No one comes back from the dead right. It's done, let it be. Train the next one, best you can. You're in a war you did not volunteer for. Plenty of soldiers (who so often are barely adults), have to live with a mistake that cost lives. Doctors/medics of all kinds, police officers, counselors... All kinds of people trying to keep people alive have to reckon with loss and guilt when things go wrong.

I don't know if asking a question of Tall Ben can come to anything good. Think very carefully if you do go down that road. He's already shown you how bizarre his logic is, so I don't think he's capable of answering you in a way that will satisfy.

Maybe just toss some oat milk out the window for him.

Also, have you invested in anything iron to keep on your person, besides your pee?