Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

maxanderson350 t1_jbou4ev wrote

His lack of grace and gratitude is so disappointing.

−6

alzee76 t1_jbouft8 wrote

"No-talent attention-seeking jackwagon seeks.. attention"

−14

Buddyblue21 t1_jbowgwe wrote

Did anyone read the article? Whatever your feelings about him, what he said is pretty straightforward and accurate. Saying he looks like a little thug if he wanted to wear cornrows is problematic. He also said he knows they loved him, but it shouldn’t be a surprise that they didn’t understand how some of their biases came into play when parenting a child from another ethnicity. It’s a necessary discussion.

27

Nightgaun7 t1_jbox3qp wrote

Boy would he be surprised to hear some of the things churchgoing black women tell their sons.

38

aannoonn2021 t1_jboyibi wrote

Just chiming in as a parent in a transracial adoption. I'm Hispanic, my husband is white and our son is Black. There is a huge learning curve. Loving your child does not mean that you don't make mistakes and for parents who adopt Black children, those mistakes can perpetuate racism.

The example he gives in the article has to do with hair and braiding. Hair is incredibly important in Black culture. Honestly, I had no idea what that meant before our son came to us. I had to learn.

Society already does a GREAT job of portraying Black boys and men as thugs. I would never use that word towards my son. My job is to build him up so that he can withstand all the knocks the world will give him.

As an adoptive parent his words do not come across as a lack of gratitude. When we know better, we do better.

33

sprint6864 t1_jboz5xd wrote

Replying to Buddyblue21 (#2,201,430)

The things that are getting posted in this sub and the people supporting some of the comments shows that a lot of people here are problematic af. The fact that they didn't read the article and are immediately attacking him, let alone the fact that it was posted in this sub to begin with, is kinda friggin troubling

18

teewertz t1_jbp134q wrote

this is hilarious because the onion would write an article defending him lol

−11

Bitch_Posse t1_jbp19dn wrote

And things turned out really bad for him as a result. #peoplewithrealprioblems

−6

XxxMasterpiece t1_jbpj9mk wrote

Sounds like his parents are just being normal parents?

Parents always nagging their teenager about their clothes, hair etc…

12

deathdealer351 t1_jbq869w wrote

Idk how many times I was told to change because I looked like a thug as a teen..

Idk how many times I my friends mums told their kids to change because thug or tramp and they are not going out like that..

Shit I had a mates dad tell me people will treat me like a criminal if I keep dressing like one, and present how you want to be treated.. That was actually good advice I started presenting better and was treated better.

22

MammothEmergency8581 t1_jbq9gj9 wrote

Replying to sprint6864 (#2,202,089)

They gave him a roof over his head because he needed home. Clearly helped him get education. So now that he is all grown up he gets to bash them publicly over something they couldn't possibly have known. That's a thank you they get. Publicly humiliated by ungrateful brat. Oh, but it would be different if they were black. You people are hypocrites.

17

Bender3455 t1_jbqb2g4 wrote

Replying to aannoonn2021 (#2,201,574)

His words come across as not understanding what his parents were trying to say. I give success advice and the 2 things that are (initially) important are how you dress and how you speak. Just as dreads were not a professional look 20 years ago, neither were mohawks or women with buzzed heads on any race. Nowadays, the hairstyles of people have become less criticized (thankfully), but the two points remain; dress well and speak well.

23

Bender3455 t1_jbqcbtj wrote

No they didn't. There's a big difference between dressing for success and being a racist. His comments are in direct regard to him "looking like a thug" if he chose certain hairstyles, and that that would hinder his success. It's the same as if my daughter wants to put oversized gauges in her ears, or get a neck/face tattoo. There are things that people (kids) do that can hinder their success, and it's our job as parents to prepare them for these situations, whatever they eventually choose to do.

10

Buddyblue21 t1_jbqep8j wrote

Replying to deathdealer351 (#2,204,024)

Yeah but cornrows are seen as “thuggish” by white people rather than black people (largely). It’s pretty much the centuries old debate of what makes “good hair” which is largely shaped by the dominant white culture.

So do you think cornrows make a black person look like a thug?

11

blackeyedsusan25 t1_jbqex7h wrote

TIL that parents wanting their son NOT to look like a thug is a bad thing :( WTAF?

6

morosco t1_jbqgs5l wrote

Replying to aannoonn2021 (#2,201,574)

What's the line between "we have a lot to learn and make mistakes" to just being bad and racist as you seem to suggest his parents were.

I think a lot of people would like to learn more, would like to hurt less, would like to help more, but there's such a desire in society to just drunk on people and brand them as something bad so venturing out in that towards kind of thing is just super risky.

Or is the lesson here that adoptive parents should stick with their own race so their mistakes, whether reasonable or not, don't harm the kids, and don't involve the parents being forever labeled as racists decades later.

