​

I’ll be in Kansas for the week helping my pops rebuild our old family farm, devastating that tornado was! All the cell towers are down, and considering it’s rural Kansas, it ain’t gonna be up anytime soon, so you won’t be able to contact me… so hopefully everything goes smoothly!

I got ONLY three cats:

Wilfred — all black

Butters — grey

Suzy — all white

They‘re simple cats, fairly easy to watch, just refill their food and water each day and clean the litter box. Then I got a few more easy peazy rules for taking care of them. Follow them, please.

1. Be VERY nice to Wilfred, the other cats respect him, he likes you, they’ll like ya too!

1.5 . He’s a little old and blind, sometimes gets in the way, just watch where you’re walking.

2. Butters gets some special treats in the blue container in the fridge, hand feed 5 pieces to him every day.

3. Suzy NEEDS to be pet 2 hours a day, because otherwise, well, she can be a real b, if you know what I’m saying.

4. If you hear meowing coming from a different room, but can see all three cats, do NOT go investigate the meowing. If you don’t see all three cats, you can check on it.

See, the rules are easy, the job is simple and I will compensate you well for all your time when I get back.

Again thank you so much,

Amanda.

I set the letter down.

Yikes, I truly should’ve had Amanda explain the details of this “easy cat sitting” thing before I agreed. But honestly, I probably still would’ve done it because she, to be blunt, is very hot, and hot girls are rare to find around here. So if I have to put up with some crazy cat lady bull shit to get a chance with a beautiful woman, so be it.

Day One

I didn’t realize how far from society Amanda's house is. She literally lives in the middle of nowhere. The last sign of civilization I saw was at least 7 miles back, the scenery is trees, trees, and you guessed it! More trees!

Finally, I see the single cottage-like home perched on top of the hill. I parked my car near the front porch and found my way inside using the spare key hidden under the welcoming mat.

I stepped inside and was instantly greeted by 3 cats staring me down. I gave them all a quick scratch on the head, “hi Wilfred, Butters, Suzy,” acknowledging each cat as I spoke their name.

“I’m Matt, I’ll be taking care of you for the week and hopefully will be getting a date with your hot mom afterwards.” All three cats stared at me blankly, I begin sensing a weird tension in the room. I awkwardly started walking around the house.

I gave myself a tour of Amanda’s place, her home is pretty tiny, so it didn’t take long. I found her bathroom first, which also happens to be where she has the litter box. I did my business and then cleaned up the cat’s business, too.

“If I was more talented, I probably could’ve done it at the same time,” I told Wilfred, who was trailing me as I made my way around the house.

I took note of the layout of the house, Amanda’s bedroom across from the bathroom, and at the far end of the hallway was a basement, maybe. Couldn’t tell for sure as the door was closed and I didn’t want to be snoopy.

I made my way into the kitchen to hand-feed little Butters his treats.

“Here Butters, come on now, come get your— oh, oh my god what is that,” as I opened the blue container a rotting, putrid smell came out. I fingered out a chunk of the gooey, red meat.

“This can’t be right, it must’ve gone bad. You can’t possibly want to eat this, do you?” I asked Butters.

The cat excitedly pranced back and forth meowing, as if saying “it’s all good Matt!”. I know cats can’t really beg, but I definitely would consider this the cat version of it. I plugged my nose and hand-fed him 5 pieces, one after another. He gulped each portion and even attempted to lick the remaining goop off my hands.

Now it was time for the long and honestly questionable part: petting a cat for 2 whole hours. I took a couple of steps from the kitchen to the living room and plopped myself on the couch and put on the longest movie I could find on Netflix, 2 hours and 36 minutes. Suzy must’ve known it was her time to shine because she nestled herself into my lap and used her head to nudge my hand.

Let the pets begin.

Halfway through the movie I heard faint meowing. First thing I did was figure out where each cat was, Butters on the kitchen counter, Suzy on my lap, and Wilfred snuggled up in the corner of the couch. I attempted to ignore them, remembering the 4th rule, but the meows were slowly becoming more and more abrupt. I started standing up and Wilfred jumped up and sat on my feet, staring me down as if saying “no” to me. I sat back down and continued watching the movie, shortly after the cries stopped.

After the movie was over, the entourage of cats escorted me to the door.

“Bye little kitties, maybe one day I’ll pet you during a movie with your hot mom at my side!”

As a I was shutting the door, I swear I heard Butters gag.

Day 2

This day was very lackluster, cleaned the litter box and refilled the cat chow and water, with my diligent helper, Wilfred, watching my every move.

I continued the rest of my tasks, fed Butters that rancid meat, pet Suzy, and I even pet Wilfred with my other hand while I was petting Suzy! The muffled meows started towards the end of the movie this time; all the cats gave me a warning glance when I started to stand as if they were urging me to sit back down.

Day 3

Fuck.

I’m so late, slept through my alarm like a fucking idiot, and only have 20 minutes to deal with these damn cats or I’ll be late to work.

I didn’t even turn my car off and ran through the house hastily doing all the chores. Threw some of that gross-ass meat on the counter and laid a few pets on Suzy and rushed back out the door.

Day 4

On the way into Amanda’s house, I felt very uneasy about how I left the cats yesterday. It was a shit show, to say the least, and the anticipation made me feel uneasy.

“They're just damn cats, Matt, they probably don’t even care,” I reminded myself.

