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RecoveringFcukBoy t1_iy8a8gf wrote

Mind your business

  • A New Yorker

DistantStorm-X t1_iy8osph wrote

Straight up. If someone is asking for help, legit looks like they they need it, and you can actually help them, please do.

Otherwise, Mind Ya Business.


chale122 t1_iy9og92 wrote

a new yorker asking random people for help sounds like a scam


JoeyZXD t1_iy9ym16 wrote

I was walking down 31st street in Astoria and dude walked up to me and said, "Yo can I ask you something?" and I just crossed the street on a green light


RecoveringFcukBoy t1_iybw65u wrote

Either hes trying to sell you something or ask for money either way, im not interested.


SirGavBelcher t1_iyaoitf wrote

yeah i cry a lot even if im just on a walk and i just want to be left alone like la llorona


spicytoastaficionado t1_iy8a3oo wrote

>It is my personal opinion that if you encounter a crying person on the train, your sole responsibility as a New Yorker is to do something sort of psycho in their general vicinity in order to compound the weepers’ sorrow and make a great story later on



Berninz t1_iy8jvg2 wrote



mowotlarx t1_iy8e13m wrote

Leave crying people alone. Unless they're asking for help, they're probably already embarrassed enough. At most hand over a tissue and say nothing.


Visible_Way_7069 t1_iy8fqti wrote

As a person who spent a few months in my 30s crying on the train after my brother died, this. All I wanted was for people to have the decency to leave the seat next to me empty on the LIRR. They did not.


mowotlarx t1_iy8gj7k wrote

I feel that. My mom died in the spring and I had a lot of weeping train moments. Thankfully everybody left me alone. I think wearing a mask helped make it less noticeable?


sausalito8 t1_iy8j8uf wrote

I’m so sorry for your loss. Hope you’re able to find comfort and support.


isthisactuallytrue t1_iyal45p wrote

Sorry about your mom. Path 2013 it was rough but then never cried on a train since.


kstarkwasp t1_iy8qnp0 wrote

I swear this is the most new york thing ever hahaha oh you're crying? Well...don't mind me I'm just going to sit my ass down right here.


Gimme_The_Loot t1_iy8x2ao wrote

Bruh I got places to be and I'm tired.


Cry all you want my beats got noise cancellation.


AnacharsisIV t1_iy95irk wrote

As a New Yorker I've sat in lots of bodily fluids on public transit seats. You think tears are gonna deter me?


ripstep1 t1_iyb4yhu wrote

Who gives a fuck? We all have places to be


jonnycash11 t1_iy8toqt wrote

Sorry for your loss.

People probably thought it was a gimmick to keep the seat next to you empty.


seenew t1_iyaw9wt wrote

way too much work to keep an empty seat when all it usually takes is a little bit of trash


C_bells t1_iybip01 wrote

My mom died in 2015, and for some reason I found I could only cry while walking around on the streets or on the train.

I’d get home and stop crying. I guess it felt kind of boring or pointless to sit and cry at home.

I hate the idea of people noticing me upset, but absolutely love crying while walking around for some reason.


eekamuse t1_iy8uplc wrote

I wish someone had given me a tissue. I ran out and was tryi g to unroll used tissues to use them again. Doesn't work


Austintatious_ t1_iyah3km wrote

I’ve been the cryer and I always appreciated the tissue. I did not plan on crying and was I’ll prepared


DemonGoddes t1_iybuwa2 wrote

100% this, tissue is a life saver esp with snot running everywhere. I would appreciate anyone handing me a tissue when I am crying, but prefer when they do not inquire into the reason.


WolfMan889 t1_iy8d8kj wrote

lol no.

You don't stare, put your headphones back in, and be thankful it's not you today.


faustianBM t1_iy8kejb wrote

"Avert your eyes!!"

"I....I was just gunna ask if you're ok....."

"I said avert your eyes!!"


Chef-Inner t1_iy88sg9 wrote

Real New Yorkers tell you to mind your damn business


redditaccount71987 t1_iy8d9vx wrote

It depends ran into some folks wanting to talk and approaching me when I first got here. Some want to talk but as a rule of thumb it's best not to approach unless someone is in severe distress or appears to be in need of assistance. A lot of people are very aggressive.


