I messed up. I messed up so bad. I don’t know if I’m in danger or going to jail or what, but oh God did I fuck up. I don’t know how I’m going to live with myself.

This all started in the break room Wednesday. As I shoved my leftover Chinese into the microwave; Brian leaned back in his chair, inviting Dave to come over Saturday to “light up the pit” for his birthday. A small gathering, he said. I never get invited to those things. Never. I tell myself it’s because I’m in lower management, but I know the truth. I’m awkward around people. I try too hard.

“Man, I used to do a mean smoked chicken back in the day!” I interrupted. I’d never smoked a chicken in my life. But I felt confident no one would be asking me to. “Have a great party, Brian.” I don’t know why I butted in. I guess I was just tired of being ignored.

As I reached for the door, fried rice steaming, Brian invited me to the party. I stopped, hand just short of the knob, sure I’d misheard. I know it’s dorky to admit, but I had to shove my grin down a couple notches to avoid looking like Patrick Bateman as I turned back around and accepted.

I still remember what I told him. “Aw man, I’m great at gifts! I’ll see you there!” Stupid, stupid, stupid!!

In truth, I’m awful at gifts. I’d been sitting on my sunken couch looking around online for ideas for nearly an hour with no luck. Finally, I settled on a gag gift. Something that could be re-gifted amongst the cool guys in the office, occasion after occasion. I wasted another 15 minutes fantasizing about the guys passing the gift around and talking about how I started it all. How witty and funny I was. I could be an office legend.

I know it’s crude, but Brian had said it would be a small gathering. I figured a few guys from the office and maybe an old friend or two. I decided to take inspiration from my college days and scour the internet for a sex doll.

I sucked my breath as I scrolled through the outrageous prices. Just as I was about to give up and go with an old-fashioned blow-up doll, I found a listing from BadDollz4u and she was perfect. The doll’s name was listed as Alice. The brief description under the picture proclaimed, “A Taste of Wonderland!” I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Blond hair, blue eyes, and just over $100 with overnight shipping included. The fleeting thought occurred to me that at that price point, she might be used. But honestly, did it matter? No one was going to be partaking in any activities with her. At least I hoped not. She was to be the white elephant gift passed among the guys. She was the legacy I’d leave behind as I moved my way up management. She was how the guys would know deep down, I was one of them and they could invite me to bar crawls and parties. She would deliver me from this god-awful loneliness. God I was so stupid.

Without any more hesitation or reading, I pressed “Buy Now”.

I was giddy. She was perfect. I laid in bed that night fantasizing about the shock on Brian’s face as he opened the gift. The guys would howl with laughter. They’d slap me on the back, give me some high fives. It was going to be great.

The following morning, I woke with an extra pep in my step. I hummed while I ran the steamer over my collared shirt and gave myself a foamy grin in the mirror as I brushed my teeth. As I strolled to the kitchen to grab my cup of Joe, there was a swift knock at the door.

It couldn’t be… Not this early? And yet when I opened my apartment door, there stood a large box. I was elated! I dragged the box in quickly and slammed the door shut.

In my excitement, I ripped the box open like a wild animal. I tore the packing sheet off the top and paused. She was beautiful, sure, but she wasn’t exactly as the ad had shown. Her blond hair was a bit matted, like a childhood doll forgotten in the bottom of a toy box. One eye was a clear crystal blue, the other an odd yellow. Her freshly oiled bondage leather attire shone in the light. Maybe she wasn’t perfect, but she’d do.

With only ten minutes before I needed to leave for work, I roughly brushed through her hair. She wouldn’t win any awards, but she was smoother than before.

Glancing back at the destroyed box, I realized I wasn’t sure where to put her. My first thought was to just leave her out, but what if there was a maintenance emergency? I didn’t want the office to think I was weird. I bit my lip and settled for the closet. I shoved her in quickly and went out the door.

Work dragged on. Everything seemed so trivial knowing the work I had cut out for me at home. I had decided to pull Alice’s hair into pigtails to further smooth her hair and give her another once over to make sure I hadn’t missed anything else in my morning fumble with her.

The guilt of cutting out fifteen minutes early from work didn’t haunt me like it generally would. I swung my apartment door open and bellowed, “Honey! I’m home!”

My chuckle was cut short as I entered my bedroom and found Alice lying on top of the comforter on my bed. I froze. Someone had been in my apartment and they had moved her.

I slowly approached the bed, looking Alice over. She certainly looked the same. But nonetheless, I decided to call the office to see if maintenance had been through. According to the impatient woman who answered, no one had entered my apartment.

An eerie feeling swept over me, but I figured in my excitement this morning, I’d opened the closet door but for some reason laid Alice on my bed. I was excited and I must have been in a rush. I’m forgetful sometimes.

Regardless, my enthusiasm had withered. I pulled and smoothed Alice’s hair into pigtails before placing her into the closet and firmly shutting the door.

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that I’d been careless this morning. I’d spent a good chunk of the night lost in thought about my perfect surprise. I’d just hit the hay a little earlier tonight. I’d power through tomorrow, and the following day was the party.

After a quick TV dinner, I slid into bed. The thought of Alice laying there staring up at the ceiling returned. I rolled over a few times, but eventually sleep came.

