“Being forgotten”, I sighted, “that’s my biggest fear. There. You happy now?”

Tim laughed. “Shit, that’s so weird. Mine is waking up without my dick.”

I rolled my eyes. I was not very fond of this dude. The only member of our group I found more irritating was Laurie, Julia’s girlfriend, who was currently walking in zig-zag-lines while pouring all her energy in a song I had never heard before. I knew I should try to like her. She was dating my best friend, after all. But at this point, she was definitely too drunk for a conversation.

“Drowning in a sea of piss”, was Julia’s contribution to the conversation. Laurie started laughing so hard, she almost tripped.

“Careful”, I caught her by the arm, “don’t fall into the river.”

She just scoffed and threw back her long, blonde hair. “Whateves. The... the current ain… ain’t even that strong.”

She was right. The river floated peacefully through the night. The ships that transported goods to the nearby chemical-company were long gone. All that was left was the quacking of a frog, and the factory lights, which shone warmly in the distance, reflecting onto the black water.

Despite looking nice in the dark, this company was the reason we were once officially crowned “Germany’s ugliest city”. I sighted. Soon, we would escape from here. We had just graduated, and we would study in Hamburg or Berlin. Julia and I would share a flat, like we always planned on, and we would go to parties and bicker over the groceries, and I would learn to get along with Laurie, and we would watch Julia's stupid British shows every evening. Julia would become a graphic designer and I would start my own company. We would do something with our lives. We wouldn’t be forgotten. And we would never return to this shithole of a town.

“Bro, am I the only one who could take a swim right now?”, Tim asked.

Julia and I exchanged a look. We had done these walks for a while now, especially during lockdown when there was nothing else to do. However, there had always been one rule.

Don’t go for a swim.

I never got why our parents were so pressed about that. Yes, there were very strong currents in the middle of the river, but as long as you stayed along the shore…

I mean, I even looked it up. Many people drown in the “Rhein”, especially when it floods. But the part of the river we walk… there has never been an accident. Not a single one. But still…

“I don’t think we should”, I looked at the black water, “I mean, we don’t even wear swimsuits, and…”

“Oh, come on, Emma”, Laurie clung to Julia’s arm, pulling her towards the water, “it… it will be fun, we… we will… we will…”

“God, you are too drunk for this”, Julia interfered, but she was laughing.

To my surprise, Tim hesitated as well. “Shouldn’t we…”

“Timothy”, Laurie smiled, “I would really appreciate it if you came along.”

He nodded, eager to please her. Laurie had this… effect on people. Not on me though. Aroace and proud. Therefore, I observed with a mix of confusion and amusement how Tim nearly drooled over the beautiful blonde. Tonight, Laurie’s powers were strong. Almost scary when you think about it.

The things that people do for love.

“Yeah, sure”, Tim took off his shirt and pants. I frowned. It was a breezy night, but his hairs were not standing. It almost… it almost looked like he was sweating.

“What about you, Emma?”, Laurie’s voice was like silk. I shook my head. “I’d rather…”

“Come on”, she came closer, “be a good girl for me, wouldn’t you?”

From one moment to the next, her drunkenness had disappeared.

I bit my lip. “I’d rather not.”

Laurie ran her fingers through her perfect hair. The curls shone in the moonlight.

What a beautiful girl.

But when she looked at me through her long, black eyelashes, a shiver suddenly came down my spine.

“Emma”, she said, “be a good friend.”

“Please, Ems”, Julia begged.

“I… I…”, why was I stuttering, “don’t you think it is…”

Laurie’s voice dropped three octaves. “Swim with us.”

“Fine.” The words escaped me before I knew it. I frowned. Why the fuck did I say that? Laurie gave me one last perfect smile before she turned around. I realized the little hairs on my neck were standing up. Why the hell was I so intimidated by this girl? Right now, she was walking towards the water in zig-zag lines, for God’s sake.

'I should probably go with them anway', I thought. After all, I was the most sober. And the only certified lifeguard.

So, I undressed while Laurie and Julia were walking into the river slowly. Strange. Under the moonlight, it almost looked like they were dancing.

​

The water was as cold as you would expect it. For a moment, it took my breath away. Then, I began to swim, enjoying the feeling of warm muscles against the cold surrounding me. Julia and Laurie were a few meters in front of me, Tim behind. I heard him splashing around like a fucking idiot. Weirdly enough, the sound got louder...