Khutuck t1_iy95seq wrote

Absolutely. Last month I gave my place to an old lady in a supermarket (I was waiting for my food to be ready so I had time); she was very suspicious and didn’t want to accept so I had to say to her “I’m not a real New Yorker, I’m an immigrant”.


DarkGemini1979 t1_iy8eaya wrote

The correct answer is mind your business.

*That said, there was one time I've ever made exception, and that was in the weeks following 9/11. It wasn't uncommon for folks to just break down and cry on the subway, standing in front of one of the many missing person walls, walking on the street...

It was the only time I would ask if they were okay or needed anything. The answer was often one of two things; they either just needed a minute, or they needed a shoulder. Was happy to give either.


WinnieCerise t1_iy8o8x1 wrote

That was a tough week. People were crying all over. The gym, the trains, on line, walking. I’ll never forget that.


ciaogo t1_iy8uv2x wrote

Also the couple of days after the election results in ‘16. I remember a lot of sniffling and quiet crying. The first morning commute was super quiet intercut by sounds of ppl crying. We all minded our own business.


d4ng3rz0n3 t1_iy9cy7d wrote

LOL comparing 9/11 to Donald Trump winning the Presidency. Very nice


MaracujaBarracuda t1_iybeeg0 wrote

You obviously do not live in nyc. She’s not saying they are comparable in scale. She’s saying that those were two occasions in which a mood took the entire city and you could all feel it together. It’s a profound experience. A friend of mine who grew up in Israel in the 70s describes similar experiences during the war there.

Crying is not always the same mood or emotion.

The 9/11 crying was a profound collective grief, a deep heartbreak, immeasurable loss, and ongoing fear. People made eye contact with strangers and shared it together. It was comforting in a way. You never felt alone in it and had millions of people around you all the time who completely understood it. It’s hard to describe to people who weren’t there.

The 2016 election crying was different. It was shock, anger, fear, and some grief, though of a different quality than the 9/11 grief. But it was still a profound experience, to experience a mood publicly alongside millions of others who share it with you.


d4ng3rz0n3 t1_iybgrsj wrote

I lived in NYC for 6 years including during Trumps election and presidency. I was on the subway day he was elected.

Its an exaggeration. Shame on you and anyone who compares Trumps election to 9/11. Which you just did.


metz270 t1_iyakx1i wrote

It wasn’t even close to 9/11, but fwiw I do remember there being a different vibe that morning.


MonteXristo t1_iy9gho3 wrote

😂 they really do think it’s just as bad


toTheNewLife t1_iy8w991 wrote

That was an entirely different situation. We all needed to help each other get through that shit.


justthekoufax t1_iy8r9uk wrote

Best place to cry is the downstairs dining room at the 7th Ave Sabarro that overlooks the uptown 1 platform.


arbrady t1_iya6rjd wrote

Thanks, gonna give this one a try.


Spicy_Urine t1_iybs7p7 wrote

Why this location?


justthekoufax t1_iydtq3i wrote

It has it all:

-Shitty food

-Subterranean dining room of questionable cleanliness

-A few tourists

-View to the Penn Station uptown 1 platform and all its glory

-No one you know will see you

-Overall great place to cry about the decisions that brought you there


Swoah t1_iyf8meh wrote

It’s also Michael Scott’s favorite NY pizza joint


Highfemmenyc t1_iyddcvm wrote

It overlooks the subway? Like you can see the subway platform from inside the sabarro? Is there a window?


justthekoufax t1_iydt3wf wrote

Yes that’s correct there’s a window that looks out on the Penn Station uptown 1 platform.


DrinkCubaLibre t1_iy8ce5l wrote

Observe for signs of danger, if clear - give a simple gruff: "You good?"

If good, move on.

If not good, inquire further, provide coffee, and go about your day.


deepmindfulness t1_iy8gwy6 wrote

Nailed it. “You good” is New Yorker for, “Hey, I know how you feel, and I want you to know that humanity still exists, and as bad as it feels right now, I promise it’s temporary. And I’m happy to help (within limits) even though we’ve never met before, because you’re a human being you are deserving human kindness and care.

