I just saw in another comment you said your trans. The context definitely helped me understand better. Given that information, I 100% urge you to not give up on finding a spot to train. Everyone has a right to defend themselves, and jiu jitsu is a great way to learn those skills.

I’d say look for a “Gracie” affiliated school, and focus on the self defense classes. A more competition geared school is more likely to have the dude bro types that throw heel hooks and crazy submissions. I still don’t think those folks are being malicious purely because of your gender, but they’re definitely more likely to injure you.