Mind your business

• A New Yorker

>It is my personal opinion that if you encounter a crying person on the train, your sole responsibility as a New Yorker is to do something sort of psycho in their general vicinity in order to compound the weepers’ sorrow and make a great story later on

LMAO

Leave crying people alone. Unless they're asking for help, they're probably already embarrassed enough. At most hand over a tissue and say nothing.

lol no.

You don't stare, put your headphones back in, and be thankful it's not you today.

Real New Yorkers tell you to mind your damn business

The correct answer is mind your business.

*That said, there was one time I've ever made exception, and that was in the weeks following 9/11. It wasn't uncommon for folks to just break down and cry on the subway, standing in front of one of the many missing person walls, walking on the street...

It was the only time I would ask if they were okay or needed anything. The answer was often one of two things; they either just needed a minute, or they needed a shoulder. Was happy to give either.

Best place to cry is the downstairs dining room at the 7th Ave Sabarro that overlooks the uptown 1 platform.

Observe for signs of danger, if clear - give a simple gruff: "You good?"

If good, move on.

If not good, inquire further, provide coffee, and go about your day.

This is why I always carry tissues with me. If I see anyone crying I can pull them out and just ask them if they could use a tissue. It’s a kindness that needs nothing from the other person and every single time it’s been received well.

I once just plopped down on the edge of the flower bed crying at the median on park Ave and like 66th and some guy who was crossing the ave asked if I was alright and offered to give me the pint of ice cream from his grocery bag.

Once I saw a woman crying on the way Penn and I wasn’t sure what to do, but at the end of the day I left her alone. Think it was for the best.

If I had a dollar for every crying person I've seen in my years I'd have a nice sum of money.

However I also mind my business.

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Hell's a road paved with good intentions.

1. Take out phone.

2. Record emotionally distraught individual in public.

3. Add inane and callous commentary, bonus points for snickering under your breath.

4. Rake in those sweet, sweet tiktokky points.

5. Profit?

I did not read this article. Do not actually do this.

I’ve seen my share of men/women crying in public. Most times they’re on the move so you can’t even interact, otherwise you just ask “you ok?” and limit your involvement as you have no clue what you’re stepping into unprepared.

I think the better and more practical application of being “NY Proud” is look out for your immediate neighbors. Get to know your upstairs, downstairs and bldg next door block mates. These are the people who will inevitably look out for you when your package goes missing or need help up/down the stairs with something big or heavy. A lot of NYCers find community at work or other social places and completely ignore the lonely abuelita living her last few years in their own building. Just my .02

Last year, I had a full on panic attack, weeping sobbing, choking on spit moment on my way to work. A fucking tourist (and I don't normally say "fucking tourist", I do like most of 'em) would not leave me alone. They asked if I was okay. Ok, fine, you're nice. I said yeah. Kept sobbing. Asked if I was sure. I said yeah. Offered to get me someone. I said, I am fine. Finally, snapped, told them to fuck off and they went back to their wife complaining about rude locals.

I generally think that you should mind your own business. However once when I was in my 20’s, crying on the train, mascara running down my face, a woman just said to me, “He ain’t worth it” as she got off the train never looking at me or otherwise trying to interact. She was, of course, right. I still think of her from time to time and I’m grateful for her wisdom and compassion.

One time I was crying on a random stoop on the uws after getting some frustrating, bad news. Another woman my age walked by, stopped and so genuinely and kindly asked if I was ok that it snapped me out of my meltdown. I don't know that I would do the same, outside of obvious injury, but I really was touched that a stranger stopped to check on me.

I usually mind my business, as I’d want to be ignored if crying or in a moment of emotional anguish (we all have our days).

That said, this weekend a friend and I saw a young girl crying on the street alone, late at night (after 2a) in the LES. Turns out she was underage and got ditched by a 22 year old douchebag. She explained she was Muslim and couldn’t return home without the jeans she left the house with (left at said dbag’s apt). My friend (a female) called her an Uber back to Queens and we helped her get her story straight as to what she’d tell her parents as we put her in the car. We made sure the driver would watch her walk inside before pulling off.

