_joeBone_ t1_jabft5l wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:31 AM

Do they hate each other? the best plan is an amicable solution.

I mean, after 25 years, this nest egg was built together. Just because she had the banger job doesn't mean he contributed any less....

half

ThrowawayTink2 t1_jabipga wrote on February 28, 2023 at 6:02 AM

>I mean, after 25 years, this nest egg was built together. Just because she had the banger job doesn't mean he contributed any less....

Pffft. In the 20+ years my ex and I were together, he worked low value under the table jobs or no job at all. "We" did not build any nest egg 'together'. -I- worked my arse off 60-80 hours a week to keep heat, food and the house from going into foreclosure. He in no way deserved half, and he didn't get it either.

_joeBone_ t1_jabjq0w wrote on February 28, 2023 at 6:14 AM

that's why I asked if they hated each other.

why did you wait 20+ years for him to get his shit together? This situation can work if both people are rowing in the same direction. just sayin

ThrowawayTink2 t1_jabk679 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 6:19 AM

He promised me babies "when we had more money in the bank' 'better health insurance' 'fixed up the house to be safe for a baby' and a half dozen other valid sounding excuses. Once I realized he was trying to run my clock out, I thought I was 'too old' to start over. (I wasn't). Then the crash of 08 hit. Took me another 10 years to climb out of that financially. I was okay being the breadwinner. The dealbreaker was when I was given a chance to adopt a newborn and he blocked the homestudy. Done. Took me two more years but I was done the day he refused the homestudy. I walked away and never looked back.

waynekop OP t1_jabg7sx wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:35 AM

They hate either, yes. Her worst fear is giving any money to him... I agree with you! 💯, but her thought process does not

ThrowawayTink2 t1_jabih7d wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:59 AM

I was in a similar position. I purchased my house before we got together. I made sure I paid every single payment directly from my own money and account so he would have no claim on it.

This veers into relationship territory vs personal finance, but is part of the reason they are splitting after fostering + 20 years together because she wanted kids and he didn't? Because that is 1000% why I left mine after the same time frame. I paid a very expensive lawyer a lot of money to make sure I got out with all of my assets. (I did have a heart though. I rented him a place for a year and paid all the utilities so he had somewhere to go. After that it was on him to get a job and figure life out)

Anyhoo. The point is. Stepmom will likely pay an expensive lawyer to preserve as much of her wealth as she can. Dad is going to NEED a good lawyer if he hopes to come out of this in decent shape. She seems to have laid a good groundwork to protect her assets.