ja0r7dz wrote

That's uhhh... A pretty myopic outlook. Young people look for direction and will always get it from somewhere. Just gotta make sure to elevate the voices that help rather than harm. Telling young people to "just figure it out" is hardly advice.

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PeggyOnThePier t1_ja1u6oq wrote

I didn't mean it in a negative way. I just wish there were more Free Thinkers. I am worried about my male members of my family. I have Grandsons and a lot of nephews,that I love dearly. I'm worried about thier future relationships. And how they will treat their GF and or wife's.

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NJD1214 t1_j9znq3g wrote

I just saw a couple articles last week where one woman had killed and dismembered her boyfriend and another killed her child to keep his dad from getting custody. It's not men or women, it's people that are are scary.

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MidLifeHalfHouse t1_ja03c7n wrote

“Not all men” of course is what it seems like you are trying to say. But statistically, it’s 20/80 men/women in committing violent crimes:

https://open.lib.umn.edu/socialproblems/chapter/8-3-who-commits-crime/

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NJD1214 t1_ja03w2o wrote

I am not sure why you put "not all men" in quotes when that isn't what I said. What I meant was exactly what I said, "It's not men or women, it's people that are scary". I never delved into anything statistical. Every person has the capacity to do bad.

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packattack- t1_j9ykvkv wrote

Men? I think humans in general are scary. I don’t think this exclusive to men…

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[deleted] t1_j9walwi wrote

[deleted]

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Valyrian_Kobolds t1_j9wb5jd wrote

Who are the ones doing the murdering though?

Like ignoring how tasteless your comment is it also neglects that men are responsible for the most physical damage in cases of domestic violence. So before you come onto a thread to just throw a woman's fears back at her I'd consider the sand on which you build your house.

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greenglasstree t1_j9wtr6f wrote

At least in Canada, income is negatively associated with domestic violence. Poor abusive people physically abuse their families. Rich abusive people verbally abuse their underlings at work. Maybe it's different in the United States.

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magobblie t1_j9wf2ws wrote

I believe she owned a home healthcare business. If she asked for a divorce, that may have affected his bottom line greatly. I live nearby there. A woman was handcuffed and stabbed to death by her spouse not long ago around here, too.

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m1k3tv t1_j9voplt wrote

Easy access to a gun makes even small mental crises into life threatening situations.

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masterofshadows t1_j9w8k8u wrote

Even in countries without guns, intimate Partner Homicide happens far too frequently.

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privatelyowned t1_j9wknuv wrote

3-4 women are killed by the men in their lives per day in the US alone.

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masterofshadows t1_j9wlrom wrote

It's 2-3 per week in the UK, while better, it is still unacceptably high.

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privatelyowned t1_j9wmyr5 wrote

We have 67 mil in the uk compared to americas 330 mil.

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masterofshadows t1_j9wn7fu wrote

Yeah, the rates should probably be compared to individual states, or adjusted to a per Capita basis to compare.

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eltigrechino94 t1_j9wyp5l wrote

England and Wales homicide rate 2021/22: 1.17 per 100,000 people.

England and Wales female homicide rate 0.33 per 100K

US homicide in 2021 7.8 per 100K

US female 1.4 per 100K

I done England and Wales because Scotland and NI report separately

Scotland 2021/22 homicide rate 1.0 per 100k

Scotland female 0.25 per 100K.

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masterofshadows t1_j9wyx8z wrote

Yes but what's the homicide rate specifically involving intimate partner violence? The numbers me and the other poster were discussing were specifically intimate partner violence.

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eltigrechino94 t1_j9x0whu wrote

The Scottish government handily mentions that 56% of female victims are killed by a partner/ex partner.

Which becomes a rate of 0.17 female homicide by partner/ex partner per 100K people.

England and Wales claims 62% of female homicide victims are killed by a partner/ex partner.

England and Wales 0.21 female killed by partner/ex partner per 100M

US 55% by partner/ex partner.

US 0.77 Female homicide by partner/ex partner per 100k

So about 3x as much as the UK.

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masterofshadows t1_j9x15an wrote

Thanks for putting in the work!

While the UK numbers do show the US has a big problem, it's still too high in the UK too and serious work needs put into addressing the problem.

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-Diorama- t1_j9wie0g wrote

And overwhelmingly against the female partner.

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BadAtExisting t1_j9y5krv wrote

Domestic abusers tend to like the nice optics of normalcy

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CrazyDude10528 t1_j9xaom0 wrote

I live close to here, Monroeville is a pretty meh place with a history of gun violence, particularly the famous Monroeville mall.

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scootastic23 t1_j9yfj1k wrote

A loss of status is what usually proceeds family killings. It could have been some kind of financial pressure.

