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>how could I politely request an actual appraisal and not have this devolve into family drama?

'that drive-by is a good start but I'd be more comfortable with a fully detailed appraisal and comps.' this is a totally reasonable request. you can't control their reactions to it, and the trustee should be willing to follow reasonable requests and might be obligated to follow reasonable requests.

> Is an appraisal likely to come in higher and I am essentially shooting myself in the foot?

maybe higher, maybe lower. an appraisal is just an estimate, it's not an offer to buy. people can have this idea that an appraisal is a 100% correct guarantee or something. it's just an educated guess. that's it.