2

Loose_Consequence_26 t1_jbqhlam wrote

Replying to Bender3455 (#2,204,148)

The problem is 20 years ago white folks could wear the same hairstyles and not be viewed as unprofessional just coming back from vacation. There were also many other black hairstyles that were seen unprofessional. You pretty much had low and tight if you were a guy, or straightened as a woman.

His parents may have been trying to teach a lesson, but they taught the wrong one.

Souce: half black half white guy who heard similar things from their white mother. Little older then Colin.

2

Bender3455 t1_jbqjgyb wrote

Replying to Loose_Consequence_26 (#2,204,453)

I appreciate your input, but I disagree on one thing you mentioned: "His parents may have been trying to teach a lesson, but they taught the wrong one." I'm speculating slightly (based on what was written) that his parents were trying to teach him to not "look like a thug" (quoting them), and while the definition behind that has changed, it's still something that I believe is correct to teach, regardless of race. Cindi Lauper in the 80's (white girl) would buzz one side of her hair, and that was considered taboo at the time. But let's go back to your statement that I quoted; what lesson do you believe the parents should have been teaching instead?

7

Loose_Consequence_26 t1_jbqkx9h wrote

Replying to Bender3455 (#2,204,540)

Thug hasn’t changed. Any thing outside what I stated had negative connotations to it. Large Afros are often seen as aggressive and militant. Afro puffs childish. You can pick any historical black hairstyle and there have been negative associations with it.

As for what they should have been teaching him. One educate themselves first. Realize their bias. As for teaching, be yourself. End of day he was a child and it was his hair. Hair is one of the few things children actually have some control of in their lives and they should be allowed to express themselves. My self perception got immeasurably better when the barber kicked my mom out of my haircuts.

And to be fair bias is not a white or black thing. I got it from both sides. One of my teachers great educator helped drive and foster my love of technology. Also once said it’s to bad I didn’t get that good hair from your momma. She didn’t mean anything negative by it. At that time straighter hair was still seen as an overall positive in the black community.

His parents isolating from his culture casually would have had impact. Intentional or not.

4

deathdealer351 t1_jbqlqb8 wrote

Replying to Buddyblue21 (#2,204,333)

I've seen plenty of black people with corn rows that present well.. I've seen plenty of white people with corn rows that present thuggish..

But I'm different, I've dressed thuggish before and was never a thug so I don't look at the outfit and make judgments like that, it would be more your stance, tone of voice, movements in shoulder postering that would give me a 1st impression of if you are a thug or not..

But 1st impressions are a thing and it's not a racist thing.. It's how you present that is going to make someone feel a certain way about you..

6

Bender3455 t1_jbqm3rc wrote

Replying to Loose_Consequence_26 (#2,204,611)

Ah, gotcha. I actually don't believe that to be true, personally, as far as what "dressing well" entails. Heck, when I was growing up, it felt like my thick hair only wanted to do one thing; look like a 70's porno commercial. Back on topic though, as a black man, there's certain styles that look more professional than other styles. Same with white men, or any other race. Fortunately, hair style is getting less 'taboo' and we can focus more on other outward justifiers. But, 20 years ago, the standards were more strict, and that was for everyone, including me.

6

Loose_Consequence_26 t1_jbqnbbb wrote

Replying to Bender3455 (#2,204,670)

So the problem with what you keep banging your head against is the definition of what is acceptable as a black man was not determined by black hair. It was a deliberate strategy to force you into a more white mold. And even the more strict requirements back in the day were often more strict for black people. Any job where hair length was an issue when your hair grows out rather then down often meant your were subjected to random definitions of to long was. Your manger changes and they declare your hair which was fine on Friday is now unkempt on Monday. HR wouldn’t back you. It’s why even today as you seem to think standards are less there os legislation being passed to protect said hairstyles.

What you want to believe isn’t backed by reality.

6

heyitsxio t1_jbqpt60 wrote

Hi, transracial adoptee here. Most non adopted people really do not understand adoption or our issues. We can love our parents, appreciate that they were trying their best, and yet have complicated feelings about our adoption and upbringing. I wish that non adopted people could let go of the idea that adoption is a “good thing” and that adoptive parents are saviors. Perhaps then there wouldn’t be all this outrage over over Colin Kaepernick said.

I’m kind of surprised that this is brand new information to anyone, since this was a plot point in his Netflix show. I have to assume that he’s already had this conversation with his family and he’s not pointlessly attacking anyone. My mom admitted to me as an adult that she wished she’d done more than “not see color” when raising me, and I think that any adoptive parent who is honest with themselves can admit that adoption isn’t always peaches and cream.

10

Bender3455 t1_jbqq5dg wrote

Replying to Loose_Consequence_26 (#2,204,736)

What I believe is backed by a Master's Degree, 2 successful businesses, recognition as a local leader and advisor in the community, as well as my upbringing in a lower middle class family, going to school in an inner city magnet school, and my personal findings on how to create personal success.