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[deleted] t1_j9votbr wrote

[removed]

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IceColdTear t1_j9w6ypj wrote

Nah, probably a domestic abuser. She probably tried to leave and he killed her. The riskiest time to a womans life is when she tries to leave a domestic abuse situation. 3-4 women per day in the US are killed by male domestic violence.

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masterofshadows t1_j9w8f9k wrote

I won't dispute that. Both are certainly emotionally charged events and I can't find any statistics that break down the causes of IPH (intimate Partner Homicide).

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TooGood2beDrew t1_j9wakj0 wrote

The causes are insecure and violent male partners. Nothing a female spouse does should result in her murder.

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[deleted] t1_j9wbisn wrote

[removed]

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-Diorama- t1_j9wirdo wrote

You already admitted you don’t have any evidence to back this claim up. You said “probably infidelity” implying that the wife drove the husband to this by an immoral act. That’s not “discussing triggering behaviors” that’s assuming that she cheated with zero evidence.

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masterofshadows t1_j9wj2wv wrote

People like you who see accusations when there are none are exhausting. Have a good night.

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-Diorama- t1_j9wjqzp wrote

Do you understand though why people are downvoting and replying to you in this way?

The person you replied to asked “why did this happen?”

You replied “probably infidelity.” Which is the same as saying “probably something SHE did to HIM that caused this.”

You don’t know that it was infidelity- but you said it was probable that it was infidelity despite lack of evidence.

These are the issues with your comment.

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masterofshadows t1_j9wkfro wrote

And others immediately jumped to pre-existing domestic violence and her leaving. Both are equally without proof. Both are possible. But your automatic assumption that I have some kind of issue with women is problematic and I will not sit by and be slandered. This will be my last reply as this is not a productive conversation. Good night.

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IntricateSunlight t1_j9ynsvn wrote

Even if it was infidelity on her part it doesn't excuse taking someone's life. Even if your partner cheats on you it doesn't mean you can just kill them. Domestic abuse or infidelity its still just as bad to kill someone.

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IceColdTear t1_j9wct87 wrote

Leaving is the most dangerous time for women and the time she is most likely to be murdered. However, the biggest indicator that she will be killed by her male partner is prior instances involving strangulation.

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b_needs_a_cookie t1_j9vzha7 wrote

Or he could be an abusive piece of shit and she said she's done, which is more often the case

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No_Match_7939 t1_j9vvau6 wrote

Your gonna get a lot of hate here but man being cheated on can make your react very terrible. Maybe these guns escalate something that should have been at worst am argument

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impy695 t1_j9vzcti wrote

Why would they get hate for saying infidelity could be the cause of violence? While rational and well adjusted people won't resort to violence, I don't think anyone would argue that it's not a very emotionally charged situation with a lot of anger.

Hell, I got into an argument once on reddit with someone who said it's normal and common for people to get violent after being cheated on.

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Valyrian_Kobolds t1_j9wb9fk wrote

I think the gut reaction to blame the murdered woman is the thing to be disgusted at here.

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masterofshadows t1_j9wd0th wrote

It doesn't have to be her who cheated. He could have been the cheater and got caught. It's just an emotionally charged time that leads violent people to be violent

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TangoZulu t1_j9w0oex wrote

Because gun nuts like to pretend that all "responsible" gun owners have iron-clad mental abilities and emotional control. It runs counter to their objective to admit that a legal gun owner could lose it in a moment of distress and use his legal firearm to murder someone.

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[deleted] t1_j9w11uw wrote

[removed]

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impy695 t1_j9w1r1d wrote

There is a big step between this:

> I mean arguably it is normal by virtue of being common that people become irrational and unconsolably emotional

And this:

> and yes even violent

Most people don't become violent even when they become irrationally angry. People that do, need some form of anger management. Violence in response to cheating is not common or normal, even though irrational anger is common and normal.

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ElectroFlannelGore t1_j9w5yua wrote

>Most people don't become violent even when they become irrationally angry.

I'll have to find some stats on that

>People that do, need some form of anger management.

No disagreement here. I work with addicts. Lots of them out of prison or fresh from anger management classes.

>Violence in response to cheating is not common or normal, even though irrational anger is common and normal.

https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/56a7/e2b8f13215977c181fa691aab6265f19b93e.pdf

I dunno man. Searching "infidelity intimate partner violence" makes it seem pretty common. I mean as far as causes of intimate partner violence.

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impy695 t1_j9w7vn8 wrote

If you search for cases where cheating lead to violence, you're going to find a lot, but what you won't find is the vast majority that aren't newsworthy because no one goes crazy.

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masterofshadows t1_j9x3jl3 wrote

They literally linked you to a scholarly research paper on it. No not everyone who gets cheated on gets violent. But amongst the subset of people prone to violence, infidelity can be a major trigger for a violent act.

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impy695 t1_j9x4d57 wrote

Yeah, it doesn't have anything to do with the point they're trying to make.

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