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HardPawns t1_jds2lam wrote

Well, if he don’t resurrect by the end of easter they should just fire that lazy prick.

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[deleted] t1_jdvcdg3 wrote

[removed]

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BuffaloInCahoots t1_jdsdk30 wrote

They must not be praying hard enough. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

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Korchagin t1_jduw93k wrote

A lack of money is more likely. So many of God's plans fail because of that, it's hard to believe...

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whiskeyvacation t1_jdv4hlm wrote

Yep. If your pastor doesn't own a private jet and a Ferrari, god doesn't care about you.

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LRsNephewsHorse t1_jdsbidc wrote

I'm still waiting for updates on Generalissimo Francisco Franco.

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Murgatroyd314 t1_jdte84s wrote

http://isgeneralissimofranciscofrancostilldead.com

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BigTex77RR t1_jdv2oed wrote

He is and thank fuck for that

Signed,

Anarchists, Communists, Liberals, Spanish Separatists, and Spanish Republicans

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Ear_Helpful t1_jdvm4sd wrote

Why? Did he say he will come back to life or something?

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Speeddemon2016 t1_jdsuf37 wrote

I wonder who’s job it is to go in and poke him with a stick?

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youngmindoldbody t1_jduhv4z wrote

Jeeze, the resurrected always appear floating nearby in a very holy and respectful manner; no reason to bring sex into this.

/s

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SpookyLilRaven t1_jdukbaf wrote

Maybe that’s the issue? Maybe the stick dude isn’t doing his job?

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Khyron_2500 t1_jdv7qd8 wrote

Imagine if he did actually get resurrected only to die again in cold storage. All because stick dude didn’t check him every day.

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shahooster t1_jds10rj wrote

Have they tried CPR.

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Blackstrider t1_jdt2etx wrote

Clearly they haven’t paid the church enough.

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sklos70 t1_jdtcsz5 wrote

I bet it's an insurance scam. Open the coffin; it will be full of rocks.

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phred_666 t1_jdtgycu wrote

They just need to send more thoughts and prayers. That works every time.

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TheLairyLemur t1_jdsgbp7 wrote

Why would you post a paywalled article without pasting the contents in the comments?

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Blackstrider t1_jdt2cak wrote

I mean… is there more you needed to know?

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ringobob t1_jdtq2uz wrote

I profess myself curious as to why "dead guy still dead" is worthy of an article this particular time.

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Fracture_98 t1_jdta1zb wrote

Oh, jeez. I just realized we shouldn't have screwed the lid shut!

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Woffingshire t1_jdt7vmv wrote

Who does this guy think he is that he can pull the same moves as Jesus, the actual son of God?

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nosmelc t1_jdt9yxo wrote

Jesus did it in three days. This guy is just a slacker.

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painthawg_goose t1_jdtf9hl wrote

Devils advocacy, it’s gotta be tougher for an amateur. But, once you hit double digit days I sorta feel like you either aren’t trying or maybe mid-read the runes.

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sklos70 t1_jdtdwjr wrote

Well I'm sure there have been plenty who have done it without being so narcissistic as to point to thematically and say "See? Control over death. My Dad is God". I reckon there are plenty of untapped and unaccredited performances in the bigger religions too like Islam, Hinduism, and the grandaddy of reincarnation claims, Buddhism.

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Lokarin t1_jdtlnhf wrote

Maybe he pulled a Jesus and resurrected "spiritually"

...apologetics is so silly

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supagirl277 t1_jdufvmr wrote

It’s ridiculous, cause he was supposed to have even gone around and had people touch the wounds in his hands so people believed it was actually him in the same body. He peaced out pretty quick after that anyway.

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somekennyguy t1_jdtpjlx wrote

Has he been embalmed... Or is there just some dude rotting to prove a point

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Schrodinger_cube t1_jdv01vu wrote

Well after a year id not want to be the one to open that box as its going to be a horrific suprise regardless lol.

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EdgarBopp t1_jducje2 wrote

Just steal the body and then claim people saw him alive again. Worked before.

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oldgar t1_jdudh6u wrote

He will rise again after a time, and when this happens he has chosen to rise as flies.

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Puzzleheaded_Pay2466 t1_jdun3pp wrote

They waited 2000 years for Jesus to return. What a year or 2 at the morgue.

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Alundra828 t1_jduv6k3 wrote

Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves, for the statement that I am about to make is one that has been debated for centuries and is at the very core of some of the world's oldest and most influential belief systems. It's a statement that has sparked countless philosophical and theological discussions, and has been the subject of intense scrutiny by some of history's greatest minds. Are you ready for it? Here it comes: "The guy didn't resurrect because resurrection isn't possible."

AMAZING

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ImpulseAfterthought t1_jdv5ooe wrote

>"The guy didn't resurrect because resurrection isn't possible."

Not with that attitude.

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Nadaplanet t1_jdwbujq wrote

>The guy didn't resurrect because resurrection isn't possible.

Sure it's possible, provided you have the correct spell components, the target didn't die of old age, and you're at least a 13th level cleric or bard.

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vimefer t1_je0smdq wrote

Pfff Jean Hilliard and Vincent Tolman did it. This guy is just lazy.

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Fabiankh5757 t1_jdt9rcu wrote

The world is really full of fools.

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jsuwangsa t1_jduhbrd wrote

Didn't set the right respawn point.

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BriskHeartedParadox t1_jdun4kj wrote

0 for the last 2023 years. Next one is it though, I feel it!

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whoknowsthef t1_jdwnwlk wrote

There was a Godman in India by the name of Ashutosh Maharaj who died in 2014 and his body is still in a freezer if I am not wrong. His followers believe he is in deep mediation and will come out of it.

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Rosebunse t1_jdtzql6 wrote

Isn't there a whole thing about not tempting God or telling God what to do?

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LilG1984 t1_jduzjg7 wrote

Dr Frankenstein enters the chat

"Igor, ready my equipment!!"

"Yes, master!'

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magpye1983 t1_jdv95ew wrote

Imagine being the intern they tricked with the job of “make sure the dead guy hasn’t come back yet.”!

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DamnBunny t1_jdu8pua wrote

Well...He ain't getting any deader; back to work.

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VukKiller t1_jduk8ge wrote

How does this work?

Is he still on payroll?

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CrawlerSiegfriend t1_jdwxs58 wrote

Don't worry it's still in the works. Resurrection request got held up in accounting.

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AhRedditAhHumanity t1_je27ta9 wrote

Should be in r/unexpected because I think we all expected him to rise

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forebareWednesday t1_jdv5c49 wrote

How do we do this with jesus? Isnt he supposed to be coming back on easter? Somebody film it.

0