My friend asked me to download a knockoff dating app. There's something seriously wrong with my date
Submitted by HorrorJunkie123 t3_zocd4h in nosleep
“Come on bro, just download it. There’s so many hot girls on this app,” Mark pleaded, swiping through a barrage of attractive women to prove his point.
“Look, I just matched with one. I’m telling you dude, it works.”
I had always been leery of dating sites, but I’d be lying if I said my curiosity wasn’t piqued.
“I don’t know man. Kinnder? It’s an obvious Tinder knock off. Plus, I don’t know if I’m ready to put myself back out there just yet. Mara really screwed me up,” I retorted, hoping that not-so-subtle jab at my ex would thwart his attempts to persuade me.
“Okay, how long has it been now? Six months? You gotta move on. You’re a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have you. Just because you picked one bad apple from the bunch doesn’t mean they’re all rotten.”
“Pulling at my heartstrings, you sly bastard. I’ll consider it, alright?”
“Fuck yeah. You won’t regret it, Jason.”
I downloaded the app later that night. I was honestly giddy to test it out. If it worked as well as Mark said it did, I’d be elated. Though I’d never admit it to him, the loneliness was beginning to take a toll on me. Mark was right. It was time to move on.
I selected a handful of photos that I thought I looked decent in, hurriedly scrolling past the wall of pictures of Mara and me that I hadn’t had the heart to delete. Looking at them always sent a pang of grief jolting through my heart, a constant reminder of the mess I’d made. But it was over. I couldn’t change the past, only the future. So, with that notion at the forefront of my mind, I steeled my resolve and finally deleted any remaining photos of my ex-girlfriend from my camera roll.
After a week, I was a bit underwhelmed at the modest number of girls I’d matched with. When I was fortunate enough to kick off an interesting conversation, it usually fizzled out after a day or so.
“Give it time. You just got back in the game after two years of being off the market. You’ve gotta give yourself a chance to learn how to talk to girls again,” Mark advised.
“Here, let me see your phone. I’ll try to give you some pointers to set you in the right direction.”
I sheepishly handed it to him.
“Come on dude, you can’t simp over these girls. ‘Hey, you’re really pretty’ isn’t going to get you anywhere.”
“Okay, what do you start off with then, Johnny Sins?”
“I start off with a cheesy pick-up line. Sometimes it makes them laugh and it’s not a bad way to break the ice.”
“Which one do you use?” I queried, hoping to pilfer his.
“I start off with ‘are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you.’ But you can’t steal mine. You have to find your own,” he smirked.
“Ugh, fine I’ll see what Google has to offer.”
After perusing the internet’s bountiful selection of awful pick-up lines, I settled on a mildly corny one and began to implement it. The pick-up line did little to bolster my already lacking self-esteem. I was feeling dejected, nearly ready to give up on the app altogether, when a notification lit up my screen. Kinnder: You got a match!
My heart fluttered. I hurriedly typed in my passcode and opened the dating app. New Match!: Jessica. I started swiping through her pictures. Jessica was drop-dead gorgeous. I had no recollection of ever coming across her profile in the first place, but I knew I had to make a move on her.
“Alright J, you got this,” I muttered.
With nothing original coming to mind, I copy-pasted the pick-up line from my latest failed conversation and pressed send. I waited with bated breath for a response. She replied almost instantly: Hahaha that’s a good one. Thanks cutie (;
My heart skipped a beat. I messaged back right away (a little desperate, I know, but hindsight is always 20/20.) She didn’t seem to mind though.
Jessica and I really hit it off. I didn’t understand why such an attractive girl chose to talk to me out of all people, but I crammed the thought deep in the recesses of my mind. It was really working. I was actually having a great conversation for the first time since downloading the app. After a couple days, I mustered up the courage to ask Jessica on a date. She enthusiastically agreed and we exchanged phone numbers. I called Mark to give him the good news. Okay, admittedly I may have called him to gloat a bit over my imminent success, but that’s beside the point.
“That’s awesome bro! See, I told you the pick-up line thing would work!”
“I have to hand it to you man. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you were right,” I admitted, much to Mark’s satisfaction.
“Glad to be of service, kind sir,” he replied in his goofiest British accent.
“Haha you’re a goon. She wants me to meet her at her place this Saturday.”
“Dude, that's great. You’ve still got a couple days to prepare, so just play it cool until then and you’ll do just fine.”
“You’re right. I just hope I don’t screw things up.”
“Don’t worry man, you got this. I believe in you,” Mark doted, trying to boost my confidence.
“I really hope you’re right.”
That night I had one of the most vivid dreams of my life. I was alone in a dark house that I didn’t recognize. The luminescent glow of the television was my only light source. I wearily stood. I felt tired. So tired. As if I was underwater with cement blocks strapped to my feet.
