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CandylandCanada t1_j8x6w7c wrote

Imagine the look on the counsellor’s face when these two told their story. That counsellor deserves whatever the therapeutic equivalent of the Nobel Peace Prize is.


delocx t1_j8xjuf1 wrote

Hell of a testimonial too.

"Our marriage was so bad I tried to murder my husband... 5 times! But thanks to Dr. McFuckingAwesome we've patched things up and have now been married for 57 years!"


jordantask t1_j8y2gr6 wrote

Plot Twist: Marriage counsellor was secretly a hitman hired by each spouse to kill the other but decided to counsel them instead.


TigBiddiesMacDaddy t1_j8ybov3 wrote

Will you be willing to sell me the rights to that idea so I can make a movie out of it?


jordantask t1_j8yerid wrote

One Hundred BEEEEELLLION dollars!!

Touches pinky to corner of mouth


TigBiddiesMacDaddy t1_j8yfczh wrote


oh, you’re serious?


We thought you were going to ask for a trillion dollars! Hahaha


Mohingan t1_j902wc8 wrote

Guy decides to turn his whole life around, go to school, and learn marriage counselling just because he believed in them.


Lovat69 t1_j8zi495 wrote

He now puts the toilet seat down and the dirty laundry goes in the hamper!


kalekayn t1_j9bzayz wrote

Sounds like an old hollywood version of Mr and Mrs. Smith.


S_T_P t1_j8x6o7y wrote

>> While not everything in the movie is accurate, Frances Toto did hire teenage hitmen to help her try to kill her husband five times, including failed attempts to blow up his car and attack him with a baseball bat.

>> One night, Frances Toto put a bottle of sleeping pills in her husband’s food and then the hitmen shot him.

>> “Twice, one in the back of my head and then the bullet went right through the chest,” Tony Toto said.

>> Because of the pills, Tony Toto’s system slowed down. He was in a daze and says he didn’t feel a thing, believing his wife when she told him he had the flu.


ScrollButtons t1_j8xe69g wrote

>“And then we both cry and we said to each other, ‘From now on, let’s talk, let’s talk, let’s communicate better.’ Something that we should have done it before. So that’s what was missing,” Tony Toto said.

What in the r/relationships is this


bilateralrope t1_j8xokvm wrote

Killing him didn't work, so they were running low on options.


thecowintheroom t1_j8z71h1 wrote

Confirmation bias says that because he didn’t die, she realized he was meant to live, and that she was meant to love him.


JustStatedTheObvious t1_j90iq1e wrote

It's rare when the title is exactly like the Onion's writing style.

And even rarer you can quote the article and still question whether or not this is satire.


Nazamroth t1_j8xb2nc wrote

"Nothing brings people together like attempted murder."


zulruhkin t1_j8xcwmf wrote

Getting shot in the head can change the way you think.


notapolita t1_j8xj0ev wrote

"What you call murder attempt, we call foreplay."


7ach-attach t1_j901tdp wrote

We don’t need no chamber of commerce clearance to play around here, now move on!


hotlavatube t1_j8y1i46 wrote

“Did you miss me, Al?” - Peggy Bundy.
“With every shot so far” - Al Bundy


NotoriousREV t1_j8xjnzn wrote

Why on earth did the writer have to use their full names every single time he mentioned them? We get it, their last name is Toto!


_GABO_ OP t1_j8xn2pq wrote

Typically you'd mention an individual solely by their last name after first mention, except where multiple people have the same last name. It's a puff piece, but they're still following style guidelines.


NotoriousREV t1_j8xp77y wrote

It’s annoying and ruins the flow of the story. There’s no reason not to refer to them by their first names after the first use of their full names. Common sense over style guide.


_GABO_ OP t1_j8xqynb wrote

Agreed, especially since this is hardly breaking news.


King0fSwing t1_j8y25kh wrote

Is it really a successful marriage if you haven't tried to kill your partner at least once?


MasonP2002 t1_j921t2f wrote

Damn, so that's why my relationship didn't work out.


Dutchman1941 t1_j8yzqhm wrote

Been married to the same women for 60 years and haven’t been shot.


attillathehoney t1_j8zhnzw wrote

How do you know? Remember that time you thought you had the flu?


XeroChance t1_j8zmv8u wrote

Terrible trigger control


fromabuick t1_j91dmur wrote

Nobody had the rainbow until they had the rain - Jim Croce


HoppityHooper t1_j8zhj80 wrote

"Till Death Do We Part," indeed. NFL fans may be interested to know the film about the Totos lives, starring Tracey Ullman, was produced by a fellow named Jeffrey Lurie. Who made a killing producing great Eagles teams the last 30 years or so.


Azerax t1_j93hy9s wrote



DangerOReilly t1_j91cdmr wrote

If you can't sell the story as movie rights, is it even a real marriage?


justhavingfunMT t1_j9dhyft wrote

Coincidentally, they aren't the first married couple to have this scenario in their life and still be together. Absolutely fantastic movie based on the true story of the other couple, I love You To Death. Kevin Kline, Tracy Ulman, River Phoenix, Keanu Reeves, Joan Plowright all had amazing parts and an absolutely funny movie that I'm going to now find and watch, for probably the 10th time.