Also, if you’re weird, I’m gonna tell you to fuck.”


Berninz t1_iy8jzoa wrote

This is such a wonderful way of describing it.


Message_10 t1_iy8l1rc wrote

LOL last weekend in Prospect Park I saw a woman lying in the ground with her husband tending to her. She had turned her ankle or something like that. I was walking by with my son. I said “You good?” without slowing or looking like I was going to help and he said “Yeah we’re ok” and I was like “I’ll be back in 10 minutes and I’ll help you if you still need help.” I came back and he was gone.

I feel like NYers will give help if it’s really needed, but otherwise, we leave you to fix your own problems.

Later on I actually ended up at a birthday party with him and his wife! He was like “Thanks for your help, bro!” even though I didn’t do anything. I loved that.


famous_unicorn t1_iy8fu5k wrote

This is why I always carry tissues with me. If I see anyone crying I can pull them out and just ask them if they could use a tissue. It’s a kindness that needs nothing from the other person and every single time it’s been received well.


eekamuse t1_iy8uwck wrote

I give them the whole pack. One tissue won't last most subway cries. One pack won't, if it's serious


Hummus_ForAll t1_iy8mol4 wrote

That is very sweet. I have been walking around crying, or on the subway crying, and I would have appreciated that kind interaction.


Iused2dosmack t1_iyb9vtc wrote

Not gonna lie, it’s pretty wild you always carry tissues in case you see any crying strangers while you’re out and about 😂


famous_unicorn t1_iybboth wrote

It’s just one reason I carry tissue with me. I also carry a Swiss Army knife with me because I’m convinced I’m going to save an animal that’s tangled in a piece of plastic with it. 😂


SugarMagnolia96 t1_iycm63q wrote

Just so you know, it’s illegal to carry a pocket knife on you in NYC. NYC has some of the strictest knife laws in the country. If you’re ever doing things that can result in a cop harassing you (which could just be walking down the street) it’s not a good idea to have a knife.


famous_unicorn t1_iydcrtr wrote

Good point. I’m good because its considered s multi tool with a blade of less that four inches and it’s not in view. But you are correct about strict knife laws in nyc.


moveshake t1_iyb5l8d wrote

Someone did this for me during my greatest subway cry and it was really nice


thesarchasm t1_iybk5g4 wrote

After the 2016 election results I was crying on the subway and a girl next to me silently handed me a tissue. It was the only good part of that day, and I will never forget that small act of kindness. Thank you for doing this.


[deleted] t1_iyc7g2l wrote



famous_unicorn t1_iycjlqj wrote

I've been working in the city since 2006 and it's happened to me at least 10 times or so. I've also offered tissues to people who were having a coughing fit (pre-covid) and once gave a woman who was really coughing an unopened bottle of water that I had. But that one was more of a group effort. About four of us were helping her in one way or another. I can't see that happening right now...I think the car would just clear out!


frog_pajamas t1_iy8teho wrote

I once just plopped down on the edge of the flower bed crying at the median on park Ave and like 66th and some guy who was crossing the ave asked if I was alright and offered to give me the pint of ice cream from his grocery bag.


cmeleep t1_iycu03b wrote

Did he also offer you a spoon for you to eat it with, or was he just going to hand you a pint with no way to consume it?


lickedTators t1_iyddnep wrote

If you're sad enough you'll just lick your way through the pint.


frog_pajamas t1_iydfxyb wrote

Maybe he expected me to take it home? I declined. And that did kind of strike me later.


CrazyinLull t1_iy8ezmh wrote

Once I saw a woman crying on the way Penn and I wasn’t sure what to do, but at the end of the day I left her alone. Think it was for the best.


evilmonkey853 t1_iy8xsmz wrote

She probably just didn't want to have to go to Penn Station.


HowdyFrankenstein t1_iy93847 wrote

If you’re in Penn Station and NOT crying then you’re a sociopath


MICKEY-MOUSES-DICK t1_iy9wjdj wrote

Anyone who doesn't fold their dollar slice cheese pizza in half to eat, is a sociopath.


