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AngryErrandBoy t1_j3m8au9 wrote

Arrrgh...they call me "Skidmarks the Pirate"

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TigBiddiesMacDaddy t1_j3mz86o wrote

“Captain Skidmarks, were be this booty ye speak of?”

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[deleted] t1_j3mi05a wrote

[removed]

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[deleted] t1_j3o9kpg wrote

[deleted]

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TheSekret t1_j3oenev wrote

I mean this explains why a post was removed, dont see any problem with making that reason public incase there was any question as to why.

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ericfromct t1_j3pxti3 wrote

Please except my poor man's gold 🥇 I can't believe this beauty isn't loaded with awards, best comment I've seen in a while

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robohacker t1_j3o0sza wrote

At the beginning of the Covid lockdowns, I once saw a man that used his underwear as a mask in a grocery store, after being confronted by the store staff who required him to wear a mask.

The dude went to his beaten up truck and came back wearing his extremely dirty once-used-to-be a white underwear over his face. That encounter still haunts me from time to time!

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Malphos101 t1_j3oep4z wrote

The right would rather literally eat shit and die than listen to a "librul doctor"...

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defaultusername-17 t1_j3pdozm wrote

Thats the thing right? Dr fauci is a republican... and has served as our nations infectious disease expert under 4(?) different presidents.

The idea thats he's a "librul" is just psychotic.

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ThatSandwich t1_j3ozj7k wrote

Them: "Here's a complimentary clean mask we'd like you to wear for the duration of your visit"

Him: "Fuck that, hold my beer real quick. . ."

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TheEvilGerman t1_j3ot6mp wrote

Was this CA because that happened to me. Same guy a week later came back and was suddenly PRO mask and started chasing people who didn't have one on.

All of these old people trying to shuffle out of the way of a skid marked bandit. That memory will never go away.

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marybonbobeep t1_j4jd7j6 wrote

We had a guy walk into the bank wearing a paper bag with cut out holes for eyes. Surprised being in Alaska he didn't get shot.

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vdrive t1_j3ml0mu wrote

"Son, you got a panty on your head!"

~Raising Arizona

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Kro_Ko_Dyle t1_j3ofzi7 wrote

One of my favorite comedies. Almost up there with A Fish Called Wanda. Close.

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chiefadareefa420 t1_j3p54hn wrote

Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase

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WheelsUpInThirty t1_j3qo0or wrote

That driver screaming is hilarious! Sometimes I just cue up that portion of the movie.

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Desperate_Brief2187 t1_j3rnyfw wrote

“I’ll just be takin’ these Huggies, and whatever cash is in the register.”

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CaymanRich t1_j3m9w52 wrote

Sounds like the plot of a Rob Schneider movie.

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Admins-are-Trash t1_j3o7zpa wrote

Good, fuck this guy. People who steal packages are degenerate garbage, may he have a loonnnng prison sentence.

You don't know what you're stealing from people when you take packages.

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westbee t1_j3oky1h wrote

As someone who works in the post office, all packages are pretty much personalized.

It's 80% garbage with no resell value and really no value to anyone other than the person who ordered it.

Very rarely will you find anything of value in a package. It's just not worth your time. Leave packages alone.

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open_door_policy t1_j3me5m9 wrote

"But, Ricky, where the fudge are we gonna get masks at this time a night?! Tell him, Julian!"

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redstern t1_j3n1o58 wrote

A unique disguise is a very poor disguise.

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SirThatsCuba t1_j3p1z11 wrote

Like they're gonna think it was the guy in the $4,000 banana suit C,MON!

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ebonwulf60 t1_j3on1a8 wrote

So you are saying that he should have changed his underwear more often?

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mem269 t1_j3ns6bp wrote

It's literally never been easier to get a mask lol

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GlobalTravelR t1_j3n270a wrote

Captain Underpants' Arch Nemesis, the Brown Stain Bandit.

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Riaayo t1_j3ojl8j wrote

The most unbelievable part of this is the idea that the police bothered to find and arrest someone stealing stuff off people's porches. They usually can't be assed.

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westbee t1_j3olg6c wrote

My guess is someone somewhere had a good idea of who it was and were able to just wait for him to do it again.

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Machdame t1_j3nmrsw wrote

"We have Hentai Kamen at home."

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Elegyjay t1_j3n9r8v wrote

Was it the rocket ships on the underpants? He was wearing those of his last child victim?

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AzureDreamer t1_j3nox5u wrote

What was your prison name? "Captain Underpants" ☹️

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jonus2000 t1_j3otp8u wrote

The most shocking part is that a porch pirate was arrested.

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american_amina t1_j3ow8dw wrote

His sentence should be wearing underwear as a mask for the entirety of his sentence

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joshmoney t1_j3p10jg wrote

That website is cancer

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Competitive-Pickle75 t1_j3p38m0 wrote

I used to work in a mcdonalds in downtown Winnipeg that had a lot of seedy clientele... When covid hit it was required that you had to wear a mask and I had to kick people out who didn't want to wear a mask so one day this lady came in and didn't have a mask on so I told her if she doesn't want to wear a mask then she can't be in here but she can walk through the drive thru and we'll still serve her... So she goes in the bathroom and comes out with her panties as her face mask... Except you can totally see skid marks and smell her... It was disgusting...

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[deleted] t1_j3oa5g8 wrote

[removed]

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Takenabe t1_j3ohjnd wrote

This guy's going to get an awful lot of packages in the near future.

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muffinjuicecleanse t1_j3oqtg6 wrote

Shoutout to the journalists name: james aydelott.

I ate a lot too, James

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SureProfessor7939 t1_j3otd4s wrote

He probably didn’t come prepared and had to take his underwear off and use them lol, went to jail with no undies

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xeonicus t1_j3ow81p wrote

I like how the reporter is so deadpan when he says, "he faces multiple counts of larceny and lots of attention on social media."

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dman928 t1_j3p5p1q wrote

Captain Underpants

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robbie_30 t1_j3p5snm wrote

Is he from Florida by chance?

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azuk82 t1_j3p612d wrote

Son, you're wearing a panty on your head.

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Rezart_KLD t1_j3p66y0 wrote

"No one cared who I was until I put on the mask"

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[deleted] t1_j3pa2fg wrote

[removed]

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exipheas t1_j3pjm5t wrote

I was really expecting TPD to be Tampa PD not Tulsa PD.

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Rusty_fox4 t1_j3pk5b9 wrote

Those meddling kids and their pesky dog

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mightyFoo t1_j3pk622 wrote

It’s his fetish, two birds/one stone

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[deleted] t1_j3q2nu9 wrote

[removed]

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naliedel t1_j3qtv39 wrote

This is funny.

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Ehzek t1_j3n0s7o wrote

Freaking kink shamers.

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