I would definitely do your best to turn this into a gift before it consumes you and you begin doing things you'll regret. First off, get some of those heavy duty batteries like D or 9 volt for when you are feeling low, I suspect they may help. Like athletes take electrolytes, heh. Then like another user said I would consider becoming perhaps a therapist at a nursing home or something of the like. You can help people at the end of their life who want to go comfortably on their own terms, in my opinion, and you still get to eat.