I entered the kitchen and on the counter I only saw one cat, Wilfred. He was staring deeply at me, examining me. I went up and pet his soft head and held his face in my hands.

“Ahhh boy I’m sorry, I’m sorry I suck Wilfred.”

I backed away to search for the other cats, and gave one last glance at Wilfred who now had a pondering look on his formerly bleak face.

I heard meowing and scratching down the hallway and figured I would be fine to follow the sounds since I couldn’t find the other cats, and the rule said I could if a cat was missing.

Butters was eagerly scratching at the door towards the end of the hallway, the one I refused to snoop in on the first day. He saw me and meowed towards the door, and I swear I could hear muffled meows coming from the other side.

I reached for the door and Wilfred came flying in from the kitchen and cemented himself in front of the door hissing and swatting me away.

I backed off and he turned his attention to Butters giving him a threatening glare. In the commotion, Susie slowly waddled out from Amanda’s room. She seemed uninterested, or maybe was it disappointed?

After the tension cleared up, and I was certain I wouldn’t have to break up any catfights, I started doing my daily tasks. Wilfred monitored me and our surroundings with alertness.

I attempted to pet Suzy for a while, but she must hold grudges because I was being hissed and clawed at the whole time.

“Dumb bitch cat,” I muttered while dabbing up blood from the cuts that marked my whole arm.

I opened the fridge to once again feed Butters his foul treats. I held out a paleish pink piece and Butters took the whole chunk in one bite, nearly getting my fingers. I hold out the next piece and he misses completely, sinking his teeth into my index finger!

“Ah fuck, fuck you, Butters!” I yelled at the cat.

That was my final straw with these dumb cats! I'm so done!

I start putting on my shoes to get the fuck out of this place when through my socks I start to feel a warm, soggy mass.

Fucking cat shit.

Enraged, I rip my shoes off and start running towards the bathroom sink. In my rage I accidentally kick Wilfred, sending the cat into the wall with a thud.

I rinse off my shoes and they still smell that bitch cat probably pissed on them too. I say fuck it and leave the shoes; they’re ruined beyond repair.

I’m leaving this house, shoeless and outraged. I open the door and take one last glance back on the cats and see Butters and Suzy comforting the hurt Wilfred.

Day 5

So, I know I made it seem like I would never go back to Amanda’s, but I found out my shoes have a warranty on them so if I can get them back, I’ll be able to get new ones.

No cat in sight as I enter the house. I walked through the hallway to the bathroom and found my shoes.

“Perfect, now I can get out of here.”

I turn to leave, and Butters is purring and caressing my leg, maybe he feels bad for being a little asshole yesterday. I pet his head and then he beckons me to follow him.

He leads me to the end of the hallway and starts scratching at the closed door again. I search around for the other cats, remembering the rule, and see Suzy sleeping at the end of the hallway.

No Wilfred anywhere though.

I stood there debating if I should open it, but then I start to hear meowing behind the door again. Not muffled like what I’ve normally heard, but loud, distressing cries. It has to be Wilfred; he must be hurt pretty badly from when I kicked him yesterday.

“I’m coming, Wilfred!”

I open the door and am hit with a rancid smell; I plug my nose before I plunge further down the stairs. Thoughts of a decaying cat raced through my mind.

“Come on Wilfred, don’t hide, let’s get you upstairs, you dumb cat!”

I hear a loud bang and assume a draft must’ve slammed the door shut because I’m now without any glimmer of light, I pull out my phone flashlight and scan the basement.

I see shelves full of jars with this pinkish substance and as I examine them closer, I see hooves and paws and is... is that a hand?

“What is this!”

I shine my light around once more and in horror see miscellaneous carcasses rotting around the room.

“I need to leave!”

Turning towards the exit I see a giant cat with red eyes, it’s hissing and swatting towards me to back up. It then starts circling around waiting for a reason to attack.

From the corner of my eye, I see Wilfred sitting still on the staircase, then he gives a slight nod and the big cat lunges at me.

Day 3 of being home from Kansas

I shut my laptop off. I couldn’t watch anymore; I can still hear the echo of Matt’s screams in my head even when they weren’t playing.

The moment I got home from Kansas, I knew something was wrong. I still had a sliver of hope Matt was okay though, even when his car was still parked in my driveway, and when I entered the house and only Wilfred and Suzy greeted me at the door but lost it all when I got a whiff of the deathly smell that was wafting through my house.

I remember begrudgingly walking down the hallway, spotting Matt’s shit-covered shoes on the floor. Embarrassingly, I was still blindly praying he was just fine. When I noticed the basement door was wide open, I knew that was the complete opposite of the truth.

Expectantly, I found Butters and Juney by Matt’s body, well you know cats do have their preferred treats.

The next thing I did that first day of being home was I needed to find Matt’s journal, and it was conveniently sitting unharmed in his pocket.

After finding it, I got to work.

That leads me to now, three days later. You see, usually, after having a cat sitter I would come home to a body and have no clue what happened, so when I found out Matt was a journalist, I thought maybe I had a chance at seeing from the cat sitter's perspective what goes wrong?

By going through Matt’s journal and filling in missing pieces that I gathered from the security tapes, I’ve been able to put all the events in order.

I’ve even decided to use Matt’s experience as a learning tool to educate possible future cat sitters, so they won’t make the same mistakes.

And now that you have read and learned from my post, I can tell you my reason for sharing:

Hi, y’all my name is Amanda I have 4 cats, and I’m looking to hire a cat sitter.