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Arigato_MrRoboto t1_iwoh78e wrote

>I don’t know if you know—vampires are cool people, are they not? But I’m going to tell you something I found out. A werewolf can kill a vampire. Do you know that? So I didn’t want to be a vampire anymore. I wanted to be a werewolf.

Finally, some coherent policy.


drtaylor t1_iwok9os wrote

But completely ignores the Zombies, it is an important political group.


GetStable t1_iwplpxk wrote

Republicans have secured the zombie vote. There's no point in committing resources to a core demographic.


yallxtrippin t1_iwsr904 wrote

It's sad they propped him up like that. Herschel Walker's image will never recover. The republicans know he's dumb as fucking rocks, though mostly because they think that about all black people. And anyone else who ever had a shred of respect for him will lose it. At least he has kids.


CaoCaoTipper t1_iwpma70 wrote

I’m totally picturing a What We Do In The Shadows style campaign meet-up now with his zombie, ghoul and vampire constituency.


ChuckBorris187 t1_iwpq5tv wrote

That'd make for a funny season, US style elections in WWDITS.


CaoCaoTipper t1_iwpqdgm wrote

That’s actually brilliant. A vampire making an I’ll-conceived run for governor but ends up getting further than expected and not knowing what to do.


ChuckBorris187 t1_iwps0sw wrote

Let's start writing spec scripts and selling them to Hollyweird.


Arizona_Slim t1_iwq6qc2 wrote

Especially since government buildings are only open during the day 😬


MR___SLAVE t1_iwpwqtw wrote

He would probably think The Walking Dead is a documentary.

"Like I was watching a story on this great state of Georgia and did you know you we had to like fight Zombies? I thought it was really cool how they just keep on comin, kinda like me when I played ball. Like why don't they stop? And they seem to not waste anything, like why don't we eat people? There are so many. You know some people look like they could actually be good. I once heard it's like pork. I actually really like pork..I think I would make a good Zombie."


guyonlinepgh t1_iwsdniu wrote

What about Frankensteins, Herschel? WHAT ABOUT FRANKENSTEINS?



(Don't go nerdy on me, I know it's the Frankenstein monster. A piece of fiction, rather like werewolves and vampires.)


martiancannibal t1_iwsp69g wrote

Yes, the ever-expanding, yet largely neglected zombie demographic. Should they all turn out on election day, there could be a massive shift in America's political orientation.

Possibly due to propaganda, though more likely due to nibbling on opponents.


popejubal t1_iwol7on wrote

I gotta say, I think he’s an idiot but I can’t disagree with anything he said on this specific subject.


Crizbibble t1_iwpbzng wrote

I like him coming clean about being a blood sucking vampire (leech) but I’m not sure, even fictionally, he can turn into a werewolf as they were two different species. Sure sure the vampire and werewolves hybrid but he would need to be birthed by a vampire and werewolf with the blood of Covinus so that’s not probable. Even when this idiot talks about fiction he gets it completely wrong.


VoidHuntG03 t1_iwqgbj4 wrote

Nah just hit up my boy Falion to get a ritual done to remove the vampirism then drink a goblet of werewolf blood and you're good to go.


tlumacz t1_iwpzwzw wrote

I mean, think about it, Kate Beckinsale or Erwin Leder? To me, the choice is simple.


popejubal t1_iwqekvr wrote

I’m pretty sure a German submarine could also kill a vampire.


WexfordHo t1_iwojfe8 wrote

The good news is that stage 3 CTE is um… self-limiting.


two_itchy_balls t1_iwomzyj wrote

I don't understand how he's still breathing. He must be mush from the brain stem to the frontal lobes.


JetKeel t1_iwopxls wrote

You either die a vampire, or live long enough to be a werewolf. Or something like that. Or vice versa.


dbx999 t1_iwoizvk wrote

I’m pretty sure a vampire can kill a werewolf


bearsheperd t1_iwoorg1 wrote

Oh man see you gotta remember, werewolves are only strong when they are transformed. Vampires are strong 24/7, well except In the sun. So a vampire can easily kill a werewolf on a moonless night. Werewolves are just regular dudes without the moon. The vampire just has to worry about the werewolves they are trying to kill having UV lamps.


dirtmother t1_iwoucx6 wrote

The relation to the full moon to werewolves is relatively recent, mostly added so black and white movies had an excuse to have well-lit night scenes. Most werewolf mythology pre-Hollywood involved being able to change into a wolf at will via witchcraft, or a curse that would randomly transform them. So more than one night a month.


dbx999 t1_iwopukt wrote

Now that you put it that way, this Hershel Walker might really be onto something here.