4

Bender3455 t1_jbqsy7y wrote

Replying to Loose_Consequence_26 (#2,204,909)

Every single person on the planet has their own struggles, their own battles, their own disadvantages to overcome. While I do not have black skin, I had to deal with my own struggles getting to where I am. I don't downplay other people's struggles, perhaps you should do the same.

4

Loose_Consequence_26 t1_jbqwxgw wrote

Replying to Bender3455 (#2,205,208)

He doesn’t get to state the struggles directly caused by his parents actions? In what way does that make sense? Just because he’s had more opportunities doesn’t mean they haven’t come with their own set of additional struggles. I can speak up against police brutality and frankly no one gives a damn. Man made his own demonstration and got vilified. Not sure I want his opportunities despite our somewhat similar struggles in early life.

2

aVeryLargeWave t1_jbt21w6 wrote

Black people arent born with corn rows, its a very specific hairstyle. A hair style that was disproportionally adopted by rappers in the 90s and 2000s perpetuating the thuggish stereotype, which if we're being honest is not entirely inaccurate. The people that find this offensive often interpret thug and black as synonyms which is arguably is way more problematic than people using the word thug. How many black lawyers, scholars, and executives have corn rows?

13

NoMusic7982 t1_jbtsgma wrote

Replying to Buddyblue21 (#2,201,430)

It isn't problematic... it's parent parenting. I'm white and my dad called me a hobo for having my hair to long in high-school. Hell I'm pretty sure they called me a thug for wearing some sweatpants at some point. Shit like that happened to every teenager ever. People need to stop seeing racism everywhere.

3

Buddyblue21 t1_jbuqw4t wrote

Replying to NoMusic7982 (#2,209,361)

Your blind spot is that cornrows in the black community are generally not seen as sloppy or thuggish. Your comment seems to indicate that you feel it is. That’s more of (some) white people’s perceptions. So it’s literal racism when telling a minority group to conform to the dominant racial group’s perception of acceptable appearance - especially as it relates to hair where there’s obvious genetic and subsequent cultural differences. I guess you could argue he should’ve accepted the status quo - but that’s hardly a case for proving it isn’t problematic. By that measure, all black people 50 years ago shouldn’t challenge to having to wear a form of straight hair.

I understand that parents from all types of backgrounds correct their children in their appearance, but this circumstance demonstrates an example where adoptive parents need to be culturally sensitive and aware. I’m sure they did many things right and cared for him - he even says so in the article. But it doesn’t mean they were right in this circumstance. They, like anyone else, don’t have to be fundamentally racist in order to still have underlying racial biases and blind spots.

0

MyBFFCrackers t1_jbur7tu wrote

Replying to Buddyblue21 (#2,204,333)

It wasn’t just white peoples who thought cornrows looked thuggish, and years ago that’s what they were associated with. Even a white girl wearing cornrows looked a certain way. Tattoos used to carry a certain stigma too, not anymore. Styles, attitudes, and culture change all the time. It’s not that complicated unless you’re trying to make it something it’s not.

1

MyBFFCrackers t1_jbus0il wrote

Replying to sprint6864 (#2,201,605)

Oh my gawwww it’s so troubling! The mods need to shut this post down immediately!!! Jeeeesus Christ calm down. The only “troubling” thing here is you saying “problematic”. Kaepernick is a little cry baby who’s talking shit about his own parents for some fame in this current race obsessed culture - that’s “problematic”.

0

Buddyblue21 t1_jbutan7 wrote

Replying to MyBFFCrackers (#2,210,585)

Yeah, and a lot of black people didn’t allow their children to have natural hair. Where do you think that all came from?

And doesn’t your own point refute your argument? Styles change. So it’s largely his parents who didn’t keep up with the times.

Though there are exceptions, the perception that cornrows are thuggish is overwhelmingly a white perspective rather than a black one and that’s what’s at play here.

4

MyBFFCrackers t1_jbuu3wg wrote

Replying to sprint6864 (#2,210,632)

Yeah yeah yeah, I’m sure in your tiny brain you’re the only perfect one who gatekeeps all that is righteous and good. Thank you for taking the time to speak to a sinner like me.

PS. I liked your post so much I gave you an award.

0

heyitsxio t1_jbvpjng wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,211,792)

Respectfully, this is a conversation that is way above your pay grade. You are very obviously uneducated about adoption since 1) you feel bold enough to infantilize me and other adoptees despite the fact that we are grown adults 2) you assume that all adoptees were abandoned by their biological parents. Since you have no interest in listening to adoptees or learning about the history of adoption, you should really sit this one out.

