Submitted by mrbeefthighs t3_y01zv4 in nosleep

For years I was the guy to call if you had a squirrel in your attic. I mean, to a lot of people I’m still that guy but over the last 20 years I’ve branched out to other less common infestations. Now I’m the guy you call if there is a haunted doll rummaging through your attic or a sasquatch trampling your flowerbeds.

I love my job. The specializations I’ve acquired have allowed me to travel across the country, meet incredible people and experience cryptids like few have ever done before. It doesn’t hurt that the pay is great, but the stories are even better.

I have one short story for you now, its more of a public service announcement than anything else really.

I’ve dealt with every sort of infestation from Sasquatches (spray Human urine around area of sighting and it will avoid the area), Demonic Presences (Usually need to bring a priest in. Sometimes can be tricked into inhabiting a lesser creature, like a frog), and Jackalopes (its just a bunny with some antlers! Put it in a cage and give the poor thing a carrot!) but recently there has been one cryptid that has been growing more and more invasive into human settlements – The Hidebehind.

Most commonly found in the forests of the Northern United States and Canada the Hidebehind is one cryptid that cannot easily be dealt with. In fact, I’m not sure it’s even possible for one of these to be bagged and tagged like we normally would with other cryptids. To my knowledge no Hidebehind has ever been killed, maimed, dazed or even simply removed from a residence. Once it has made a claim to an area whether it be a local forest, a cave or even, in one particularly bloody case – a Bass Pro Shop, it will defend that area to the death.

First documented by the Native Americans then by Lumberjacks in the PNW of America the hidebehind is one of the lesser known, but cryptids on the continent, but without a doubt, one of the most dangerous.

No one really knows what they look like. As the name suggests, as soon as they are seen they quickly duck out of view to hide behind anything in the vicinity. In the wild, this would be trees and rocks, in your home this could be a corner, a kitchen cabinet, a television or literally anything else as they can manipulate their body to hide behind an object of any size.

In the few accounts of the sightings we have on record they have been described as everything from a large bear/lion hybrid to a frail and elderly woman with long arms and rashes on her skin. Because of this wide discrepancy in their descriptions, they are believed to be shapeshifters that can change their shape based on what they believe will best get their potential victim to come closer and investigate the sighting.

I don’t know why the Hidebehinds are moving into suburbs, I’d guess destruction of their natural habitat, but it is becoming a real problem. That’s why I am going to share this story with you now, so you know what to do if one shows up in your home.

I pulled up to Tim’s house around 12pm on a Tuesday. He had called in to tell us there was a ‘demonic entity’ in his house and we needed to remove it ASAP. They always demand ASAP. Tim had nothing going on, but people are so much more demanding than they were 20 years ago.

I took a quick look around the house and it was pretty apparent there wasn’t any sort of demon in his residence. Not only was there no reaction to the holy water and Ouija board I had brought with me, but Tim also didn’t have normal symptoms of a demonic haunting – bad dreams, sleep paralysis or the witnessing of any telekinetic events. After further questioning he described what he had seen in more detail:

First, I was sitting right there on the couch watching television when I got the feeling I was being watched. I turned my attention to the screen door and for just a second I saw a bear looking in through the screen, but it wasn’t a bear, you see? A bear would just keep on staring at me or keep poking at the door, but this thing just ducked out of view as quick as can be, like it was trying to sneak up on me and I had caught it in the act. It bothered me something awful, but I just grabbed my gun, set it on my lap and kept on watching the TV and eventually that feeling, like I was being watched, just kinda melted off.

It was all peaches and cream until she showed up a few days later.

The ‘She’ Tim was referring to was a new ‘human’ form that the hidebehind was taking. I assume it was because of the lack of a reaction to the ‘bear’ form it had previously shown itself as. Like I said earlier, the Hidebehind wants you to look for it, to come nearer, like the Angler Fish, it dangles something in front of you in an attempt to bring you closer. It’s a lazy hunter.

I was out in the garage in my workshop and that feeling come over me again, that bein’ watched feeling. I turn around and I’m looking out the garage door and I don’t see nothing but then out of nowhere I see a lady’s head and shoulder pop out from the corner of the garage and the second she sees me eyeing her she pops right back around the corner where she came from. Well this time, I went looking ‘round for her. I gave a wide berth around the corner, cause I lived in New York City for a year in the 70’s so I’ve seen crazy people and she looked crazy and I didn’t want her grabbing me. So, I gave a wide berth around that corner and there wasn’t no one there. I walked all around the house and I didn’t see anyone. Not even footprints. Tell me that ain’t demonic.