CaroleBaskinsBurner t1_iyarj2a wrote

My wife (who isn't from NYC) makes fun of me because I instinctively fold any and all pizza, including Domino's and small frozen pizza slices. And I legitimately didn't know that wasn't a universal habit until a few months ago.


trobrotv t1_iybveog wrote

You just blew my mind. I thought everyone did that too.


ike_tyson t1_iy8cme9 wrote

If I had a dollar for every crying person I've seen in my years I'd have a nice sum of money.

However I also mind my business.


Hell's a road paved with good intentions.


bottom t1_iy8dkcs wrote

Hells a road paved with good intentions- is a truly horrible expression


fuhgdat1019 t1_iy8h97u wrote

*The road to hell is paved…

Hell is a destination. The journey is my awful, treacherous life.


Jgflight86 t1_iy8mv2j wrote

  1. Take out phone.

  2. Record emotionally distraught individual in public.

  3. Add inane and callous commentary, bonus points for snickering under your breath.

  4. Rake in those sweet, sweet tiktokky points.

  5. Profit?

I did not read this article. Do not actually do this.


iStealyournewspapers t1_iy8pgjp wrote

I actually did record a crying girl on the subway over ten years ago, and I do feel kinda bad about it now, but there was something beautiful about it, and how after a while the guy next to her offers her a tissue and she takes it and says thank you. The main reason I was filming though was because I was doing a project of subway people recordings, so anyone I found fascinating or weird would get recorded. This was back when I had an iPhone 4 and it was way easier to subtly film people around you while appearing to listen to music. I’d wear sunglasses too so I could appear to look one way but monitor the screen w my eyes. I have like over 200 videos and some are pretty crazy. One of the most amazing things was how you’d be filming one person, and then they get off the train, but then someone else just as interesting takes their place, or some crazier shit happens.


Guypussy t1_iy8ve0g wrote

> I actually did record a crying girl on the subway over ten years ago, and I do feel kinda bad about it now, but there was something beautiful about it, and how after a while the guy next to her offers her a tissue

Jesus, dude, how long did you have your camera trained on her? “After a while” could’ve taken 10-15 minutes.


iStealyournewspapers t1_iy90sew wrote

That’s how my recording sessions generally went. I’d most often record to or from work on the 6 from 86th st to Bleecker or back, so if they were on that whole time, they were probably getting filmed the whole time. I just checked and her video is about 13 mins long. Also i got it wrong and it was actually a lady standing up that handed her a tissue early on in the video, and the crying girl used it the whole time, and then at the very end as she gets to her stop she collects herself and apologizes to the guy next to her saying something like “im sorry, im so embarrassed”, and he’s just incredibly sweet to her and tells her it’s ok, and puts his hand on her shoulder as a comforting gesture. Pretty sure he was gay so it wasn’t anything to be creeped out by. Very touching moment. I get why people would be bothered by the fact that I recorded it, but in 100 years when we’re all dead if this clip is still out there somewhere, I think people would be glad it’s something they can watch. Like imagine if we could watch people for extended periods on trains before film cameras were a thing. Who doesn’t love that footage of NY in the early 20th century?

Also I think it’s even better when people have no idea they’re being filmed and they’re just behaving 100% naturally.


JFCGoOutside t1_iy9515l wrote

JFC. You mean back in the day when they had huge cameras on tripods and like ten people standing around and not some creep pretending they’re not filming you for a ‘project.’ I’ve seen a few people get confronted for doing shit like this on the train.


iStealyournewspapers t1_iy9buqn wrote

I see you lack foresight. Also there are plenty of people in that old footage completely unaware that there’s a camera filming them.

Who fucking cares anyway? There are cameras filming us all the time and we don’t even know it. Everywhere you go in NY you’re being recorded by a camera you can’t see. So what? It’s not like I’m doing anything bad with the footage.

I’ve caught a couple people recording me for who knows what reason and I didn’t care. I look like a couple famous people so I suspect it was a foreigner who wasn’t sure but wanted to capture me just in case.

And your thing about being confronted is way more of a risk these days than it was back in 2009 or 2010 when I was doing this. A lot of people still didn’t have smart phones and people were far less worried about being recorded in public like they are today.

