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dervasavred t1_j9n4rx4 wrote

No, no, you got it all wrong.

He founded Canada in 1492 after coming over on the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria with Jesus, George Washington, and Robocop. Together, they pushed out the Mad Max biker gangs that roamed across Canada in its original jungle state. Unfortunately, the weapons they used took a toll and ushered in a new ice age, forming the Great Lakes in just 10 years from glacial slides and killing the last remaining T-rexes in North America, opening the way for American settlement coast-to-coast.

He's laid low for 500 years by joining the Illuminati and putting himself in cryp-sleep, only emerging when the world needs his guidance. He learned this technique by consulting Nostradamus and Leonardo da Vinci (who's alive and well today, going by the name Banksy).