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_Maxolotl t1_ivz6rv8 wrote

ask on r/asknyc, too. it's more oriented towards helping people solve problems and I've seen people ask questions like yours there and get very good advice, including from professionals who happened to be on the sub.

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Darrackodrama t1_ivzc60m wrote

I happen to work at one of the places in this city that deals with survivors of DV as a lawyer. Sadly I don't think it would be ethical to refer him to us, unless he finds us through official channels. And we don't provide direct housing placements anyways but hopefully some advice helps.

...........a few things to keep in mind;

Depending on income he may be entitled to free representation on a divorce or custody case, from orgs like legal aid society, safe horizons, nylag etc.

He can try to get an Order of Protection from family court, and an order of protection from criminal court after he makes a police report (if he wants to go the criminal route), he can put in an application for Office of Victims Services compensation if he does file a police report, he can also opt to end the marriage with the spouse be it in an uncontested divorce with the other spouse orrrrrr fight it out in supreme court via a contested divorce.

​

As far as housing he can try the mayors office for prevention of DV, but Safe Horizons arguably offers the biggest menu of services and I think they do include direct emergency housing placements.

https://www.safehorizon.org/our-services/safe-place-to-stay/

Hope this helps

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gunhed76 OP t1_ivzdf2l wrote

Thanks this is very helpfuk

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BlackcatMemphis76 t1_iw02sml wrote

Hi! There’s something called homebase they don’t answer the phone that much, but you can look the address up online and go up there. That’s what I did. Also the other person is right call the cops and he needs to record her hurting the baby, voice should be ok. I know it’s going to be hard but if he does the footwork to get a housing voucher. And! If the child’s in school have her speak with a school counselor; he needs a paper trail. Good luck! He’s gots this do both safehorizons and homebase

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BxGyrl416 t1_iw10tkp wrote

HomeBase is for people facing eviction, by the way, not domestic violence.

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BlackcatMemphis76 t1_iw2cmjz wrote

Yes! But they also help people find homes

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BxGyrl416 t1_iw2jj2u wrote

They work with people to try to keep them in their apartments from being evicted. I worked years in social services and used to refer my clients in bad arrears to them. They’re not going to be able to help him and will most refer him to another program or organization that will because DV is not their expertise or what they’re being funded for.

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BlackcatMemphis76 t1_iw2nx0p wrote

I know but they also find people homes yes for eviction or people facing becoming homeless. He’s going to become homeless right? He’ll be in a shelter with his daughter right? It’s a service where you can ask questions. I don’t understand why he can’t try both and why you’re making this a big deal. I get it you worked doing this job but unfortunately because of a injury and because I’m a orphan I had/have to work with people like you. That dropped the ball off they’re high horse and I had to do the footwork myself. There’s nothing wrong with getting information. Maybe they could help start the process while they’re are in a shelter. Look! I’m just trying to give avenues because they are very hard to find in New York City without somebody half ass helping you. It’s funny how people don’t see their privileges even if it is just something small like have a mommy and a daddy. Looks like we have nothing to say to each other, let’s stop responding.

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gunhed76 OP t1_iw0n438 wrote

*Update

She kicked him out his 14th time while their daughter was upstairs by herself, his daughter is 11 and disabled, he called the cops being he pays rent and her car payment and was surprised that cops forced him back inside and took a report and offered for him to go to a battered spouse shelter, he is gathering him and his daughter's belongings to go to Safehorizons. don't know if he pressed charges because she is still there, but cops told him to start packing up and they will help him with the rest.

​

She constantly uses the excuse of her bipolar disorder and gaslights him into thinking its his fault when all he does is provide for her. He needs to ask permission to go outside, if not she kicks him out and he sleeps in the car.

​

Thank you for the advice!

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Indigo_Jasmine t1_ivzc4zd wrote

Safe horizon, sanctuary for families

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[deleted] t1_ivzg1uw wrote

[deleted]

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SolitaryMarmot t1_iw0w1am wrote

Huh? That's not true you just need to call the cops and make a complaint

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BxGyrl416 t1_iw112mh wrote

Have you ever called the cops to get an Order of Protection or to protect you against an abuse partner or to report somebody else who’s life is in danger at the hands of their partner? Clearly not or you’d know most of they couldn’t give two shits and usually won’t help you.

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SolitaryMarmot t1_iw11np8 wrote

Yeah I have. They took pictures of the physical injury and issued an Order or Protection at arraignment which was extended at their first court appearance. You can't file for an order of protection on someone else's behalf. But if you have a physical injury, NYPD must arrest the abuser. And you will have a protection order the next day.

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YouKnowWhoItIs14 t1_iw055lk wrote

Safe Horizon places males with children in emergency shelters. Definitely worth giving them a call to see if it works out.

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mlavan t1_iw1esqv wrote

Women in Need is a shelter program run by Christine Quinn. Winnyc.org is the url to reach out and they'll be able to find a spot

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Sickpup831 t1_ivz6yv5 wrote

First you all, is this person actively physically abusing him? If so, he should call the police to arrest her and get a restraining order ASAP.

Edited: my apologies for not reading closely and swapping the genders.

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octoreadit t1_ivz85h9 wrote

What happened to the reading comprehension? It's a HE being abused.

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Sickpup831 t1_ivz8kee wrote

My apologies. I still stand by my point though. No one should ever be abusing their partner.

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octoreadit t1_ivz8ucx wrote

Dudes often don't feel comfortable calling cops until they are already bleeding because of the stigma...

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Sickpup831 t1_ivz9dhx wrote

Which I understand completely. And it’s a shame. I’m not saying my suggestion was an easy or simple move to make. But stigma be damned, if that man’s or his daughter’s life or health are in jeopardy, then he should make moves to protect himself and his daughter. Especially if there are clear signs of abuse.

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gunhed76 OP t1_ivzaj08 wrote

The other way around, she is hitting him, kicking him out thr house

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Sickpup831 t1_ivzau91 wrote

Yes I apologized for reading too quickly and swapping the genders. I hope he finds the resources and help he needs.

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Sexy_Apocalypse t1_ivz82q9 wrote

You sound insane writing this. Get some help.

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Sickpup831 t1_ivz8rr1 wrote

Can you explain why? Aren’t restraining orders made for situations like this? Shouldn’t spousal abusers be held accountable for their crimes?

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Algoresball t1_ivzth3k wrote

Being a male victim and calling the police is a good way to end up in jail

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