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[deleted] t1_jarg30k wrote

True, if they are slower, the bear will catch them on it's own. Trip a faster freind.


wheresthecheat t1_jarzppm wrote

Exactly, eventually you’ll be the slowest one left if you keep eliminating the people behind you. Then your friends will leave you behind. Trip the track star and keep more bodies between you and the bear


aarkwilde t1_jarfhig wrote

A friend with bad knees is a friend indeed.


getbehindmebeetus t1_jarue30 wrote

A friend with weed is better…


jiivanili t1_jat1mk5 wrote

I used to tell my brother that I didn't need to outrun the bear, I just needed to outrun him.


jxj24 t1_jarj3zm wrote

I'll take "Things Slower People Say" for $200, Alex.


Freethecrafts t1_jau1ibx wrote


Bears go after the closest target. Pushing a slower person down just makes them less visible. A bear is going to “push” the slower one down first.


TheRealMisterNatural OP t1_jarf9mo wrote

Bear safety tip number 1: "Don't feed your friends to hungry bears."


64sweetsour t1_jarmvn8 wrote

Bears don’t want to be fed. Bears want to hunt


[deleted] t1_jarz06r wrote

Is that why they hunt in dumpsters and trashcans? LOL

The THRILL OF THE CHASE of Applebees leftovers.


stanley604 t1_jarzdk1 wrote

A park ranger at Glacier National Park (home of many Grizzly bears) told us what to do if attacked by a Grizzly: climb the nearest tree and throw your wallet as far as you can.

He said that way, they'll know who it was that got eaten.


MattTheHarris t1_jas386n wrote

Carry a handgun, not for the bear but so you don't have to experience being eaten alive


Vurt__Konnegut t1_jatugqy wrote

In Tennessee the joke is on Heico show that he was carrying a little 22 caliber pistol, his fellow hiker said “that won’t stop a bear”. The other hiker reply contact number for the bears, but it will do your kneecaps just fine.”


Bubbagumpredditor t1_jarhxrt wrote

Sounds like someone at the park service is a slowpoke


hotlavatube t1_jaskc1n wrote

"It's NOT funny..." - NPS ranger pouts, nursing his bear-inflicted injuries


flossymcwobblestein t1_jarx873 wrote

What if they're more of a casual acquaintance?


Shot-Spray5935 t1_jas9kn5 wrote

Doesn't matter. That piece of advice is useless. When push come to shove you shove your friend/wife/kid/partner towards the bear and run. It's a wild world baby.


jiivanili t1_jat23qh wrote

This is extra funny to me because my mom is TERRIFIED of snakes and once she lit the (gas) grill but a snake had gotten in it and when she opened it, the snake was pissed and climbing out of it. This bitch (said with love) pushed me into the dirt and ran inside and locked the door. I was 8! My dad had to come to the house from the firestation and search the yard for a flaming snake and I had to go through the gate to the front door to get inside lmao


tinymonesters t1_jas54ew wrote

I'd never push a slower friend down. Why would I need to? I'm faster....duh.


LevelHeeded t1_jasqlnv wrote

Exactly, if they're slower you don't need to push them down. Now if you're the slow one, or you're all the same speed, well then it's anyone's game.


Abides1948 t1_jarkgnl wrote

I never would have considered it.

Until now, great strategy.


44035 t1_jarkefj wrote

You're on your own, grandma.


[deleted] t1_jaryxiq wrote

You gotta know that the number of people who need to hear that message isn't zero...


I_am_Torok t1_jasjomg wrote

Kid in NJ got killed by a bear a couple of years ago. Group of kids came across a bear and didn't follow guidelines of what you should do, scattered in different directions, and he was the one the bear chased down.


DennyCrane49 t1_jasy9y6 wrote

That one was messed up- the group arrived and met a couple hikers who said “Don’t go that way, there’s a really aggressive bear following us…”

They went that way anyway, met the bear and it followed them. One of them did take a photo of the bear before it killed the one guy, kinda creepy.


Mitthrawnuruo t1_jas677l wrote

This violates decades of education I have been provided.


djsoren19 t1_jas8j3s wrote

If there's a group of you, you have a much better chance of turning around, making yourself look large, and standing your ground. Bears know that fleeing animals are easy prey, but pack that stands together is not worth the trouble.


Jmostran t1_jasekjn wrote

Well duh. Pushing your friend down is gonna take precious time away from escaping a bear. The bear will catch your slower friend if you push them down or not regardless


DFWPunk t1_jasgay4 wrote

That's exactly what a slow person would say.