12345623567 t1_iwuvq1i wrote

Werewolves are equipped with thick lumberjack shirts and bushy beards 24/7. Vampires have, what, pasty skin and a cape?

Obviously the hypervirile werewolves will beat the effeminate vampires, how is that even a question.



Dzharek t1_iwotvjf wrote

Depends on the setting, in the World of darkness setting the werewolf are one of the few things that have no problem giving a vampire true death.


semiomni t1_iwpawso wrote

As I recall werewolves range from vastly more powerful than a young vampire, to barely a threat for older ones.


dbx999 t1_iwou4a6 wrote

How’s a werewolf gonna kill a being that can fly and shoot a silver bullet


12345623567 t1_iwuw622 wrote

Are we going to have to have the "Batman with prep time beats Superman" convo again?

A werewolf in melee range of a vampire fucks shit up, otherwise it depends on who spots who first.


dbx999 t1_iwoq5qa wrote

He’s definitely locked up the werewolf votes.


pressedbread t1_iwowf2h wrote

I'm not sure sure if this is better or worse than his abortion stance.


curious_dead t1_iwpji7t wrote

Walker: "The culprit left his victims bloodless and left a cape with the name Dracula on it. The suspect is most likely supernatural, a mummy."


Justice_Prince t1_iwq9ss2 wrote

I remember having this ninja tyrtles audio play on cassette, and at one point April is reporting on some break-in at a tech lab, and says, "experts say it could have only been the work of ninjas" and that line just stuck with me. I just imagine this oufish detective kicking around a crime scenes saying "yep must have been ninjas."


curious_dead t1_iwqdg95 wrote

Lol, that's so specific. But that's totally a line I can see in a kid's show.


fucktrutin t1_iwoim0u wrote

Does this guy have a driver's license?


cosmoboy t1_iwokhmf wrote

Yeah. He took it off a homeless guy when he was 15.


fucktrutin t1_iwom0z4 wrote

He's cracked, and I have sympathy for brain damage, but not OK with him being in the run for an office that could cause so much chaos.


dmk_aus t1_iwq4sbv wrote

He just flashes "his police badge".


SweatyTax4669 t1_iwq6lc1 wrote

Of course he does. It's totally a real one. Definitely didn't pick up a novelty version off the back of a box of cracker jacks.


Conflixxion t1_iwogojv wrote

I feel like life is imitating Community and we are living in the evil timeline all the sudden. I need my black felt goatee.


the_honest_liar t1_iwokzqb wrote

I made a bunch the night Trump got elected and gave them to all my friends.


PointyWombat t1_iwowgcd wrote

I'm amazed how a fucking idiot like this got any political traction at all. How fucking broken is the US political system if fucking morons like this are getting votes? Just fucking wow.


TDLMTH t1_iwpptz0 wrote

Republicans have spent literal decades denigrating expertise. Net result is that now all you need is the letter R beside your name to get the vote of their base. Then, once elected, they support whatever legislation the party grandees (themselves captive to the donors) tell them to support.


arcxjo t1_iwpukjo wrote

Yeah and "vote blue no matter who" is clearly different from that phenomenon.


PureMetalFury t1_iwpy5di wrote

Right: “I will vote for racists and predators and evil monsters. I don’t give a shit. I just hate taxes (and maybe gay people or other minorities)”

Left: “this one party is weirdly friendly with people who want me dead. I’ll have to vote for the only other party that has a chance to win, which at least doesn’t openly hate me and people like me.”

You, an Enlightened Centrist: “these two positions are literally indistinguishable.”


bunkscudda t1_iwqacut wrote

“Tax code and bodily autonomy are basically the same. As long as we’re talking about someone else’s body. If we talking mask laws and no shirt no service signs, those are clearly the government trying to control my life”


Daiye7 t1_iwpyahq wrote

Yes. It is different.

Vote blue so that people WONT lose rights and equality -vs- Vote red so that we CAN TAKE AWAY people's rights and equal standing.

Vote blue so that children can eat at school for free -vs- Vote red so that children can get DNA tests kits to use for identification after they've been brutally, unrecognizably murdered by a weapon of mass destruction.

