Submitted by E-Kelp t3_zt57gw in nosleep

Ok so, context, right?
I'm a single father, 35, and going strong. Ex-Military deployed to Iraq, did a tour, and returned home after a nasty shrapnel bomb hit me. Doctors didn't expect me to walk ever again, but that's beside the point. After a year of being home, my baby boy was born, and a year after my wife left. She just wasn't ready to be a mother, she said. So, I took full custody. Now, my son had a problem with being very selfish and greedy. I've gotten multiple calls from his school about him getting into fights over things as simple as sharing toys. So, when Christmas came around, I just figured I would place some coal and hide his gifts in my room. The plan was to make him feel sad, explain what he did wrong, and have him write a letter to Saint Nick that he'll, "Never be selfish again, honest!". Now, with that out of the way, I can tell you what happened.

So, I woke up at around 2 AM after a nap. I bought a bag of coal earlier and hid it in my closet, along with his gifts, and tossed them around the tree. I placed down a note that read along the line of, "You were being naughty, do better", and went back to my room. I then heard something on the roof. It was a heavy rhythm, like footsteps. My heart dropped. I quickly opened up my bedside stand and loaded a Glock I had recently bought. I slowly exited the room and surveyed the house. I entered the living room, where the rustling moved to. Listening closer, it came from the chimney. At this point, I don't know what I was expecting. I was split between it being some random raccoon who thought they were smart, or Santa was truly real. Or, some guy in a Santa suit, anyway. The rustling got closer and closer. Then a pale, almost blue hand with long nasty nails gripped the top part of the chimney. A hoof dropped down, landing heavily on the burnt wood, and crushing it. Then he showed his face. He looked me dead in the eyes. His head was that of a goat, horns and all. Without a moment of hesitation after seeing his eyes, I fired. Shot off 3 rounds, and the scream he howled out was maddening. He squirmed from the pain, screaming more and more, it got more intense with each second. I fired, again and again, eventually emptying the entire magazine. At that point, it was as stiff as a board. Quiet as a mouse. My floor was covered in deep, dark black. Staring at my own reflection in the blood, my mind raced. Finally, it clicked who this was and why he was here. It was Krampus, and it was after my boy.

After staring at the body for a while, I came to the conclusion that no one should know about this. I thought I had done something against nature, in a sense. It was no better than killing Santa. His body was heavy, but I managed to drag it upstairs and into the attic of my home. It was empty, only with some trinkets and my gun safe. I set it down and locked it up, keeping the key with my gun. After the first week, the body's smell was starting to spread. It stunk like a pit of shit and rotting meat in a swamp. I made it a weekly routine to go up there and spray everything down with disinfectant and Febreeze. It doesn't fully get rid of the smell, but it's way less suspicious. I check on the body before I go to bed every day, and it's rotting. It's been almost a year now, and the body has rotten rapidly.

Now, here's the thing, I don't know what to do with it. I could bury it, but I don't wanna get caught. And there's a lot I don't know about this. What if Santa notices he's gone and tries to kill me or something? I don't know what to do. I just need to find a way to get rid of it. If you have anything to help me here, please tell me, and soon. Christmas is almost here.

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Azide00 t1_j1bwjtx wrote

Well, first off, with Krampus being a supernatural being, and the opposite of Santa, I'd make sure his body is still in the attic. If yes, then bury it. But chances are on Christmas Eve, there'll be no grave. And If not, then I have no advice other than to worry. If either of these things happen, make sure to buy a couple Oranges or Apples. If he comes again, which he more than likely will, get your boy to give him an Apple/Orange. When he does Krampus will sit down, converse with your boy, then leave. I've done this before. Christmas 1997. He came to our house a few days before Christmas. Luckily I know my fair share on these kibd of things. My daughter wasn't the best of kids. Always misbehaving. Was sat with her in my Living room. Then down he came. Got my daughter to give him an Apple. Sat down with us, had a conversation then left. Hopefully it works for you too. It's your best bet. Good luck.