The sounds of her sobbing alone in 30° temps made us at least ask if she was ok. After we put her in her car we both felt like we saved a kid. Funnily enough earlier that night we saw an unattended empty stroller on the sidewalk and my friend asked me what I’d do if there was a baby in it. I shrugged and rolled my eyes before deciding that I’d anonymously drop it off at the nearest precinct.

I be like Yerrr!!! Yo you good? If it's just them having a bad day. Tell em oh I hear ya you be alright though stay strong. If they continue to rant just be like oh hey this is my stop. ✌🏾

My mom once saw a homeless teen girl with a sign sobbing in Times Square. She talked to her and gave her $20. She couldn’t stand the thought that it was someone’s child crying alone homeless. I thought this was a good response. (My mom also doesn’t give a fuck how homeless people spend $ she gives them either)

Yeah mind your business but one time I was on a train where someone pulled out their laptop and burned a mix cd for the person who was crying sitting across from her

Let them cry, keep walking

Subway riding guide for me:

• Mask: ✔️

• Sunglasses/my favorite brand of aviators: 🕶️ ✔️

• City/winter gloves: ✔️

• Winter beanie + scarf: ✔️

• AirPods: ✔️

• Spare to-go size of Kleenex/tissues + to-go hand sanitizer: ✔️

• Sufficient amount of $/MetroCard fare just in case to help someone (not often due to OMNY/current stage of pandemic): ✔️

• A “keep to yourself” mantra to avoid complications sometimes: ✔️ (95% of the time)

Pretty much goes without fail most of the time, and yes, one or two times even we ourselves might be susceptible to pressure/sadness or panic attacks, (like myself once or twice a year even on a subway/the station), but it’s all about consent if you’d want to solicit help (same applies conversely), and it’s perfectly fine if no one wants to help, or if someone wants to accept the offer of help and give you some encouraging words at bare minimum. OTOH it’s completely understandable if someone’s hesitant in terms of helping a stranger, you can never be too certain these days given what can happen in the subway (whether above/below ground) worst case scenario.

Hopefully December & the rest of the year can be something to celebrate over, and find some positivity in our own lives.

john mulaney wrote a song about this

Does crying at H-Mart fit here?

"the protagonist removed their headphones and asked if they could give the woman—who, as it turned out, had an aunt die recently—a hug. The pair embraced; some comforting words were exchanged"

If I was the person crying I'd be horrified. Like are you fucking crazy?

No eye contact. Never ever make eye contact.

Also, remember - no good deed ever goes unpunished.

I’ve had a rough year with an absolutely terrible work situation and then my grandmother died and then a few weeks later my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness. So I’ve been weepy on the train a hell of a lot more than I ever thought possible. Only ever had one older lady sit next to me, offer a tissue, and gave my shoulder a squeeze. It felt nice, and the main thing was that she didn’t say anything or really look at me. Just a bit of support. Other than that just pretend like I don’t exist so I can pretend like no one is actually seeing me making a fool of myself in public.

The last time I really cried in public, multiple homeless people offered me cigarettes and general insults toward whoever I was crying about. It helped

"No one asked for a hug because it would have been obscene, an aberration in the therapeutic practice of feeling sad and sorry for yourself in a place that will continue churning at a rapid clip no matter how you, an insignificant speck, happen to feel." Just be kind to one another. This is some writer bullshit.

The author of the article is obviously a transplant.

Do you Good Samaritans approach anyone in public who appears distressed, or just crying women? Take a seat on the subway next to the shirtless guy arguing with himself who reeks of piss and ask, “Everything okay?” and see what happens.

Damn it's crazy how many of us have been weeping on the train. I hide my face the best I can. I'm a ugly crier.

Totally fine to offer a tissue or say “you ok?” Or “do you need help?” As long as you respect their response (actually be willing to offer help, avoid reacting negatively if they snap at you, or immediately disengage if no response at all).

A decade ago I once was the weeping person due to a just happened bad breakup, at a PATH station enroute to Jersey City, during the holidays.

A lady who was with a group of friends came over to make chitchat, she didn't ask me why i was crying, nor if i was ok, just started chattering about how they just had all you can eat sushi and then invited me to go to karaoke with them. I went with them and it was a lot of fun and also made me feel so much better.

"crying on the subway? are you too poor to get an Uber, broke bitch?"

Incredibly thankful for everyone who ever ignored me on the subway

“I’d like to remind the people of New York City that this hugging and chatting business is usually not, in fact, what we do.”