Vote blue so that we can all have anything nice -vs- Vote red so only rich people have anything nice.


Pr0ducer t1_iwpve0a wrote

Next up, President Camacho.


LevelHeeded t1_iwpyzgg wrote

Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho would be a step up. At least he's focused on real issues, like all that starving bullshit, and running out of French fries and burrito coverings.

At least Camacho had some kind of plan, and found the smartest man in the world to assist him.

What I'm trying to say is Herschel Walker is dumber than Idiocracy.


Darwins_Dog t1_iwqdj4k wrote

Obviously you never saw him play football in college. Turns out rushing yards are a good proxy for political ability.


Thelmara t1_iws944v wrote

> How fucking broken is the US political system if fucking morons like this are getting votes?



jsally17 t1_iwojftc wrote

Didn’t know he was a What We Do In The Shadows fan!


GlobalTravelR t1_iwoi76b wrote

Hashtag Werewolves4Walker


RickLovin1 t1_iwpuio0 wrote

But does this send the Vampires over to Warnock's side? Or does the presence of all the crosses and potential holy water keep them away?


SecureRisk t1_iwt342r wrote

Didn't you listen to his speach? Those don't do anything, it's why you have to have faith, and we know Democrats don't have faith. So, the Vamps for Democrats vote is a go.


KeyBanger t1_iwq9adc wrote

I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s.


Squeaky-Fox49 t1_iwqob1p wrote

He’s trying to win the furry vote. Policies include free werewolf bites, making full moons federal holidays, and legal protections for werewolf status.


AKchaos49 t1_iwoqwkk wrote

It's beyond comprehension that this idiot is actually close to being elected into Congress. What the actual fuck, Georgia?


Artnunymisss t1_iwpqqjj wrote

Remember the guy who was worried Guam would capsize? He was from Georgia too.


LevelHeeded t1_iwpzbit wrote

And Majorite Taylor Greene with her fears of Jewish space lasers.

I legit believe there's something in the water or in the air that is making people brain damaged.


Ocksu2 t1_iwq3qkc wrote

Let's be fair and balanced. Cynthia McKinney is from GA as well and she is an idiot, too.

I feel like if I was born and raised in a different state, I would be much more intelligent than I am. Something here clearly makes people dumberer.


Marxbrosburner t1_iwqck0f wrote

That was brilliant satire. Watch the whole video if you can. Most people in the room are laughing.


Artnunymisss t1_iwqsgol wrote

Not satire, nice try. They’re laughing because he thinks Guam will fucking capsize. He even makes the hand gesture.


Licorictus t1_iwq28qk wrote

I was born and raised in Georgia. Still living here, in fact.

I have no goddamn idea.


SEND_PUNS_PLZ t1_iwok39q wrote

This guy sucks


MJGM235 t1_iwomgyk wrote

Dave Chappelle called him "observably stupid" 😂


Denthin t1_iwpti1j wrote

*observably, let’s spell it right if we’re gonna laugh at someone


yallxtrippin t1_iwsqmxv wrote

This speech on an official campaign tour goes above and beyond grammar in terms of stupid. A 1st grader can make more rational arguments than calling Warnock "this vampire here floating in this black suit"


MJGM235 t1_iwpzmwc wrote

Fixed it, but the misspelling did kind of fit with Walker being stupid 😂


GenXUser t1_iwoiec2 wrote

Next will be leprechauns


dbx999 t1_iwoj3jr wrote

Can a leprechaun kill a gnome?


HammerTime7753 t1_iwomz25 wrote

If so I’d rather be the leprechaun. That would be cool right?


dbx999 t1_iwonbyr wrote

I know there’s gold involved but I don’t think you can spend it


Scazzz t1_iwoqvg4 wrote

We really need more scientific studies on cte


GingerMau t1_iwossis wrote

I highly recommend you watch the whole clip.

It's so much worse than the headlines make it seem.

He tells a random story about watching this movie (movies?) with his kids on multiple screens, name-drops the wrong movie, and goes on so many incoherent tangents that it's a real roller-coaster.


SecureRisk t1_iwt3lg6 wrote

It sounded like he was mixing up 2-3 different movies.


thedevilyoukn0w t1_iwol2at wrote

I've heard better and more coherent speeches during show and tell in a grade 1 classroom. Was he wearing a helmet when he was playing football, because it seems like he wasn't, or if he was it wasn't a very good helmet?