These days an incident happens and basically everyone watching can record it and post it online. So people feel more threatened by the idea now than they did then. Of the 200+ times I made a recording, not once did anyone confront me. I wouldn’t expect the same today, and that’s part of why I don’t bother with this sort of thing anymore. It had its day.


Jgflight86 t1_iy9k35g wrote

Your comments originally creeped me out, perhaps they still do a bit. Yet they gave me quite a lot to think about today; the nature of candid recordings/photography, art vs. documenting vs. surveillance, what is and isn't okay in a public setting, etc.

There's no denying that out in public we're on camera whether we want to be or not. It's just surprisingly interesting to read your reasoning and have me second guessing myself.


iStealyournewspapers t1_iy9s15m wrote

Thanks for your balanced take on it. I admitted from the beginning that I feel a bit bad about it now. I don’t really regret it because for me it was part of my art practice, and it ultimately does no harm to the video’s subject if no one else sees it, but I still understand why someone might be bothered by the fact that I did it. Also back then I was like 22 and had a very different and less mature perspective on things. Seeing someone crying like that would just make me extremely sad now, whereas before I think I had more of that youthful lack of empathy that most people grow out of.


TommyPicklesScrwdrvr t1_iy91b9h wrote

"The main reason I was filming though was because I was doing a project of subway people recordings, so anyone I found fascinating or weird would get recorded. This was back when I had an iPhone 4 and it was way easier to subtly film people around you while appearing to listen to music. I’d wear sunglasses too so I could appear to look one way but monitor the screen w my eyes. I have like over 200 videos and some are pretty crazy."

  • John Wilson

iStealyournewspapers t1_iy938xx wrote

Haha I just looked him up and I’ll have to check out his series. Sounds cool.


TommyPicklesScrwdrvr t1_iy93yn8 wrote

It's a great show. Whenever I'm down on living in NYC for whatever reason, watch an ep immediately cheers me up.


atari_Pro t1_iy8scxo wrote

I’ve seen my share of men/women crying in public. Most times they’re on the move so you can’t even interact, otherwise you just ask “you ok?” and limit your involvement as you have no clue what you’re stepping into unprepared.

I think the better and more practical application of being “NY Proud” is look out for your immediate neighbors. Get to know your upstairs, downstairs and bldg next door block mates. These are the people who will inevitably look out for you when your package goes missing or need help up/down the stairs with something big or heavy. A lot of NYCers find community at work or other social places and completely ignore the lonely abuelita living her last few years in their own building. Just my .02


aspenfrank30 t1_iy8qzh3 wrote

Last year, I had a full on panic attack, weeping sobbing, choking on spit moment on my way to work. A fucking tourist (and I don't normally say "fucking tourist", I do like most of 'em) would not leave me alone. They asked if I was okay. Ok, fine, you're nice. I said yeah. Kept sobbing. Asked if I was sure. I said yeah. Offered to get me someone. I said, I am fine. Finally, snapped, told them to fuck off and they went back to their wife complaining about rude locals.


_etcetera_etcetera t1_iy8nl4k wrote

I generally think that you should mind your own business. However once when I was in my 20’s, crying on the train, mascara running down my face, a woman just said to me, “He ain’t worth it” as she got off the train never looking at me or otherwise trying to interact. She was, of course, right. I still think of her from time to time and I’m grateful for her wisdom and compassion.


garbagiolo t1_iy8pe44 wrote

I've also had a woman try to tell me a guy wasn't worth it when I cried on the subway - I was on the way back from Sloan Kettering visiting my terminally ill mother. She did not improve my day. People should, at the very least, not make assumptions about why a woman is crying.


fredbutt t1_iy8g1nn wrote

One time I was crying on a random stoop on the uws after getting some frustrating, bad news. Another woman my age walked by, stopped and so genuinely and kindly asked if I was ok that it snapped me out of my meltdown. I don't know that I would do the same, outside of obvious injury, but I really was touched that a stranger stopped to check on me.


pleboverload t1_iy99nwv wrote

I usually mind my business, as I’d want to be ignored if crying or in a moment of emotional anguish (we all have our days).