I turned my head. He was catching up really, really fucking fast. The water got into his mouth and eyes, but he didn’t even blink. He just kept staring at Laurie.

I am an excellent swimmer, but it only took him a few seconds to bypass me. I stared ahead. To where he was going.

Laurie and Julia were so close to each other that their hair almost touched. As I watched, Laurie leaned sideways and kissed her girlfriend. The water carried Julia’s giggle.

And they were heading right towards the currents.

What the hell?

“Stop”, I screamed, “guys, this is dangerous! Julia, please, stop it, please!"

Tim had almost caught up with them. His movements were perfect. The girls were now right were the current pulled the hardest. I could see the water floating around them, but weirdly enough, they didn't move one bit. They only had eyes for each other. And Tim was catching up.

“No, wait”, I yelled, “stay along the shore, Tim, you have too…”

But he didn’t listen. It was like his eyes were glued to Laurie. Like he needed to reach her, no matter what.

He was still gargling, and spluttering, but he never took his eyes off her.

And then, he opened his mouth.

"I do not know what it might bode", he sang. His voice was thin, but the water carried it well enough that I recognized Laurie's song.

"That I should be so sad."

Laurie turned around. In the darkness, her perfect white teeth shone bright. They were many of them.

Too many.

“Tim!”, I gritted my teeth and swam faster, trying to reach him before Laurie did, "Julia! you need to come back. GUYS PLEASE!"

Tim turned his head, and for a split-second, the haze lifted. I saw the fear in his eyes.

"A fairytale from long ago", he whispered, "now will not leave my head."

Then, the current took him.

I screamed as he was swept under water. Soon, his head appeared again, his eyes glued straight to Laurie. He got carried downstream, faster and faster.

“Swim!”, I yelled, “you need to..”

WHACK.

I will never forget that sound. Tim’s body had gotten smashed against something. When I squinted, I saw the tip of a rock looking out from under the water.

A bloody tip.

Tim went limp, and the current got one final hold of him. The only thing that was still moving was his head. Twisting and twisting, eager to get one final glimpse of Laurie. The spot that was his auburn hair got smaller and smaller as he disappeared into the night.

A giggle echoed across the water. A girl's voice.

“Julia”, I whirled around, “what the fuck is happening? We need to get out of the water! We need to…”

I stopped.

They were gone.

I looked around. Suddenly, a slight breeze came up. It dryed my salty face. i hadn't realized I had been crying. The wind was almost peaceful. Like it was wispering to me. I shivered. Humming a song as old as time, a song that had been forgotten for too long, the...

The moment I realized that there was a reason the humming sounded so muffled, something gripped my foot.

And then, there was only the endless black and cold.

​

I screamed. Water filled my lungs, but I just couldn’t stop. The force was pulling me down further and further, until my the pressure hurt my ears and the night became a distant memory.

Suddenly, the pulling stopped. I was alone in the cold. And my head was hammering. I needed air. I wouldn’t make it. I would die down her. A lifeguard, drowning. For making an idiotic choice. I was not ready. We weren’t. We were meant to go to university together. University. So many dreams. All the chances we never got, all the...

Stop.

You have to relax.

Save your energy.

My swimming-instructors voice. He had been an old, fat man who ironically drowned in his own bathtub blackout drunk. But his voice was everything I had. So I forced myself to relax my muscles. Pretend to be dead.

Open your eyes. If the surface is right below you, use it to push yourself up.

So I did.

And I almost started to scream again.

The surface was right below me. But it was not rock.

You could never imagine the sheer mass of bodys,

Most of them were skeletons. A fundament of bones cementing the river.

Some were… fresher.

My eyes focused on an old man's body not far away from me. His arm had seemingly been caught under a staple of rib-cages. The dead body was all bloated and floating, his hair swaying around his head, moved by the current in a never-ending, rhythm.

But his face was more relaxed than mine He almost seemed… content.

I bit my lip and finally looked down at the boney hand that was holding my foot.

Laurie smiled back at me. Her teeth were tiny and sharp, and they were so, so many of them. She was almost as thin as the skeletons. Every bone poked out under her white skin.

A glow came from within her, an enarmoring, light glow that revealed the black blood cursing htorugh her veins.

But somehow, her smile was still beautiful.

Julia at her side was drawn to it. My friend was turning very, very blue, but she did not seem to mind. She was caressing Laurie’s beautiful golden hair while humming a long-forgotten melody.

Laurie locked eyes with me. "Emma, my little swimmer”, she gurred, her voice echoing through the water, “finally where you're meant to…”

I kicked her in the face.

