What a shitty way to go. Do guys on that job often break the rules? You'd think driving forward without visibility and without clearing the floor of people would be the number one rule drilled into everybody. Like getting caught doing it even if nothing happens would mean immediate firing. Anyway, I know you feel terrible because it was really terrible to do that but you aren't helping anyone being an alcoholic and may end up killing more people like that. You should do some volunteer work, help people or animals and maybe you'll notice Larry less. You can still do something worthwhile even though you killed someone by taking a lazy shortcut.