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PM_ME_YOUR_BEAMSHOTS t1_isovtng wrote

"Whoever took that photo is about to discover how exsanguination by bird feels. Cassowary don’t give a fuck." -MRflibbertygibbets

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sezel4 t1_ispf55l wrote

Murder birb

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zordabo t1_isr3quy wrote

It's already a murder bird. Razor sharp talons, they run up and rip your guts out.

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sezel4 t1_isrtd1f wrote

Oh yeah, I know them well. They are so beautiful!

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zordabo t1_iswm5e3 wrote

Lowest frequency call of any bird, it's a sub woofer that likes entrails.

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HanaLuLu t1_isqo6y4 wrote

Literally my immediate reaction was to say, actually aloud, "That is a Cassowary, stay the frick away!!" while noting the eggs are helpfully bright green so you can spot and then avoid them from a distance

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DragonLordofErie t1_isqd70t wrote

I feel like these would be great against enemy insurgents just raise up a bunch of them and give him a bunch of steroids and other drugs and just parachute them in I mean really what could be more surprising than 50 murderous cassowaries.

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immpro t1_isq06bk wrote

Uh oh..I think that bird is going to tell us about Bitcoin!

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Pixel_Nerd92 t1_isre8gk wrote

Appropriate to be sure, but who lived to tell the tale?

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tkelly17 t1_isoyfur wrote

Life will find a way.

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OrgyInTheBurnWard t1_isp2f9z wrote

Alternate theory for the extinction of the dinosaurs: Cassowaries showed up and killed them all.

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phosix t1_isq0j4l wrote

I know you're being funny, but they literally are dinosaurs; specifically ratites (and all birds) are classified as theropods, having split off from the same lineage that would give rise to velociraptors and T. Rex some 160mya. With the ratites splitting off from the rest of the avian dinosaurs around some 80mya.

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OrgyInTheBurnWard t1_isr304n wrote

It doesn't look very scary. More like a six foot turkey.

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phosix t1_isufvls wrote

That kid had obviously never encountered a turkey.

Yeah, turkeys may be dumb, but they'll still ruin your day. A six-foot turkey would be terrifying!

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adal08 t1_iss9tje wrote

That's because you didn't see its claw and how they attack its prey...

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QueenofLeftovers t1_isrpfjm wrote

Additional fun fact they have T-Rex arms underneath their "feathers"

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clh1nton t1_isrtsv0 wrote

Nope. Nope. I can't Google that. Please tell me this is a joke.

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Benebs- t1_ispb2m4 wrote

Why’s the T-Rex getting railed?

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[deleted] t1_isntnd1 wrote

[deleted]

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ApiContraption t1_isntndt wrote

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MRflibbertygibbets t1_isnw47z wrote

Whoever took that photo is about to discover how exsanguination by bird feels. Cassowary don’t give a fuck.

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StatusSea5409 t1_isp5ihk wrote

My first thought was "I wonder who uploaded the picture." Those kicks don't look like a joke and that claw is a tough one.

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keeperkairos t1_iso5lfh wrote

This is almost definitely a male. Female cassowary do not incubate their eggs, nor raise the chicks. This responsibility falls on the males.

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flintza t1_iso69n2 wrote

Came to say the same 😂 Bird trivia pedants unite!

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jobadiahh t1_isoq003 wrote

That’s not a woman, it’s a man, babe! One of dr evil’s henchmen.

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flintza t1_isoyq3g wrote

Since people seem to be seeing this.. bird trivia pedants you should also be playing Wingspan (board or digital) if you aren’t already. Truuuuust me you’ll enjoy it 😁

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MattyBro1 t1_iss8a4b wrote

Also, I'm pretty only males have the "bent" head thing. Do those things have a proper name??

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keeperkairos t1_issglcb wrote

It's called a casque. It could be 'bent' in either sex, but since females are larger than males and have a larger casque, any deformity could seem more pronounced.

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ironangel2k3 t1_iso939a wrote

Photos taken seconds before disaster

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Condex t1_isodi5p wrote

Yeah, I took one look at the photo and thought, "That's not just any 'bird' that's a cassowary."

So ... like, did crime scene investigators recover the photo from a mutilated mess just barely identifiable as human?

EDIT: To be fair, maybe the photo was taken by a drone or someone who can run very fast.

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Derpman2099 t1_isouoth wrote

>or someone who can run very fast.

not even usain bolt could outrun one, given that cassowaries have a top speed of around 30mph

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kmc307 t1_isojlmu wrote

All we're missing is the ham.

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ohohButternut t1_ispl7ng wrote

Could somebody please do Green Eggs and Ham? (I do not like them, Sam I am!)

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cris34c t1_isr3ioc wrote

Please. Please someone do a green eggs and ham reference. I am on my KNEES.

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Hope_is_lost_ t1_ispsvv0 wrote

Can someone pls do the eggs as edamame beans? maybe have the bird ab to eat them?

0