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comrade_fluffy t1_j9tn277 wrote

Kill wife

308

amyss t1_j9tqf73 wrote

How about a nanny hotshot surgeon? If my husband so much as hit our kids I’d catch a case. Psycho bitch

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Far_Angrier_Admin t1_j9v2bmc wrote

cut off her limbs, sow her mouth shut and throw her into the basement to starve

then remarry and tell your new partner the twins died in a horrible accident and thats when your wife ditched you

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Theletterkay t1_j9xjqcj wrote

Cut off her legs, attach to legless kid. Cut off arms, attach to armless child. Win win?

Left with stump woman, which reminds me of that TV banned episode of xfiles.

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Far_Angrier_Admin t1_j9yruhm wrote

>Cut off her legs, attach to legless kid. Cut off arms, attach to armless child. Win win?

ah yes

a 4 year old child with the limbs of a decades old (at least 20, maybe up to 40 - OP never specified) woman is definitly normal

the neighbors definitly won't question why the fuck this 5 year old has the rotting legs of a 40 year old woman

1

Theletterkay t1_ja15w2p wrote

I mean, what does it matter what people question? They are going to question the suddenly limbless children anyway, right?

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prettyblades t1_j9vkhqt wrote

the whole time i’m reading this i’m thinking abt why you’d name one of ur kids deborah

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dreamyxlanters t1_j9vl2ec wrote

Same, fucking atrocious

73

prettyblades t1_j9vp67e wrote

even darren is pushing it

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poetniknowit t1_j9xakl2 wrote

My bfs names Darren, I like it. Deborah is too far lol.

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MurseWoods t1_j9xwwx1 wrote

I’ve got an Uncle Darren and an Aunt Debbie who are brother and sister. And my brother’s name is Daniel… who was named after our other Uncle Danny who passed away when he was a teenager.

True story.

What the actual F?!

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prettyblades t1_j9zqexw wrote

i might be bias bc my junior year statistics teacher was named darren and he was spawn of the devil

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FineOldCannibals t1_j9xf82y wrote

All the Deborah’s reading this have tears rolling down their sad cheeks.

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amoodymuse t1_ja3fymk wrote

My sister-in-law's name is Deborah. Calling her a psychopath would be an insult to actual pyschopaths.

1

MsPaganPoetry t1_j9tlgw1 wrote

Your wife sounds psychotic. Leave ASAP, before she dismembers anybody further.

146

bidibbix t1_j9tupg6 wrote

You took you kids an get the hell out of that house. Your wife is psycho. Poor children. They're just babies, they don't deserve that.

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That_Shrub t1_j9txn3o wrote

Leave chicken legs, he's gonna get smelly and septic

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bidibbix t1_j9u1ayg wrote

Why chicken drumsticks tho? That's so impractical. But in the state of mind of the wife I shouldn't be surprised

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ScaredyBun t1_j9uply5 wrote

Not literal chicken legs lol. That and the eraser nubs are similes in action.

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That_Shrub t1_j9u5xjs wrote

It's very illogical, I agree. At least eraser arms has one use for them. Chicken legs though?

23

bidibbix t1_j9uf69a wrote

Apart from helping his classmates with their homework I can't think of another situation having a pair of erasers instead of human arms could be of any use.

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That_Shrub t1_j9v6pzq wrote

Her classmates, Deborah has the eraser arms

And erasing is yeah, the one use.

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kattjen t1_j9w7tu7 wrote

Ever unclog a ballpoint pen by putting the tip on an eraser and twisting? See, erasers can make pencil lines go away and ink lines appear!

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That_Shrub t1_j9wkfp0 wrote

I'm learning all sorts of things today

Tip of an eraser is a good emergency earring backing in a pinch, too

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onepunchsans t1_j9uqihy wrote

Wait, they were actual chicken drumsticks? I thought OP was just describing what they looked like, lmao.

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bidibbix t1_j9uuqyy wrote

I don't know anymore. Maybe I didn't understand correctly. English is not my first language 🥹

9

12altoids34 t1_j9wimxj wrote

Maybe she was hungry when she did it?

