lmao man you just took me back to summer of '97. my friends and i went to the AMC 8 in Deptford for my friend's birthday to see Men In Black.

we all went to the bathroom after the movie was over . they had two urinals and one stall. ran in, way ahead of them, cus i had to pee major. like "drank a 2-liter of coke before getting in the van with the fam and driving to ocean city maryland but 'we're not stopping 'til we get there' because stone cold dad said so" type piss. a testament to Men In Black as a film, i think.

i start peeing in one urinal, friend walks in and starts pissing in the other urinal. he starts pissing. we hear some like real low grunting going on from the stall. just then–and dude, on my grandmother's grave who just passed away last month that this happened exactly as i am typing it–we start hearing shitting sounds, which quickly became the sound of explosives mixed with something like the sound of doom but i'd never heard it before.

then the guy screams from the stall mid-spraying, **"AAAOOOWWWWW MY GODDDDDDDDDDD! THE BURNING SENSATION!"

i reiterate: the events are presented exactly how they happened.

when he comes out from the stall finally, he washes his hands, grabs a huge wad of paper towels, splits it into 2 smaller wads, wets one of them, wipes the backside of his jeans with the wet wad, hits the hand dryer, and proceeds to lean his butt up in the air at the dryer.

we look inside and it was like that scene in Dexter when he has a flashback to being in a shipping container with his mom cut up by a chainsaw. except instead of blood it was human feces. wall to wall, floor to ceiling.

HOW!?!?