A screeching sound echoed through the water, louder and higher than any human can make it.

I swam.

Something grabbed me, but I swam. A sharp pain exploded in my feet, then in my legs. I looked down and saw blood. And something pink.

Julia’s long fingernails were clawing at me.

​

I tried to reach down, tried to grab her hair and pull my best friend up with me, but she clawed at my hand. I pressed my bleeding fingers against my chest. The water muffled my cries.

Julia looked me in the eyes. Her eyeballs looked like they were about to pop any second. She gasped for air where there was none, but still, her blue lips formed one word. I could read it as clear as day.

Stay.

Somehow, I shook her off and swam for my life.

Julia’s screeching got quieter as I left her alone in the dark.

​

Air. Air! Oh my God I cannot describe how good it feels when it fills up your lungs. To take a deep breath, in and out, in and out. Nothing stopping you! Isn’t it amazing?

I didn’t waste much time though. It took my all I had to get out of the water. I collapsed onto the shore, staring at the river I had walked by a thousand times.

The light Laurie had emitted was gone. The water was pitch-black.

“Tim?”, I whispered, “Julia?”

I knew exactly where she was. Her face was everything I could see when i closed my eyes.

I summoned all my strength. “Julia?”, I yelled.

I should have grabbed her harder. Wrap your arms under the victim’s armpits, take them up with you. I could have done it. I should have tried.

My voice sounded thin and lonely in the silence.

“JULIA”, I repeated.

Nothing. The river floated peacefully through the night. All that was left was the quacking of a frog, and the factory lights, which reflected on the black, untouched water.

I don’t really remember how I got home that night. My brain must have went in survival mode. The next thing I know is that I was at our street. Julia’s and my house were standing peacefully next to each other. Like they always had. Like we always did. I collapsed in front of the one with the blue roof, starring at the stupid “Only enter if you brought cookies” doormat Julia’s Mom had bought.

It must have been hours before the door opened. I felt like it were hours, hours in which I saw my best friend’s face in front of me, gasping for air when there was none.

Then, there was commotion. Mr. Rosenthal’s frame.

“Emma?”, he frowned, “why are you all alone at night? I... why are you in your underwear? And your legs", he grabbed his chest, "my God. Child have you... have you been..."

"What? No", I felt the tears running down my face, "I haven't been hurt and I wasn't alone. I... I was with Julia. And… and other people. She is… she is…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Mr. Rosenthal’s expression softened. “Hey, it’s alright. Just… Let’s get you home, okay? Don't cry. I’m sure your parents won’t be mad. You can take a shower, put on some clothes, and then we can all sit down and you can tell us about what happend with your friend.”

Your friend?

My brain was a haze. The image of Julia’s face would not disappear.

“What happened?”, my mom’s voice came through the fog. She helped us inside, and guided me to our sofa carefully. The sofa under the wall of pictures of me. Julia was in nearly every one of them.. I refused to look at them when I sat down. Julia. She was missing. I left her behind. I had to say it. I had to look her father in the eye and say it. I had to organize the search. But my mouth couldn’t form the words.

“She just showed up at my doorstep like this”, Mr. Rosenthal tried to explained things to my Mom, “apparently, she was out with some girl named Julia…”

“Some girl?”, I interrupted, “I’m talking about our Julia.”

My mom scoffed. “Honey, you know Mr. Rosenthal is fond of you, but not even I can remember all your school-friends, work-friends, drinking-friends, AND Dungeons-and-Dragons-friends. You gotta be more precise.”

I stared at her. Something wasn’t right. Something was very, very wrong.

“What does this Julia look like?”, my Dad had arrived in the living room, “where have we met her?”

I ignored him. I stared straight at Mr. Rosenthal.

He had his daughter’s eyes.

“Your Julia”, I whispered.

He just blinked. Suddenly, I felt like I was drowning again. But I would not go down without a fight. Mr. Rosenthal blinked another time. And I exploded.

“My BEST FRIEND”, I screamed, “my fucking best friend, this annoying fuck, who insisted to go into the fucking river, because her fucking seawitch of a girlfriend wanted to”, I jumped up from the couch, which was not good for my head.

I ignored it and pulled a picture from the wall, the one who showed little-me and little-Julia at the river. In it, we were hugging each other, the lights of the chemical company glooming in the background, watching over us like the stars.