3

bidibbix t1_j9wjjdd wrote

Thar could be a reason. But its seems so random, she put chicken drumsticks in the son and erasers in the daughter . Like it was the first items she put her hands on..

2

themultinextdoor t1_j9vn8k3 wrote

she's a surgeon and you guys can't afford a nanny?

110

SomeRealTomfoolery t1_j9wulhe wrote

Or maybe some kind of childhood development therapy. I wish I could say I was surprised, but surgeons are well known for using surgery as the fix all solution. Even when simple things like diet changes and various therapies would work the same or better.

29

AITA_Yeet-account t1_j9xoixr wrote

I mean, she walked into the OR covered in poop, she’s clearly a crappy surgeon…

11

TheSkullCupMan t1_j9uthdq wrote

Well, the comments have been really lovely so far, think I read one that supported the wife saying she was a true surgeon unhindered by emotions, and hence a keeper... Might I suggest sedating your wife at night and then giving her a shot of her own medicine?

You mentioned she was a surgeon, and working a job where time is of utmost essence while managing those stupid interns, who flinch at every damn command can be a hassle. After sedation simply slice off each of her fingers instead replacing them with stuff that would help out, a scalpel, and a retractor for instance, a reflex hammer might be "handy" too.

A pager is a very useful device and a necessity for a medical career, so for the left hand replace the fingers with a small one, do let her keep that thumb though for the buttons, gotta 'preciate those opposable thumbs eh? I hope this guide would be a way to tell your wife that you are in agreement with her methods, and also a way for you to make her life more

manageable

PS: You might think that leaving her with just a thumb is harsh but you ought to

>Think of it more like…downsizing.

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danielleshorts t1_j9ur8o6 wrote

I'm not a fan of children & even I find this extreme. Couldn't she hire help? That would make shit more "manageable".

27

Saff_T t1_j9vualg wrote

I thought she was going to give them a lobotomy, this is even worse

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Ironicbanana14 t1_j9yaxbd wrote

I kinda thought it would be dismemberment but not keeping them alive lmao

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MeatwadGetTheHoneysG t1_jaamoby wrote

I’m not sure if a lobotomy is better tbh. But yeah I was expecting a lobotomy too.

2

TheDarkXanatos t1_j9uu995 wrote

Leave her or kill her. You only have two options really... Search how to bury a 170 pound chicken on youtube ig.

16

clownind t1_j9unuly wrote

Take a large insurance policy on your wife before you go on a cruise....

12

Axameno t1_j9ttjvc wrote

wait what-? i seem to be slow why did she do that-

11

ObjectiveOne3868 t1_j9tvjbl wrote

The one kid was good. Never did anything. The other wouldn't stop kicking the sister. Hence she removed his legs so he couldn't kick. And the daughter wouldn't stop pulling the "good" kid's hair so she removed her arms. Hence, she could no longer pull hair.

She's psychotic and has no motherly instinct. She's a heartless surgeon who is good at her job because she feels no stress or emotion distracting her from operating. She's a psychopath (not because she can operate focused, but because she could mutilate her kids like that. Seeing no problem and only problem fixed).

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youiscat t1_j9u41jz wrote

i think she removed Daniels teeth, hence the lollipop

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vbgvbg113 t1_j9uk2be wrote

thats a stretch

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youiscat t1_j9ulh1m wrote

it was implied that daniel responded to the other kids but that he wasnt at fault, so maybe he bit them?

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vbgvbg113 t1_j9ulqon wrote

daniel did nothing wrong, and it wasn’t implied he did anything bad, so there is no reason for anything to be done to him

11

MotherDuderior t1_j9u2lto wrote

That's so f'd up! Just call the police already.

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alwaysatonna t1_j9w0du6 wrote

Well if she's a surgeon and your job has you flying back and forth to London why not hire a nanny or two to help y'all? U sure sound like u have the money

10

Low-Environment t1_j9w5op1 wrote

So your wife jumps straight to surgery and not 'hiring help'. You've got two incomes and your wife is a surgeon and neither of you thought to hire a nanny? This is what's wrong with parents today.

10

bake1965 t1_j9ujhbw wrote

Toss her in a wood chipper!!!!

