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dude707LoL t1_j95cnvn wrote

OP you sound like those parents who let their kids get noisy saying they are just kids being kids... Sure they are kids and it's your job as parents to teach them to behave with manners and respect to people who share any common space with you.

Instead of immediately jumping to the other tenant being erratic. You should pay attention to the noise you are creating. For example, do you do the hi and stop and chat loudly in the hallway like moms do? Do your kids makes noise/running around but you brush it off as "aw cute"? Your kid is not the center of attention and other people shouldn't live with their noise.

Take note of your family's behaviors and see how it affects others. Do the right thing.

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sharbinbarbin t1_j95x6ex wrote

I have a continuous dialogue with my two young daughters that the hallway in our building is not a private place but a place for everyone and it’s not nice to be loud and treat it that way. They are 4 and 2. So I do my part daily to raise them with respect for the world around them. However you can stop a 2 year old from screaming so it’s a daily venture. Treat the world the way you want to be treated.

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twix4959 t1_j9601ph wrote

Yea but I mean in the post they say they’re trying to manage it. I assume most parents try to manage their kids in public…

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twix4959 t1_j95yfu1 wrote

Only moms stop and chat in the hallways? In every building I’ve lived in I’ve definitely seen people of all ages chatting in the hallways with their neighbors or talking on the phone on the way to elevators at some point Or groups of young people leaving to go to bars and being loud. It’s not malicious but its part of living in an apt building.

Here’s the other thing with your comment: We can only go off the info that’s in the post. You made a ton of assumptions about noise. The person says she knows playing in the hall was wrong and isn’t allowed so they stopped. They’re trying to manage their kids noise when passing through the common areas but that’s not easy. I also don’t think it’s a requirement to scurry quietly through the hallways and wait for the elevator in silence. You’ve never once made any noise ever in your hallway? Do you tell people coming over to stop all conversation and wait until they’re in the lobby or your apt to start again? You’ve never accidentally dropped something in the hall that made noise maybe if your hands are full of groceries? When you moved in did you tell whoever was helping you not to make any noise at all?

They’re clearly frustrated / flustered so you telling them to be mindful of the noise is not helpful. They are mindful. That’s why they’re writing a post about it.

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[deleted] t1_j964xnj wrote

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twix4959 t1_j966h5u wrote

Could be. We only have the info in the post to go off of. But I’m on the board for my building and the complaints I get from people are insane (upstairs neighbor walks too loud, I saw one of the door men smoking a cigarette across the street so he may be smoking in the building, my neighbor didn’t smile at me in the hall so they are being hostile,etc) Especially folks who are home all day with not much else to do.

I mean the woman never said hello to her apparently either. I’ve definitely been in buildings where I never interacted with my neighbors so can’t draw much from that.

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[deleted] t1_j96cdit wrote

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[deleted] t1_j96evom wrote

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twix4959 t1_j96gfpc wrote

Yea it’s a really weird ownership structure pretty unique to nyc.

Noise complaints are the painful bc they’re so hard to verify. Like ok are you practicing dribbling for the bball team bc stop you can’t do that in here. But sometimes it’s well they pull their chairs out for dinner and it makes a noise and I have to say ok well I don’t know what to tell you bc that’s a totally reasonable thing to do at 7 pm in your own apt (this really happened and we offered to help them buy and put down a rug for the chairs…)

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dude707LoL t1_j97oua5 wrote

Ok Karen. You sound very touched by my comment. I suppose i know where you stand in this matter.

They are frustrated because someone complain about them. Before going off saying the other person is weird, they should really reflect on the way their family is impacting on others who share space.

I do talk in the hallway but with absolute inside voice. I definitely will not be having a 10-15 stop and chat in the hallway and let my kids play there. it's a bit intrusive to other people who share that hallway who would like to enjoy quietness instead.

Especially during covid lockdown this was a huge issue. I can hear everything people say in the hallway back when i used to live in an apartment block. I know what they had for lunch, how long they stayed at their in laws house on Sunday, when their kids are having a performance at school. I really think people should be more mindful of other people's peace and quiet in indoor spaces that are shared by many. From my experience, moms/women love doing the stop and chat most and the small talk is endless. And I'm also a woman btw, just not a fan of small talks especially in the hallway.

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twix4959 t1_j97tsta wrote

Lol ok aggressive responder. So I’m a man so I guess that makes me a Kevin.

Couple things: 1) they’re asking anonymously for advice in a forum so I don’t think you need to get offended on the complainers behalf. We have no idea who that person is. 2) they admitted playing in the hallway was wrong and said they’re working on being quiet with their kids when they go to the elevator so they are reflecting on their actions.