Imn0tg0d t1_jasz1st wrote

Wouldn't the slower friend be the one to push someone down? The faster friend doesn't need to push someone down, they can just outrun them.


Johnny_B_Thundergun t1_jas2han wrote

If your friend doesn't have the balance to keep running, that's simply natural selection


Lentemern t1_jasge5l wrote

Push a faster friend down and stick it to Darwin


physis81 t1_jatcivr wrote

Don’t waste your time. Instead of pushing them to the ground, use this time to gain 3 or 4 strides on them.


Sololololololol t1_jatfsa1 wrote

This is correct, if your friend is slower you don’t need to push them. You only push over the faster friend.


amstrumpet t1_jatlwkr wrote

Why would you have to trip a slow friend, you can just outrun them? If you are the slow friend (me) you might have to trip a fast friend though…


NotReallyInvested t1_jatxzv2 wrote

It’s the faster friend you’re supposed to push down.


[deleted] t1_jau5n4m wrote

If they’re slower you can just run faster than them.

You should push your faster friend down.


rellsell t1_jausmqv wrote

If you’re fast enough, you don’t need to push.


Rachellie242 t1_jarsk6y wrote

My friends need to follow this advice 🥾🥾 I’m going as fast as I can!


Seabrook76 t1_jarzqtu wrote

Running past them? Fair enough.


SomeIndividual1 t1_jasb5im wrote

that is how you get manslaughter, you already out run them


override367 t1_jasgwrb wrote

you dont need to push them down, they'll occupy the bear longer if they're upright to start


BrianKronberg t1_jassbnc wrote

True, you should take out their knee first. You don't want them getting up too quick.


TheAres1999 t1_jat08al wrote

But this was the only safety briefing on bears we got in the Boy Scouts


captainadam_21 t1_jat0mbv wrote

That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought. Fact. Bears eat beets


idahononono t1_jatm697 wrote

Well yeah, what if they fall in front of you and trip you when they go down? What you wanna do is just gently nudge them into an obstacle like a tree branch or rock. Then, when they go down and your free and clear. Amateurs.


ScottRoberts79 t1_jatvpry wrote

Of course. You need to push down your friend who is FASTER than you.......

The friend who is slower is already bear food.


NoahVailability t1_jatytop wrote

If they’re slower… you can let them be eaten and feel peachy about the whole situation.


ThexHoganxHero t1_jatzgk1 wrote

They’re not kidding. If you feed them they will keep coming back.


Just_wanna_talk t1_jau2bgh wrote

Obviously. They're slower, no need to risk missing and losing your balance.


Rolloftape23456 t1_jau50mf wrote

Cause then you’re like an accessory to bear crime?


[deleted] t1_jaub2m6 wrote

If they’re slower then you you don’t need to push them down, just put run them.


RevengencerAlf t1_jaug0kn wrote

What dumb advice. If they're slower you clearly don't need to push them.


Sethmeisterg t1_jaui582 wrote

That's right-- if you do that, the bear will be offended that his sport kill was too easy, then he'll come after you next for revenge.


AreWeThereYet61 t1_jauifbs wrote

An advisory by the only person who didn't get the joke.


SnooRegrets1386 t1_jauigsi wrote

Even if you feel the relationship has run it’s course…. Classic 😝


Red_Clay_Scholar t1_jaun97v wrote

Did they mean a slow friend or did they mean a... SLOW friend?


ItsDokk t1_jaur0ez wrote

I’m pushing whoever is near me down, if they don’t want it they better have good reflexes.


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Jace_Te_Ace t1_javj48j wrote

How about acquaintances? Are they fair game?


Tyger-Teranuma t1_jawg1rw wrote

A bear's in town. Don't push friends down


ikejime1 t1_jayi7wj wrote

This is so obvious they don’t need to make an announcement. The slower friend will already be eaten before you. Trip up the faster friend instead


BigDaddyFatPants t1_jb6ehzt wrote

You don't have to be faster than the bear, only faster than your friend.


MadeInThe t1_jas4iha wrote

Both friends could carry a firearm, sure try bear spray first but the minimum should be a firearm.


Chickentrap t1_jas584x wrote

So we can shoot each other rather than die by bear, smart


MadeInThe t1_jas9bsh wrote

Actually yeah if you and your friend are dumb and actually shoot each other in a way that kills each other first. Then that’s better than being eatin alive by a bear.