So, my situation is a little weird, but it's what it is. My partner and I are staying with my parents rent-free until we can get on our feet. The situation is nothing that either of us are crazy about, except of course it being free. He no longer wants to rely on my parents, and neither do I. For clarification, we began living together earlier in 2022. My partner is 25M and I am 22F, we both have degrees and have safe jobs. I now bring home $60K annually, I was making about $25K until I got a new job with my degree within my company, and he brings home $50K, a collective $110K before taxes. Right now, we are both trying to pay off personal debts due to unexpected expenses as well as truthfully, irresponsible spending in the past over the last year. There is a specific payoff budget we have set and are both sticking to and within the next few months, we should be better by the new year. We both have committed to being better and have been budgeting significantly better. However, the question I have for everyone is more this: should we suck it up and save aggressively for a down payment on a house for when the market crashes in the next couple of years? Should we move into one of the cheapest apartments we can find and save less aggressively? Here's the thing, in some areas this would be a very livable income, however, not where we live. We are in an expensive place on Long Island and are kind of restricted staying within a certain mile radius. With the market and rates right now, houses are well over $700K on average and I've been trying to get an estimate for mortgage payments and it's looking like $5K per month, which is unfathomable for our salaries right now. Rent is hard to find under $2,500 right now. We do have some plans for when it is time to buy a house for certain programs we qualify for if it were to line up, e.g. Good Neighbor Program from HUD, but I am unsure if I can handle living in our current situation too much longer given the personal circumstances of living with my family. I'm just trying to gather some outside opinions from others, what do others think is the best course of action?

As for monthly expenses, we pay for our own cars, insurance, phones, food, etc. I have student loans, but he does not. I only owe about $20K but I did apply for the $10K relief, but I am not counting on it, honestly. Expenses right now are high but when we pay off our personal debts, it will go down to about $1K per month, give or take, for each of us if I had to estimate.

This was a lot, but I appreciate any advice and I am willing to answer further questions. I'm young and really would like to ensure a strong financial future despite already having some mess-ups.

Thank you in advance for any advice!

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clearwaterrev t1_iuf1zx2 wrote on October 30, 2022 at 8:57 PM

> houses are well over $700K on average

You would have to earn significantly more money for a $700k home to be a reasonable purchase, even if you are able to save up a 20% down payment. A household income of around $200k would make a $700k home within reach, depending on your down payment and interest rates at the time you buy.

I think it's wise to continue living with your parents until you pay down any high-interest debt and save up an adequate emergency fund, but once you reach that point, moving out is a perfectly reasonable option. You don't have to optimize for saving as much money as fast as you can if it makes you unhappy to continue living with your parents.

disposable_tree OP t1_iugl83w wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:00 AM

Hi there, sorry for the late reply! I appreciate your feedback. I probably should have been more specific about that homebuyers program we've been looking into.

The way it works is that if you are a teacher, fire, or EMS that you would be able to purchase a home, in a specific neighborhood that fits their criteria through their website, you would be able to purchase it for 50% of the list price. So something like this makes an enormous difference in terms of what an ideal down payment is, a safe annual income, etc. The only downsides to this are that we would have to be quite specific of location and we would have to live there for a minimum of three years, however to save a few hundred thousand I am more than willing to follow said rules.

Ideally, I want to have at the very least $40K to put down, as it would be a first home purchase, but obviously the bigger down payment, the better. I also wouldn't even consider within this next year as the market is absolutely insane and the mortgage rates are really skyrocketing.

I guess I really am just wondering if paying rent is as an enormous waste of money that I fear it is. I hate the idea of paying so much into something I don't even own.

As for an adequate emergency fund, I know everyone's idea is a bit different, to me it's been a goal of 6 months salary. What do you recommend?

gacrux89 t1_iuex43j wrote on October 30, 2022 at 8:24 PM

We have similar incomes and I have about $7k/month coming in after taxes/insurance/social security/etc so I am assuming you do to. So if you rent something for $2500, that leaves you with $4500 for food, utilities, debt payments, cars, and everything else less essential. I would suggest that you stay put and aggressively attack your debts and then look for a new place when you can leverage all of your income because of the expensive market.

Or....One or both of you look for better paying jobs so you have more money coming in.

This sounds like sucky advice but I'm a random dude on the internet so take it all how you please.

disposable_tree OP t1_iugm0ho wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:08 AM

Hi there! Sorry for the late reply, but I really appreciate your (not sucky) feedback!

