“My daughter was 16 years old when she “killed herself”. I’d never felt such pain before that day. No one gets you ready for the death of your child- kids are meant to bury their parents. It was to my horror when I had to bury her. Rita was 16 when it happened, only 3 days after her birthday. It was a shock to me to find her laying in her room unconscious.

Rita never displayed any signs of mental health issues and I always made sure to check up on her if something was up or if she was acting off. The only thing we knew she struggled with was dislexia.Most of the time it was boy trouble or girls being bitchy at school. I suffer with BPD so I know how hard people try to hide this it problems to the world. She was always a quiet girl and was very polite to everyone. She was always happy and it seemed she loved her life. After the day I found her, I could never figure out why she did it. We were super close and she never hid anything from me. Even things kids don’t usually tell their parents, like sneaking out, trying cigarettes etc. she was always so honest.

On 31st august 2019 is when I found her, laying their pale as anything. I immediately tried to wake her and called 999. On the scene they found her “suicide note”. I opened it and read the few lines she left. “ I am sorry mum. I tried but I couldn’t cope anymore- I love you!” Something about this didn’t sit right with me. The spelling was perfect? Her handwriting was perfect? I dwelled on it while mourning the loss of my daughter.

A few weeks later I decided to investigate why she would do this;find any clues. That’s when I found her diary and my heart sank.

“1/2/2019- amzing day I met a new boy today! He seems so perfect. Hopefuly he is the one for me. It was like love ar first siht!

4/5/2019-he’s amzing It’s oficial! We are dating ! I love him. Tomorrow we’re going to thorp park. So ecited!!!!

5/5/2019-ouch He was very funny with me yeterday. He won’t let me tell my mum about us. He says if I do he’ll leave me

26/5/2019 He snuck ofer last nite, and tride to hug me. His face was of? Like he didn’t look like him. His eyes were red… teeth wer sharp…his fingers wer long. I told him to go and he said if I ever leave him he’ll kill me.

7/6/2019 I’m stuk he doesnt look like him anymore. He won’t meet in the day. He says he is off his meds so light makes his eyes hurt. In darkness is when I see him. I can feel his hair has grown long and he’s skin is scratchy. Idk what to do.

9/7/2019

I saw his face today. He didn’t look human n more. I am scard he doesn’t know I saw it I did. I need to tell my mum. Not a stupid diry

27/7/2019 I build up enough strength to ask why he looked diffeent now. All he said was I was going to regret asking him. Idk what he means

28/8/2019 I’m gunna die why did I stay out for so long . If I say to mum this he will kill her. I love u mum”

She never wrote much but I have read enough to know. I found out his name is Jack and I don’t know what this crazy mf is but I willl be locking my windows at night and I hope you do too. He could be anywhere or anyone, his meds might make him look”normal” so please becareful of who your with.”

I found this drafted. In my sisters phone after she “killed herself” on may 27th 2020. I only just got it back after 3 years and now I fear I am next because my new boyfriend is called Jack.