AsslessBaboon t1_iwozle9 wrote

This guy shouldn't be in politics, but after watching both videos I think he'd make a funny arse youtue movie critic. He's absolutely bonkers


yallxtrippin t1_iwspm05 wrote

But we're not laughing with him, we're laughing at him...


shogi_x t1_iwontij wrote

No wonder Trump supports him, they speak the same language.


PJsmomma t1_iwoqiuc wrote

Was his hair perfect?


arcxjo t1_iwpuq9c wrote

The shit has hit the fan, electorally-speaking.


doubletxzy t1_iwpd8no wrote

I think all nominees need to state their views on this issue. I don’t think I can support a candidate who doesn’t take a clear stand on movie monster hierarchy.


Swampwolf42 t1_iwotetm wrote

We’re ignoring the other part of his speech—when did bike riding become an insult? And…no, I’ve done a lot of drugs, but nowhere near enough to understand this man.


TacoCommand t1_iwpdj36 wrote

Originally I thought he meant the OG Fright Night which has no werewolves (except one who dies by Van Helsing).

Then I realized he meant the 2011 one with Colin Ferell which is a Scary Movie series ripoff of Twilight.

God bless this man, because nobody else is going to do it. Bless his heart.


The original movie (a cult classic) that Walker is no way referring to:


KiltedPirate t1_iwoqvow wrote

Did this son of a concussion just disparage Fright Night!?


Kbdiggity t1_iwoscg2 wrote

Post this on r/Georgia and r/Conservative


deadpoolkool t1_iwow03n wrote

He'd be the werewolf who chases his tail all night before eating his own shit. I say we turn him.


mr_biteme t1_iwol1zb wrote

I saw that movie. Remember it well. And compared to Walker’s intellect, the movie is a fucking masterpiece…….🖕🖕🖕


HR_DUCK t1_iwoqch8 wrote

And this is why we can’t have nice things


baseballdnd t1_iwos4yh wrote

Does this guy say anything with any education or evidence?


BugMiserable3924 t1_iwotmsf wrote

And to think he did this all without smoking crack, doing meth, or whatever manner one does to ingest bath salts


laz21 t1_iwoxgoi wrote

Blade 4 return of the day walker


GetlostMaps t1_iwp3qje wrote

They really need to introduce IQ tests to run for election. Even set the minimum as 70 and Walker would be disqualified.


TJ_McWeaksauce t1_iwplkmq wrote

Walker 2022: Vampires are Cool People, but Werewolves Can Kill Them

I'm sure this message will drive Republican voters to the polls.


ELB2001 t1_iwppgdm wrote

And still people will vote for him


lennybriscoforthewin t1_iwq05gr wrote

If you listen to it he also said we should take IRS agents and put them in schools to police.


Popular-Good-5657 t1_iwoq0jy wrote

there is a 50% chance that you will meet someone that voted for walker in georgia. and that’s great! especially if you’re a werewolf or a vampire.😅


Cheeseyex t1_iwoum5d wrote

No a more depressing fact is that iirc roughly 3.8 million people voted in Georgia. Meaning that there’s a 65% chance that you will meet someone that couldn’t be bothered to vote either way.


Popular-Good-5657 t1_iwoup4h wrote

You are 100% correct! and that is very sad. voting is a very important civic duty that should be exercised whenever there’s an election.


kickspecialist t1_iwotd6h wrote

It’s like Chef’s Dad and the Lochness Monster. Herschel gonna be askin for tree fiddy though.


ahmadtheanon t1_iwp5xeg wrote

the....heck am i watching??? did my braincell get from 1 to 0?


gxbcab t1_iwpxl6t wrote

Forgets that humans hunt werewolves and vampires


Photodan24 t1_iwq1o4j wrote

This man is the dumbest political candidate I've ever heard of. Yes, even the dead ones.


surly_duff t1_iwqg3m9 wrote

“He is observably stupid” - Dave


fuckswitfish t1_iwohdtc wrote

WhaaaaT. He had a little more time on stage than he needed.


Solidsnakeerection t1_iwop1fi wrote

I could barely read what the article was about between ads but whatever was happening sounds like a cool young adult book about werewolves and vampires.