I jerked awake suddenly to the terrible certainty that someone was staring at me. I was cemented on my back with my eyes fluttering quickly at the ceiling. As my eyes adjusted, I could make out something hovering a few inches from my face.

I stifled a scream as I slowly turned my head towards the figure in the dark. Alice was bent down on all fours with her mouth stretched open far too wide for what she was intended for. Something in my brain, something primal that had helped my ancestors survive in the forest with carnivorous beasts, told me with great certainty that if I hadn’t awakened when I had, she’d have eaten me. Her mouth would have continued to pop and stretch like a snake and she’d have swallowed me whole.

I shoved her hard and leapt onto my feet on the other side of the bed. Terror gripped me as I scrambled to escape my bedroom.

I threw my gaze back into my room, expecting Alice to be yanking at the knob from the other side with her jaw jiggling unhinged at her chest, but nothing moved through the crack in the door. I flipped the light from the other side of the doorway and waited. I held my breath, but I couldn’t hear anything over the roaring of my blood pressure in my ears. Slowly, I cracked the door completely open.

I climbed back onto the bed and leaned over to see Alice sprawled out on the floor. Her head was turned sideways at an angle that begged a broken neck. Her yellow eye stared dreamily under my bed. She looked different. Paler, almost grey. Her youthful cheek were now sunken. She looked long since dead.

“Hey!” I yelled. I didn’t expect her to answer, but there was a flood of relief when she didn’t flinch. She won’t move as long as I’m watching her. I didn’t know where the thought had come from, but I knew it to be true.

I reluctantly turned to boot up my laptop. I realized far too late that I should have read the rest of the ad. Something was very, very wrong with this doll.

Alice was marked as “Out of Stock” but the ad was still there to read.

“A Taste of Wonderland! The perfect doll for your enemy. Let her ravishingly good looks lull them into a false sense of security before this sweet Alice transforms into a cutthroat Queen of Hearts! Off with their heads! Just 3 days until your sweet, sweet revenge! Alice will eliminate her owner on the third day, so please make sure she has been gifted to a new owner before that time. We advise leaving no return address, this isn’t a gift you want returned to you! Happy haunting!”

My stomach felt full of ice. I was going to die. This god damn doll was going to kill me. I threw my laptop against the wall and sobbed.

I went to the garage, grabbed some leftover cheap rope from my room and two old bike locks and went to work tying Alice up. I didn’t know what I was going to do yet, but I couldn’t risk her moving around anymore. I’d die of a heart attack before she ever had a chance to kill me. Although, at the moment, this might not be the worst way to go. ‘Off with their heads!’ flashed through my mind.

Sleep didn’t find me again that night, but in the early hours of the morning, I had made a decision. I didn’t want to die. I would go to work, keep up appearances, and on Saturday I would give Brian the doll.

At work that morning, I was utterly distracted. Alice was bound on my couch, but the thought of not being able to see her worried me. At noon, I shut my office door. I jumped when my coworkers knocked and nearly vomited when the phone rang. At some point, I’d have to go home. At some point, I’d have to wrap Alice up, stick a shiny bow on her, and give her to Brian. At some point, I’d be a murderer.

Despite my want to get everything over with, I found myself the last to leave the office. I stopped quickly at the store for wrapping paper. I meant to go straight home after and deal with Alice, but I stopped at the bar for a few drinks first.

Lightly stumbling, I entered my home. As I flicked on the light, my heart shot out of rhythm. I slammed my first against my chest twice before the cramp in my chest subsided. Alice wasn’t how I’d left her.

She stood in the center of the living room with her head tilted back, one hand raised in a fist, holding a butcher knife ready to thrust towards the ceiling like a victor’s battle sword. She looked more rotted corpse than beauty.

I’d had enough of this fucking doll. I pried the butcher knife from her gnarled hand and laid her down on the floor. I had no thoughts as I wrapped her. When I was done, she resembled a dead body wrapped in tacky wrapping paper instead of a sheet. Happy fucking birthday indeed.

I couldn’t wait anymore. I couldn’t risk her unwrapping herself. I took Alice with me and propped her against the garage wall as I reclined the passenger seat all the way and shoved her inside. I had no idea what I’d tell law enforcement if I was pulled over, but I couldn’t risk not keeping an eye on her.

Just after 11:45, I cut my headlights as I pulled in front of Brian’s house. I nearly left. I started to cry again. I’d even switched the car back into drive with my foot pushed heavily on the break, but the wrapping paper faintly rustled. Exhausted and bordering on a psychotic break, I shoved the shifter back into park and got out of the car. Carefully, quietly, I took Alice to the door. I rang the doorbell four times fast and ran to my car. My tires squealed as I tore away from the house with just enough time to see Alice fall through the opening door.

I didn’t go to Brian’s party. I couldn’t. Guilt feasted on me through the weekend. I barely ate. Barely slept. When I did, Alice was there, butcher knife in hand, rotted flesh flapping from her jawline as she screamed in a dying animatronic voice, “Off with their heads!”

Today is Monday. I’m sitting at my desk. We’ve been open for just over an hour.

Brian hasn’t showed up or called in.

Just before I posted this, I went back and checked BadDollz4u’s ad. I wanted to reread it. To make sure I didn’t miss anything. The ad has been updated.

“1 Left in Stock! Order Now!”