That said, this weekend a friend and I saw a young girl crying on the street alone, late at night (after 2a) in the LES. Turns out she was underage and got ditched by a 22 year old douchebag. She explained she was Muslim and couldn’t return home without the jeans she left the house with (left at said dbag’s apt). My friend (a female) called her an Uber back to Queens and we helped her get her story straight as to what she’d tell her parents as we put her in the car. We made sure the driver would watch her walk inside before pulling off.

The sounds of her sobbing alone in 30° temps made us at least ask if she was ok. After we put her in her car we both felt like we saved a kid. Funnily enough earlier that night we saw an unattended empty stroller on the sidewalk and my friend asked me what I’d do if there was a baby in it. I shrugged and rolled my eyes before deciding that I’d anonymously drop it off at the nearest precinct.


stadiumjay t1_iy8fige wrote

I be like Yerrr!!! Yo you good? If it's just them having a bad day. Tell em oh I hear ya you be alright though stay strong. If they continue to rant just be like oh hey this is my stop. ✌🏾


77ca88 t1_iy8o0jj wrote

My mom once saw a homeless teen girl with a sign sobbing in Times Square. She talked to her and gave her $20. She couldn’t stand the thought that it was someone’s child crying alone homeless. I thought this was a good response. (My mom also doesn’t give a fuck how homeless people spend $ she gives them either)


jxj t1_iy9qzqe wrote

Yeah mind your business but one time I was on a train where someone pulled out their laptop and burned a mix cd for the person who was crying sitting across from her


4GDTRFB t1_iy8k7vt wrote

Let them cry, keep walking


EagleFly_5 t1_iy8my2c wrote

Subway riding guide for me:

  • Mask: ✔️

  • Sunglasses/my favorite brand of aviators: 🕶️ ✔️

  • City/winter gloves: ✔️

  • Winter beanie + scarf: ✔️

  • AirPods: ✔️

  • Spare to-go size of Kleenex/tissues + to-go hand sanitizer: ✔️

  • Sufficient amount of $/MetroCard fare just in case to help someone (not often due to OMNY/current stage of pandemic): ✔️

  • A “keep to yourself” mantra to avoid complications sometimes: ✔️ (95% of the time)

Pretty much goes without fail most of the time, and yes, one or two times even we ourselves might be susceptible to pressure/sadness or panic attacks, (like myself once or twice a year even on a subway/the station), but it’s all about consent if you’d want to solicit help (same applies conversely), and it’s perfectly fine if no one wants to help, or if someone wants to accept the offer of help and give you some encouraging words at bare minimum. OTOH it’s completely understandable if someone’s hesitant in terms of helping a stranger, you can never be too certain these days given what can happen in the subway (whether above/below ground) worst case scenario.

Hopefully December & the rest of the year can be something to celebrate over, and find some positivity in our own lives.


brewmonk t1_iy8mm29 wrote

Does crying at H-Mart fit here?


wookietennis t1_iyag6qc wrote

Crying “in” H Mart. And yes that book is great and a Japanese Breakfast rocks.


kstarkwasp t1_iy8r0a9 wrote

"the protagonist removed their headphones and asked if they could give the woman—who, as it turned out, had an aunt die recently—a hug. The pair embraced; some comforting words were exchanged"

If I was the person crying I'd be horrified. Like are you fucking crazy?


epolonsky t1_iy90odp wrote

The comforting person used the opportunity to pick the crying woman's pocket. Fortunately, the crying woman did the same.


toTheNewLife t1_iy8w171 wrote

No eye contact. Never ever make eye contact.