It wasn’t demonic. It was a hidebehind and I told the man as such. I told him living out here on the edge of town made him an easy target for it. I told him that there really isn’t any way to get rid of them or scare them off. I told him he could try to leave his house for a year at minimum and maybe, with luck it would leave on its own, but the best bet would be for him to burn the place down and never come back.

He didn’t like that answer.

My family lived in this house for 3 generations. I ain’t leaving and I sure as hell ain’t burning nothing down. I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ll keep my shotgun on me and when I get that feeling again, I’ll shoot it. Works for bears and that’s the meanest thing ‘round these parts, don’t see why it wouldn’t work for this- what’d you call it?- hidebehind.

You can’t argue with anyone over the age of 65, people get set in their ways, their beliefs calcify, so instead I was honest with him. I told him two things:

The first thing I told him was that eventually he’d get that feeling that he was being watched and he’d get his gun and he’d start looking around for the Hidebehind, only he wouldn’t find it. That’s what happens in all these cases, because at that point, it found the best hiding spot it can possibly get, the only place you won’t be able to lay eyes on it, even if you tried – directly behind you. And at that point, its too late for you.

The second thing I told him was that I’d be back in two days and more than likely he’d be dead.

And then I left.

Two days later I pulled my van up Tim’s driveway to find the screen door open and blowing in the wind. I didn’t even need to cross the threshold of his house to find him. He was everywhere. On the floor, the ceiling, the walls. The smell was unbelievable.

I poured some gasoline on the front porch and lit it with a match. The house was an inferno within 30 seconds.

I got in my van and started to pull out of the driveway and I took one last look at the house and then beyond it out into the tree line where I saw, for just a split second, a young boy before he quickly pulled back and disappeared behind a thin little tree.

I was hundreds of miles away by lunchtime.

I say all of this to tell you, if you ever think you might have a Hidebehind in your house or even in the area, leave. Burn the place down if you can, so new people don’t move it. These things are like bears, if they know they can get food someplace they are just going to keep coming back.

And if you get the feeling that you’re being watched and you can’t figure out why, call your loved ones, because it’s standing directly behind you.



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aidonpor t1_irro1j5 wrote






TacticalTurkeyTitty t1_irq3tn3 wrote

Can you tell us about other experiences you've had where it was very hard if not impossible to kills a cryptid? We need moreee


mrbeefthighs OP t1_irq4lmn wrote

I've been in the game for a long time and have tons of stories. I'll try to get some more stories to y'all, but its peak season for me right now. Things tend to go a little wild around Halloween. Crawlers really like the decorations people out and as you can imagine that leads to some pretty ugly scenarios....


UndulatingPasta t1_irqxw96 wrote

Bad advice! Too many carrots are bad for rabbits, bunnies, hares, and jackalopes! They are too rich for rabbits to eat regularly, and should be used as rare treats! Give a captured jackalope some fresh lettuce or spinach to nibble upon, and you'll have a happy critter!


quiet156 t1_irtya4h wrote

And if you do want to give a jackalope a treat (perhaps to thank it for not goring you), I’d suggest bananas. It’s a rare bun who doesn’t go crazy for those, so I’d expect their cryptid counterparts to be the same.


whiskeygambler t1_irqnjkz wrote

What would happen if you refused to look at it or acknowledge it from the start?


mrbeefthighs OP t1_irr3pmp wrote

It’d get up behind ya eventually. It’s not playing a game with ya…it’s hunting


LuxTheSarcastic t1_iru15fc wrote

What if you put a realistic mask on the back of your head like fishermen in asia do with tigers?


aidonpor t1_irrp4uy wrote

Would it try to attack something like a bear or a HONEY BADGER?


Eino54 t1_is1kny5 wrote

Can it attack conjoined twins who are joined together at the head so they look in opposite directions?


mrbeefthighs OP t1_is1ljup wrote

Asking the tough questions! I’m sure it could. It’s not the fact that it can’t be seen, being seen is a vital part of its hunting strategy. I imagine it wouldn’t sneak up behind some conjoined twins but would rather prefer to lay in wait for them around a corner


lokisown t1_irra3vu wrote

The Hidebehind, can it be reasoned with or possibly sated with offerings? Kind of like sentient shadows? Or is this an unknown? Being from where I'm from, it's rumored if a Hidebehind sees its reflection they just wither away.


mrbeefthighs OP t1_irrbq8a wrote

That’s an interesting rumor….might have to put that one to the test!


paradioxx t1_irptsqg wrote

That last line gave me serious palpitations 😳


Black_Laced_Cherry t1_irqv711 wrote

This gave me major chills. I an sad I am the only one awake in my house right now. O.o


luckytrap89 t1_irrgxid wrote

Isn't alcohol a repellent to hidebehinds? Figure you've got nothing to lose by telling that to another stubborn client like Tim, might as well test it


mrbeefthighs OP t1_irrhgqn wrote

Next time I come across someone with a death wish like Tim I’ll pass that info along!