I blearily called out into the encompassing black, “Hello? Is anyone here?”
I didn’t expect a response, so a twinge of fear and confusion pulsed through me when a soft soothing voice emanated from deeper in the home.
“In here baby,” she sang, enticing me to follow.
I moved as quickly as my heavy feet would allow, clumsily making my way to the hall.
“Where are you?” I shouted.
A figure began to emerge from a room at the far end of the hallway. It was Jessica.
She looked absolutely magnificent. She was dressed in lingerie, her skimpy outfit proudly advertising her assets. Long brown hair flowed down her back, tapering off nearly halfway down. Her smile captured my heart, beautiful rows of stark white teeth gleaming back at me. Her stunning green eyes connected with mine, paralyzing me with her tantalizing gaze.
She glided up to me and gently took my hand, lightly dragging me behind her. My heart pounded in my chest. Joy overtook me as we closed the distance to her room, every second mounting to the glorious crescendo that I was dying to experience. Then, right as we reached the doorway to her room, I heard… an alarm clock?
My eyes sprung open. Disappointment enveloped me as I realized it was just a dream. But it felt so real. Maybe it was a vision? A passing sense of delight bubbled inside me at the thought. I had the same exact dream every night that followed. Each time, Jessica and I would come so close to passing the threshold of her bedroom only for my alarm to tear me back to consciousness. It was starting to freak me out with the consistency of it all.
I reasoned that because Jessica was on my mind all day, my dreams were reflecting that. I tried not to dwell on it and focus on mentally prepping myself to meet Jessica in person. The days leading up to our date were full of anxious anticipation. When the day finally came, I was a bundle of nerves. I made sure to look my best, applying extra deodorant to mask the foul stench of the nervous sweat I was certain would come. I left my house a few minutes before eight, shooting Mark a text to let him know of my departure.
I pulled into the driveway and messaged Jessica to let her know that I’d arrived. She instantly replied and told me to let myself in. I thought it was a little strange that she wasn’t going to greet me at the door, but I ignored the notion and timidly approached the house. Sweat began to pool above my brow as I pushed open the front door. Once I stepped inside, I froze in utter shock. It was the same house from my dreams. Everything matched even down to the brown splotch on the carpet.
“H-hey, I’m here.” I stuttered, announcing my presence.
“In here, J-baby.”
Jessica’s sweet voice floated from within the house, luring me further in. I cautiously trudged into the eerily familiar hall. And there she was.
She looked even more gorgeous than she had in my dreams. That long brown hair cascaded down her shoulders. Her petite frame was flawless. Her miniscule amount of clothing clung to her perfect features in a way that only worked to embellish her even further. Her smile stunned me as I stared transfixed into her glistening green eyes. She stood seductively in the doorway, beckoning me closer.
My legs involuntarily drifted toward her and in a matter of seconds I was standing before the radiant enchantress I’d been so eager to meet. She slipped her soft palm into mine, interlacing our fingers, and pulled me into her room. She led me straight to her bed where she adopted a promiscuous position atop the covers.
“Care to join me?” she giggled.
“You know it,” I replied, donning my best “sexy” voice.
I swiftly kicked off my shoes, discarding them at the foot of the bed. I began to approach her, but my foot clumsily caught on the corner of the bed frame, sending me crashing to the floor with a loud thump.
“Oh my goodness, are you alright, sweetie?” Jessica implored, alarmed at my sudden mishap.
“Ah, yeah I’m fine,” I breathed, preparing to lift myself back up.
Before I did so, I caught a glimpse under Jessica’s bed. A shriveled rotten corpse glowered back at me, hollow sullen eye sockets cold enough to bore a hole through my chest. Fear coursed through me. At least half a dozen mummified husks littered the floor. It looked as if their life force had been drained, leaving behind only an empty shell.
“Are you sure you’re okay, hun? Mama can make you feel all better.”
“Uh yeah, I just need to use the restroom real quick,” I lied, shuffling to the hall as surreptitiously as I could.
“It’s down the hall and to the left. Hurry back now sweetie,” she uttered, a tinge of impatience seeping into her words.
“Oh, I will.”
Once she was out of sight I bolted to the front door, not caring that I’d left my shoes behind. I jumped into my car and floored it out of there, tires squealing as they grappled for traction. Jessica tried calling me repeatedly afterward. I blocked her number and deleted Kinnder.
I receive calls from random numbers occasionally, but I can’t definitively say that it’s her. I have a sinking feeling that I haven’t seen the last of her yet, though. Because every now and then, I still have that same recurring dream. Only now, I always see how it ends. And I wouldn’t wish that nightmare upon anyone.
DelcoPAMan t1_j0mck28 wrote
Maybe call the cops sbout those corpses ... anonymously.