I recently doubled my salary in the last month, but obviously am hoping to increase within the next 6 months to a year-- clearly I will not be able to double it again so soon haha. My partner is currently starting to search around for another job, looking to increase by a minimum of $10K starting. However, with that-- I cannot rely on either of these scenarios happening until they actually happen.

As for the attacking of debts, it's in the cards to pay off all of our personal debt before we even can consider a living expense of such magnitude. But again, I anticipate both of ours being paid off within the first couple months of the new year.

The way I feel is this-- yes on paper we make enough, but truly I can't help but feel like we make enough for any of these options to feel comfortable.

I think I am just having a difficult time trying to decide if my sanity is worth sacrificing for another year or so in order to save to what I would ideally like to leave with.

ChiSquare1963 t1_iufh53d wrote on October 30, 2022 at 10:42 PM

Sounds like you are on the right track. You can’t afford a $700k home on your combined incomes, plus it’s not a good idea to buy a home with someone you aren’t married to. Pay down your debts aggressively, save for deposits and a small emergency fund, then get your own place.

Once you have your own place, continue saving while you work your way up the career ladder. When you have a combined income nearer $200k, you can look at buying a $700k house. With your current combined incomes, you’d need a massive downpayment to get the monthly payment into a reasonable range.

disposable_tree OP t1_iugnfal wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:23 AM

Hi there! Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it!

I do agree with you on that. It is absolutely not in the cards to purchase a $700K home in the near future, unless there is a miraculous salary increase. (I cannot see this happening again as I just doubled my salary after getting my degree a few months ago). It is also something I will not consider without marriage, but ideally in my loose plan, it would hopefully be marriage within the next year or two, house within three. (I do also want to clarify this timeline is something that we have discussed together and feel comfortable striving towards).

I also definitely didn't go into the details of that homebuyers program enough. But in the end, the way it works is that certain occupations such as teachers, law enforcement, EMS, and fire are eligible to purchase one of the given homes in their district, eligible through the government program of course-- it isn't with every home, are able to purchase the home for 50% of the list price. The only catch is that you have to reside there for three years-- which to me is so beyond worth it to save 50% on a house.

So with this, ideally we will be able to do something like this as opposed to paying the full price of a home. Obviously such a discount would make a down payment as well as monthly payment significantly more attainable/realistic.

I guess my real question is more pertaining to if paying rent on an apartment is as much of a waste as I fear it is. To pay tens of thousands per year into something that I will never own at the end of the day is something I really struggle with. However, living with my family is draining me more than I would like.

I also would like to know what you consider to be a safe emergency fund. I know a lot of people have different understandings, but I've always been under the impression that about 6 months salary is ideal. What do you suggest?

ChiSquare1963 t1_iugriby wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:12 AM

A homebuyers program designed to help teachers and emergency workers buy in the community where they work is a great benefit. Good luck with it!

It sounds like renting a place may be good for your mental health and relationship with your family. You might consider sharing a place to save on rent. In my 20s, I rented a 3 BR, 2bath with a colleague. We set up the 3rd BR as a sitting room.

Emergency fund? Three months expenses is bare minimum, acceptable for someone with a stable job in a field that rarely has layoffs. The biggest emergency most people face is loss of job, so you want enough to keep bills paid while job hunting. For most people, six months expenses is about right. With dependents or in a field where it’s more difficult to find work, you could need more.

disposable_tree OP t1_iugsk2k wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:25 AM

Thank you! I’m hoping that it would work out where we would be able to purchase our first home like that. It’s definitely a great opportunity if it works out like that.

Ideally, we always could try to find roommate(s) but there’s always that fear of ruining a friendship or something, so I personally am quite hesitant but the idea of saving so much on rent is so tempting. It’s definitely something I could consider but I’m not sure he would go for it.

As for that emergency fund, I’ll definitely get to working on that three month reserve to start. Overall, we have relatively safe jobs as he’s in medical supplies/ems/fire and I work in corporate baking/lending. I do think my job carries the higher risk but I’m not a hedge or anything quite as volatile.

Thank you again! I appreciate your advice!

BRANDNEWACC0UNT t1_iuisfpn wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:24 PM

I'm no economist but I suggest you move. That's going to do more as far as saving money then anything else you could do. Long island is dead end unless you're from old money.

disposable_tree OP t1_iuiwsm5 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:52 PM

Believe me, it’s in my 5-10 year plan to leave LI haha. I just wanted to secure enough experience and salary in my career before doing so, in an effort to maximize my financial opportunities elsewhere. Just hoping that works out!