2

heyitsxio t1_jbw1two wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,212,160)

Adoption informed people do not use language like "ungrateful" to describe adoptees, and they are aware of the myriad of ways that children end up in foster care/adoption. You are blithely unaware that many "abandoned" children had parents who were coerced into putting them in care, or had parents who were "undesirable" in some way. You don't care about our issues regarding loss and identity, even if the adoption happened under the best of circumstances. Again, it is best for you to sit this one out until/unless you become informed about adoption, because you are not as informed as you think you are.

1

MammothEmergency8581 t1_jbz59j4 wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#2,216,388)

Bare minimum? Without them he wouldn't be spoiled brat that he became. Without them he most likely wouldn't be playing football. They did the raising, and teaching, and paying emotionally and financially. Which is not just more than what his mother did, it's more than what most parent do for their own children.

2

MammothEmergency8581 t1_jbz6ax2 wrote

Replying to sprint6864 (#2,205,100)

Lack of proper knowledge in how to raise a child of different culture is not something to condem. If he was a grown up man, and not a spoiled brat, he would have addressed this in privacy of their own family. Instead he chose to shame them publicly. After all they have giving him they are painted as monsters. He should be ashamed of himself. He is not a respectable man or a respectful son. Just a spoiled brat in an adult body.

4

MammothEmergency8581 t1_jbz6rtd wrote

What happened with addressing private family grievances in privacy of your own home. He chose to drag his parents through mud for lack of knowledge, instead of being thankful publicly for all good they did for him. No good deed goes unpunished.

3

ohnoshebettadont18 t1_jc3t4vo wrote

Replying to Bender3455 (#2,204,553)

you're just not identifying your own racism.

explain why any hairstyle that's as profoundly bound to black and african culture as cornrows (a style dating back as far as 3000bc in the horn and west coasts of africa) is "unprofessional"

many of these standards of approval for sake of "professionalism" are just thinly cloaked racism.

it's a very standard hairstyle for black and african people. there's nothing "unprofesional" about it.

to say otherwise, let alone associating it with looking like a "thug," is absolutely racist.

1

monogreenforthewin t1_jcfggn4 wrote

Replying to Loose_Consequence_26 (#2,205,250)

> state the struggles directly caused by his parents actions

lol bro you have a weird sense of struggle. parents telling their kids to get a haircut and dress better is a just parent thing. Kap didn't grow up poor, unloved or uneducated. If i tried to rock a Mohawk, my mom and dad would also give me shit and tell me to get a haircut. that's not struggle or oppression that's parenting.

He wants to advocate for better pay, better education and reductions in police violence for struggling black people or other minorities? cool im all for it. but calling his parents racist because they told him to get a haircut is just ungrateful nonsense and detracts from actual important messages he could be working on

2

Important-Ad-2242 t1_jcgmvi3 wrote

Replying to Bender3455 (#2,204,148)

It’s different for a couple reasons, they’re his parents and when he expressed a desire to have a ethnic style associated w black people they should have honored that- and at a minimum not used what’s known as a racial slur in association with his desire to have that style

1

Important-Ad-2242 t1_jcgnkwi wrote

Replying to Bender3455 (#2,204,215)

At this point it seems deliberate that your steering away from the fact it was based on his ethnicity - nothing to do with “dressing for success”. If this was a conversation about “dressing for success” there never would’ve been a comment that he would look like a thug- just no. Comments like this attempt to frame the issue as if they were merely giving advice re non ethnic issue, if she had said “it might be a good idea to wear a tie” etc that would be a different story

1

Bender3455 t1_jcgsmi5 wrote

Replying to Important-Ad-2242 (#2,246,386)

I really wish we could talk in person, as I'm just an "internet stranger" posting an opposing viewpoint as it is right now. Anyone that knows me knows that I strive for equality for everyone, regardless of race, sex, gender, etc etc. I agree with you, yes, I'm steering it away from his ethnicity, but thats because I don't think it's ethnicity based, even though, granted, it's a more common hair style for African Americans than other races. My own brother was advised not to wear JNCO pants in the late 90's because my mother said he'd look like a thug. But don't forget, I mentioned that we're thankfully getting past the 'hair styles as a gauge of character', and thats for all races. But all that to say, what I'm really upset about, is the blame Colin put on his own parents. I don't think his angle of blaming them is professional at all. His message about becoming aware of racial biasing is a good one, but the way he's doing it, and has been doing it is terrible, in my opinion.

1

WyattHassan t1_jcik3ei wrote

This man is a lightning rod for white fragility

1

KonaKumo t1_jcp9y52 wrote

Replying to Important-Ad-2242 (#2,246,401)

Time-frame actually matters. Cornrows weren't a mainstream normal thing. Those that wore them typically were gang members or not on a successful life track.

Totally reasonable for his mom to say no to the hairstyle back then. Of course how she said no might not have been the best way but hey pain in the ass teens can bring the worse out of people.

1