Ugh. I hate this smug “New Yorkier than thou” attitude. Yes.. please remind we NY’ers about “what we do”. We all suddenly have major identity crises.

I do agree that leaving ppl alone is a best practice, but I’ll typically ask someone like that if they’re OK. They might need help! Lost cell phone; robbed, and need to make a call…that type of thing.

The only time I've ever wept openly in public on the subway. The only reason why I felt comfortable doing it was because I was totally sure I would be completely undisturbed. Thankfully I was correct.

We gentrifying acting like a New Yorker now?

Nope I played enough Left 4 Dead …keep walking

You good? Ok then.

It’s a very surreal sight I’ve had a few times crossing a crowded street corner and one of the people walking from the opposite end just weeping but going forward and about their business.

I want to practice compassion in this scenario but I also don’t want to get stabbed.

Seeing someone in distress, I generally try to give a glance and ask if okay if I am not in a rush. Have called 911 or stayed with person with camera at the ready til help arrives at times

I cried buckets in public once after struggling with bad news, was totally ignored by everyone, but eventually ran into someone who I was acquainted with but usually never said hello to me. This time he said hello. He didn't ask me what's wrong, are you crying, etc., but to me that was enough of a kindness that I've never forgotten it.

Years ago, I spotted a young woman struggling not to cry while sitting alone in the McDonald's on 42nd Street. I honestly did want to say something but her body language emanated, leave me tf alone so I chickened out.

I felt like I was on that show "What Would You Do?" with John Quiñones. I wish I would have said something but I feel like you never know who's going to take it the wrong way.

The day my dog died I burst out crying in the dog park while I was with my other dog. Some lady was like, “do you need a hug?” I was like “n,n,n,o,o,o,o,o th,th,thank y-ou” as I recoiled at the thought

As someone who has walked down the street/been on a train/bus and had a mental breakdown the last thing I needed was. A stranger to say anything. Kindly leave the person alone.

Keep it moving, ain’t nobody got time for that

I cry a lot but try not cry in front of others sometimes in car I cry but I wear my masks so it helps

Give them a boneless pizza and an 2 liter Sprite straight up 🅱️

Been here. Too many times to count. Being left alone is always the way.

I go through a flash of several strong emotions on my way to work about once a week. Happiness, saddness, anxiety, peace and unrest. If anyone saw my face im sure id look crazy. Im happy nobody bothers me in those moments

Yo, you good?

Mind your business. It's none of your business. Only if they ask, should you help or you see them legitimately struggle. Otherwise, could be a scam.

NYC wouldn’t recommend today’s version, has the best pizza though!

Ha I literally just bawled my eyes out on an Uber today. The driver said nothing. Thank god

If it's a woman, I'm not getting near that cause she's either gonna think I'm there to take advantage or she's a psycho trying to get attention. If it's a dude, I'm not gettin near that cause he's clearly not in a good place and might go from sad to violent at the drop of a hat. If it's anything in between, I'm not getting near that cause I probably don't know some farfetched rule about how to talk to them and they'll get me fired somehow. If it's a kid, I'm not getting near that for obvious reasons.

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The only time I'll address a crying is if it's someone chopping onions cause you can apparently fix that by chewing gum

I feel like I have to boooooo this article.. what a waste of time reading this. if someone is crying you ask if they are ok. And yes, I’m a New Yorker, born and raised.

I cry every time I look at my electric bill

[removed]

Mine-juh fuckin biznizz

Ok the regret when you actually ask them if they’re ok and they ask for money….😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫🤪🤫🤫🤫🤫

I ain’t seen nothing and I ain’t hear nothing.

Just nyc tings. But seriously though ive cried in public bc i needed to be away from my house and knew that nobody would bother me or care if I was sobbing outside so it just depends

I always see people crying in nyc especially on 8th avenue between 9pm and 4am

It’s okay to cry because that tells people you need some help and someone to talk to

I would always go up to them and ask them what's going on (not 'are you okay?', but 'what's going on'). And talk to them. And give a hug if it was wanted/welcomed. The only time I would not do this is if they were giving off any kind of unsafe or very mentally ill vibes. And yes, I trust my instincts on this. And needless to say if they didn't want to talk I'd give them a good word and move on.