SnackcakesMcGee t1_it63lf9 wrote

That's what I've heard. Of course, it'll also attract jackalopes, but I fail to see how that's a problem.


falxarius t1_iru23qh wrote

well, .... if memory serves me right, try to lure it into on of those fun houses, you know , ... the ones with the glass and mirror labyrinth. if you are lucky it will get confused and try to hide behind itself, ..... and poof quantum causality and its gone.


Odd_Luck_2875 t1_irre90j wrote

I am so glad I live in Australia! Although now I feel like I'm about to start seeing random people and animals in my peripheries...


Issa19071999 t1_irt5opm wrote

Thank God right because we only have to deal with yowies.........


Deb6691 t1_irrtc9s wrote

Have you heard of them being in Australia mate?


Intelligentseal t1_irspto8 wrote

I'd reallly like to know about more of the scary monsters you've encountered over the years.

You seem like a paranormal Steve Irwin


Lugnut1206 t1_irszsnp wrote

can you take your gun and point it behind you and shoot the hidebehind? seems like it might have trouble avoiding that. what about mirrors?


reality_hurts_me t1_irqzdps wrote

I hope the Hidebehind will at least wait politely behind me and give me enough time to call my loved ones before it splatters me like a pancake across my walls and ceiling.


wuzzittoya t1_irswvn9 wrote

Geez. I hope my dog is scaring those away along with the coyotes and Mo-Mo.


arya_ur_on_stage t1_irtcx9k wrote

Haven't read further yet but nope don't like the name of... that. I don't even want to write it, what if it finds out?! 😆

Edit: thx for that jc


meowz89 t1_islgbhy wrote

"Who you gonna call...?"

"The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present, please try again later"

Has anyone thought of giving it a snickers? Sounds like it could use a snickers.


erin_kirkland t1_irtohps wrote

Do they feed on humans in general or some particular part? Maybe emotions, pain or death as such? Also is it known what they feed on in the woods if there are no people there? If they didn't originate in cities and villages they have to have a primary food source that isn't humans.


AAAAAA_13 t1_irukyg0 wrote

If it keeps trying different looks until it gets a reaction, could you survive just by always ignoring it? Never investigating something you see quickly disappear like that?


[deleted] t1_is0uwl8 wrote



mrbeefthighs OP t1_is0xh4e wrote

Oh jeez, the Uk is full of creepy crawlies. Black Shuck, Kelpies, Nuckelavee. Several varieties of Will o’ the wisps and a few different species of Both Gnomes and Elves.

Once upon a time, I had a pretty close encounter with the Hairy Hands of Dartmoor.

UK has all types of Cryptids from the harmless to the extremely dangerous. However, if I was you I wouldn’t go searching for any of it. And I’d definitely recommend you stay out of Alnwick. There’s something going on there. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something fishy is going on.


PAGANinBLACK t1_is26t1i wrote

See you tell me not to go but that just makes me want to go there more.

Obviously I'm not a complete idiot so research would be needed first but I've always wanted to see something I 100% can't explain away with science and logic.

I've gone looking for stuff before but never really found anything that made me question enough to satisfy my curiosity even though people I've gone with have been convinced and refused to go with me again lol

Haven't been looking for anything like cryptids before just the basic ghosts and demons and like I said even with those I haven't to date seen anythings that really backs them being real but me being me it won't stop me from considering they could be.

Any tips for someone just starting out with cryptids? I want to investigate the braag of pelton at country Durham but again I'm new to this so i wont go looking yet.


AzelfWillpower t1_iruxyci wrote

I think people need to man up and start setting up traps to lure in hidebehinds. Can’t hide behind nothin if they have a foot taken off by a shotgun trap I’ll tell you hwat


Altruistic_Floor_742 t1_irwny6r wrote

Would keep yourself backed to a wall work if it can shapeshift?


ReturnNecessary4984 t1_irtcur0 wrote

Why not run from the hide behind? If it's lazy, all you have to do is stay away


Intelligentseal t1_irw27qd wrote

i mean, thats literally what he says to do. Leave the area and stay away