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stonedoblivion t1_j1ciitv wrote

Missed your chance to make some bomb krampus burgers. At the point your at, take it somewhere and torch it, or chain it up and dump it in a lake or something.

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FromHereToOtternity t1_j1cqn8z wrote

Three words: festive holiday meat.

Borrow your neighbour's meat grinder.Since the meat is already rank, don't eat it yourself but feed it to your enemies and relatives, and hope it doesn't give them Christmas themed superpowers.

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hello_there166 t1_j1dwsy5 wrote

Write a letter Santa telling him what you done stay up on Christmas Eve and hand his body over to Santa, if he comes. Tell him you hadn't realised what he was until it was too late and make sure he understands you were only trying to protect your family most parents would have done the same given the chance

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randauum t1_j1e2taa wrote

Its been almost a year, if Santa hasn't noticed by nod he won't, riddle the body with salt if that doesn't help, burn it.

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SmolSpacePrince39 t1_j1e3dxm wrote

Best hope that killing Krampus doesn’t mean you’ll have to BECOME Krampus. I would go ahead and bury him in the most respectful way possible. Find a way to honor his spirit and beg it for forgiveness. God help you if you disrespect his body and soul after killing him. It’s also the safest method if he is resurrected, being supernatural and all.

You might write a letter to Santa explaining the situation, too. Let him know that it was out of caution and in self defense because to you, he was a home invader. No one wants to confess to murder, but again, it’s likely to safest option, here.

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FromHereToOtternity t1_j1eahg6 wrote

The cold will bother you slightly less (a 2 degree celcius difference, to be precise).

However, if you are on the hunt for love, your dating pool will consist only of people who are freaks, in the psychological sense.

You can decide for yourself whether this is a good or bad thing.

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DiscipleOfFleshGod t1_j1ewdil wrote

Burn sage, if you have a basement, chain it to the wall, every now and then give him an apple or orange.

Krampus is a supernatural being, he's most likely going to come back, nail it to the ground and wall with some proper equipment, the only way to be sure.

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Drivetrou t1_j1hrjb3 wrote

God can't even celebrate Christmas in Ohio

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Orange__Moon t1_j1io5m1 wrote

Your son must be really really naughty if Krampus came down in front of you for him. Maybe get your son some therapy? And keeping a body in the attic could draw police from the smell. Most people would think you killed some freaky animal or demon so I wouldn't worry too much about removing it from your house but I would be worried about Santa or Krampus coming back to life. On American Dad both Krampus and Santa are eternal. You don't want Krampus gunning for you every Christmas like Santa does with the Smith's. You need to figure out and solution. Research Krampus and Christmas lore and find someone who deals in the paranormal and show them what you have in the attic.

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Orange__Moon t1_j1iou6w wrote

Feeding random(rotting) meat to anyone would be criminal. You know even putting exlax in your food that coworkers always steal out of the fridge can get you in trouble. People don't like eating meat of things they don't consider normal, and each person may have a different normal. I only eat fish, no mammals, myself. Plus what if eating Krampus turned his enemies into Krampus minions or even Krampus himself. That's not a smart solution. It's like you want OP to get in all kinds of trouble, lol. I thought we were supposed to be helping him?

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Orange__Moon t1_j1ipqwg wrote

What if Santa is evil? You know it's so difficult to know with conflicting accounts. I think OP should contact a priest or fortune teller from whichever country Krampus actually comes from. If he can find someone who knows enough about him they may be able to help. Maybe a college professor who has devoted their career and research to this type of lore could be helpful too. There's all sort of academic types out there who study things like the origin of fairy tales and Christmas history and that sort of thing. He has the proof, so I'd contact one of those myself.

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FromHereToOtternity t1_j1iq3yw wrote

OP already killed Krampus and publicly announced it.

Nothing on the internet is completely anonymous and the North Pole probably already has their IP address. I'm just encouraging them to carpe all their diems before the reindeer murder squad mercs their ass.

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