Also, remember - no good deed ever goes unpunished.


yojunie t1_iy9ebw8 wrote

I’ve had a rough year with an absolutely terrible work situation and then my grandmother died and then a few weeks later my mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness. So I’ve been weepy on the train a hell of a lot more than I ever thought possible. Only ever had one older lady sit next to me, offer a tissue, and gave my shoulder a squeeze. It felt nice, and the main thing was that she didn’t say anything or really look at me. Just a bit of support. Other than that just pretend like I don’t exist so I can pretend like no one is actually seeing me making a fool of myself in public.


jamflowoman t1_iybly6h wrote

The last time I really cried in public, multiple homeless people offered me cigarettes and general insults toward whoever I was crying about. It helped


TheTreesMan t1_iy8a320 wrote

"No one asked for a hug because it would have been obscene, an aberration in the therapeutic practice of feeling sad and sorry for yourself in a place that will continue churning at a rapid clip no matter how you, an insignificant speck, happen to feel." Just be kind to one another. This is some writer bullshit.


againblahisnothere t1_iy8da8i wrote

No leave ‘‘em the fuck alone.

I remember the train ride after my dad died. If someone hugged me, I think I’d curse their ass out. Your shitty hug isn’t gonna bring back my dad. I don’t want strangers hugging me.


bustedbuddha t1_iy8b56o wrote

No, leave them the fuck alone, and shut the fuck up, and don't make a thing of it.


PettyAmoeba t1_iy8gkh0 wrote

Sometimes being kind is allowing someone privacy, instead of roping them into an awkward interaction with a stranger when they're already having a bad time.

Don't fuckin hug me, bro.


ObieFTG t1_iy8hx2y wrote

The author of the article is obviously a transplant.


Guypussy t1_iy8w1x1 wrote

Do you Good Samaritans approach anyone in public who appears distressed, or just crying women? Take a seat on the subway next to the shirtless guy arguing with himself who reeks of piss and ask, “Everything okay?” and see what happens.


GhoulishMartyr t1_iy8y0xf wrote

Damn it's crazy how many of us have been weeping on the train. I hide my face the best I can. I'm a ugly crier.


theelljar t1_iya2xan wrote

i feel like it's more rare not to have wept on a train lol


Rtn2NYC t1_iy8yw3g wrote

Totally fine to offer a tissue or say “you ok?” Or “do you need help?” As long as you respect their response (actually be willing to offer help, avoid reacting negatively if they snap at you, or immediately disengage if no response at all).


crazyfloret t1_iyb77mn wrote

A decade ago I once was the weeping person due to a just happened bad breakup, at a PATH station enroute to Jersey City, during the holidays.

A lady who was with a group of friends came over to make chitchat, she didn't ask me why i was crying, nor if i was ok, just started chattering about how they just had all you can eat sushi and then invited me to go to karaoke with them. I went with them and it was a lot of fun and also made me feel so much better.


dz2048 t1_iy8mkpn wrote

"crying on the subway? are you too poor to get an Uber, broke bitch?"


qoes t1_iy8uu99 wrote

Incredibly thankful for everyone who ever ignored me on the subway


g_lampa t1_iy903kp wrote

“I’d like to remind the people of New York City that this hugging and chatting business is usually not, in fact, what we do.”

Ugh. I hate this smug “New Yorkier than thou” attitude. Yes.. please remind we NY’ers about “what we do”. We all suddenly have major identity crises.

I do agree that leaving ppl alone is a best practice, but I’ll typically ask someone like that if they’re OK. They might need help! Lost cell phone; robbed, and need to make a call…that type of thing.


StormySands t1_iy9zkjm wrote

The only time I've ever wept openly in public on the subway. The only reason why I felt comfortable doing it was because I was totally sure I would be completely undisturbed. Thankfully I was correct.


neighborbozo t1_iy8nfpx wrote

We gentrifying acting like a New Yorker now?


Deluxe78 t1_iy96q8u wrote

Nope I played enough Left 4 Dead …keep walking


pursuitofhappy t1_iyc12vv wrote

It’s a very surreal sight I’ve had a few times crossing a crowded street corner and one of the people walking from the opposite end just weeping but going forward and about their business.


arrogant_ambassador t1_iy8gius wrote

I want to practice compassion in this scenario but I also don’t want to get stabbed.


tigermomo t1_iy8u1pp wrote

Seeing someone in distress, I generally try to give a glance and ask if okay if I am not in a rush. Have called 911 or stayed with person with camera at the ready til help arrives at times


jasmine24601 t1_iy9wuzh wrote

I cried buckets in public once after struggling with bad news, was totally ignored by everyone, but eventually ran into someone who I was acquainted with but usually never said hello to me. This time he said hello. He didn't ask me what's wrong, are you crying, etc., but to me that was enough of a kindness that I've never forgotten it.