8

FruitcakeAndCrumb t1_j9veit3 wrote

Call the police and until you do DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON HER! Short sighted of her too, having a kid with no arms means extra work, same with drumstick boy. Good surgeon but common sense idiot.

8

erin_kirkland t1_j9uylza wrote

Kinda sudden, but has your wife been evaluated for postpartum depression? If untreated, it can go on for a very long time, and thoughts of harming the children are one of the most common symptoms. I think the stress has gotten into her, and she did what she was able to do as a surgeon. Your wife needs psychiatric help with her psychosis and later with dealing with what she's done. As for the kids, some mothers suggest colloid silver and detox, they say it helps with any problem, cures autism, grows limbs etc. Maybe worth a try?

6

Beckystrong007 t1_j9wjf68 wrote

Thats totally F*&%$# up. I'd kill her.

5

MaleficentFeather t1_j9vnd85 wrote

But doesn't this make them less manageable? They can't even be potty trained in their current state.

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KeeperofAmmut7 t1_j9vb27v wrote

Holy f'n hell! She needs to be tossed in the clink for child abuse!

3

mephitmpH t1_j9vrbbh wrote

You can still kick someone with a chicken drumstick

3

vannabael t1_j9w69th wrote

Okay but missing libs is a whole new kind of unmanageable bullshit. Yeah they can't attack each other, but good luck with the terrible prosthetics (and the bills) especially for Deborah.

3

LinneaPearson t1_j9wuhbf wrote

Time to get rid of your wife…..

3

Irisheyes1971 t1_j9voijh wrote

Is her name Alison or Alice?

2

FatalLaughter t1_j9vpezg wrote

Alice can be short for Alison, it's a nickname

2

Irisheyes1971 t1_j9zbf7z wrote

Ehhh ok. That might bear true if they interchanged them throughout the story, but they didn’t. They started out calling her Alison and then later in the story changed solely to Alice. It was obviously just a screwup.

1

KlemmyKlem t1_j9vzwyz wrote

Couldn’t just hire a nanny with your combined incomes…?

2

expespuella t1_j9wtu6i wrote

Your wife is quite talented. I am rather surprised she didn't sew them all together into just one kid, considering that was what she deemed tolerable initially. I think keeping all three separated shows she is capable of far more than even she expected.

2

Tribe_Vivek t1_j9x90e8 wrote

My brother in Christ, what the actual fuck?

2

XxxshampooxxX t1_j9y2w4b wrote

If that happened to me I'd kill them all or myself... Just the first was nightmare..

2

TheRayOfLife t1_j9udl0s wrote

Your wife is a true surgeon, never blinded by emotions. She's a keeper imo!

1

fruit_meat t1_j9vgwj4 wrote

No use crying over spilled milk.

1

pickingnamesishard_ t1_j9vo1p0 wrote

Firstly, get your children out of danger ASAP. Then I recommend sending your wife to a psychiatrist because she is absolutely not well in her head.

1

justadecoy44 t1_j9wethh wrote

You named your children Darren, Deborah, and fucking Daniel. You deserve your misfortune

1

witchyanne t1_j9wm0pz wrote

She shouldn’t have done the limbs thing - a lobotomy would have been better.

1

Epic_Ewesername t1_j9x1cs4 wrote

So Daniel is still whole?

Cheese and rice, man. I don’t know.

1

Sablemint t1_j9your9 wrote

Well the first step would be calling the police.

1

LuckyShadowWolf t1_j9x5q00 wrote

‘As I took a breath to give myself a break from retelling what happened, I knew that I would never have to go to jail for what my ex-wife had done, as I saw the Jury filled with a mix of sorrow, horror, and shock. And the prosecutor, well with how he was nodding along with my tale and had barely spoken through the trial he was on my side also. Now it was time for one little fib about flying into a rage and following my wife downstairs to kill her. I can be cold and methodical too as my wife found out when she realized that I was going to make her suffer for what she had done!’

0

Reddd216 t1_j9vwcp9 wrote

Does your wife have a split personality by chance? You refer to her as both "Alison" and "Alice" so I was wondering if maybe she switches back and forth, like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

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