Sounds like you should give up and take what's coming to ya

Listen, homie, you’re lookin at this all wrong. Sounds to me like you’ve met your match. She could really be the one for you. Gonna hafta get her to calm down, tho, and probably try your best to get on her good side. Pour out your heart, friend. Here’s hoping a mop’s not needed for cleanup.

You deserve to die and horribly too. I sincerely hope your newest guest can finish you off with a glorious chopping off your head... 🖕🏻

You're like the lamest serial killer ever.

kitchen knives, bette rthan bare hands

edit: maybe having more range will help, grab a broom or something and use the handle as a weapon

Maybe you can make peace with her somehow? Offer a snack?

Well, advices are not what l usually do, (guess what l like doing by the username) but l think you should maybe call a relative/friend for helping ya, also, if you have a sharp knife maybe from the kitchen or another weapon like your machete, try to grab it.