Ok and by your own admission you do chat in the hallway? How do you know it’s an inside voice and your voice isn’t carrying or whoever you’re talking tos voice isn’t carrying? You’ve never had guests over? Do they ever make noise coming in or out of your apt? Like I said earlier. I have young kids and we do our best but sometimes they make noise in the hall going to or from the elevator just like you do when you have these “whisper chats” you’re talking about.

I agree people should not be congregating and chatting in the hallway. If you’re having 10-15 people stop and chat in the hallway in your building talking about lunch then you should definitely complain. Unlike this scenario this person is being mindful of peace and quiet because they are saying they are trying to keep their kids quiet on the walk from the elevator and they seem to want to avoid another complaint.

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dude707LoL t1_j97vn75 wrote

Ok Kevin. The response you give is very typical of people with kids. Everyone should just make a concession for your children's sake.

I talk in the hallway while I walk with inside voice. In fact I make sure to almost whisper. And when I have people over, I wait to talk to them in the apartment. I keep it to a minimum because I understand how annoying it is for people who live in an apartment where your neighbors cannot stop yapping. I don't see the need to yap with whoever I'm with while in the hallway.

I think it's a waste of time talking to people like you. We will not agree on this subject. As I said in a previous message, just keep it down and do that right thing. You're not the center of attention here and people shouldn't have to live with your child related stress/issue/drama/joy.

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twix4959 t1_j97xxtq wrote

Ok first of all. I’m sorry this upsets you so much you have to resort to name calling

Second of all, you’re right that we’re not going to agree. You should angrily whisper about it the next time someone comes to visit your silent apt building.

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dude707LoL t1_j97znzn wrote

Yes I'm really fed up with entitled people with kids who think their kids are the bestest angels who can do no wrong.

I really enjoy the silence of my building now because my neighbors don't have kids.

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twix4959 t1_j97zqho wrote

Great- so it sounds like this isn’t an issue for you! But on behalf of other people living in nyc with kids I promise you most of us are doing our best to raise good kids and be respectful of our neighbors.

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md702 t1_j95rfnn wrote

And you sound like someone with no experience with young children or blessed with angels. Yes you should try and control your kids, but until you have toddlers/young children, you'll see they have 3 modes, happy and quiet, playful making some noise, or full bloom tantrum because you told them not to do something. Sometimes the 2nd option, though a little noisy is the balanced option.

My daughter is an angel, my boys are terrors. When you have ones of your own, you will understand.

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dude707LoL t1_j97nb0x wrote

Lol yes angels to you only. They are not angels to me or anyone who's not the parents of your kids. I don't care how blessed you feel. That's for you to decide. All I really care about is that I don't bother others with my noise and drama and I expect the same courtesy from them.

You sound like a very clueless parent who lack discipline and respect for others who may or may not have kids but deserve to enjoy the same space just as you do.

It's exactly people like you who see their little "angels" as perfect and uncontrollable because they are gods gift. How could such perfect little angels be a pain in someone else's ass. There's such a thing as discipline and children should be taught to behave with manners and discipline from a young age. They can learn to be quiet at the right time and place without losing too much fun time.

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twix4959 t1_j97y7yz wrote

Wow you are really fired up About this.

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[deleted] t1_j94zfy2 wrote

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columbiaphdnyc t1_j95hk2s wrote

Be kind introduce yourself. I’ve come to realize one becomes more tolerable of someone if you like them. As someone said in the comment, kill them with kindness. Genuine kindness at that.

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StandardTiming t1_j95iwza wrote

Be an adult and one day when you don’t have your kids- knock on your neighbor’s door and ask them what the problem is. Also agree with others here- we have neighbors who subscribe to the same philosophy as you and their kids are obnoxious and I can hear them from my bedroom. If “kids will be kids” expect neighbors to be annoyed about it and not everyone will respond in a way you find acceptable.

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barbro66 t1_j950mif wrote

Sounds like you’re being pretty reasonable with your kids, but I would try and communicate with the neighbour. Think of it as a sales job - if you get the neighbour to like you (or even just tolerate you) they’ll be much less likely to raise trouble. Maybe buy a gift and write a card for the neighbour to say sorry? Some people don’t really like kids - annoying if your a parent, but that’s their right. But it’s all going to go much better if you can establish some sort of “relationship” with them.

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twix4959 t1_j95qqwy wrote

This is the answer here. Even if you think it wasn’t a big deal apologize and try to build a bridge. It‘ll go a long way. I wouldn’t write to everyone, just your neighbor who complained directly to you.

I’m assuming everything you said in the post is true but make sure your kids are not playing in the halls and leaving toys out. If this person can’t be reasoned with and keeps filing complaints that are fabricated ask for proof (pictures of toys, recording of excessive noise). Obviously in that situation you had better be in the right.

