Well, I want this to be my very last post at reddit. I'm not an english native speaker, so it may not be quite precise on the language. But let's try.

I'm posting it here because I consider it as related to philosophy, but it's also me venting something. So, either because it doesn't get considered as philosophy or because it gets too boring, it may be deleted.

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I studied a lot of different subjects, and it showed me many relations I never thought it could be possible. The Metaphysics also showed itself as the meta-thought, that is, there is the chaotic information on a subject, but then you may create categories on it. The more you think about these categories themselves, the more the thought jumps from the particular topic to a general way to think about ordering. This metathought, that is the thought about the thought, opens the door to the sense of Metaphysics.

Anyway, by doing these studies, I actually got pretty much depressed. I mean, a lot. I summarize this experience like this: one thing is to get to know the evil (the imperfect, the ugly or whatever). It's easy to see, and easy to imagine. The more you know evil, the less you believe there is good, and whatever shows as good seems to you like something disgusting, because you end up believing intuitively there's an imperfection hid somewhere. The other way, though, hurts more: if you get to know good, the more you try to get to know higher goodness, the more you realize the lack of it around. Notice this: one thing is evil, the other thing is lack of good. They are, let's say, the same "gap of goodness", but the first way you see it as expected or disgusting; the second way you see it as what it could be of good. And that hurts much more. The more you train this vision, the more you start to see how the world could be of good, and realize it is not that. Evil doesn't matter, but the lack of goodness is saddening. It is Tristesse, like Chopin expressed it.

So, I went through this path and from my experience I tell you guys: Plato said evil is the lack of knowledge, and it seems he's pretty much right. Knowledge has a theleology: any knowledge can be used to direct an intelligence to understand itself. In the center of intelligence, the mechanism that makes it work, there's Good. But I won't prove it here, since this is my last post ever, or so I hope. For anyone who wants to investigate it, try paying attention to your insight: when it happens, how it happens, what it brings, what it is related to, how does this relation builds the insight content and so on.

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Anyway, I consider today as the end of my journey. I found out something that is my limit. I call it (for now) "the map of learning".

I studied my culture and the public education of my country as much as I could, and it led me to realize some lacks, great lacks. It's not quite the fault of anyone, it just happened that no'one seems to have thought about these ideas (according what it can be read through the main educational discussion). And I'm no'one, I shouldn't even have investigated none of what I did. I was supposed to be a worker and nothing else, but my curiosity led me to some weird tracks. And now is the time to head back to the main path.

So, anyway, this map is about the problems of learning. I already had made a "map" on how many of cultural works end up being close to useless because the author wasn't really sincere about it. Now, even though the person is sincere, still there may be some errors.

I mean, imagine when you try to learn a language. You can either:

I) Learn it by a course (a formal list or order)

II) Learn it by yourself (chaotic)

I knew too many people who passed through courses and didn't learn almost anything. But chaotic learning also mostly doesn't work. The idea of today was to organize my experience on this. This is kinda Lao-Zi's search of Tao. Well, by the end, I found out some things really sad. And that was the final blow. I'm officially depressed lol

So, well... I know it's not written entirely, nor explained and so on, but I just needed to share this somewhere. And that's all. I got bored of all of this search for knowledge. I want to do my destiny, which is to be a hard worker. I wasn't supposed to be here, I wasn't invited to the symposium, I got here by accident and feel very ashamed for trying to usurp a place I wasn't supposed to be in.

So, I didn't appear very much here, but I've read posts here and comments, and I'd like to thank you guys for them.

And also I'd like to thank for all the reddit. This is really a great place. I like this structure, which is close to old forums. Facebook and specially Instagram don't have enough space for a real discussion.

Thank you for reading this venting.