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satansayssurfsup t1_jad2c30 wrote

Your parents absolutely should not be on your bank account. To avoid offense you could just open a new account and don’t keep much money in your old one.

Your parents already cross a boundary by taking money before asking. That’s unacceptable. You should have your own bank account whether or not they were doing that though.

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ephemeraltrident t1_jad5fwb wrote

To add to this, go to a new bank with the account. It’s been mentioned here before, but without a reason.

It’s too easy for your parents to talk the bank into giving them access to a new account with money in it, or to the old account you’ve taken them off of, because there is a previous relationship there. A sob story to a bank teller or call center employee, who can see the previous transactions and makes a bad call and your parents pull money again. It puts you in a place where you either allow it or have to file a police report to get it fixed, and no one wants that.

New bank, new account, move money = problem solved. Your story could be that your work was having issues with the old bank and direct deposit. A friend referral bonused you to their bank. You switched to the bank your SO uses. You don’t have to tell them the reason, they’ll ask for a reason, so find a reason to tell them.

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thatgreenmaid t1_jadjwpj wrote

Because I felt like it is a whole reason. You don't owe ANYONE an explanation of what you do with your money or where you keep it.

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ephemeraltrident t1_jadpns5 wrote

Own, no you don’t owe them that. Keeping the peace might matter, at which point an explanation can be helpful. I agree with you - but tried to focus on the PF bits without going into too many other family dynamics.

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Bobzyouruncle t1_jadmf5c wrote

Definitely go with this advise. All be aware that the bank probably won’t let you officially close the account without all account holders present. But you can drain it down to $50 or whatever and leave it alone after that (assuming it won’t get drained to zero from fees).

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Parking-Artichoke823 t1_jado5rv wrote

>New bank, new account, move money = problem solved.

I am worried it will only open a new problem, which will be emotional blackmail from parents as in "Why won´t you add us on your new account, we need you, we are familly,..." But you can´t really deal with it in any other way I guess.

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ephemeraltrident t1_jadpg9a wrote

There are other subreddits for those questions - I tried to keep my answer to Personal Finance

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J_Pizzle t1_jad4kda wrote

This was my thought. If OP wants to keep helping her parents she could keep the account small and have that be an allowance for her parents. But in no way should they have access to any money she isn't willing to lose.

Them taking money before asking is definitely an issue. Even if she was going to say yes they're too comfortable with just taking money from her. If they aren't poor but aren't well off, they can probably work on their own budgeting to not need the allowance. They're so used to OP providing for them that they're dependent on her for the extra income, and the guilt tripping makes it even more of a requirement to restrict their access.

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satansayssurfsup t1_jad59y2 wrote

Also OPs parents need to figure out their own finances. It’s not their kids responsibility to fill in the gaps when they overspend.

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warrior_poet95834 t1_jad7y13 wrote

This answer. Simply open another account for your personal use and keep a couple hundred dollars in this account. I would also introduce your parents to the idea that they are borrowing this money rather than you gifting it to them. Let them use it until they can pay it back and not use it again until they do.

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reshsafari t1_jad79wm wrote

Better yet, use the new bank account as your main. And the ones with your parents can be shared where you deposit a much smaller amount

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satansayssurfsup t1_jadaqd0 wrote

That’s what I said…

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spiritofgonzo1 t1_jadmw49 wrote

Nah but they could use the new account as the main tho and keep a small amount in the other account for the parents, ya kno?

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satansayssurfsup t1_jadnizh wrote

Better yet, they could keep the old account with a small amount for the parents and just make a new one for their main

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