Talk to your kids about keeping their voices down in the halls and have them do their best. There will be slip ups but as long as you’re just coming and going it is what it is.

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Ok-Concentrate-9316 t1_j95t7dw wrote

Living in NYC apartments is a pain I have to say. What your neighbor should have done was to knock on your door and speak to you directly before escalate this to the management, that should be the normal way right? But unfortunately NYC neighbors usually don’t give a damn. There’s no such thing called manner or respect so don’t have your hope high living here. Pretty much all building managements are irresponsible and sluggish too. Each building has its rules, including noises. Review it and make sure to stick to it first. I know neighbors complain about little kids running around above them and the management forced that family to carpet 80% of their common areas, if even they prefer hardwood floors. Once the bridge is burned it’s burned. You will be stigmatized by that old lady, however, maybe a friendly approach would calm the situation down. Won’t hurt to try right? I’m battling with a chain smoking neighbor and a noisy stomping upstair neighbor. Honestly I hate them so much that I just can’t give any damn. Maybe the old lady is similar to me in this situation and I am in my 30s. Imagine at her age. Bring some cookies and pizza. See her like your grandma. If she doesn’t buy it then you have nothing to lose. But, you need to make sure to bring the noise down. That’s the only way.

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BLOODTRIBE t1_j955x3w wrote

As you get older you develop more sensitivity to certain sounds, it’s a stupid thing that happens. Plus, they have all the time in the world to think about it. But their problems shouldn’t affect your reasonable standard to exist. I’ve had similar issues in the past, and no amount of giving them gifts, acknowledging them, or placating them will work. You deserve the freedom to exist. Those are the sounds of life, and you have to hear them when you live close to people.

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Iconoclast123 t1_j958z9a wrote

Kill her with kindness, but other than that, live your life (and don't be cowed). Skip the letter to all tenants, it's overkill.

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twix4959 t1_j95utys wrote

I love posts like this bc the difference in expectations between people who have kids versus those who don’t is so stark. It’s not black and white.

On one hand it’s reasonable to say no playing in the hallways. That’s a good rule. On the other it’s not reasonable to say you should never make any noise in the hallway ever. I tell my kids to try their best to be quiet when we walk to the elevator. We do our best but I’m not gonna tell my kid to shut up bc they got excited about something in the 30 second we wait for the elevator. It happens. We’re humans. We’re gonna react and make noise sometimes. The young guy in my hall sometimes loudly talks on his phone and my elderly neighbor loudly knocks over the fake flowers we have for some reason on occasion. You know what I do? I go help clean it up bc we’re living in an apt building and it’s part of life.

If you want to live in total silence move to the house in the suburbs or a building that only has one unit per floor.

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ayyyymee t1_j95yno1 wrote

I was the first person to move into a new building and I later found out the walls were very thin. I could hear EVERYTHING coming from the hallway. Luckily for me my new neighbors that moved in after had a toddler and a newborn. Yay! The time it took for them to get in/out of their apartment felt forever. I would hear the kids crying/yelling/talking loudly/running, doing what “kids do”. I also worked from home. People on calls would hear the noise. I honestly hated living there and I never complained to them because another neighbor did and they got real nasty. Their response was “kids will be kids”. So I honestly think you should consider the impact on others and not just pull the “kids will be kids” card immediately.

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dude707LoL t1_j97qpcl wrote

When I lived in Japan, the parents really make sure their kids don't make loud noises in public space. I really enjoy that.

People who just say kids will be kids are just lazy and making excuses. There are ways to do it correctly while not just shutting your kid up. There are time and place where they should learn to respect silence and not just be excited as they please.

However I do think this concept of teaching your kids to be quiet at times will be thought of as making them submissive or something. It's more about understanding how to coexist with others.

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Own_Decision_4063 t1_j961kpl wrote

I just can't get over the fact that 2 mothers meet up in the hallway and allows thier kids to run and you know that they're probably screaming too, and think that it's ok like a playground. And apparently thiers a place in the building upstaurs in a common area for children to play?

And that these mothers don't see anything wrong with it just is even more ridiculous.

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IloveSeaFoood t1_j95w6a0 wrote

Reddit is filled with a bunch of single 20 year olds with no kids. I’m one of them

However, I come from a family of immigrants so I understand what it’s like being around children, unlike the WASPs on this sub who just moved here from Ohio and don’t have a strong familial unit

So yeah I’d just talk to your neighbors and try to limit the time in the hallways. Half the comments here are super passive aggressive, I don’t think that you let your kids run roughshod in the halls like many here are accusing you. Because as you said, kids do get loud at in opportune moments and it’s hard to control that at times.

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