“Here, this charming young lady”, I practically slammed the picture in my mother’s face, “that idiot, she was such a fucking… fucking… she was…”

I stopped. Was. My vision blurred. My hands shook so badly that I almost dropped our picture. No. She was alive. Julia was alive. We would find her.

My mom had taken a huge step back when I started screaming. She must have thought I was mad. But nevertheless, she came forward again, and tried to pull me into a hug. “You are in shock. You are hallucinating”, her voice trembled, “you are okay. You are okay, baby girl.”

“I am not in shock”, I held up the picture like a crucifix and stepped away from her, “and Julia is not okay. And this other dude. They are… they are out there, and some blonde girl, Julia’s girlfriend, I… we have to get them, we have to get the police, and a team, and Mr. Rosenthal, she is your fucking daughter, your only child, I…”, I looked at him, but there was no recognition in his eyes, just confusion and… pain.

“HOW CAN YOU JUST SIT THERE?”, I screamed.

Suddenly, the room got very, very quiet.

“Honey”, Mom whispered, “this is not funny. I know you propably are drunk or high, wherever you got that from, but Mr. Rosenthal is an old friend of our family. You know about”, she lowered her voice, “their issues. That is very tasteless of you...”

“Wha… what issues?”, I stumbled.

“The fertility issues”, father hissed, “you know they are… unable. I expect better, young lady.”

“But… but Julia is real”, I insisted, “she is right on this picture, she… she…”

I hesitated. Slowly, like I knew what was awaiting me, I turned around the photo.

I was standing in front of the river. Smiling. Huge teeth-gap. Wearing the my favorite shorts with the ducks on them.

And all alone.

My vision blurred. The picture burst onto the floor, seconds before I collapsed next to it.

​

I started to write at the hospital. I needed to. Document everything I knew. About Laurie. Her name had already been escaping me, but after staring at the disgustingly white hospital-walls for a while, I managed to pin it down. I think I even remembered the name of the boy. I could be mistaken, though.

I stayed quiet. I didn’t scream again. I was scared that they would not let me out if I did. But I never stopped writing, and I never stopped crying. My tears tasted like the river I almost drowned in. I ignored them. I got out of the hospital. I contacted all of the various friends Julia made. Nobody remembered her. I went through all of our photo-albums, but I am alone in every single picture. The day she went to the dance with me when I had no partner was apparently spent with my Dad. I graduated by myself. The motorbike she spent so many hours on restoring has disappeared from the Rosenthal’s garage. Even their cat is gone. My room is emptier without her. Her decorations are missing. Her birthday-presents. All the stupid shit we made. My home is not my home anymore. My childhood is gone. Everything I was is gone.

I am alone.

Because I left her to die.

The worst thing is that I am starting to forget. I know the names of the others because I wrote them down here, but they are not part of my memory anymore. Julia is still there. For now, I know she existed… she exists. And I left her. The guilt is eating me alive, and there is no one to share it with, because people don’t even fucking believe that I’ve done something wrong. I left Julia down there to die, and now I’m about to let her be forgotten.

This is why I am writing this. I need someone to remember her. To remember us.

There is this city in Germany, Ludwigshafen. It is ugly, and therefore has become somewhat of a tourist attraction. If you are ever here, enjoy the stink. You can even visit the part of the suburbs where we grew up. Walk the places J walked, and think of her.

But don’t go for a swim.

Even if there are no reports.

I also heard you are some sort of experts on the paranormal, but I do not have much hope left. It wasn’t the government who made her disappear, we are not the USA, we cannot pull that off. Besides, J never hurt a soul. If it was something supernatural… idk. We are such a young town, we barely even have any folklore.

Maybe it’s the chemical company. I always hated those fuckers. Maybe they did something to the water. Maybe Laurie worked for them. Maybe, they took my friend an this other person to experiment on them or some shit. But then, again, they produce mainly plastic.

So what the fuck am I supposed to do?

Usually, whenever I had a problem, I would talk to J, I mean, that’s kind of what you do, run to your neighbor, who... Wait. Neighbor. She was something else. Wasn’t J… J… J? What was her full name? No. No, no, no, it cannot be gone. It's in the text above, I know it is, but... but I just can't recall it. But I still remember her. I remember her face. I do. She looked like Mr. Rosenthal, but with a bigger…

her hair was like…

No.

Stop.

There is only one thing I can do that might fix this. You guys figure the river out. I only know one thing for sure.

Being forgotten is not my worst fear anymore.

And tonight, I will go for a swim.