TheKrakIan t1_iwozifk wrote

Walker could stump his ass off unfiltered and Warnock could still cruise through that runoff.

trump has no chance in 2024.


abagofsnacks t1_iwpl2cc wrote

I for one, appreciate him sticking to the important topics going into this run-off.


megalomike t1_iwpyndk wrote

honestly this barely rates compared to his usual stuff. this just sounds like a guy with something pointless to say.


Ocksu2 t1_iwq39v3 wrote

Holy shit this happened in my town. I can't believe I missed it.

Anyway, I'm team Edward all the way so he has lost my vote.


Tracedinair76 t1_iwq462t wrote

I mean Democrats need the wiggle room (Manchin/Sinema) but it is tempting to give Walker go for pure comedic value. How many senators will he impregnate (Mitch McConnell?)? Will there be a concurrent reality show? Will there be vampire legislation? Inquiring minds want to know, I want to know the answers to these questions.


Biffmcgee t1_iwq543b wrote

If you watch the speech that's not even the fucked up part. He starts describing Fright Night 2 for some reason lol. WHY?!


SweatyTax4669 t1_iwq67u1 wrote

there are 10.8 million people in the state of Georgia. Republicans picked this one for their senator.


Thump604 t1_iwq7ee0 wrote

People voted for this guy....that's how nuts this country has become.


LaughableIKR t1_iwqc62y wrote

This is the guy the GOP wants to send to Washington to vote for serious issues?


chammdawg78 t1_iwus0pj wrote

“I’m gonna vote yes because the purple bunny with 7 arms and caterpillar 🐛 for a tail that I saw in the bathroom told me that’s what I need to do. He said keep the faith.”


Marxbrosburner t1_iwqct6n wrote

The one silver lining if he somehow wins is listening to him make speeches on the senate floor.


ZeroAfro t1_iwqelr1 wrote

I swear he has a fake accent I see him throwing around like on election night he pulled it out and other times it's gone.


DraggoVindictus t1_iwqmc7x wrote

I watched the video and I seriously wonder HOW the GOP thought that THIS was the BEST candidate for Senate.

Every time that I think that the movie Idiocrasy could never come true, people prove me wrong. Let's elect the most brain damaged and unqualified people to lead us. Good idea.

We are so fucked as a nation.


Medical_Officer t1_iwqy63u wrote

Was he really the best man the Republicans could find? Seriously?

Literally a random person off the street would be doing better.


Clever_Hans_ t1_iwr3e29 wrote

I expect nothing less from this dude. I mean, many in his party believe in the crazy qanon conspiracies anyway. 🤣

Bring on the mythical creatures and rules how to destroy them, Herschel. You’re an idiot.


classof78 t1_iwrc7hi wrote

Georgia is above Florida, but Hershel is determined to change that.


gnosis2737 t1_iwrg47g wrote

So what's the process for getting rich, narcissistic, men declared mentally incompetent? Is there a petition? Start a GoFundMe? All I know is somebody better get Hershel and Kanye into a conservatorship, ASAP.


Born_Ad_4826 t1_iwrvwtz wrote

I love how it just ends with quote and then

“Georgia voters head to the polls on Dec. 6th.”


couscousmingeminge t1_iwrw6p1 wrote

Christians: "This is literally the most charismatic, godly man we've ever seen."


Marxbrosburner t1_iwtyq4k wrote

Dude, watch the the whole video. It's really clear that he's not being serious. The way he repeats the statistics about the island and slowly, slooowly explains his concerns. Come on.


msac2u1981 t1_iy561ub wrote

Dude said he's kid is ugly cause his kids mom is ugly. This man has no brain.


randomofalltrades t1_iwp8alu wrote

I feel like people are too serious.

That dude was talking abt werewolves and I think it's cool.

Maybe he's a Conservative candidate and people are having that biased-human-I'm-angry-I'm-lunging-through-random-people-in-internetnitis.

No wonder USA is crumbling because of dumb culture war.


ratherbealurker t1_iwpqs1x wrote

A candidate for senate should not be on stage rambling incoherently about vampires and werewolves.

I have to say that? Do I really have to say that??


randomofalltrades t1_iwps85p wrote



I forgot, American rehabs, some of them are terrible. I'm sorry for not realising this earlier. No difference than my country either.

You know what, the world is burning and I couldn't care less. I really feel like giving this dude a help would be better than saying this shit in Reddit

idk dude fuck this

I did a mistake by pissing you guys off, but that's the truth.