Years ago, I spotted a young woman struggling not to cry while sitting alone in the McDonald's on 42nd Street. I honestly did want to say something but her body language emanated, leave me tf alone so I chickened out.

I felt like I was on that show "What Would You Do?" with John Quiñones. I wish I would have said something but I feel like you never know who's going to take it the wrong way.


SuffrnSuccotash t1_iy9wxl5 wrote

The day my dog died I burst out crying in the dog park while I was with my other dog. Some lady was like, “do you need a hug?” I was like “n,n,n,o,o,o,o,o th,th,thank y-ou” as I recoiled at the thought


Jaycexo t1_iyasu4l wrote

As someone who has walked down the street/been on a train/bus and had a mental breakdown the last thing I needed was. A stranger to say anything. Kindly leave the person alone.


astral_lucidity t1_iy8izsz wrote

Keep it moving, ain’t nobody got time for that


Holly-Wood1 t1_iy8ksst wrote

I cry a lot but try not cry in front of others sometimes in car I cry but I wear my masks so it helps


TwoFirmFeet t1_iy9h6f3 wrote

Give them a boneless pizza and an 2 liter Sprite straight up 🅱️


MedicineOutrageous13 t1_iya294p wrote

Been here. Too many times to count. Being left alone is always the way.


absofruitly202 t1_iya3ztn wrote

I go through a flash of several strong emotions on my way to work about once a week. Happiness, saddness, anxiety, peace and unrest. If anyone saw my face im sure id look crazy. Im happy nobody bothers me in those moments


Dygear t1_iyao4js wrote

Yo, you good?


Jnunez7660 t1_iyatw86 wrote

Mind your business. It's none of your business. Only if they ask, should you help or you see them legitimately struggle. Otherwise, could be a scam.


Deathless_Marty t1_iyavpkm wrote

NYC wouldn’t recommend today’s version, has the best pizza though!


hannylove t1_iybycu3 wrote

Ha I literally just bawled my eyes out on an Uber today. The driver said nothing. Thank god


NumberOneRussian t1_iyc8qtz wrote

If it's a woman, I'm not getting near that cause she's either gonna think I'm there to take advantage or she's a psycho trying to get attention. If it's a dude, I'm not gettin near that cause he's clearly not in a good place and might go from sad to violent at the drop of a hat. If it's anything in between, I'm not getting near that cause I probably don't know some farfetched rule about how to talk to them and they'll get me fired somehow. If it's a kid, I'm not getting near that for obvious reasons.


The only time I'll address a crying is if it's someone chopping onions cause you can apparently fix that by chewing gum


PepperTheRad t1_iycihqr wrote

I feel like I have to boooooo this article.. what a waste of time reading this. if someone is crying you ask if they are ok. And yes, I’m a New Yorker, born and raised.


ProInvestCK t1_iyf1wso wrote

I cry every time I look at my electric bill


KilSwtch2318 t1_iyc8om0 wrote

Ok the regret when you actually ask them if they’re ok and they ask for money….😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫🤪🤫🤫🤫🤫


Ame_No_Uzume t1_iycpc0c wrote

I ain’t seen nothing and I ain’t hear nothing.


yam_candied t1_iycqqpq wrote

Just nyc tings. But seriously though ive cried in public bc i needed to be away from my house and knew that nobody would bother me or care if I was sobbing outside so it just depends


Onlyjordanones t1_iydkxn1 wrote

I always see people crying in nyc especially on 8th avenue between 9pm and 4am


Downtown-Inflation13 t1_iy8i79v wrote

It’s okay to cry because that tells people you need some help and someone to talk to


Iconoclast123 t1_iy8ju9b wrote

I would always go up to them and ask them what's going on (not 'are you okay?', but 'what's going on'). And talk to them. And give a hug if it was wanted/welcomed. The only time I would not do this is if they were giving off any kind of unsafe or very mentally ill vibes. And yes, I trust my instincts on this. And needless to say if they didn't want to talk I'd give them a good word and move on.