Wait till you see NAS Lemoore, Oceana, or any carrier. If this report shocks you, wait till you get a load of those!

I served aboard the U.S.S. Kitty Hawk. We long suspected cross contamination in the drinking water.

TLDR The jet fuel leaks from pipes into the local water supply and has caused various issues including children's teeth and hair falling out.

Bad headline but not very onioney.

Yeah the headline is definitely not in line with the article.

No joke, you could smell it when showering. Shitty Kitty definitely had some cross contamination.

This is why I gave it up. Also farting near a camp fire was quite dangerous.

So it doesn't just give you gas?

Something something lowest bidder.

Same thing on USS CORAL SEA (CV-43). Never constipated.

This has been going on for months!

Yep! My berthing smelled nothing but JP5. I've got a host of issues stemming from that piece of shit ship. Asbestos and fires breaking out daily.

For those who were expecting some weird sailor cultural thing around consumption of fuel based on the headline and were summarily disappointed, I will gently nudge you to Google "Torpedo Juice", and I promise you will get something closer to what you were expecting from this article.

It wouldn't matter if the commanding officer gave two shits about anyone in his command.

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Friend of mine served on the USS Enterprise. Said the water always tasted like JP-5. Nice.

This literally just happened to the USS Nimitz. I’m not positive it’s been completely resolved.

Also this happened to the Albuquerque aquifer. Thanks, Air Force!

Doesn't anyone who posts here understand what this sub is about? This isn't remotely Oniony.

More of a farting with hair spray and a lighter type of guy myself

Wait! Say it ain’t so. The US gov and military poisoned Americans??

If you spill it, you drink it!

Edit: can't spell!

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They did that on an episode of Always Sunny and I thought, "obviously this is just some insane Charlie shit" and now you tell....this is a thing?!

Highest polluting government industry in the world

I guess they let the intern come up with the headline for this tory